https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 17:32:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349416 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 15:12:41 +0000 Tanjowen 2349416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Interesting! I feel for DH a big part of the trip is getting out and seeing the sights and exploring, and it would be sad for him to miss out. </p> <p>To answer your question, it was hard at first. We had a situation where a flight attendant gave him her room key one night and I was seriously pissed off at the entire industry (not at him). She was engaged and said it didn't hurt anyone and was part of the airline culture. Bah. </p> <p>For the most part with his old airline he flew with great people and I've gone on a.few trips and had a lot of fun with his crew. But now He has been with delta now for a year flying overseas and it is completely different! All his captains are near retirement and the flight attendants don't even stay at the same hotel. DH usually ends up wandering around Paris alone or talking the other first officer into going with him, but he's only flown with 1 female since starting there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349329 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 14:26:07 +0000 Anagram 2349329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tanjowen: I think I missed that your husband is a pilot! My dad was a pilot for AA and was super conservative Christian, so I really think he mostly stayed alone in his room after maybe grabbing food in a group situation. He was also the cheapest person alive and never drank a drop of alcohol and was against places like bars, so going out to dinners and things are not up his alley. Instead he became obsessive about working out in hotel gyms and he took up a new musical instrument every few years and perfected it on all those nights (violin, then guitar, then banjo, then mandolin--crazy).</p> <p>But I never though about what it would be like to have a spouse gone that much with different crews all the time. What's it like? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349301 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 14:11:46 +0000 snowjewelz 2349301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: Yeah, this one is tricky :meh: I mean, we can def be even more cautious, but we'd never make it so that so that it's obvious/noticeable.. Like "sorry can you sit in your car for 10 min b/c you can't be alone with my spouse" lol :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349291 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 14:08:02 +0000 Maysprout 2349291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: that's the part that got me was they were close friends of theirs. To me it'd be like inviting friends over and telling them you put your valuables in the safe so they weren't tempted to steal them. I mean I lock my doors at night bc I don't trust everybody in the world but I'm not going to treat my friends like thieves and tell them I don't trust their self restraint. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349167 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 13:15:20 +0000 Anagram 2349167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsrain: same here, I guess. Pre marriage, I had a ton of guy friends I was close to and a few Dh was not comfortable with. I was super peeved at first and we fought about it a few times, but then I had some girl friends of mine say DH was right about a lot of thiings (like, that some of those guys were maybe...."overly familiar" with me) and that they wouldn't like their husband to be in that situation with a girl he knew either. So then I started to see his side.</p> <p>My husband has never had a girl friend really (that isn't the spouse of a guy friend), so I've never really had to think about it.</p> <p>eta: after reading more about the actual post--I think that's a bit weird, to invite friends to stay in your house, but to not want one of them ever alone in a room with one of us. Kind of bizarre--how can you avoid sometimes being in the kitchen at the same time, or if 3 are watching a show on tv, but a kid wakes up so one parent has to go to the kid....are the other two supposed to then leave the living room? I was thinking more like...spouses going on long outings with opposite sex friends alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349156 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 13:13:20 +0000 Mrs D 2349156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely no rules like that here...</p> <p>That said - if I was going to hang out with a male who DH had not met I would probably give a quick background on how I know him and what we were doing - and probably end with " you ok with that?" - which he would be.</p> <p>I have two friends from college - who have both attempted to date me at one point or another - who DH does not like when I see...so its usually only in group settings. Perfectly reasonable since there is "history" there.</p> <p>Not the same...but DH did comment this summer that he was uncomfortable being home alone with a "Mommys Helper" next door neighbor girl. We are new in the sub (1.5 years) and he just felt he didnt want to create the situation with a 14 year old girl. At first I thought it was odd - but then I realized it is probably best... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349148 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 13:11:07 +0000 snowjewelz 2349148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: Honestly the situation has never come up, haha! There's really no chance of us randomly seeing ONE relative alone (I don't even have relatives here). There has been times where one of my really good friends comes over and I am upstairs with the baby. With that, A) I do trust her 99.99% (I just say that b/c you just never know I guess?!) and B) we're always expecting others so our front door is open (there is a clear screen door that's closed), so they're alone for maybe max like 5 minutes really.</p> <p>ETA - I think the "exceptions" to the rule for us is where we really just take our chances with the people we trust! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349134 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 13:05:47 +0000 Maysprout 2349134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I can understand that with acquaintances, especially depending on your profession.<br /> Do you still have the same rule with close friends who have stood the test of time and relatives? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349121 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 13:00:11 +0000 babycanuck 2349121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No - just be honest about everything and it's all good. I know he still talks to a couple of ex gfs, and has lots of female friends, as I have many male friends.</p> <p>My BIL stopped talking to his BFF / high school GF because his now wife had an issue with them hanging out (meanwhile she cheated on an ex-fiance...and BIL has never been unfaithful to anyone) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2349112 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 12:51:10 +0000 snowjewelz 2349112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Oatmeal: exact, same, thing. We have the rule too to protect ourselves (him mostly).There has been a few times when we've had to reschedule individuals coming over for prayer/etc b/c I knew I'd be upstairs putting DD to bed so we're not even comfortable with the fact that I won't be physically sitting there with them.</p> <p>We have completely 100% trust in each other, but given DH's profession we have to be very careful b/c we've seen bad things happen in the past! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348933 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 11:02:16 +0000 MaryM 2348933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think whatever works for a couple is fine for them. </p> <p>But I also wonder who makes the rules. I think it very different for someone to say "I don't want you to ever be alone with someone of the opposite sex" than "Out of respect for you, I will never be alone with someone of the opposite sex"</p> <p>But in the end, TETO. It's not something that DH and I have ever even thought of. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348894 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 10:47:12 +0000 MaisyMay 2348894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I talked about this after I read this past and we chuckled. As a conservative Christian I can see where some of the basis is, especially in the idea to avoid the appearance of evil and acting in such a way that would not be a stumbling block for others, but we also agree that there are times when you are going to be around others and that is okay. For instance, I was on a week long business trip with a male coworker. It was cheaper for the company to rent a 2 bedroom suite for us to stay in and DH was gone with that. </p> <p>While I wad gone, he spent 2-3 hours a few evenings with our next door neighbor. She had 2 kids who A could play with while DH could sit on the couch and talk about something that wasn't work or princess relayed. Instead of being worried, I was relieved he got a break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348850 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 10:25:37 +0000 LuLu Mom 2348850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess we've never had a need for any rules like this? I trust my husband and although he doesn't have any close girl friends if he did I wouldn't be threatened at all and I know he feels the same way about the guy friends I have. Usually when I'm with my guy friends its in a group setting but he would not be threatened at all if it was just the two of us. For me it's a trust issue, I trust him 100% so I know I have nothing to worry about, and him the same with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348818 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 10:17:26 +0000 lovehoneybee 2348818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally, setting rules like this would indicate a big lack of trust and respect for each other in our marriage </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348786 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 10:00:41 +0000 littlebug 2348786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My best friend is a guy...who also happens to be my ex-boyfriend...who I also happened to be having a "friends with benefits" arrangement with when I first started dating my husband. Needless to say, when we first started dating, this was a BIG point of contention for us. It took a long time to convince him that we were really just friends who were sleeping together because we knew it worked and we were bored and lonely. Giving up my friendship with him was not an option, and it took a few fights for him to realize that. </p> <p>So because of that, I'd be a total hypocrite if Hubs wanted to hang out solo with a female friend. HOWEVER, since he didn't have any going into our relationship, it would throw up some sensors if suddenly a new female friendship emerged and he wanted to hang out solo with her. I feel like I would have to get to know her, see them interact, etc, before I'd be comfortable with it. And I think I would do the same for him if I developed a new male friendship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348783 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 09:59:25 +0000 MrsKoala 2348783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't even understand why this would ever be an issue. If you trust your spouse, why would you have a problem with them being alone with someone of the opposite sex? That's just plain weird. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348741 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 09:35:23 +0000 Ajsmommy 2348741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No rule at all. I wouldn't have married him if I'd felt it necessary to have a rule like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348693 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 09:08:23 +0000 californiadreams 2348693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we have no rules But i think out of respect, neither of us for example, would plan a solo dinner, drinks and movie night with a friend of the opposite sex on a saturday night. </p> <p>Or if DH was out of town, i probably would not choose that night to have a male friend come spend the evening at our house. I'd be more inclined to do a group thing or a girls night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348665 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 08:54:39 +0000 JoJoGirl 2348665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What? No- that's hilarious. DH's best friend is female and they've known each other a lot longer than I've known him... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348544 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 23:31:53 +0000 Meow 2348544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tanjowen: I see it all the time where guys I fly with aren't allowed to go to dinner with their crews or even talk to women outside of business. It's ridiculous when I can't even speak while they're on the phone for fear of arousing suspicion. I wanna tell these gfs/wives that I have zero interest in seducing their not even hot husband. Seems like a miserable way to live, all this controlling by one spouse and "white lying" to appease the other. Like you said, at the end of the day if someone is going to cheat they will cheat regardless of what their profession is or how tightly their wives try to reign them in. I see that all the time too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348491 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 21:22:51 +0000 Truth Bombs 2348491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: That, plus a damn bottle of Kendall Jackson. Whoops. 🍷 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348466 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 20:52:22 +0000 blackbird 2348466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: that's how you got pregnant, isn't it? Isn't it?!?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348460 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 20:48:06 +0000 Truth Bombs 2348460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I hate when I just fall on a penis. Happens all the time. Damn clumsiness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348439 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 20:22:25 +0000 ShootingStar 2348439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have rules like this, it wouldn't even occur to me. I can understand a grown man not feeling like it's appropriate to be alone with a teen girl, but to not be alone with adult friends is bizarre. And what kind of people care about these things or think something suspect is going on?? And to have to ask your husband's permission to be alone with someone sounds pretty misogynistic. I'm not interested in a relationship where this feels necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348405 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 19:48:31 +0000 nana87 2348405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: only some of them, lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348403 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 19:42:39 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2348403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: you two must genuinely like each other's friends. That is not the case in my house, but it's great you all do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348396 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 19:33:11 +0000 blackbird 2348396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally understand why. You could just fall on his penis. He could not resist your advances 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348394 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 19:30:57 +0000 nana87 2348394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We would never have a rule like this, it's just seems so unnecessary. It's important to me that I trust my husband would never intentionally do anything that would hurt my feelings, betray me, or otherwise act disrespectfully, and vice versa. </p> <p>We recently had a situation where dh had to go out of town suddenly (fil was in the hospital/almost died), and logistically we need to have 2 adults in our home at night--we live in a high-rise apartment building with a toddler and 2 dogs, so someone needs to stay in with the baby while someone else takes the dogs out before bed. Before even asking me, dh asked his bff--a dude--to stay with me that night since my bff couldn't. I felt awkward about it, but it was totally fine--we spent the evening talking about his girl problems, fil's health, and watching baseball, lol. And it was dh's idea. So, that might horrify some people who follow these kinds of rules, but it worked for us. The only part of the night I kept secret from dh was the friend giving me ideas for a present for dh :wink:</p> <p>Also, dh has asked my (girl) friends to attend events with him when I couldn't go. big fat whatever from me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348292 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 16:32:17 +0000 PawPrints 2348292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've heard people say things like this before (in particular, that spouses should never drive in a car alone with a person of the opposite sex). Honestly the idea kind of offends me, like the very idea is an insult to concept of marriage. Sort of buys into the myth that sex is just something that spontaneously happens to people, as opposed to a conscious consensual act between responsible actors. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ok-for-your-so-to-be-alone-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/page/2#post-2348157 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 14:19:35 +0000 sapphire 2348157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Building trust requires trust, not rules. Cheating is against the rules of our marriage so why would I expect not being alone with someone of the opposite sex to stop it? I trust my husband to respect me and our marriage and he expects the same of me, no additional rules required. </p>