https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 01 Nov 2026 14:39:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-212275 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 19:42:52 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 212275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: I am struggling to figure out how to deal with the ILs now that my honeymoon is now over with them. It seems like there is a weird cycle of big fights/not talking/then "let's pretend it never happened" in this family and the thought of going through that repeatedly exhausts me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211893 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 17:05:17 +0000 MsMini 211893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have lost my shit if my MIL talked to me like that! Luckily the IL's know that I don't take any kind of negative commentary on my family. MIL is really old fashioned, but knows enough to have boundaries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211865 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 16:35:30 +0000 Charcole2011 211865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I would not be ok with that! I don't blame you for leaving.</p> <p>It's funny, I almost have the opposite issue with my MIL - she was the breadwinner in their family (a partner at a large global law firm, while FIL was a teacher) and sometimes I worry that she judges me for leaving a law firm for a more "family-friendly" job or the fact that once we have kids, I may want to by a SAHM/WAHM if possible. Although I must say I think I prefer my "issue" over the super old-fashioned views problem that you are having! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211796 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 15:50:32 +0000 autumnlove 211796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: Depends on her mood! Sometimes she calls my FIL (they are divorced) and has him relay a message to me and other times she is super direct! :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211745 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 15:31:32 +0000 SugarplumsMom 211745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. You're MIL sure is honest, I give her that! Imagine if she was sneaky-sneaky and spewed passive aggressiveness. At least everyone knows full on what her gripe is and she can be dealt with accordingly. With a hissy fit like that, it's easier to write her off as looney!</p> <p>Mine isn't old fashioned at all, thank goodness. But today she did say something about having my husband take such a long leave from work sure is helpful. I responded, "that's pretty obvious". But other than that, it was a good visit ^^. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211685 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 14:19:25 +0000 mrbee 211685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: You have forgiveness in your heart! I wouldn't go back to visit her for 3-6 months after something like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211668 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 14:07:44 +0000 autumnlove 211668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: A few months ago, I would have bawled on the spot but DH told me (he has years of experience with dealing with her tantrums and passive aggressiveness) that the best method is to not pay her much attention! So hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211654 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 13:53:41 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 211654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes. You are surprisingly calm after a display like that. Mine is probably somewhat like yours ... she has made off-handed comments before about not understanding why I would ever want to work, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211618 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 13:15:26 +0000 LuLu Mom 211618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes!!! My MIL is old fashioned in the sense that she does all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and what not (FIL doesn't know how to operate the oven...he proved that a couple months ago.) However, she doesn't comment on our decisions as adults/families. </p> <p>DH's brother is a great daddy and does a lot of the child care as his wife works strange hours, and MIL always says how she's happy he turned out that way since FIL never helped with the boys growing up. He's a farmer and very traditional. It took me awhile to "train" DH to help out around the house and to pick up after himself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211385 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 10:54:35 +0000 Running Elley 211385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh goodness I’m sorry that you had to go through that but major props to your DH for standing up to her about those things!</p> <p>My MIL can be old fashioned about some things but is pretty laidback overall. She was a SAHM but she doesn’t pressure any of us to make the same decisions. On most other things she’s pretty respectful of the decisions that DH and I make ourselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211368 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 10:45:27 +0000 LinzR 211368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh gosh, I would have been so upset. I am sorry that happened to you!</p> <p>No, my MIL isn't old fashioned. She is a full time teacher (one year till retirement) and my FIL retired last week. She is a self proclaimed terrible cook, and FIL does 90% of the cooking. They split everything flawlessly.</p> <p>Growing up, FIL worked overnight and watched DH and his sister during the day. </p> <p>I hope DH and I can make it work like that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211356 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 10:41:11 +0000 Honeybee 211356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Geez, I'm sorry your MIL went off on you like that!</p> <p>My MIL is actually the progressive one; she used to be in the miltary so she's always worked full-time. Even now, my FIL has been retired for the last few years and she is still working full-time while he stays home and does the majority of the cleaning, cooking, dog care, etc... My mom, on the other hand, was a SAHM for most of my life. She's given me flack once or twice because I used to work, I didn't breastfeed, etc... but since she's my mom, it's a lot easier to tell her to knock it off. :) My mom compliments my husband a lot because of how involved he is with the kids, though, which is nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211346 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 10:35:09 +0000 yoursilverlining 211346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whoa! :( </p> <p>Thankfully my MIL is not old fashioned at all. She's always worked full time, and always expected FIL to contribute 50/50 with cooking, cleaning and child rearing when they raised my husband (my FIL did more of the cooking and cleaning in fact). She's more likely to remind my husband (nicely) to make sure I'm getting enough rest and time for myself than to ever reprimand me about doing more for LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211339 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 10:30:50 +0000 lilteacherbee 211339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I'm sorry!!! I don't know how I would have reacted, but it probably would have involved tears.</p> <p>My MIL is not old-fashioned in that respect at all! Heck, she raised DH to have a love of cooking and now he cooks 99% of the meals and I clean up the kitchen afterwards. She worked since DH was 6ish months old and she still does. She has mentioned that she wishes I can stay home with the baby when he/she comes, but since DH and I are both teachers, its just not possible for us right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211309 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 10:15:20 +0000 Jumpingjacks 211309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I would tolerate that attitude for about 3 seconds! My Dad was a very UNinvolved parent and it dramatically impacted my relationship with him. When I was searching for my DH I was very intent on finding a man who would choose to be involved in his children's care and upbringing. In my opinion, this only benefits their relationship and the whole family. DH's family is pretty non-traditional and I LOVE IT!</p> <p>Sometimes, unfortunately, I think grandparents don't always know their place when it comes to their kid's families and choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211290 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 10:06:23 +0000 autumnlove 211290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Leialou: That reminds me of when I wanted to use tampons in high school...my aunt told me that only married people can use them! LOL! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211257 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:48:11 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 211257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's seriously old fashioned! I'm glad your husband stood up for you. My dad was really hands on even though my stepmom was a SAHM. They worked together in the evenings to get things done. It's hard for me to imagine a dad who does nothing! My MIL has only done one thing that seemed old fashioned to me. When my husband and I were planning our wedding we mentioned that we were planning a week long honeymoon. She was really surprised. She said honeymoons are for loosing your virginity and that's it. Not for a vacation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211246 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:42:40 +0000 prettylizy 211246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>nope, she's not that way at all. As a matter of fact she's usually the one telling DH "why do you go change her diaper so Prettylizy can have a break?" especially since I'm EBFing and I carry all the weight of feeding her </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211242 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:39:39 +0000 sorrycharlie 211242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>omg! that is awful. I'm glad your DH stood up to her for you, though! </p> <p>my MIL isn't necessarily old-fashioned as far as those things, but their religion (Jehovah's Witnesses) can definitely be. For instance, MIL and FIL wouldn't necessarily care that I was working or that my husband was helping out, but they are "old-fashioned" about other things..for instance, for people in their religion (such as DH's cousin), she and her fiance were not allowed to be alone together unsupervised until they were married. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211240 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:38:08 +0000 lovehoneybee 211240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Youch, thank goodness my MIL is not old-fashioned like that! I don't think I could have not snapped something fierce at yours!</p> <p>The most old-fashioned my MIL has gotten about McBebe is informing me that I didn't need a breast pump. I told her that if nothing else, DH wanted to be able to feed McBebe sometimes, and she told me that all he needed to do was bring the baby to me when s/he is hungry, because that's all that FIL did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211230 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:27:00 +0000 Shimmer 211230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow! I'm sorry she acted that way towards you! My MIL is old-fashioned in that she does most of the cooking/cleaning, etc. but she raised her boys to be independent and be able to cook and clean for themselves, especially since FIL wasn't raised that way! </p> <p>I'm glad your DH piped up and said something to her... regardless of how she feels about your parenting methods, she should keep her opinions to herself! She had her chance to raise her kids and needs to butt out of what you and DH do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211221 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:21:52 +0000 stargal 211221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>wow, i cant believe she siad that to you! glad that yur hubby stood up to her. my mil isnt old fashioned, </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211220 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:19:48 +0000 LivsMama 211220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>WOW. That is not ok. DH is right, she needs to respect YOUR family's decisions. This is not the 50s and 60s anymore. Since when is parenting your sole responsibility? DH shouldnt have to partake in any responsibility? This is absurd. Im amd for you.,</p> <p>My MIL isnt old fashioned, but that doesnt make her any less of a PITA lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211218 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:19:28 +0000 PrincessBaby 211218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Woah Woah Woah! That may go a bit past plain old-fashioned! My MIL is old-fashioned to a certain extent, but maybe it's more that she's hard-core Catholic, and she's already harassing us about traditional Catholic things associated with the baby. But she is still very understanding and supportive of me and the pregnancy and how life will be when the baby is here.</p> <p>I have been surprised since being pregnant at how family members think that they're entitled to give opinions about everything. Clearly, your DH and you do things in a way that work for you. I don't really understand why people feel the need to interject their opinions when a baby is involved and the couple clearly has things handled! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211216 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:17:14 +0000 mrs. bird 211216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh wow! I'm sorry that happened to you:(</p> <p>I don't think I would have said a word &amp; would have left DH to have at her. Then we would have left, I'm not sure if I'd go back after such cruel treatment! </p> <p>MIL is very old fashioned. She does all the cooking, cleaning, serving. She isn't even allowed to have her own paycheck or car! She doesn't think DH should ever cook or do laundry, whatever, I work more than he does and it has to get done. In their house they can do whatever they want &amp; I might disagree with it, but I will always be respectful, I expect them to do the same in our home. If not- they're welcome to leave. I'm sure once we have a LO it will get worse, but they already had their chances to raise their families as they saw fit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211211 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:15:31 +0000 autumnlove 211211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sslm: @highwire: I'm kinda taken aback because she is a very independent and business savvy woman! (But she went back to work when DH was 7 and never worked before that) </p> <p>DH has changed tons of diaper in front of her before so I'm not sure why yesterday was her breaking point! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211209 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:11:37 +0000 sslm 211209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Holy cow! That's insane! My MIL is definitely not that old fashioned. She is in some ways, but was a working mom, so she's definitely not like your MIL!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211208 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:10:35 +0000 DillonLion 211208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whoa. No, mine is not old fashioned. She always worked and took care of the family as well (with FIL helping too), so she would never hold it against me if I did the same, nor would she ever make a stink about how we elect to conduct our own family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-mil-old-fashioned#post-211206 Thu, 05 Jul 2012 09:07:27 +0000 autumnlove 211206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went to MIL's house yesterday for a bbq. I was helping her with dishes when LO started to cry. DH was near her so he checked and changed her wet diaper. After that, he went into the backyard with her to check out some early fireworks. I noticed my MIL was acting strange...she was unusually quiet so I asked if she was ok. She told me she did not approve...when I asked her what she did not approve of she went OFF! She said if I'm in the same room as my baby, I should change the diaper and her son does not need to do anything that is clearly my responsibility. She told me that DH works long hours and does way more than FIL ever did (cooking, cleaning, groceries and baby care) and that just isn't right! "You must step up as a woman!" She also told me she doesn't approve of my decision to work FT and hates the fact that strangers care for LO at daycare. I was pretty stunned since she hasn't mentioned any of these gripes lately...</p> <p>DH heard part of her rant and told her times are different and she should respect the decisions that we make as a family. She rolled her eyes and went upstairs so we went home. </p> <p>Is your MIL old fashioned like mine? </p>