Hellobee Boards Topic: Is it better to have four kids than three?

Hellobee Boards Topic: Is it better to have four kids than three? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 10:59:37 +0000 Mama Bird on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2782102 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 07:08:03 +0000 Mama Bird 2782102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've a feeling the math might work differently in my family - we have two, and they're constantly fighting over who gets me (as in, who do I dress, read to, sit next to at bedtime...) Maybe if there were three of them, two would play with each other and the third one out would hang out with me :grin: My cousin has three, and they're doing an amazing job helping the kids form a good relationship. It probably helps that they have very involved grandparents, so that no one feels starved for attention. Researchmama on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2782067 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 21:43:33 +0000 Researchmama 2782067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I am the eldest of 4. GBGB. Age gap: 3, 3, 3, 2 yrs. I was completely ostracized from the younger 3. The middle 2, and especially #3 caused my parents the most grief. We have family friends who had 4 boys and #3 caused them a lot of grief. I have 2 boys just shy of 3 years apart and a 3rd on the way who will be 2.5 yrs from my second. I have been really intentional about fostering a really loving bond between my older 2, and hope to have my 3rd seamlessly add to that mix. I hope and pray that being very intentional will create a great bond between my boys and that they will all feel loved, accepted and be incredible young men. I’d love to have a 4th, but I’ll be 40 when this one is born, so I’m not sure that will be wise. I adore my boys and I hope for the best! Btw, my mom says if she had it to do again she would have had 2. GoGoSnoGirl on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588643 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 18:52:40 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2588643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I grew up in a family of 3 kids & while we did pair off at times, it wasn't always the same pairings & I think we got along well & are still close. For our own family now, I can't imagine any more than 2, honestly. I don't know any families with 4 kids, only 1, 2 & 3. JennyPenny on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588418 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 12:21:06 +0000 JennyPenny 2588418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Personally, I've noticed among my friends, those who came from families of 2 or 4+ definitely have better relationships with their siblings than those from families of 3. I don't have a parent's perspective of it being easier but one thing a friend's mom (who has 5 now grown kids) told me has stuck with me. She said that having lots of kids helped her let go of expectations and really let each kid be their own individual. She said that if she'd had just 1 or 2 she would have felt like they needed to do academics and arts and sports and she'd have to give them all opportunities in every category. With lots of kids she's accepted that they're all different and have different passions and interests, and this allowed her to really focus on fostering what each kid likes rather than having 1 kid that she wants to be good at everything. She still gets the joy of watching a child succeed in each category but without extra pressure on herself or the children. periwinklebee on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588385 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 11:36:23 +0000 periwinklebee 2588385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @catomd00: Hah, I definitely believe that! My guess (but really, I know nothing!) is that the 2-3 transition would be harder than the 3-4 transition for exactly that reason, but 3-4 would still make things more challenging (potentially in a good way) rather than making it actually easier. Keep us updated :silly: skipra on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588372 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 11:23:08 +0000 skipra 2588372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have definitely heard this and it makes me really nervous to have 3! I would bet a lot has tO do with age gaps and sex. I was one of three girls but we were not close in age so I really don't think that we caused our parents more stress because there were 3 of us. We didn't have a lot of ganging up or drama between the three of us because my oldest sister was out of the house when I was 7 or 8. DH makes it sound like there wasn't much fighting amongst all 3 siblings either - that it was mostly him and his brother and his sister kind of did her own thing. They are all much closer in age than my sisters and I. What I do find funny is that there is more sibling drama in both our families as adults. But luckily for our parents they don't have to deal with it as much! Makingbabyw on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588342 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 10:54:35 +0000 Makingbabyw 2588342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I am one of 5 children (ages 27, 21, 22, 9, 10). Because I was 18 when my older younger brother was born it was very much like three of us growing up and we fought in a BAD way. Us older siblings are all girls which contributed to some of it I am sure, but there was always some type of fight going on. My sisters and I now are very close, though naturally there is competition between us to some extent as well. Things like who the maid of honor was in my wedding (I had both), what order they stood at during the ceremony, who you talk to more are so little but can really cause hurt feelings. My parents also struggled because the two youngest were so close in age and I was older so it felt like "favorites" were played when really is just comes with the territory. The boys (younger two) hardly fight at all and are each others best friends. My parents have always told me that after three, the others were cake. Perhaps that is because we were old enough to do a lot of the parenting (and we did, including waking up to feed the boys in the middle of the night) or perhaps because they had already gone through three of us. My dad begged for more kids even after the boys saying it wouldn't really be that much more work :P I LOVE being part of a big family and can't imagine not having my siblings, a house now without kids feels empty to me! catomd00 on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588261 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 09:33:32 +0000 catomd00 2588261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @periwinklebee: I've heard that 2-3 is harder than 3-4 because it's the first time you're outnumbered as parents. TBD lol I'll let you know In a few years! T.H.O.U. on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588258 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 09:32:42 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2588258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Truth Bombs: Yes, agree with this. I know many consider the leap from 2-3 crazy, but a family of 5 can still fit in a car if needed, you can stay in most hotel rooms for a while, you can pull up a chair to a booth at a restaurant etc. Jumping to a family of 6 makes things really large. maddyz on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588245 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 09:12:04 +0000 maddyz 2588245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think my youngest brother totally saved our family dynamic. We pared off oldest two and youngest two. Now that we are grown, my sister and I are pretty close, but as children we did not get along well. I think 3 is a really impossible number. I could do 2 or 4. T.H.O.U. on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588038 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 19:37:37 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2588038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I come from a family of 3. Girl, boy girl about four years apart each. I think we were fine. But I think the gender alternating and the spacing helped. Truth Bombs on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588026 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 19:14:39 +0000 Truth Bombs 2588026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think a lot of this depends on how you want to provide for your children. We plan to give our children a college education and to travel with them quite a bit. So every extra kid is a financial burden (not to mention the general costs of raising any child!). So if you want to give your kids those things, adding a 4th isn't as easy as just saying "well, it's already chaos anyway!" codeitall on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2588007 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 18:56:20 +0000 codeitall 2588007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @periwinklebee: I agree wholeheartedly. It really depends on your parenting outlook. When I talked to my parents about having 6 kids, my mother always said that her stress levels basically plateaued at 4 kids. The youngest is 12, so she's been through the whole cycle. The real trick was the age differences and personalities. By the time you were getting into the tougher teenage years, you had kids leaving the early stages and making up for it. Plus, if they're really spread out, the older kids are able to meaningfully contribute to cleaning and childcare. So the later kids are less 'overhead'. MsMini on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587996 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 18:40:58 +0000 MsMini 2587996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH was the youngest of 3 and I was the oldest of 3 - we both loved being in 3 kid families and neither of us felt like it was a recipe for ganging up! We have 2 and are considering a 3rd, it we do that will be it. No talks of a 4th here. I am a pretty chill Mom so I don't micromanage or seek perfection as it is 😉 periwinklebee on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587991 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 18:33:13 +0000 periwinklebee 2587991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I find it somewhat hard to believe that four is easier from the parent's perspective, for a given set of parents. It may well be that people who deal well with chaos regardless are more likely to have four kids, because three doesn't seem as overwhelming, whereas people who like things more orderly, etc stop at 3 (or fewer) because that suits their style of parenting better....Not that having more kids wouldn't make you adapt your parenting style, but IDK that it would make things less stressful in general... Alba4 on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587983 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 18:22:58 +0000 Alba4 2587983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Lol! I think any more than 2 is nutty! simplyfelicity on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587981 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 18:22:08 +0000 simplyfelicity 2587981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've heard this, too! I think that when you have four, you have no choice to be more easygoing and not sweat the small stuff. I grew up in a family of four and my sister has also had four and I can definitely say it's true for them. There wasn't any micromanagement or perfectionism because there was no time! There was always someone to play with even if two were mad at you. We decided we will either have 2 or 4...do probably 2. :silly: BSB on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587971 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 17:51:44 +0000 BSB 2587971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm one of 4 but my oldest sister was 8 years older than the rest of us. The 3 younger ones were about 1-2 years age in difference. We definitely ganged up on each other. Some days it was me and my brother and other days it was me and my sister.. and sometimes my sister and brother against me. I don't know about stress but with my twins, I can't imagine having a 3rd child or 4th child, right now. Maybe the idea of being outnumbered is a big factor for me. My brother has 3 boys and I'm pretty sure they are done. Even if it someone told them the 4th would be easier and it would guarantee a girl. They are just so exhausted with 3. I'm tired looking at them. Beth24 on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587966 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 17:27:31 +0000 Beth24 2587966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This is an interesting subject! DH and I both come from families with 4 kids and I never thought about the 2 vs 1 factor with 3 - I was aiming for 3 kids but now I'm thinking 4 is the way to go! I loved having 4 siblings. I always felt like someone was there to help me out or agree with me when j felt my parents weren't being fair (teenage years mostly. Lol). My mom loves kids and wanted more than 4 but my dad said no more, so her stress must not have been too bad :) cat620 on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587962 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 17:14:24 +0000 cat620 2587962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Thanks for all the responses! Does anyone have anything to add about the stress levels of your parents with 3 vs. 4? catomd00 on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587957 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 16:53:53 +0000 catomd00 2587957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm middle of 3 girls (4 years in between both my older and younger sister) and not a fan of that #. I think 2 or 4 is way better for sibling dynamics in my opinion. 2s company, 3s a crowd! matador84 on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587956 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 16:52:16 +0000 matador84 2587956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ There will always be mitigating factors, but I am in the camp of "everyone has to have a buddy!" I'm one of 3 (oldest). The middle is 17 months younger and the youngest is almost 5 years younger than me. Although we felt like he was golden child growing up, my middle sibling and I are very close and the youngest has always been isolated from us. I think too by the time my parents had him they were so over parenting and he got away with a ton! All my irl mom friends who I look to for advice and as role models almost all have 4 children ironically! Maysprout on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587954 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 16:39:41 +0000 Maysprout 2587954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm one of four girls and we all get along really well now that we're out of my parents house. I met DH when my sisters (not me) were still all living at home so there was a bit more fighting and he commented how it might be briefly 2v2 but pretty much always quickly became 3v1. 2 of my sisters at one point after they moved out were like attached at the hip bffs. I guess it was less like I was being excluded since there was another sister but at the same time I don't think either of us ever really felt excluded. They were just in really similar points in their lives and I was happy they had each other to lean on. As for as we were growing up, I donno, I always felt a bit lonely as the oldest, I think 4 was a lot for them at times so I felt like the peace keeper and babysitter in both my parents and sibling relationship. Mrs. High Heels on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587936 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 16:12:11 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2587936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think this is more likely to happen when the siblings are all the same sex and close in age. DH is the oldest of 3. But he is the only boy, and is closest in age to his 1st sister (they're 19 months apart). His 2nd sister is 7 years younger than him, and 5 years younger than his 1st sister, so he and his 1st sister usually played well together, and both played doting older siblings to their baby sister. Now that they're adults, his two sisters are really close (they live together!), and though he is close to them too, it's more in a big brother way than a friendship way. He doesn't really care though, probably because he's the opposite sex. josina on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587930 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 16:01:39 +0000 josina 2587930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I can agree with the statement that three kids will gang up on each other.. I grew up with 2 sisters and it was them against me when we were younger, and then when we were teenagers me and the youngest against the middle sister. I still look back and think how mean us girls could be! That said there is 4 in our family, but my brother is quite a bit younger so didn't really factor in. ETA: My sisters and I are really close in age... codeitall on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587925 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 15:46:44 +0000 codeitall 2587925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband was one of three and I was one of six. There are definitely mitigating factors, but I'll say that my husband's experience with three kids was exactly that, two gaining up on one and a constant sense of betrayal when the one on your side switched. Having more than three makes it strangely less likely that you'll have a civil war on your hands, perhaps because if you recruit one sibling, your rival will recruit the other and you'll be even, so any conflicts tend to be one on one and worked out easier without any lasting betrayal or grudges. Also, I didn't expect a lot of personal attention because I knew that with so many kids, any parental time was really valuable and not to be expected. I cherished the school drive with my dad even though it was only 10 minutes. I looked forward and planned my questions for that short time and still cherish those memories. I'm sure there is more, but I'll make this last observation, I bonded really well with the siblings that had more similar personalities. Siblings 3 and 6 actually. It makes me wonder if we'd stopped at 3, how 2 would have fared with such a different personality from his only siblings. cat620 on "Is it better to have four kids than three?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-better-to-have-four-or-more-kids-than-three#post-2587859 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 14:05:51 +0000 cat620 2587859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I read an article online that cited a study that said three kids is the most stressful number to have. The moms of three kids said they feel a lot of pressure to be the perfect parent even though having three kids makes it much harder to give individual attention to each child. Ironically, the mothers of four kids reported feeling less stressed. They said after having their fourth, they gave up on trying to be perfect and gave in to the chaos that is their lives. They also said the kids were more likely to pair up instead of having one left out, which made things easier on them. I'm wondering if anyone has personal experience with this. Do you have three or four kids, or did you grow up in a family that did? If so, do you agree with the study?