https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 22:10:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228879 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 12:32:55 +0000 daniellemybelle 2228879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others that you should just go for a shorter period of time and explain that you can't afford to stay in a hotel for 5 nights. Or perhaps find a cheaper hotel / airbnb. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228857 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 12:23:21 +0000 mrsrain 2228857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I don't know... it feels a little unreasonable to me! Travel is expensive, and complicated with a LO, and a 4 day wedding weekend makes it even more expensive/difficult! I'd probably aim for Sunday-Tuesday to attend the wedding but beg out of the other events. Alternatively, DH could go on his own and you could stay home with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228842 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 12:17:30 +0000 gingerbebe 2228842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I would attempt to do what you could to cut costs for the event, but tell your DH ask her some questions that would let her know that money is a factor. For instance "do you know if there's a budget-friendly hotel in the area you are planning your wedding?" or "would it be okay for my wife and DS to fly in a little later so we can save on flights?" or something like that. This may drop a hint that he really wants to be there but that money is tight and she may have some suggestions or try to accommodate you guys in some way to help offset the cost. I think most people would feel really bad to cause financial hardship to others if they knew what was going on. I knew money was a factor for one of my BMs and I did little things like order for her BM's dress for her "because I found a sale" and then didn't cash the check she gave me to reimburse. I also had a hotel suite with a pull-out couch and offered it to her to sleep on for the wedding weekend "to keep me company because I get lonely." </p> <p>I agree that you should try to get a VRBO or AirBNB type rental. Weekly rates for those types of rentals might be cheaper than buying 5 days, so check that. I would also probably have your DH fly in earlier on a cheaper flight and either find a budget hotel or see if there's a buddy of his he could split a room with (and maybe even a car) for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Then you and DS fly in on Sunday, stay together as a family for Sunday and Monday nights, and then fly out together Tuesday. By limiting the amount of time you and DS are on the ground, the less kid stuff you have to pack and you can just hit it and quit it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228759 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 11:28:16 +0000 SweetiePie 2228759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read everyone's responses, but I would just say you guys can't do Friday but you can come in on Sunday morning - Tuesday and that's it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228742 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 11:18:49 +0000 kjpugs 2228742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like a few people have said, I think the unreasonable part is that she's having events Friday and Monday. Sounds like maybe weekend days are more expensive to have events at the resort and she's trying to make it a relaxing trip and less rushed. Which is fine I guess, but I would prefer maybe dinner Thursday and wedding Friday, or dinner Monday and wedding Tuesday. Then you could arrive the day before and leave the day after. While I think the costs are more than I'd like, I'm hesitant to say "unreasonable" because travel is expensive and based on their choices. That being said, anyone having a destination wedding should be prepared that some guests could not afford to go or might have to make other arrangements. If she's that good a friend, DH should talk to her and say it's out of your budget- maybe ask what's most important to her, or ask if she knows if anyone else plans to stay at another location, etc. She may already have friends or family doing that. Maybe she'll tell you to leave LO home (maybe it's just me I don't think destination weddings instantly mix with kids) so she can enjoy the time with you both, maybe she'll say to skip Friday- Monday is most important, etc. But the only thing she shouldn't be is shocked, I think this comes with the territory of destination weddings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228709 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:49:05 +0000 BSB 2228709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've never been to a destination wedding but don't they usually send out save the dates with the location so you have plenty of time to plan travel?? I would, also, be annoyed that the wedding events were over a couple days. I'm all about giving the bride and groom their day but this is all very last minute. I would let the DH go because he is in the wedding but would probably decline and not go. Though, with reason, I would need all the details soon. </p> <p>Also, I don't believe in reciprocating in travel. I would feel guilty that she traveled from China to be at your wedding but she decided that. I would hope that she does not expect you to be there because she was there for your wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228684 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:36:32 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2228684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think the price is unreasonable for a destination wedding, but I also don't think it's unreasonable for you to not attend for all 5 days or for your DH to go alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228681 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:34:09 +0000 ms.line 2228681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Admittedly I'm not a fan of weddings in general, but stretching a wedding and "wedding event" over four days seems like bullsh!t. Also, she should have her dates set by now. If I were you, I'd just go down for the actual ceremony. And if it's still a burden financially, I'd just send DH and stay home with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228676 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:32:18 +0000 birdofafeather 2228676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamaof2: Yep, this. While your DH already "committed" he doesn't have any real details. So the bride can choose to do what she wants, but once you get the details, you need to look at the hard costs ASAP and figure out what you can afford/what you want to do. I'm all for celebrating people but I don't think every gesture of friendship must be reciprocal in monetary value to be counted. That's not what friendship is about. Don't drag your feet in researching and making decisions on what you feel comfortable about because you'll want to tell the bride quickly and without resentment so you can celebrate her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228656 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:19:23 +0000 yoursilverlining 2228656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the airfare and hotel are reasonable (the hotel is pricey, but seems not insane for a decent resort), but I think it's totally obnoxious and rude to plan a wedding that essentially forces your guests to almost a week off of work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding/page/2#post-2228649 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:16:42 +0000 NeekieRose 2228649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Won't DS still be under 2 in Oct? If it was me, I'd do lap child, as annoying as it would be with a nearly 2 year old in order to save the money. I'd also come in Friday instead of Thurs to save a night at the hotel. </p> <p>I would be most annoyed that you don't have all the details by now. I think you are totally justified in asking to get all the details so you know exactly what you are dealing with, then make decisions from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228565 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:29:30 +0000 Truth Bombs 2228565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Well I think your parents need to understand that y'all have your own things going on that may necessitate missing your trip some years. Just last year my husband and I had to miss my family's annual beach trip because we had a wedding the same week. My parents were disappointed but totally understood.</p> <p>But, I personally wouldn't be willing to put a trip on a credit card under any circumstances at all. My husband and I simply don't do consumer debt. I've never carried a balance on a credit card in my life (other than interest free promotional periods), and I don't intend to unless it's a dire emergency. It's unfortunate to let your friend down, and it's too bad your husband didn't take some time to think about the consequences before committing, but I don't think you should go into debt to attend a wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228556 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:25:04 +0000 Mamaof2 2228556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I think you need to get ALL the details before deciding anything. Exact dates so you can check airfare (flying to FL is usually super cheap!) - check out the hotel she has picked and she what is near there that might be cheaper. What exactly is planned for Friday night? Maybe DH can skip it?</p> <p>In the end if it is too pricey I would tell the bride that DH will be there but you and DS cant make it - I am sure she will be disappointed but if $$ is a factor then there isn't much you can do </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228546 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:20:54 +0000 bunnylove08 2228546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its a lot, but if your DH feels she is a really good friend then I would try to make it work. Can you stay off the resort and get an Air bnb closer to the hotel. That way it will cut your expenses?</p> <p>If your DH needs to go, maybe he can crash with the bridal party and you follow after?</p> <p>Sorry you're going through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228534 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:13:43 +0000 Madison43 2228534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I don't think that's an unreasonable timeframe for a destination weekend but I also don't think it's unreasonable for your family to not attend for the entire 5 days. It's nice to have your entire bridal party there for pre wedding events but it's not necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228528 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:10:12 +0000 Bluebonnet 2228528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: It sounds like you are very worried about the cost of the trip, but you've been given very little information on the exact details (date of events, hotel, etc). Could you ask DH to talk to the bride and explain finances are tight and your family might not be able to make it? It would be easier to make a final decision if you have all the details - and can accurately estimate costs.</p> <p>I've been to a lot of out of town weddings, and the couple usually works with a hotel to get a discounted rate for guests - which is usually pretty substantial, so the hotel might not be as much as you think. VRBO is another great idea. Florida in October isn't high season, so rental rates should be more reasonable.</p> <p>Lots of people have given great ideas about how to make the trip more affordable. Hopefully you can make it work because its a good friend of DH's.</p> <p>If after crunching the numbers, you can't afford it, then let the bride know ASAP that DH and DS need to back out of the wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228516 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:05:20 +0000 shellio 2228516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a different type of question... is this a person whose friendship you value and plan to maintain for a long time? I haven't had to make this decision about a wedding but I do have friends who have invited me to events I didn't particularly want to spend the money/time/hassle to travel to... then I realized we had essentially drifted apart and just because they had put forth an effort in the past didn't mean I needed to put forth that effort right now. If that makes sense. Relationships evolve, and if you or your husband isn't as close to this friend now, maybe it only makes sense for him to go to the wedding, or maybe it makes more sense to tell her none of you can go. </p> <p>As for the cost of the trip, I find it challenging to travel with my kids (unless we're staying with friends or family) for less than 2-3 grand these days once you take into account tickets, lodging, and rental car. So I don't think its unreasonable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228495 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:43:33 +0000 ShootingStar 2228495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: We can and we can't afford it. We've had so many house repairs and upgrades that we don't have the money in savings any more to pay for it. So it will go on the credit card and get paid off within a couple months. And any money spent on the trip means less money to replenish savings and less money to go towards anything else that comes up with the house. </p> <p>It also means we may need to forgo our yearly trip to see my parents in FL in the winter, which will make them upset. My parents spend the winter in FL and they really like when we visit because they don't see us for months except for that trip. But I'm not sure I can justify 2 Florida vacations for all 3 of us, just 4 months apart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228485 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:37:19 +0000 rachiecakes 2228485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I hear ya :( I would just tell her that he has to go alone and will only be able to be there Sunday and Monday.<br /> We had an after party and most of my bridal party had to leave before then (kids, etc.). I would've loved for them to have been able to stay, but it was okay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228484 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:36:30 +0000 Truth Bombs 2228484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if you really CAN'T afford it at all, that's one thing. But if you just don't WANT to spend the money, you really should just make the sacrafice. It's not the bride's fault that your husband didn't think to get more details before committing himself and your son, and now the bride is counting on them and I'm sure will be really disappointed if either one of them bows out. But again, I think only going for two days is totally fine, because when someone agrees to be in a wedding, I don't think anyone assumes it will be a 5 day committment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228483 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:36:27 +0000 ShootingStar 2228483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: I think that part is weird too. That's part of what I feel is unreasonable and kind of inconsiderate. If you want a Monday wedding, fine. But at least have the other event (I don't even know what it is) on Saturday or Sunday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228473 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:32:43 +0000 mediagirl 2228473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I think it's pretty unreasonable to expect people to come to a destination wedding that will start on Friday and not end until (essentially) Tuesday. If your DH wants to go and take DS, I would have him tell his friend that they will be there the day before the wedding (Sunday) so they can attend the wedding Monday. Then you cut out 2-3 days you would otherwise have to spend down there when you haven't planned for the wedding.</p> <p>I think it's REALLY weird that she wants all her friends there Friday and not doing the wedding until Monday... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228468 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:30:14 +0000 ShootingStar 2228468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: I'm all about having the wedding that you want and if people can come, great, if they can't no problem. But we're in kind of a different situation where DH agreed to participate without having any idea what he was getting us in to. It's not like an invite is going to arrive at our house and we can just say no now :bummed: . And he just doesn't think when he agrees to things like this. I mostly handle the finances. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228466 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:29:46 +0000 brady80 2228466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's unreasonable to have the wedding event span over that many days. I can see wanting to have rehearsal dinner on Friday and then the wedding on Saturday. But to have the wedding on Monday seems ridiculous. I think your husband can say you can't afford to be away for that many days. If it was a Friday/Saturday event, I think it is reasonable and could be a fun get-away </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228465 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:27:33 +0000 rachiecakes 2228465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's unreasonable, it's their wedding. But I would express that it's not in the budget for the family to travel for that long and that DH has to go alone.</p> <p>I'm all about people having whatever kind of wedding however they want but I'm also likely to decline (and send a nice gift) if I just can't afford to commit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228463 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:25:10 +0000 ShootingStar 2228463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I should probably point out that there probably wasn't any financial hardship/sacrifice on her part. Her family is very well off and supplements her lifestyle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228462 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:25:04 +0000 LuLu Mom 2228462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I don't think it's unreasonable for her to plan the wedding she wants, that is her choice. However, you do not have to attend the entire thing. Just explain that with a child you will only be attending Sunday - Tuesday as 5 days is just too much to handle at this time. I think because DH and DS are committed I would try to make it work. And if you can find a cheaper flight with a connection, if you all fly together I would consider doing that. yes it makes it a little more difficult but you can save a ton of money and with DH I think you could manage with one layover! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228459 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:23:17 +0000 mrscobee 2228459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's that unreasonable for someone who made a similar sacrifice to come from China for yours. I'd maybe just check out other nearby hotels and try to save on food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228449 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:13:55 +0000 littlebug 2228449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were invited to a destination wedding at an all-inclusive in Jamaica or something and for 4 nights with flights it would have cost us well over $4K. This was a friend of mine, but not a good enough friend that we were willing/able to fork over $4K. If it was a really good friend (especially one who made a similar financial/time sacrifice for our wedding) I would have done it. I really don't think $3K is unreasonable for 5 nights. </p> <p>You can definitely rent a car for cheaper than your estimate (we rented a car for a week in South Carolina for $120 a couple years ago - check out Hotwire). And maybe you could stay in a hotel nearby, even for a few nights. Or look for something like VRBO, where you can get a kitchen and cook your own meals at home. There are definitely ways to cut costs and make it work within your budget, even if you bring DS. </p> <p>In the end, though, only you and your husband know your finances. You have to do what works best for your family. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-unreasonable-for-a-destination-wedding#post-2228424 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 07:41:30 +0000 mrsjyw 2228424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's unreasonable per the destination wedding plans. But, if she were to insist that you guys bring DS, stay at that hotel the full five days, etc. I think that might be a bit inconsiderate. I'd cut the trip short, try not to bring DS, etc. and make it work within our budget and make it a getaway wknd like others have suggested! </p>