https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 03 Aug 2026 19:32:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-780134 Tue, 14 May 2013 09:41:31 +0000 immabeetoo 780134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is such a knee jerk reaction lately because people are asking me about our LO but I'm trying to stick to simply never ever asking. I saw an old friend last weekend who immediately said they'd been trying for a year, and how much it bothered her when people asked why they didn't hurry up and have babies yet :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-780061 Tue, 14 May 2013 09:19:32 +0000 raintreebee 780061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been ttc for 18 months, had three failed IUIs and two failed IVF transfers. When someone asks me this question, I feel it is an invasion of privacy, painfully reminds me of my struggle, and is especially hurtful because it shows how blissfully unaware people are of the struggles of others. This journey has taught me that you can never assume you know what others are going through. If she wants to discuss it with you, she will. I have unfortunately had to open up to some friends before I was ready simply because I couldn't lie in the face of their probing questions. Since she asked you the question it is a bit tougher, although she may assume you have no issues since you have children (which would also be unfair). But as a general matter, I think this question is off limits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-780057 Tue, 14 May 2013 09:18:18 +0000 skibobrown 780057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If they bring it up first, then I feel like it's ok to ask. I also feel a lot more ok asking a friend who has one whether or not they plan on having another. It's harder to ask someone who doesn't have kids yet b/c they might be wanting kids but struggling with timing or infertility issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-780033 Tue, 14 May 2013 09:09:55 +0000 nana87 780033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>since she asked you, I would have asked her too. I don't actually mind though when people ask me, though </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-780024 Tue, 14 May 2013 09:07:16 +0000 Revel 780024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like @mjane: , with someone I'm close to, I might say, so do you think you'll have kids, or something like that. It's tricky though because this type of question would not have bothered me before becoming pregnant, but I didn't have any IF troubles. I also didn't like any sort of pushy question that wasn't a joke - "when are you two going to have kids already?!?" type things. </p> <p>As I read this thread, I wonder if trying to be sensitive to this issue keeps me from talking with friends who might really want to discuss their plans/troubles. A close friend dealt with IF for years before conceiving, but she and I were close enough that I knew about everything from the beginning with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779702 Tue, 14 May 2013 06:55:22 +0000 Weagle 779702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It doesn't bother me in the slightest when people ask me. I'm careful about asking others though. I ask close friends, and I don't want to seem flippant about it when I do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779695 Tue, 14 May 2013 06:47:59 +0000 Honeybee 779695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally asked someone I had just been introduced to a couple weeks ago. Ooops! I actually don't feel bad at all when other people ask me, so sometimes I forget that other people might not be so comfortable answering those questions. Definitely something I usually try to be aware of. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779694 Tue, 14 May 2013 06:47:50 +0000 T.H.O.U. 779694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have asked close friends about when they are thinking about having #2 when I knew for sure they were planning to have #2. But it was more of a conversation like, "When would be your ideal time". </p> <p>My brothers g/f and my BIL both asked me about when we were having a second right around when we had a m/c. It was pretty tough to not only have to lie but also come up with a good answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779675 Tue, 14 May 2013 06:26:17 +0000 mrs. 64 779675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my friends I feel like people usually say something when they get married like they want to wait a year or once X happens then they'll try. I don't feel comfortable really asking after that because I'm at the stage I feel uncomfortable answering those questions. I do have several friends who ask if I'm pregnant every time we talk on the phone (once a month) and they don't even know we're trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779628 Tue, 14 May 2013 04:10:14 +0000 SugarplumsMom 779628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm also guilty, but I only ask close friends and they seem more than happy to elaborate. I'm definitely more sensitive to it now though. I remember my single days (I'm one of the last to have a baby) I would ask like it's just another comment -- without thinking -- completely unaware that they maybe having issues! I can't believe I was so insensitive before! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779627 Tue, 14 May 2013 04:01:52 +0000 mjane 779627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I ask close friends, if it comes up. Generally I'll say something like, "do you guys think about having kids?" Or something equally ambiguous that can leave it open to how much they want to share. But really only close friends who bring it up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779624 Tue, 14 May 2013 03:54:49 +0000 illumina 779624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Given that she asked you when you were thinking of trying for LO #2 I would have asked her... but a very non specific question, like do you think you will have them one day? Do you think she could be struggling TTC and wants to talk about it with someone, maybe you, but doesn't know how to bring it up? I would try and give the impression that you are there for her to talk to if need be and see if she opens up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779382 Mon, 13 May 2013 21:07:45 +0000 lioneyes 779382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i feel like it's ok to ask when you are close to someone, and discussing it. never ok to just flippantly ask an acquaintance you run into on the street or someone you just met (AHEM RUDE PEOPLE!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779371 Mon, 13 May 2013 21:03:36 +0000 MamaBehr 779371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm even afraid to assume that everyone wants kids. If I am talking to a friend who doesn't have children I always say "If or when you have kids" because I don't want to assume that everyone is going to make the same life choice that I have. I hope my friends don't find it offensive, I just know enough people who have chosen not to have children that I don't want to assume everyone does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779311 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:42:34 +0000 Charm54 779311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never ask (unless it was my sister). I was always awkward when people would ask me and would be so worried about bringing up a difficult issue. I feel if people want me to know, they will flat out tell me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779302 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:41:31 +0000 mrbee 779302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just mention my own plans and they can reciprocate if they want! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779297 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:40:10 +0000 autumnlove 779297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I ask if we are close! I asked a friend a few weeks sgo and he opened up to me about his wife's struggle with endometriosis. :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779294 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:39:16 +0000 babycanuck 779294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to but now that we have been trying for a while I would never ask someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779286 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:37:03 +0000 Foodnerd81 779286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since she brought up your family plans, I think it would have been OK, but I'm with you, I don't like to ask. That said, I didn't mind if close friends asked, but if it was anyone other than someone really close, I was vague. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779281 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:35:42 +0000 Cole 779281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I very rarely ask but I think in that situation I would ask in a round about way. I also feel like if someone around my age/place in life asks me that they are open to a discussion about it whereas people who are much older or younger are probably just being nosey :). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779272 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:33:28 +0000 Pepper 779272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if she asked me when I was planning on having another, I would have taken it as an invitation to ask her if she had any plans to have kids. It can be hard with friends of friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779270 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:32:22 +0000 Anagram 779270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I ask if we're close. And I never minded when my close friends asked me...it's the randoms asking that make me mad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779269 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:32:12 +0000 heffalump 779269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: it took me years to finally ask someone I'm very close to. And when I finally did she told me that she had been trying for over two years. I felt awful, all throughout my pregnancy she was struggling to have one of her own. This is one reason I don't like asking people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779248 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:27:05 +0000 chopsuey 779248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I ask people I'm close to.<br /> My BIL and SIL visited a while back and I asked when they were gonna start trying. :P Nosy Korean here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-ever-an-appropriate-time-to-ask-about-family-plans#post-779241 Mon, 13 May 2013 20:24:52 +0000 heffalump 779241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to dinner with a friend of a friend the other night. She has been married over 3 years and doesn't have kids. She's my facebook friend so she sees pictures of lo often and asked all about her and kids in general. She even went into specifics and started comparing the schools we are zoned for with the ones she is zoned for. She's so so obviously thought about kids. She also asked me when I was planning on having another. </p> <p>But I couldn't bring myself to ask her. In most cases I think it's rude and not my business unless someone wants to tell me. But with her I couldn't tell if it would be rude to ask or if I was being rude by not asking and seeming like I didn't care.</p> <p>Is it ever ok to ask when/if someone wants kids? </p>