https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 10:38:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-2464964 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 17:37:28 +0000 catomd00 2464964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@psw27: exactly! I don't get how this wouldn't be considered rude! You don't ask someone to throw you a party for any reason! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-2464960 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 17:34:46 +0000 Tionn3 2464960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: really good advice! Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-2464937 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 17:19:43 +0000 daniellemybelle 2464937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Logistically I don't think it's THAT crazy. It's kind of like an "after party." What's super rude is that it was NOT your idea at all - you never invite yourself to someone's house, much less a bunch of your friends too! </p> <p>I would just be honest and say, this feels like too much and I wasn't planning on hosting an all day thing. Either we can do a co-ed shower (guys outside cooking out and girls inside with bagels and presents) or we can just have the shower we planned and I know y'all will find a great place to have the BBQ later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-2464849 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 16:19:31 +0000 SweetCaroline 2464849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: is right on. </p> <p>This is insane. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464845 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 16:16:53 +0000 LuLu Mom 2464845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: I guess it depends, are the guys going to the spouses of the wives involved and your DH's family? (assuming this is a family shower as well.) if so, I say go for it, it's a gathering and just make it a pot luck. </p> <p>I would make the timeline and say the guys can show up at 4 and socialize, eat at 5:30-6...everyone leaves by 9 since the women will be there all day, i can't see anyone wanting to stay super late. If you are worried about other people showing up, i would just be vocal that you want to keep it small. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464813 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 15:58:05 +0000 psw27 2464813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>no no no no no. You cannot ASK someone who is already generously hosting a shower for you to host an after party for you as well... It's the asking that I think is weird. I totally get that in theory it sounds fun, and I can see how it would flow that the shower is from 12-4 and all the guys start showing up at like 3:45 and everyone hangs out til 7 or 8. If you don't want to host a never ending shower for 8 hours, then speak up and say that you don't think you'll have the time/money/energy to host such a long event. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464657 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 14:32:59 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2464657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I personally think that the idea of a girly shower followed by a coed BBQ with the significant others sounds like a blast! So I can see why your SIL and BIL are inquiring about the idea. </p> <p> Obviously though, you as the host and the owner of the house have the right to say no. And they should respect that. You are already being generous with your offer to host a shower. But I also don't really think that the timing and logistics of adding a coed BBQ afterwards would be much work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464646 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 14:23:27 +0000 Cole 2464646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: That makes sense. I think in that situation I would probably roll with it but have it start at 5 and ask if they can plan on ending by 9 knowing it would probably be more like 10. Honestly though, I would mostly come to that conclusion because my husband would be all for hosting the BBQ. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464607 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:51:28 +0000 Tionn3 2464607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: They can't bbq at their condo, that is why they probably asked if they could do it at our house. They also probably like the idea of the men meeting up with their significant others at the shower. Our house is also much bigger and more conducive to having guests over, which is also why I volunteered to host the shower. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464601 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:48:33 +0000 pwnstar 2464601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: Your BIL's friends "might" want to celebrate . . . as in they only want to celebrate if you're going to throw them an awesome bbq? That's some bullshit. Your BIL should host the bbq at his house, and you and the other shower attendees should be welcome to migrate over once the shower has concluded. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464595 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:44:28 +0000 Cole 2464595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is there a reason they can't just have the BBQ at their house? Maybe offer to bring the leftovers and summer decreasing decorations over? Guys don't seem to get too caught up in the whole who's hosting thing anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464591 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:39:02 +0000 Raindrop 2464591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also don't think it ever hurts to ask but she should be okay with you saying no. So I don't think it's rude for her to ask.</p> <p>If you are not comfortable, say no! It doesn't matter what they think, you are already doing a very nice thing hosting the bridal shower there is no reason for you to feel guilty about not wanting to host the BBQ.</p> <p>On a side note I totally would be the exact same as you, and I would totally be stressed out about this too. Haha. I'm a people pleaser but I have been working on setting up boundaries. This is a good chance to set up a boundary with your BIL and Future SIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464581 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:28:50 +0000 MrsKerch 2464581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: I would have my DH take it up with his brother. Same time or find a separate location. This happened at my bridal shower but it was a little different in that we had friends drive three + hours to have wives attend the shower. My then fiancee set it up to have the husbands meet him at a golf course for 9 holes. Doesnt sound like your scenario though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464566 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:20:35 +0000 Tionn3 2464566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: There won't be any out of town guests. My SIL and BIL live like 10 minutes away from us, and all of our family lives in town. I'm actually going to see them on Friday and we were going to talk about it. I'm just trying to get my game plan together about what to say so I don't get flustered. My BIL has a way of ruffling my feathers by being demanding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464564 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:19:24 +0000 Greentea 2464564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it is rude for someone to discuss their hopes/ desires for an event. I would find a way to make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464555 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:16:15 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2464555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: Yes, I think you should talk to them (or have DH talk to his brother) about the number of guests and the time frame. </p> <p>I mean its kinda rude for them to ask, but I can see why if they are out of town guests and technically BIL is your husbands brother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464551 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:14:20 +0000 catomd00 2464551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah that's rude and my husband would be calling his brother to tell him that!</p> <p>Also, as a guest I wouldn't be sticking around for the BBQ really. That's a lot of party time for one day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464550 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:14:19 +0000 HabesBabe 2464550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's way rude that they want to have it AFTER her shower ends. If it was the same time, then it wouldn't be a big deal, but that's a long-ass day that you have to be "on" for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464549 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:14:04 +0000 stargal 2464549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope totally rude. I would not host 2 eventd. Do they expect you to buy the food for the guys bbq too?!? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464538 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:08:23 +0000 Mamaof2 2464538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: yes that's rude - I would offer a co-ed shower or they can look elsewhere for the boys party. </p> <p>Why cant they do the boys party at the dad to be's house while the mom is having her shower? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464524 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:02:32 +0000 Alba4 2464524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's kind of rude. I'd be honest with her. If having 2 parties is too much for you say so. Give her 2 options: an all-women party or co-ed. She has no right to demand anything from you, as you are already generously throwing her a party! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464523 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:02:31 +0000 Tionn3 2464523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: I mostly just want to make sure they're out of my house at a reasonable time so I can clean up and go to bed before midnight...and I get worried about how many friends he will bring over. Is okay to tell them they can do their bbq but only limit it to 10 guys? I'm just super worried its all going to be out of hand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464522 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 13:01:59 +0000 gingerbebe 2464522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: Yes it is rude. I would tell SIL that you're happy to be hosting the shower portion of the day, but that you'll ask your husband if he'd like to host a boy's night. Then I would pass it off on your husband completely. Like, if my BIL tried to pull that, I would tell DH "NOPE, NOT MY PROBLEM." Knowing my husband, he would be like we're taking this show on the road and find a BBQ joint or something in town and get out of my hair. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464512 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 12:55:18 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2464512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: Yea I would leave it up to the guys and your husband. </p> <p>You'll have left over paper goods and stuff from the shower. Your house will be clean and decorated. And guys don't really care! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464510 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 12:54:28 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2464510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: is BIL the type that fully plans? I still feel like you might get stuck with paper supplies and setting up your outdoor space for food &amp; drink. Even if the events take place at the same time those things would need to happen </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464506 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 12:53:02 +0000 Rocker2014 2464506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What is her objection to the co-ed shower? Is it that she wants all the traditional shower type things and is afraid she can't do that at a co-ed event? A friend of mine recently did an event where the ladies showed up first and did all the typical adult/girly shower games/mingling and gift opening, and then the guys and kids showed up after (I think an hour and a half later??) for the meal and cake and general socializing. This way, she got to have the traditional "girly" shower stuff, but it was really only one event hosted (one meal/decor/setup). My friend did it this way so she could include all family members who traveled, but ended up being a fun time for local attendees too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464505 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 12:52:41 +0000 Maysprout 2464505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: id def put all the planning on them but tell them same time or sometime soon that it doesn't go for all hours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464502 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 12:50:48 +0000 Tionn3 2464502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: I guess I could just put all the planning of that second half on SILs hubby? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464498 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 12:48:15 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2464498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: Honestly, my friends and I have done this several times for several parties and its worked REALLY well. The guys just show up with meat and beer, pull some sides out form the fridge and have a BBQ. Nothing special has to happen for the guys, its just really like a continuation of the shower once the formal girly part is over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-considered-rude-what-do-i-do#post-2464496 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 12:46:21 +0000 Tionn3 2464496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: SIL husband is my husband's brother. My husband also seems to think that it is her husband that is driving this somewhat complex request. </p>