https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 08:44:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom/page/2#post-2159996 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 15:45:42 +0000 Modern Daisy 2159996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally feel for you and this is exactly why i hate reporting into women. I'm in insurance and it's the same thing here although much more family friendly in general. It will be harder to get ahead, but stick to your guns on the schedule. Make it clear that you go home at x time every day so if people need you they either need to ask early enough or wait until tomorrow. </p> <p>I have the opposite time problem, everyone is out the door by 4:30 but they get in REALLY early. I have a 1 hour commute and rely on the train schedule, so on days DH is traveling Ican't even get into the office until 9am since day are doesnt open until 7:30. I've never once apologized, but i did explain this to my boss when i first started. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159869 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 14:15:10 +0000 babynumber1 2159869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: honestly that sounds like a terrible work environment, especially with a new son at home. I would start looking for something else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159369 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 09:51:44 +0000 snowjewelz 2159369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel you! I work in fashion and not in the city anymore, but I always feel bad that I'm one of the first to leave?! Even tho there are other moms in the office and they leave early too. I mean, I stay late if I have to but if I don't, I'm outta there. Why is this staying late = you're working harder culture valid!? </p> <p>I feel like I mommy-tracked myself for now too... DD is almost 5 mos, so this whole parenting thing is still new to me and I find myself lacking focus, either from lack of sleep or just wishing that I'm with DD instead! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159365 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 09:49:57 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2159365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raintreebee: my kid is truly thriving socially in daycare, so I really wouldn't want to switch to a nanny. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159363 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 09:47:54 +0000 raintreebee 2159363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: My husband and I both have intense careers in NYC. We have a nanny, which allows us more flexibility when we have to stay late to meet deadlines. Would that be a possibility for you? </p> <p>I definitely feel your pain. I am nowhere near as productive as I was pre-kids. It has hurt my opportunities, but I try to think of my career as having a long trajectory. And this is just a time when it is going to have to take a backseat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159292 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 08:58:20 +0000 Andrea 2159292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you didn't get to share that cupcake with your son. :-( </p> <p>I can definitely relate as someone who used to work in finance in NYC. I was one of the only moms in my group so I definitely stuck out like a sore thumb when I arrived later than everyone and left earlier! But I had no choice since we don't have any family help and my husband works long hours in finance, too.</p> <p>Since I was working shorter hours than everyone else, I didn't expect big projects, raises, bonuses, promotions etc. I think that's only fair since they were willing to accommodate my hours. I definitely had to resign myself to being mommy tracked if I wanted to work in finance, unless I chose to hire a live-in nanny and not see my kids all week.</p> <p>Ultimately, I chose to leave finance and I've been a SAHM for the past 2.5 years. I would like to work again, but it probably won't be in finance unless I can find some freelance WAH consulting work. I hope you can find something more flexible, too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159217 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 08:19:56 +0000 My Only Sunshine 2159217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This thread is so interesting and insightful. I've struggled with the same thing since having my daughter. I'm a lawyer so it's a similar issue of long hours = good employee. I was always a go-getter and I felt like I was really advancing in my career, and then it just screeched to a halt when I had a kid.</p> <p>I ended up coming back part time, and my office has been great about it, but understandably I'm no longer one of the 'shining star' employees. I think even if I'd come back full time, I would have been 'mommy tracked' because I leave at 5:00 and don't work on weekends anymore. All the men in my office have stay-at-home wives, so it's hard for them to relate. The women who are successful and seem mentally healthy in my office either don't have kids or scaled back their careers while their kids were small and then ramped them back up when the kids grew up.</p> <p>I don't know what the solution is, but my current plan is just to accept that my career is going to be pretty slow to advance for now. My main goal is to keep a steady paycheck and keep my foot in the door so if I do want to ramp my career back up, I can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159207 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 08:12:50 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2159207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I totally agree with your entire second paragraph. Unfortunately I just have daycare and my husband and I. No family in the area or anything like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159167 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 07:44:23 +0000 looch 2159167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: Yep, that's pretty much how it is in finance in the NYC area, it's long hours and it isn't so much what you do or how well you do it, it's the number of hours you put in. Now granted, there have been weeeks where I worked over 70 hours and was at my desk at midnight, but those were during some particularly involved times.</p> <p>My personal feeling is that the vast majority of the jobs in finance don't really require more than 45 hours a week, if it takes you that long to do your job, then something isn't right. I do tend to think some managers "overcomplicate" their jobs in their managing up, which unfortunately comes down to the worker bees.</p> <p>If I look around me, there are a lot of moms with young children, but what's interesting about all of us is that we have lots of help, and by lots of help I mean nannies and/or grandparents that help. I am happy to chat off line, if you want, I've got almost 20 years in this industry and I've seen a lot and might be able to offer you some tidbits that could help you out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159158 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 07:36:36 +0000 Madison43 2159158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been thinking about this a lot lately and basically I think the answer is no - sorry :sad: I'm a lawyer in NYC and even though I work at an extremely family friendly firm (like its really unheard of how accommodating they are) the nature of the industry and NYC in general means that even if my bosses are perfectly fine with my relaxed schedule, because everyone else is working NYC hours, which clients expect, the best I can do at this point in my career is to tread water and basically maintain the status quo. I also don't have the time, energy or desire to do the networking necessary to really advance my career. So yeah - mommy track for me.<br /> I should also add that I don't think that this is unfair. Some industries - like law and I assume finance - and areas just require a level of commitment that I am not willing to give at this point in my life. I imagine in other industries we would be able to get ahead and still be the moms we want to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159126 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 07:06:48 +0000 artsyfartsy 2159126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My heart broke when you mentioned not getting to share a cupcake with your son. No advice but lots of love. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159121 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 07:01:13 +0000 tinyperson 2159121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I work for a publishing group at a big accounting firm, and we have great flexibility, everyone comes and goes at different times, and no one bats an eye if you leave early. I sometimes do a little work in the evening and on weekends, but it's at home and it's not a requirement (unless you need extra time to finish up a project on time or something). I know most of the accounting firms have pretty family-friendly environments (to an extent), so maybe look out for some jobs in their marketing groups? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159105 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 06:29:05 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2159105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all! I have a lot to think about. Another issue is motivation. The project I stayed for last night is something that "sales doesn't even care about." So it's kinda hard to put in the hours when it doesn't seem to be for anything. </p> <p>I've always wanted a work life balance because I have lots of things I enjoy outside of work and I'm a work to live, not live to work type of person. But now that I have my son, I can't imagine sacrificing several evenings a week of spending time with my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159097 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 06:11:27 +0000 MrsBananaGrabber 2159097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Happy (belated) birthday!</p> <p>As a previous poster said, yes, clearly it is possible to get ahead in your career as a working mom, because your manager and her manager did it. But, you can't have it both ways- when the rest of your department stays later than you, you can't expect to leave earlier to see your LO AND expect to be promoted over people who put in more hours. Part of working in certain fields / jobs is putting in more hours and sacrificing in other areas of your life (like your manager, her manager, and countless others have done.)</p> <p>I work in law, so the expectations regarding hours are similar. Even if I get everything I need to get done for the day finished by 5pm, if I leave before 6 or 7 it looks like I'm not working enough. Fortunately, I'm at a family-friendly firm that will do what it can to accommodate me. If I was at a less friendly firm, however, I would know that working 70+ hours a week is an expected part of my job, and I would either rely on my husband or someone else to handle more of the childcare duties or I would have to find somewhere else to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159075 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 00:31:49 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2159075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh and I definiteky think the attitude of the company/bosses is huge. It's what has made dh's job tolerable for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159073 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 00:30:43 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2159073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: as someone who stayed at home without sahm dreams, I think it's possible but oftentimes something is going to have to give. I went to work for a temp job in the field I'm going into and got good reviews and all but it's obvious there are things that would be much easier sans kids. So I just figure the timing of things will be different than my non-mom self's timing would be..</p> <p>Sorry you had to stay late on your bday. Sounds like my dh's job, and his schedule is a HUGE part of why I've been a sahm. It's tough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159043 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 22:29:36 +0000 Bluebonnet 2159043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: There is a lot of great advice in this thread. Figure out the type of work/life balance you want and target companies that will let you have the flexibility you are looking for. </p> <p>I was going to suggest the same thing as @Ms. RV: Look at the top companies for working mothers if you are looking to make a move. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159041 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 22:26:04 +0000 bisous 2159041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Happy birthday! And sorry you had such a rough day.</p> <p>I say it's time to find a new company! I work in communications for a large financial services company. While it is crazy busy often, pretty much everyone I work with has families and/or is understanding and flexible given individual family situations. I get in at 7:45 and leave the office at 4:30 everyday and if I have a 4-5 meeting, I leave early to take it from home. I do get online after DD goes to bed, but by choice--no one is ever "making me."</p> <p>I feel well compensated and though my job can be stressful, I have flexibility and balance that I'm worried I would miss anywhere else!<br /> On another note-my company has a large office not far from NYC! PM me if you want to look on the job site. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159033 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 21:36:04 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2159033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First off - happy birthday! We're birthday twins as today is my b-day too!</p> <p>I don't have any experience in your field but it sounds to me like a company culture / company priorities problem. Maybe a different, more family friendly company within your same industry would allow for a better work-life balance. Best of luck figuring something out because that current situation sounds crappy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159028 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 21:20:51 +0000 Anagram 2159028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: Gotcha. Yeah, it would be unheard of for DH to leave his job at 5 or 5:30 every day. I honestly don't think he's ever left at 5, unless it was pre-planned like for a doctor's appointment or to catch a flight or something. That's the bad part about NYC work culture.</p> <p>In Dallas, DH regularly left work at 5 and he did the exact same job (also in finance) that he does here in NYC. But since the markets close at 4 pm EST (3 pm CST), it was easy for DH to finish what he needed in the two hours after the market closed and get home. Now, he can't start on some of his work until Nasdaq closes, EST, so there's really no way he can leave before when he does. Mo Money/Mo Responsibility/Mo problems. =(</p> <p>Being a parent--mom or dad---and balancing it with work is TOUGH. We also have a terrible sleeper and DH and I regularly complain to each other that it's really affected our lives to not sleep well, consistently, for 22 months now. </p> <p>If it's any consolation--I don't think LO feels that DH is less "present" than me. She's actually a total Daddy's girl and when she wakes at night, she calls for him first since she's used to him getting her in the morning. And weekends he is all about her--they are total bffs, even though I technically have her more hours of each day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159025 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 21:15:33 +0000 ElbieKay 2159025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I suggest you look for smaller company with a more flexible culture.</p> <p>(I work in finance and used to work at a large bank. I now work for a 100-person financial technology company as a project manager and have a lot of flexibility. I usually work from home one day per week, and after maternity leave I worked from home two days per week for three months.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159020 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 21:07:02 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2159020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: my husband has to go in early, around 7 and then he gets out at 4:30-5. I have to do dropoffs in the morning and I can't even drop him him off til 8. He goes to bed at 8 so if I worked every night until like 7 I would barely ever see him. </p> <p>I had different managers before and I was doing a pretty standard 9-5 with the occasional late night. My new managers work longer hours and expect us to as well. I would say they work from 8-8:30 to at least 7:30 or 8 at night. </p> <p>I think it's time for me to find a different industry or a more family friendly company :). It's not that I don't want to work hard, because I do. But I never take a lunch, and I bust ass all day...so I think I shouldn't have to worry about leaving "early" at 5-5:30. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159017 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 21:02:03 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2159017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Tiger: he'd probably go for the frosting! We're still working on chewing!</p> <p>@sleepymonkey: thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2159009 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 20:44:28 +0000 Mae 2159009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think certain industries are always going to expect more. And every work place has its own culture. It sound like you probably won't get ahead at your current job given the culture. </p> <p>I get the frustration because I am (was?) a lawyer which is a field that tends towards workaholics. I've been looking for a job now for a few months and have actually gotten a "good" offer, I guess... but it was a place that was very focused on working the most hours possible. And almost no one in the firm had children. Which I think really said something. I turned it down because I knew I wouldn't be happy there, and I'm just hoping that I can find something that has better work/life balance as the norm. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2158980 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 20:10:09 +0000 Anagram 2158980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: just trying to get a sense of the office atmosphere expectations: what time does your boss arrive/leave? What time did you arrive/leave before LO and what time do you arrive/leave now (generally)?</p> <p>He's not a mom, but my husband also works in finance... He typically leaves home around 7:45-8am, and is in the office by 8:30. He usually leaves around 7 pm and is home around 7:30-7:45...occasionally earlier and occasionally later, but usually he is home right in time to do LOs bedtime routine and get her to sleep by 8 pm. So his hours aren't too terrible.</p> <p>I think the key for any "long hours/high stress" job is either having a spouse/partner who has different/more flexible hours OR a partner that stays home OR you decide to hire the help and you get a nanny. My schedule is earlier than DH's--I leave the house every morning at 6:40am with LO and we get home at 4:15-4:30...so I do the bulk of parenting alone each night. I take her to the park or we play inside, I make dinner, I run errands after work, and I clean out her daycare dishes and repack her lunch and drinks for the next day.</p> <p>But DH does his part--he does EVERYTHING for LO in the morning while I get ready for work. He wakes the same time as me and while I get myself ready, he wakes up LO, gives her milk, makes her breakfast, gets her dressed, brushes her teeth and hair, even puts her hairbows in--then he packs her backpack and even takes her down to the car for me and buckles her in. I literally just walk myself down to the car with my own work bags.</p> <p>So he has morning duty and I have night duty. It's a balance. </p> <p>I have a mommy-friend acquaintance with a super high stress-long hours job on a major TV show in the city--and her husband get off every day by 5 and does daycare pick up, makes the dinner, take care of their LO, etc. And DH's boss has two kids and he and his wife are both Managing Directors at two different financial firms. So I know *some* people do it--I don't know the ins and outs of their day, and how they make it work, though. </p> <p>Does your husband work the same hours as you?</p> <p>Sorry you had to work late on your birthday. =( Next year, just make it a vacation day and take the whole day off! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2158951 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 19:36:33 +0000 hilsy85 2158951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that it depends on the company. My DH has been in finance for almost 10 years and all of his bosses have been flexible if he needed to take time off for family stuff, leave early on occasion, etc. That being said, he generally does a lot of work from home, and goes in early (in the office at 7:30, 8 at the latest). I also have heard that sometimes women in finance can be tougher than men--like they need to prove themselves more, or have the mentality that they were able to make it work, so no one else has an excuse to not give 1000% to work. I am sorry you had a crappy birthday :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2158945 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 19:28:47 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2158945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any advice but I wanted to say happy birthday and I'm sorry you had a crappy day :( That sounds like an awful situation to be in. I'm sorry :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2158939 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 19:24:38 +0000 Truth Bombs 2158939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it will be very hard to be a successful mom and a successful employee at a big financial firm in NYC. I used to work on Wall Street in my early 20s, all the women who had children never saw them and the kids were raised by nannies. I know that's not what you want to hear, and it's not the way it SHOULD be. But that's my experience in that environment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2158938 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 19:22:41 +0000 SleepyMonkey 2158938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I work in the finance industry in nyc and i think it is totally dependent on the firm you work at. At large financial firms, they were and continue to be dominated by men and women therefore often feel tye need to compete. Family took a backseat for many of the senior women i used to work for when i worked at a large bank. That is just the culture of finance. However, i work for a small company now that is super family friendly. All of the partners themselves have children and understand the importance of family. So there are firms out there where you can still make a good living and have a good work life balance in the industry. I say start looking...you can't change the culture of a large firm, but you can change whether you work there or not! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-get-ahead-in-my-career-as-a-working-mom#post-2158932 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 19:17:28 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2158932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I feel you, it's such a hard balance.</p> <p>I ended up coming back part time (at first 2 days a week, now 3 days a week) after an extended maternity leave with D. I am trying to be very forward leaning so that I can get promoted this cycle (I work for the fed govt) but for sure can't keep up with this pace. Most people who climb the ladder where I am are either childfree or have a stay at home spouse, although if you're ambitious you can still get promoted (but not get the most interesting/competitive positions). </p> <p>I am happy to be in govt where it is pretty common for work life balance to be important - my background is engineering and I know the engineering firm I interned at before I got my current job would not be so understanding or supportive of me leaving on time. I think if I were in your shoes I'd start thinking about other fields where I could use my skills - even as just a thought exercise, for now!</p> <p>ETA: Also, happy birthday! Just pretend it's tomorrow, J will be happy to share cupcakes with you :) sidebar does he eat cupcakes now? If so that's such great progress!! </p>