https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 03:13:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1850250 Fri, 05 Sep 2014 07:58:20 +0000 Mrs. Polish 1850250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hosted one at my home for my cousin's wife. It was difficult, but no one else was throwing one and I thought it was necessary that she have one. I focused a lot on the food and tried not to dwell on her pregnancy and my sadness. It was hard, but I made it. I kept it as simple as possible though for my sanity. It's hard to think of others and yourself, but you absolutely have to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1850094 Fri, 05 Sep 2014 02:39:29 +0000 TheSwissWifeStyle 1850094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Train: Yup, this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1849896 Thu, 04 Sep 2014 20:56:49 +0000 sweetooth 1849896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: Do you think you could be involved in the planning now - but maybe try to share with your sister that depending on how things go for you and your IVF cycle, you may not be able to attend the shower? It's a hard balance for sure, but while everyone is focusing on the baby - you need to make sure you focus on you :heart: Infertility may feel a bit selfish at times - but I think it's the only way to get through it. Everyone has different family dynamics though. I took the approach of shutting everyone out until I was ready to let them back in. I had to take care of me - because I was feeling so out of control and I had no idea how else to get through it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1849867 Thu, 04 Sep 2014 20:41:58 +0000 momazon 1849867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely agree with focusing on things that are non-triggering, such as food and decor and music and cocktails. Let your other sister focus on the baby games and the paintable onesies and blah blah blah :happy: </p> <p> I forget, were you on injectable stims for your IUIs, or were you clomid/femara? My stims never make me very emotional, but the progesterone does a number on me and brings on the waterworks. Especially the FET cycle where we did the PIO! :crying: </p> <p>I think your reactions will also depend on how things progress for you, though. If you have an excellent ER, and have lots of gorgeous little embies waiting to be thawed for your transfer, your outlook is going to be more positive and optimistic than if you have a more delicate result from the stims. FX so hard for you!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1849215 Thu, 04 Sep 2014 13:47:51 +0000 Mrs. Train 1849215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I planned my sisters while we were going through fertility treatments. I think the actual date was right after I decided that we had enough failures and that I wasn't going to continue with treatments and move towards adoption. It was tough I and was upset and angry but I was able to keep it together for her. I was truly happy for her but it was her third child and I was jealous. I really had to keep my jealousy on the back burner and kept telling myself someday it would be my turn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1849190 Thu, 04 Sep 2014 13:25:52 +0000 BSB 1849190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Snowdrop: Thank you. Good idea!</p> <p>@kiddosc: I am concerned about my sister's feelings, too, which is why I'm trying to be supportive for her pregnancy. But then again we have our own struggles with IF and I'm trying to think everything through. </p> <p>@mrs.shinerbock: Yeah, my sister hasn't been through IF (though she said she has friends who have), so she sorta understands. I think if my sister and I both had IF that I would definitely be rooting and more excited for her and her pregnancy. I am still happy for her but I'm not over-the-moon happy. </p> <p>@KT326: Aww, thanks for sharing. This is what I'm afraid of. I have no idea how I will react. I've been strong so far, so I think I can handle my emotions but I just don't know. </p> <p>@Leialou: This won't be my first nephew/neice. My older sister and my SIL has had a number kids over the years. This will be my sister's first, though. So it is important to her. I don't want to regret it but I also don't want to be the one who ruins it. Guess I have to be really strong and try not to ruin it. </p> <p>@wonderstruck: Thank you! Your response means so much to me. I don't know what my sister is thinking but hearing what you had to say really eased my mind. Good idea about focusing on food and drinks!</p> <p>@brady80: Oh, that's cool that you planned one with just friends and had mimosa and onesie decorating! I love crafts!</p> <p>@spaniellove: Thanks. I'll probably ask my other sister to split up tasks and take ones that aren't too bad. I am trying to be happy and remain happy for my sister but there's a lot of free time in my IVF schedule and a lot more waiting with lots of time to think. My IUIs were always so quick so I was always occupied. I'm on BCP now and that's it. Hardly any appt to distract me. So my IF emotions have been coming out full force. </p> <p>@twodoghouse: Glad to hear the planning part was easier than attending. Sorry, it was so hard for you. I'm focused on the planning part and haven't even wrapped my head around actually being there. I'll need to prep myself for the actual shower. </p> <p>@Mrs.Pinecone316: 'Fake it til you make it.' I like that a lot! Thanks! </p> <p>@tequiero21: Oh, wow. That must have been difficult after your m/c. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I hope I have something positive to share by late December. </p> <p>@heffalump: Aww, I'm so sorry. I think it might be coed (mostly family) and my DH wil be coming and I hope he has my support. </p> <p>@TheSwissWifeStyle: One of her friends wants to throw her a shower and we are trying to figure out if we want to do a family one or combine our party with her friend. Sadly, a part of me is hoping we have a big party that her friend plans and since I'm out of town, I won't be able to make it. Avoids all the icky feelings. Plus, my older sister and her family is going out of town for Christmas so she will be really busy getting ready for the trip. I think my sister and I think a shower (for family) is a good idea but I think we both need to figure out if we'll have time to plan it. </p> <p>@Sunshine1810: Yeah, having this lull before IVF is really making my IF emotions show and I can tell I'm having a hard time. I was always distracted when I was in the middle of my IUI cycles. If we have one, I'll probably have to prepare for the shower to keep my emotions in check. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1848526 Thu, 04 Sep 2014 08:15:39 +0000 Sunshine1810 1848526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have hosted 2 (well I'll be hosting my 2nd this month), and attended many since going through infertility.</p> <p>I hosted one for my friend in January of 2013 (1.5 years into infertility), and I am hosting one with two of my other friends for our friend on 09/20 (during my second IVF cycle - probably having ER and ET that same week). I am not going to lie, it's not a lot of fun, but I got through the first one, and I am getting through this one. It's not that I am not happy for my friends, but you know how it is. </p> <p>This second one is a lot easier for me because three of us are hosting together. The first one I did completely on my own which was harder. I was also having a much harder time accepting my infertility at that point so it was really hard for me.</p> <p>When I go to showers, so far I have fortunately been able to kind of block out my emotions about my own infertility while I am there. I don't know how I do it, but I just do. You'll get through it! Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1848359 Thu, 04 Sep 2014 03:08:51 +0000 TheSwissWifeStyle 1848359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I helped a friend plan hers last spring. It was hard, but I wanted to help. I just figured I was building up karma for when it was my turn. Might be a selfish way of thinking about it, but whatever helps. It was hard shopping for all those super cute baby clothes though! </p> <p>I would definitely not do it alone! Can you enlist her BFF to help? I'm sure the friend would like to be involved, and it would take some of the pressure off of you. </p> <p>Hugs friend! I know this is so hard :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1848203 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 21:19:11 +0000 heffalump 1848203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I helped throw a shower right after I miscarried. It sucked, but for the most part was ok. There was a point that I did break though. It was coed, and my husband went into a room with the guys to watch football. I guess I just wanted him by my side for support, and couldn't tell him during, so I got pretty upset. </p> <p>Do what you can, if it's awful for you try to find a way out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1848132 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 20:37:50 +0000 tequiero21 1848132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't have to throw one while I was going thru if. But I had to throw one after going thru miscarriage. Really sucked since my baby was supposed to be four months younger than my nephew. They offered to relieve me, but, it managed to suck it up.... I just tried not to focus on me and focus on my nephew and bro n sil. Hard to do. I would do what someone suggested and take over food and what not and let your other sis handle invites and decor. Hugs! I know it's tough. I hope you will have your positive beta by party time so it's easier to celebrate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847860 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 17:34:18 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 1847860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I have probably thrown/planned 4-5 baby showers since I've been dealing with infertility. (all my best friends and hyper fertile...) Honestly, when it came to infertility and finding out friends/family were pregnant and came to celebrating them I just had to go with the "fake it till you make it". Eventually it didn't hurt anymore and I was happy for them. I am pretty good at compartmentalizing my feelings though. I just had to keep reminding myself that they deserved all this love and happiness and someday it would be for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847824 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 17:02:24 +0000 twodoghouse 1847824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I planned three baby showers and attended a half dozen more while we were actively dealing with IF. I'll just tell you, it was hell every single time. I truly feel like I have baby shower PTSD from going through that because every baby shower I attend is just awful. So many conflicting emotions. I always agreed to help plan or attend, though, because I wanted to be supportive of my friends/family members. It's easy to start feeling isolated when going through IF so I wanted to stay connected to friends and not pull away, even though it was hard. For me the planning was always easier than attending the shower. At baby showers everyone wants to talk about babies and their experiences and how great motherhood is, etc. My sister was going through a FET at the time of my in-laws shower for me and I cried all the way home thinking how hard it must have been for her. But it meant so much to me that she came. Turns out she was pregnant but wouldn't find out for another week! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847817 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 17:00:15 +0000 spaniellove 1847817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I offered to throw one while going through IF but it turned out the person was planning not to have one. Have you and your sister split up the tasks? It might help to take on tasks that don't necessarily involve directly baby-related things that might feel too triggering for you. And if there's something you've always envisioned for your own shower or baby, don't give the idea away! </p> <p>But as hard as it is, try to tell yourself that this is someone else's baby to welcome and not representative of a baby you haven't had. Your baby is still to come and will get his or her own special day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847807 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 16:49:27 +0000 brady80 1847807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I threw a shower for my BFF while I was in the midst of fertility treatment (two IVF's and prepping for my first FET the week after the shower). It was hard, but because I planned it, I knew what to expect. We didn't do games and it was only friends. I basically decided to throw her a shower because I knew I emotionally couldn't attend the one her MIL was throwing, there were going to be games, lots of other babies and hours of opening gifts. At the shower I threw we had mimosas, which helped me and decorated onesies, which was a fun activity for everyone to do. I love to host parties so I just thought of it as another party. There were moments that were super hard, but in the end I wanted to do something for my friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847782 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 16:39:38 +0000 PurplePumps 1847782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think so, but I think I'm a fairly detached person when things don't directly effect me. Yes, it's hard when everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant on their first try or oops or what have you, but ultimately that has no effect on my body, my path, my struggles. Everyone elses ability to get pregnant or not, has no bearing on my fertility. If it was too hard though, I'd have no problem stepping away from it either and being a little selffish if that's what I needed. I think your sister or anyone would understand and know that it's not a reflection of how you feel for their situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847745 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 16:25:00 +0000 wonderstruck 1847745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no personal experience, but just wanted to chime in and say that while I think you are an amazing sister for wanting to do this, if I were your sister I would completely understand that this would likely be really difficult for you and frankly I wouldn't want you putting yourself through it if you had any doubts! Especially when you factor in IVF hormones. If you do really want to pitch in I would try to make yourself responsible for parts that are less of a trigger - like, maybe you can handle food and refreshments and let your sister deal with decor and invites. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847731 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 16:17:30 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1847731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is this baby going to be your first niece or nephew? Even though it may be hard helping out I wonder if you'll regret not doing it in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847729 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 16:17:03 +0000 KT326 1847729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I planned my BFFs baby shower. She was also pregnant with an "oops". Talk about emotional roller coaster. I'm not going to lie, it was probably one of the hardest things I ever had to do. She knew about my IF struggle, but if you haven't gone through it I don't think you can really ever understand the emotional side of it. </p> <p>I cried when I needed to, luckily I could always hold it in until she wasn't around (also helped that I planned the majority of the shower while living 3 hours away) so I didn't see her all the time. </p> <p>I think you should do what you are comfortable with and if you need to hand something off, don't be afraid to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847725 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 16:14:27 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1847725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is definitely possible. A friend and I planned and threw my sister's baby shower. At the time, we had been TTC for 2.5 yrs with several failed IUIs and a miscarriage and I was on a round of Clomid. BUT, I was truly happy that my sister was getting babies (she adopted twins!) and it never crossed my mind that my feelings might be hurt/I might be jealous/I would be anything but over-the-moon happy for her. She knew what I was going through because she had been there herself. No drama necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847723 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 16:13:36 +0000 kiddosc 1847723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't gone through infertility treatments, though it did take us a year to get pregnant, so take this with a grain of salt. I think you also need to consider your pregnant sister's feelings. Will she be understanding or hurt that you couldn't be supportive of her? Had she been supportive of you through your journey? Is it possible for you to think of this as something for your sister rather than something for her baby?<br /> I know you've been struggling for a long time, so I can't pretend to know your pain, but I know I would be so very hurt if my sister couldn't be happy for me when I was expecting. Just like I would be happy for her when her time finally came. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847714 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 16:07:03 +0000 Snowdrop 1847714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: it is a hard one and I certainly don't have the answer but maybe focus on preparation that you can pick up and put down when you feel like it such as making stuff. Then you can do it on days you feel positive and hide it away on bad days. I would also have a get out plan for the actual day so that if you can't handle it people think you are leaving for some other reason rather than IF emotions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847704 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:59:38 +0000 BSB 1847704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: Shower will be right before Christmas. My ET is scheduled for Oct/Nov and FET is Nov/Dec. I'll probably be a big bag of hormones during the planning of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847702 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:59:30 +0000 Shutterbug 1847702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't really help plan her shower, but my BFF's baby shower was the day before my first ER. It wasn't too hard to be there, because I was hopeful that I would be successful with my IVF cycle in the next couple weeks. If it fell around my beta time I think I would have had a harder time with it, because I was not successful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847696 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:57:04 +0000 BSB 1847696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Leialou: Yeah, she does, but I don't know if she knows the whole process like the hormones and all. Shoot, I don't even know everything about IVF yet. She will pick up the slack but she, too, has other (work) obligations... so that's why I kinda feel like I have to help. I need to be my sister's back up if she's too busy with work. There's really no one else who can take my place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847691 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:54:02 +0000 BSB 1847691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Snowdrop: Yeah, good points. That's what I'm thinking about and worried about. Should I bail out sooner and not be involved? Or try try try to be helpful, supportive and involved and possibly cause unexpected drama closer to the shower? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847690 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:53:54 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1847690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've never planned a baby shower but I've attended several since TTC. I think it is possible. Does your other sister know about you going through IVF? If things get tough do you think she'll pick up some of your slack? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847687 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:53:04 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1847687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you know what the timing going to be like? I can't say that I've ever helped plan a baby shower...and everyone is different...but I've found attending baby showers pretty hard for the last year or so... I hope that you can help plan, if you want to...but if the actual shower were going to fall deep in the middle of your IVF proceedings, that might be more of a challenge than I would be able to handle...unfortunately. I think it's good that you're trying to feel this one out beforehand. Hope you can find a good compromise! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847681 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:47:32 +0000 Snowdrop 1847681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never got to the point of infertility, just had difficulty ttc and honestly after 10+ months I didn't even want to attend a shower/see pregnant women! I don't know how you are doing it but I think you are very brave. I would maybe be careful though because if you do break down etc people might not be very understanding unless they have had a taste of the rollercoaster of emotions themselves (and that is not even taking into account pumping yourself full of IVF hormones! Good luck whatever you choose! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-possible-to-plan-a-baby-shower-while-having-if#post-1847661 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:38:21 +0000 BSB 1847661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm at the beginning stages of helping my sister plan for my other sister's baby shower. My emotions are pretty removed but it feels like I'm helping but with a long stick attached to my hands.</p> <p>Have any of you planned a baby shower while having IF? Or helped?</p> <p>Wondering how this will all go? Will I have a breaking point? Am I setting myself up for failure or someone thinking I'm being over-dramatic? Or bitter about IF?</p> <p>I'm trying to be helpful and want to be helpful. </p> <p>Also, with upcoming my ER and then FET, how will I tone down those IVF hormones? Is it possible? </p>