https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 12:12:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-59231 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:56:42 +0000 lemondrop 59231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AmeliaBedelia: with how drastically having a baby has changed our lives just in the past 2 1/2 weeks, I would wait until you both feel more ready. Don't let a timeline pressure you, you never know how long it will take in your own case. </p> <p>School with a kid can certainly be done, but I am exhausted just answering e-mails right now and can't keep my eyes open most nights- I would not want to double up on both responsibilities if it were up to me. </p> <p>That being said, you never feel 100% ready ever! It took us almost a year longer to get pregnant than we expected, but our timing could not have worked out better (mentally, financially, and job-wise). I hate to throw out the "everything happens for a reason", but it was true in our case and I am glad how our timing panned out in the end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-59150 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 17:45:49 +0000 mrscheesefries 59150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having a child is a HUGE life-altering event. You have to be ready. I think some cold feet are natural (I mean, it's a big deal to even TTC!) but only you can tell if it's nerves, or goes beyond that.</p> <p>This is your life - don't let someone else dictate it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-59084 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 16:44:04 +0000 Crisark 59084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have to follow your instincts.<br /> I do say that no one is ever really 100% ready and I believe that because no one can be sure of exactly how the situation is going to go.<br /> However, you should be able to feel secure in your decision to enter into that journey.<br /> From my personal experience, I became pregnant while in school and subsequently didn't finish/graduate. Now that isn't me saying that you wont either but when you bring a child into the world your whole life changes more than you can even prepare yourself for now. But, on the other side of the coin, there are people who have babies and go to school all the time.<br /> If I were in your situation I would have to decide which I wanted more right now.<br /> Either becoming a mother at this moment or finishing my schooling. I personally would only pick one for the time being.<br /> Be realistic with yourself. Brutally honest with your thoughts, don't sugar coat anything and see where you really are when you have thought it all through.<br /> Only you can know how serious your fertility issues are and if putting off is ok.<br /> Good Luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-59083 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 16:43:14 +0000 twinmama 59083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you should ttc before you're ready. We started trying about 6 months earlier than we originally planned because even though I had no diagnosed issues, I had family who did. But we still waited 1.5 years of marriage and were at a point of feeling comfortable financially, etc. At that point, if we had conceived quickly, I would have felt good about it. Earlier than that, I just don't think we were ready for that step yet.</p> <p>That said, having gone through years of unsuccessful ttc, it seriously sucks! My takeaway from that experience is this: If you really want your best chances of getting pregnant naturally (especially if you want to avoid another lap), you may want to consider ttc earlier, like your doctor has mentioned. If you're ok with getting (and paying for) more assistance via drugs and procedures, I think you can feel much more comfortable waiting. Hopefully you won't need any of that, and doctors are really just making their best guesses anyway!</p> <p>I really don't mean to be a downer, so sorry if I come off that way, I just have a lot of family with pcos and endo, so I'm more familiar with the less optimistic side of things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58948 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:56:03 +0000 MrsLilybugg 58948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everyone has such great advice and words of wisdom. All I can really add is that we are actively TTC and I still get scared/"cold feet", not about changing my mind about it, but just because it's such a major life change! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58893 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:25:09 +0000 MsMini 58893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that if you talk to your OB/GYN and make a plan for your steps to help TTC, and make an upper limit age that you should start trying you will feel better. I absolutely think that you shouldn't try until you are ready (but I don't buy the "you are never ready" argument). I think that you will know when you are ready! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58868 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:03:52 +0000 cyneswith 58868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both my parents got two degrees while I was a kid (mom got 2 bachelor's, dad got bachelor's and master's. Mom's been 2 classes away from her master's for years.) So it can definitely be done. As artbee said - there's no perfect time.</p> <p>Whether waiting is ridiculous - just come up with a plan in case you can't conceive. Such a plan would apply if you started TTC today. Would you go through fertility treatments/surrogates, would you adopt - if adoption, foreign, domestic infant, foster care...? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58617 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 10:56:44 +0000 heffalump 58617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was terrified when we decided to ttc. It's the biggest commitment ever, we were going to be responsible for a person for 18 years. That's huge. But I knew I wanted a baby so we went for it, and I've never been happier. I'm also a firm believer in there's no perfect time to have a baby,something will always get in the way. So if you're ready, I'd go for it. But only you can decide that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58601 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 10:44:35 +0000 Rock n Roll 58601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you need to think honestly about how you'd feel with each outcome. If you got pregnant in the next few months, would you be happy to be having a baby? Are you prepared to balance motherhood with school? Is the career your planning with your education conducive to having children early on, or would you have to wait, lowering your chances to conceive naturally, and essentially choosing between parenthood and career? If you have a hard time conceiving, are you willing to not have children, or undergo extensive/expensive therapies to get pregnant later or adopt?</p> <p>It's just a very personal decision. I have a toddler, who was as surprise before grad school, and am currently pregnant (intentionally) working on my Master's. I'll graduate at the end of 2013. Motherhood and school isn't easy, but it's not all that difficult either as long as you plan and don't mind working hard and missing sleep. I decided to have a newborn while I was doing it knowing how difficult pregnancy and newborns are because I want to have my children young and be done with them and because it fits in well with my career plans. </p> <p>I have a friend with PCOS who has been trying to have a baby for four years with no success yet. She wants it so badly, and I feel terrible for her.</p> <p>It's very hard to give any advice because it can be so tough to decide, especially since you have no idea when and whether you will pregnant. My feelings are always to picture what I want my family to be like and plan from there. But things don't always go as planned. Weigh out your head and your heart and think about which one is speaking to you the loudest. And know that they're both kind of full of crap anyway. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58590 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 10:32:14 +0000 Adira 58590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely do what feels right. I didn't get baby-fever until I was older than you, but now that I'm done school (also did a 3-year Master's program) and have spent some time on my career (2+ years since finishing my Master's), I feel like I'm in a good place to start a family. I'm now 28 and we're just starting to TTC. I think if you wait, you'll be fine, but do what feels right. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58576 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 10:22:53 +0000 mamimami 58576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't rush! I thought I was ready and even then it was a tough first trimester as everything really sunk in. You should be freaked out but in a good, excited way, not in a sinking feeling way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58528 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 09:12:58 +0000 Colekbl 58528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a very similar situation, DH &amp; I were going to wait another 3 years but over the summer my endometriosis got worse &amp; we found ourselves at my OBGYN 3 times in one month.<br /> For us we decided that even though we weren't where we ideally wanted to be our desire to have biological children/the possibility of a pregnancy helping my endometriosis was worth pushing our timeline up.<br /> It took me a month of really thinking about what going off birth control would mean and realizing while I had always planned on waiting the best thing for our family would be to start earlier. (We also are in a very stable situation &amp; I don't have any career or education moves coming up)<br /> The month that I took before I went off birth control helped calm me down and realize that this was what I wanted and was what was best for our chances to have a family. It was especially beneficial because I ended up getting pregnant the week my bc came out, much to everyone's astonishment considering my endo.<br /> I agree with previous comments that you'll know when the time is right and not to make any knee jerk actions but I also wanted to let you know that sometimes the freaking out will lead to a calmer place.<br /> Sorry for the novel! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58525 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 09:01:12 +0000 mamabolt 58525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I decided several months in advance that we would start to try in September. But when that month actually came along both of us felt a little freaked out...it was a big difference between talking about doing it and actually doing it. But we talked about it some more and intellecually knew we were in a good place and had decided on that timeline for a reason, so we went ahead. Good thing, since all it took was one month for us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58520 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 08:55:43 +0000 Andrea 58520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the decision shouldn't be forced. You both should feel really good about the decision to TTC but that doesn't mean that the timing needs to be "perfect" because it never will be. But as long as you both feel positive going into it, then I think the outcome will be much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58401 Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:07:33 +0000 Rubies 58401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a believer that there is never a "perfect" time to have a baby but there are better times than others. Like everyone else has said, trust yourself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58383 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:48:50 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 58383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChelseaRose: Yeah, generally mid-20s would be ideal. However, OB told us before 24 would be the best for natural (or mostly natural) conception in under 2 years. I need to be really careful with how much I think about this though or I'll get angry at my body and issues again. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58382 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:47:29 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 58382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: Yeah, we've retracted the NTNT. Not that it really matters if we use protection, lol, since it'd take us over a year of active trying. :/ Meh. I think we'll see where we are post-wedding after things have calmed down hopefully. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58379 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:45:42 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 58379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Definitely going to see the OB/GYN soon after the wedding. We've already discussed it before (post-surgery) and she said that basically, trying before 24 = ideal, and it would still probably take over 1 year of active trying. I think that's where a lot of my panic comes from. Also, I REALLY don't want to have another LAP. :/ Those things suck. You friend knew she had issues (one of them?) and waited until mid-30's? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58378 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:45:25 +0000 mrsjyw 58378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I def agree to go with your instincts! I don't think anyone is ever fully "ready" for children, but I don't think you should "rush" your timeline due to unexpected news. While I know that endometriosis and pcos are definitely major issues that you need to take into consideration, NTNT because of the fear of the unknown isn't the best bet in my opinion. I say at least give it some time and readdress how you both feel then! Good luck in your future journey and congrats on your soon to be wedding!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58365 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:35:52 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 58365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have to trust your gut feeling. I'm sure you'd be just fine if you decided to have a child now, but you are allowed to set your own terms and do it in your time. Talk to your OB about delaying pregnancy and they'll be honest about your chances later on and give you a realistic time frame about waiting. I have a dear friend with similar issues who waited until her mid 30's and did fine :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58360 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:30:02 +0000 ChelseaRose 58360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you're not 100% sure, then wait. Grad school is hard enough without having to prioritize the needs of an infant/toddler. You will will still be in your mid twenties, which is still young enough in terms of conception. I think I'd respond differently if you were mid thirties now, rather than early twenties. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58348 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:18:12 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 58348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tequiero21: I wish I had an idea of when that would be. I have pretty great anxiety over waiting too long and essentially shooting myself in the foot. I wish I had no fertility issues and this was PURELY a "do it when you want" situation, but I think the fertility issues really put a damper on that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58346 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:08:27 +0000 tequiero21 58346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think you should ttc when you're good and ready! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-it-ridiculous-to-wait#post-58305 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 22:22:32 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 58305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Quick Background:<br /> My fiance and I are getting married in March. We have been together for ~4 years and are both in our early to mid 20's. In November, I found (officially) that I have Endometriosis and PCOS, as well as one other small abnormality. </p> <p>Actual Topic (lol):<br /> We had unofficially decided to NTNT and I went off BC. But then I realized that we were making an emotionally charged decision and we took a step back. Now I'm at a different place and I'm just not sure. I almost feel as if I have "cold feet." I know we would be great parents, I know we could make it. But it almost feels rushed. I'm going back to school next year (grad school, 3 year program) and I am just feeling so conflicted! I know that our chances will decrease (naturally) the longer that we wait. When I am done with Grad School I'll be 26-27 and I don't think getting pregnant immediately after would be wise financially or career-wise. There are just too many factors. Ugh. </p> <p>So, did anyone else have "cold feet" about TTC? Did you do it anyway? Did you wait? Experiences of any variety are welcome! </p>