https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 17:58:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-332081 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 15:15:31 +0000 sarac 332081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm laughing over here. Some things are luck, sure. Some children refuse to eat a variety of foods. Some are more willful than others. Some are louder and like to use their voice more than others. Some do well in public where others just don't. </p> <p>But mostly, no, it isn't luck. Having a toddler, I see how easy it is to raise a spoiled brat. You give in to avoid screaming, because it's easier. You laugh at the cute little things they do even when they're bad behavior. You bribe them with food or whatever to get them to behave and do what you need them to do. I see how easy it is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331748 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:02:21 +0000 blackbird 331748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends what the "bad" behavior is and how old the child is/whether or not they're aware of it. I don't think it's "luck" with toddlers necessarily...you have to adjust your parenting style, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331704 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:34:38 +0000 MrsTiz 331704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nooo I hate that! My SIL has a wild child, she's about to be 4 and is miserable to be around (i'm sorry, that is awful, I know) but every SINGLE time my niece does anything bad, completely bratty, or out of control SIL looks at me and says "You just wait. You get all this soon" and I want to spank her and her daughter haha She's also the one who when her DD was little would start crying in a store, so SIL would YELL "YOU AREN'T EMBARRISING ME..KEEP IT UP DD. WAAAH WAAH WAH" and fake cry and scream with her. Oh.my.god. So annoying/embarrasing</p> <p>Bad manners, being rude, being disruptive, and being bratty come from parents teaching these behaviors or allowing them to happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331670 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:19:05 +0000 HLK208 331670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: ahh! Okay, I think I'm going to pick up that book if I see it at the library today. I'm really needing some help with DS! I was even thinking of asking his ped what books he recommended but I'll check out Grace Based Parenting too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331663 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:16:57 +0000 Rubies 331663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's 70% parenting/discipline and 30% luck. There is no way a kid can be "good" all on his/her own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331643 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:11:17 +0000 Mrs. Pen 331643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HeatherlovesKenny: She followed The Baby Book religiously - she is a cosleeping, extended BF'ing mom. Her daughter slept with them until 3 yo when her brother was born. He is 18 mos and sleeps with them. </p> <p>There was this other book that was really good that she read but I don't remember the name. It was all treating your child with respect even from infancy.</p> <p>Another great one that I loved was Grace Based Parenting.</p> <p>One discipline technique that I LOVED (it was def never seen in my house!) was that when she was testing her boundaries, the mom would warn her and tell her that if she did X she would get a spanking. If the girl proceeded to do X the mom was very calm and would say, okay, we have to go get the spoon. Immediately after a spank, she comforted her daughter and then asked her if she knew why she had to get a spank. The daughter would tell her, then say she was sorry. In minutes they were happy again and the daughter never was mad at the mom!! I am AMAZED, My mom always disciplined in anger and many times I had no idea what I did wrong. I harbored a lot of resentment and bitterness toward her for it that definitely surfaced as a teen.<br /> But this was totally different and I loved the gentleness of it. I never thought I'd think spanking was "gentle" but it totally was.</p> <p>Now I know every kid responds differently. One of my brothers definitely never responded to spanking... but I think it's the general idea that worked not necessarily the method. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331624 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:03:08 +0000 Honeybee 331624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do tend to think we underestimate how much biology plays a part in our (younger) children's behavior... But my husband would totally agree with you! He thinks when children behave, it is very much a product of discipline and parenting practices and very little to do with "luck." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331621 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:00:00 +0000 HLK208 331621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a lot of love, disapline and a little luck. I use to get, "wow your son is so polite and well behaved--you're doing a great job" when he was in the 2's. I miss those days! He's not horrible in public at 3 but challenging sometimes. I definitely don't hear, "he's so well behaved" as much now. I'm not sure what has caused him to have melt downs recently but I wish I could understand him better so I blame myself a little for his tantrums.</p> <p>Anyway, I don't think it's fair to say your child behaves because you got lucky!</p> <p>@Coco Bee: I'm interested, what do you think helped their LO's to be calm? What books did she have on those years? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331599 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 11:42:14 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 331599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have a LO (yet!) but I will say this... I do think it's a good chunk luck. Obviously discipline plays a role in your child's behavior, but there's a lot of 'nature vs nurture' undertones in that!</p> <p>From my mom's experience: I was an angel child (according to my mom), my middle brother was a fussy baby but good overall, and my youngest brother was one of "those" toddlers that ran away, had melt-downs, etc. Same parenting (basically) and obviously same parents and MORE experience by the time it was baby #3, so yeah, I think part of it is luck. Now youngest brother is the calmest kid on the block by FAR and is great under pressure (high school quarterback and all that.)</p> <p>ETA: I'm not saying it's excusable for people to use those annoying phrases like "you lucked out." Why can't someone just say "your child is so well-behaved!" instead of trying to attribute it to one single thing rather than the sum of all the parts? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331493 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:42:06 +0000 Mrs. Pen 331493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea: yeah that's totally annoying :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331450 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:23:19 +0000 Andrea 331450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: well that is another thing that they said "watch, you're not going to luck out with your second child". But if I do luck out, I know that they are going to say "Oh, she's good because she is a girl". Nevermind the fact that they have an ill behaved girl themselves because "her brother influenced her to be that way". Some people just can't take any responsibility for their actions!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331444 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:15:06 +0000 Mrs. Pen 331444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my gosh I hate this!! </p> <p>I have nannyed many children in the past and the one family I'm still with I started when their daughter was 2.5 and expected tantrums and challenges... she was a dream. When she was upset she calmly told me why; she never lashed out and hardly ever disobeyed. She had a great deal of respect for her parents and it showed at that young age.</p> <p>I started really paying attention to how they raised her and it's been enlightening. Although she is a more mellow child by nature - I 100% believe it was her parents. Her little brother is definitely more active and curious and has been more of a challenge but even he isn't awful!! </p> <p>So I read many books that she read and I'm hoping I "luck out" (jk) haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331436 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:11:30 +0000 DillonLion 331436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha that would make me crazy! Maybe it is partially luck, and partially HARD WORK that you guys are doing as parents. You deserve credit for that, dangit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331429 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:05:01 +0000 Rock n Roll 331429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's mostly luck when they are younger and partly discipline. As they age, the proportion changes and luck decreases while discipline increases. But so much of their behavior is inherent and part of their personality. When they are little, they haven't learned how to control themselves yet. </p> <p>Plus they go through so many phases- there was a period when taking our daughter out to eat was a nightmare, but prior to that, and a few months after that, she was fine. There was just a window where sitting in her seat and being quiet was not something she was capable of doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331277 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 08:44:51 +0000 Adira 331277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any kids yet, so maybe I'm not one to comment, but I think part of it is luck, but MOST of it is discipline! Everything they learn is acceptable behavior, they are learning from their parents (and child care) as they grow from babies into toddler-hood. I think you can definitely shape the kind of behavior they do in public by being firm on what's appropriate and what's not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331257 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 08:31:27 +0000 Andrea 331257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sotomorrow: haha! I had to reread my title 3x to make sure I did not write hitting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331246 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 08:27:09 +0000 heffalump 331246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's part luck, part discipline. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331245 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 08:26:41 +0000 sotomorrow 331245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely not! There may be SOME luck involved, but a lot more skill. </p> <p>Also when I first read the title of this post I thought it said "Is HITTING a well behaved toddler luck?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-having-a-well-behaved-toddler-luck#post-331234 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 08:22:40 +0000 Andrea 331234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure there is luck involved in everything but it drives me crazy when my BIL/SIL tell us that we just lucked out with DD. </p> <p>She's a good eater and you can take her to restaurants and enjoy your meal - you guys lucked out.<br /> She doesn't run around like a crazy animal like our kids - you guys lucked out.<br /> She's so low maintenance - you guys lucked out.<br /> She doesn't ruin your nice furniture - you guys lucked out. </p> <p>I mean really? Ever heard of discipline as well? (I don't think they have)</p> <p>Haha ... this has turned into a mini rant but this bugs me!!! </p>