https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 20:01:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265711 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 14:45:46 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1265711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Espion: If it makes you feel better, my mom used to have me repeat the mantra "it's easier to love a rich man than a poor man." Every family has cringe-worthy members.</p> <p>@Anagram: my friend prefers wealthy men, who give her money and don't want children. She exclusively dates much older, white men. People have all different kinds of preferences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265647 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 14:19:09 +0000 mrsjazz 1265647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsKoala: Agreed. @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I was going to come in to say that if he could accuse you of anything, it would be ethnocentrism. I don't think having a preference is a bad thing but it gets into blurry areas when a preference is based on beliefs that have sweeping generalizations about said group, such as "all Jamaican men do xyz" or "all Korean girls bla bla bla" and I still think it's a blurry area even for people who don't date within their own culture. Actually, that one I don't understand the most. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265602 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 14:03:29 +0000 Anagram 1265602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think this guy just wanted to argue with you over something. You just said you wanted to date someone of the same culture (birth country) as you, so that's definitely not racist.</p> <p>I think preferences are normal. I "prefer" guys who are tall, dark, and handsome. And educated. With upwardly mobile careers. I've dated outsite those parameters, but ultimately I married someone within those parameters.</p> <p>Funnily, he was from a different country, different first language, and different religion from me. But still tall, dark, and handsome. ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265580 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:56:30 +0000 MrsSCB 1265580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: as far as I know, bisexuality is still influenced by biology </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265567 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:53:20 +0000 Kimberlybee 1265567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No it's not racist to be attracted to or prefer a certain set of features or character traits especially when it's so important as to build a family with! I am not denying that there are good looking and kind men outside of what my heart desires. I just prefer someone similar to my own background. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265532 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:44:14 +0000 blackbird 1265532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsscb, not if you're bisexual! </p> <p>@sunshineandsushi, haha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265495 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:33:55 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1265495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: I thought about wether I let a few experiences spoil me, but after a while I developed a physical attribute preference. Well, some men just don't come in chocolate. Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265473 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:30:09 +0000 MrsKoala 1265473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say it's ethnocentric but not racist. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265466 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:28:45 +0000 MsLipGloss 1265466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: That reminds me from a quote from the movie Two Weeks Notice with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant . . . </p> <p>Sandra: You're the most selfish person on the planet</p> <p>Hugh: That's just silly . . . have you met everyone on the planet? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265455 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:25:50 +0000 Arden 1265455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: That's a good point. I don't think it's wrong to say "In my experience, I get along better with men from this particular culture/background/etc."<br /> But to say "I don't like men from this particular culture/background/etc" is a rather broad generalization unless you've literally met every man from that culture! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265448 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:23:15 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1265448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I think I was discussing ethnicity and he was calling it racism. </p> <p>@pui: don't forget I brought you Eddie Cibrian to the man-candy photo thread. I like to look at all men. </p> <p>@mrbee: ha ha, he did send me flowers once years ago. </p> <p>@Vegmama: the question about my background and my husband's comes up often. This time my answer turned into a half hour discussion in part on my "racism" and then why I should stop calling myself black and say that I'm mixed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265437 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:18:29 +0000 MrsSCB 1265437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know, this is a complicated subject. To rule out an entire culture or race based on the people you've met from that culture or race seems like some serious generalization is going on. And FWIW, going off of another example above, I also wouldn't rule out dating someone without a college degree, because degrees do not necessarily have anything to do with intelligence level. But obviously we can all date whoever we want, so I guess all of this doesn't really matter in the long run. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265425 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:15:47 +0000 looch 1265425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sunshineandsushi: excellent point! Not the same, because it is an ethnicity, but I purposely would not date Italian men...and I am full blood, from off the boat parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265420 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:14:13 +0000 sunshineandsushi 1265420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, I don't think so. I'm half white and half Asian and I had a preference NOT to date Asian men. So if he were right, I would have to be racist against myself then, I guess? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265414 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:12:52 +0000 mrbee 1265414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think that guy had an agenda when he said that!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265413 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:12:48 +0000 Espion 1265413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: No you're right it's not. I'm just never really understood how someone can discriminate against someone based on their skin color or where they're from. It seems to me just as pointless to me as discriminating based on education or gender. My mother's family is from Virginia and they are and were incredibly racist. I guess I'm glad I've just been completely disgusted by it all my life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265412 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:12:22 +0000 Mae 1265412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: lol basically. I mean it seems to me that its the same thing as saying you'd rather date a guy from the same socioeconomic status as you. Or you'd rather date a guy with the same political preferences. Maybe it isn't "fair" that I wouldn't date a republican but I feel like it makes my life easier. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265411 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:12:11 +0000 Vegmama 1265411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's racist, either. It's so rare, in our area, for someone to ask about race or ethnicity, so I'm not sure how I'd address that issue. </p> <p>One thought: I'm not attracted to ALL white people, or ALL black people ... I'm attracted to MY partner, who happens to be a white man. He could have very-well been a woman, or a black man ... as long as they had his amazing personality, I would have been in love! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265410 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:11:51 +0000 MsLipGloss 1265410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: only if it's because you think that men are superior to women . . . .*snort*! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265406 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:11:09 +0000 pui 1265406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I personally would never say I wouldn't ever be attracted to a person of _____ race. That is kinda prejudice. However, being attracted to a certain person by itself isn't racist/discriminatory/whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265403 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:10:38 +0000 Arden 1265403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: No. It's not discrimination (definitely not racist... since its the same race just different culture that you prefer) to have a preference. I like men with multiple culture backgrounds like me, and I married one.</p> <p>It's just who you click with better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265402 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:09:48 +0000 MrsSCB 1265402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I don't really think that's an equal comparison. Sexual preference is biological, whereas I don't think we're biologically hard wired to prefer a certain race or culture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265398 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:08:52 +0000 MsLipGloss 1265398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Espion: Nah . . . probably just elitist! :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265396 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:08:24 +0000 Arden 1265396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Espion: No because education is not a racial thing...? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265395 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:08:18 +0000 pui 1265395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Lol good point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265392 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:07:33 +0000 blackbird 1265392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is preferring a man over a woman sexist, then? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265388 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:05:58 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1265388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: same race, but different cultures- food, history, language, customs etc. So, he should have called me a culturist or something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265387 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:05:23 +0000 looch 1265387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What are we discussing? Ethnicity? Or Race? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265382 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:03:55 +0000 mrs. bird 1265382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>nope, not racist. part of settling down with someone is settling down with their culture and traditions. if they're culture or traditions aren't ones you are drawn to or comfortable with, then obviously they wouldn't be the best choice as a partner. it's not a superiority thing, it's just a personal preference for what you're comfortable with. blending of cultures can be HARD, and there's nothing wrong with saying it's not something you're looking for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-racist-to-have-a-preference#post-1265380 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 13:03:09 +0000 Espion 1265380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was young, I famously refused to "promise" my mom that I would never marry an African American. I felt like you can't dictate who you fall in love with, but I agree with @MsLipGloss: about similar backgrounds. Is it racist to "prefer" someone who has also completed higher education? </p>