https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 20:15:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-2918898 Thu, 10 Sep 2020 14:42:12 +0000 pastemoo 2918898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: Lots of people stay in unhappy marriages for far too long. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-597973 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:29:04 +0000 runsyellowlites 597973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only in the case of chronic abuse (not necessarily physical) and infidelity. Most anything can be worked through if both parties want it.</p> <p>In the case of physical abuse I would immediately separate. I would never keep myself or children in a dangerous situation. I would continue to stay faithful to my husband and require extensive counseling. If my husband chose to then leave b/c he didn't want to change that would be on him, not me.</p> <p>In infidelity, I would require therapy and decide from there. It's not an automatic deal breaker (being married, not in the case of dating) BUT I'm also not one to accept abusive behavior. </p> <p>Having children though, I would never leave my marriage due to not being happy! I'd have to find it, but I know of one study for sure that showed children benefit much more from an intact family in a loveless marriage (where not volatile) than having divorced, "happy", parents. Being a child/teen that went through my parents divorce AND seeing how DS has been affected by my past divorce (chronic abuse) it would take ALOT for me to ever do that to him again or any of our future children ever! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-596221 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 06:46:09 +0000 KissMeCait 596221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Of course. I think it's naive to think that things are going to be perfect forever. Hopefully it pans out that way and we're just as in love 40 years from now as we are today but people change. The person you divorce is never the same person that you married. If we ever got to the point where we were miserable with each other, we wouldn't be together. There doesn't need to be an underlying reason like abuse or infidelity. We just need to have reached the point where we genuinely hate each other. </p> <p>My parents divorced when I was young and it was the absolute best decision that my mother could have made. There wasn't abuse or adultery but there were other reasons that led to that decision. She shouldn't have had to live her life in a loveless marriage just because that's what she was "supposed" to do. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would not be the person that I am today had my parents stayed together. My life would be much different, for the worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-596180 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 03:00:38 +0000 MamaMagpie 596180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I chose abuse only, but I have to say that if we were *extremely* unhappy for an *extremely* long time, and no amount of counseling or working on it helped, I would consider it.</p> <p>When we got married, at our ketubah signing ceremony, our rabbi had everyone in the room (only our immediate families and bridal party) join hands, with us in the middle of the room. She explained that marriage was like the circle that they made around us, and the nature of a circle was that there will inevitably be ups and downs as you travel along it. It was their job, as our family and dearest friends, to try to support us if we asked for help during periods of trial. That moment was almost as profound as saying our vows, to me. I will never forget the peace that came with knowing that we would inevitably go through rough times, that it is normal, but that we would get through them if we worked at our marriage and asked for help (from family or professionals). </p> <p>We have been through some tough times in our relationship, and there was even a period of time that I questioned how we would make it, but I'm so incredibly grateful we worked through them and have come out stronger on the other side. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-596101 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 23:54:13 +0000 sarac 596101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not remain in a marriage that was beyond repair, no. I wouldn't stay in it if it truly wasn't meeting my needs, in a way that wasn't fixable in the long term. We all only get one life, and I would not choose to spend mine unhappy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-596083 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 23:21:57 +0000 StbHisMrs 596083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted abuse only, I believe if you're in love but unhappy that a good counselor can help.</p> <p>I'm divorced, we were married for six years. The only good thing that came from that marriage is my ds, the rest is awful memories. I was not happy for five of those six years, abused both physically and verbally, I was also threatened by him and his family that if I ever tried to leave I wouldn't live. It took a lot of careful planning to leave that marriage. Still paying for that after almost seven years! Dh is also divorced, his ex-wife used him to get her education, and home, then she cheated on him and moved her new beau into their home...<br /> Divorce is a very nasty, messy, stressful, hurtful thing, something I don't take lightly and don't ever want to go through again. Something I hope my children will understand as well.</p> <p>ETA:<br /> My ex and I dated for 2.5 years before getting married, he was in the military and hid all of his bad behavior. Nothing showed up until he decided to get out one year after we got married. We moved home near his family and all hell broke loose. Sometimes you don't know the real person until they are around their family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-596077 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 23:15:26 +0000 Emsmems 596077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I once saw a quote that the average person can list 10 things that "bug" them about their significant other (big or small). Would you rather deal with the 10 problems you already know, or get in a new relationship with 10 new problems? This has really stuck with us and we really try to work on things before they ever become a big issue.</p> <p>So, unless there is abuse or some serious change in my husband that all of a sudden pops up out of no where (which neither are probably going to happen), I say 'til death do us part. And I'm not saying I'll live unhappily, I will do my darndest to make it work (half of it would be ME afterall!) and drag him to counseling if I have to! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-596003 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 22:16:41 +0000 Mrs. Superhero 596003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, we have had some major rough times, and I never want to be without him, I just can't imagine it. So it's partly religious but partly just that I love him too much. That might sound naive, but believe me, it isn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-596000 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 22:11:55 +0000 mrsjyw 596000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both of us agreed beating or cheating would be the only two reasons fo divorce. We'd work really hard through issues/unhappiness. Counseling, church, etc.</p> <p>Def agree tho that willingness to make marriage work is what would get us thru the hard times. Both of our parents have been married 30/39 years and have had unhappy times that they worked through and are stronger cpls for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-595984 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 22:02:10 +0000 Mrs. Superhero 595984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I vote yes for abuse. Also cheating but that can be worked through if you both commit to it. Abuse is different. I get upset when women refuse to leave when it's hurting their children, I know it's a crazy mental thing but still...it's your kids.</p> <p>Mostly, I'm a big fan of being sure that you aren't marrying someone with abusive tendancies in the first place. I have a friend who's in a really rough marriage, but they got married when they hardly knew each other (online stuff for a year and then were dating for a month and engaged for a month). I just think that's a crazy gamble. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-595920 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 21:32:59 +0000 LittleFox 595920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted abuse only, though I could never see my DH being abusive either physically or verbally. In the hypothetical situation where abuse (of myself or my children) was going on, I would need to preserve mine and my children's safety. DH and I are both Catholic and don't believe in divorce, so I would consider it a civil divorce only (I don't think I'd be able to get an annulment), which is allowed in order to protect oneself. I would likely not remarry in that case, unless I could get an annulment. It's actually remarriage, and not divorce, that is the real problem for the church. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-595771 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:35:17 +0000 Smurfette 595771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we were unhappy and had tried counseling and everything else, then yes I would divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy. Not to mention I wouldn't want my kids growing up thinking it is ok to be unhappy. I have too many friends that grew up with parents in an unhappy marriage and seen how it has affected them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-595760 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:33:44 +0000 mrbee 595760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My opinion on divorce and unhappy marriages changed a lot when I read a book called, The Divorce Remedy:<br /> <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2012/03/23/the-divorce-remedy-aka-marriage-is-hard/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2012/03/23/the-divorce-remedy-aka-marriage-is-hard/</a></p> <p>I highly recommend the book!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-595749 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:31:29 +0000 Ash 595749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My gut answer is till death do us part. :)<br /> I didn't marry my husband with the option of divorce. My vows were before God for a reason and we will both honor each other till we die. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you/page/2#post-595735 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:29:32 +0000 MrsSCB 595735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I totally agree with you!</p> <p>I'm a little surprised at how many people would stay in an unhappy marriage. Unhappy marriages aren't healthy for anyone, especially children, who can sense when things aren't right no matter how much you try to hide it. If I suddenly became unhappy I would definitely try counseling but if the relationship couldn't be fixed, I would leave. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595693 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:16:35 +0000 tequiero21 595693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted not an option but I dunno, who really knows right? As of right now, we love each other so much, still going strong after almost 8 years of marriage, 2 beautiful babies, I know we'd never cheat on each other.... And I'm happy.... So as of this second, it's not an option. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595610 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 19:46:44 +0000 sorrycharlie 595610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the replies yet. But, I would definitely divorce if I were truly unhappy and nothing was helping to solve it. Sometimes therapy doesn't work for everyone - I have my degree in couple's therapy, so I have seen this first hand! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595434 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 18:48:57 +0000 hilsy85 595434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: exactly this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595398 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 18:35:36 +0000 SweetMamaM 595398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted abuse only - don't get me wrong, cheating would NOT be okay, but it wouldn't make me immediately leap to divorce either. I highly doubt whether either of those situations would ever happen in my marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595388 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 18:32:22 +0000 marionberry 595388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents were divorced when I was four. Both remarried soon after. My mother divorced again when I was 21 and is remarried for the third time. I grew up saying I'd never get divorced because of what it did to us as kids, but really that had a lot more to do with my parents than their divorce.</p> <p>Now that I'm an adult I see that sometimes two people can't work through things, even without abuse or cheating. So often it's worse on the kids with two fighting parents than it is if they're living separate happy lives. Obviously in my own marriage, I'd work on every inch before I ever got a divorce, but I don't think of it as wrong or a failure if you end up divorcing. Like others have said, life is too short to spend it unhappy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595355 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 18:21:02 +0000 MrsStormy 595355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to say just cheating and abuse. I just really believe divorce for us will be the last possible option and I would exhaust any option I thought might help, counseling, meeting with pastors, attending marriage workshops/ seminars, anything. </p> <p>Like @Mrs. Jacks: both sets of our parents are still married and we have seen them go through times of unhappiness and times of struggle, I entered into my marriage knowing some times would be REALLY hard and some seasons I would probably want out, but if we fight through it I really think we can make it work. I don't know if that is true for everyones marriage, but I do think it is true for mine, we are fighters and we would fight tooth and nail for our marriage (fortunately I know we both are on the same page with that). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595349 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 18:16:35 +0000 photojane 595349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted abuse only, but I can't imagine that would ever, ever happen. It's just not in his nature to be verbally or physically abusive. I think like others we'd try therapy &amp; other forms of mediation before letting unhappiness cause a divorce. It's really hard to say unless you're in the situation though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595345 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 18:13:09 +0000 Weagle 595345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Cheating or abuse only, but with a caveat for cheating. If he wasn't willing to repent and leave the affair, then I would be gone. I would go to great lengths to work on it first though. The chances of DH doing either of these is ridiculously unlikely, but no one is immune to wrongdoing.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595319 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:58:08 +0000 heffalump 595319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. But it would have to be really really really awful and we'd have gone through tons of therapy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595314 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:56:54 +0000 Cole 595314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted cheating and abuse only but I realize after thinking about it for a few minutes that profound unhappiness would qualify in my mind too. That being said, I truly don't think these things will happen in our marriage and I think we could work through a remarkable amount together. </p> <p>Shortly before I was married, I was chatting with my grandmother and a great-aunt, they were reminiscing on their own marriages, I was prying for the sweet romantic stories and they wound up laughing and telling stories about how incredibly hard it was and how they both thought about (jokingly) offing their husbands at some point or another. Their point was they still look back and saw their marriages as happy, fulfilling and positive. It has always stuck with me that even if it sucks right now and I want to kill him that if we work through our problems it will be worth it at the end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595298 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:47:53 +0000 hummusgirl 595298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a rule I don't like to say *anything* is not an option. If I'm in a loveless or abusive marriage, I'd have to cross that bridge when I get there. Like pp, I can't imagine that ever happening but life is long and surprising. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595273 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:37:14 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 595273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Told dh wheb we were dating the olny reason I would ever leave him would be cheating or abuse. If either of us were unhappy we would do ccounseling, which we have, and fight for our marriage. I like what another poster said about divorcing if the other person was truly unhappy. I would do that for dh, I just want him to be happy </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595240 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:23:37 +0000 Sweet T 595240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted for cheating &amp; abuse only. </p> <p>If it came down to it and we were just unhappy, I would go to therapy and try anything and everything to work things out. If there was cheating or abuse, I don't think I would ever be able to trust him again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595233 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:20:53 +0000 lavender 595233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: agreed. I'm witnessing a 15 year relationship disintegrate and can see how unhappy both of them are. Life is too short to stay unhappy.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595228 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:19:44 +0000 Bookish 595228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Cheating or abuse only (including emotional or verbal abuse). My parents lived in a very unhappy marriage for ten years before they divorced, and I wish they had divorced sooner. That being said, neither of them put effort into fixing their problems or went to therapy, which I think are huge reasons why divorce ended up being the only option for them. I also have no family members who have stayed married. All aunts, grandparents, etc have gotten divorces. I'd like to buck the trend ;) </p>