https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 12:39:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2587562 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 20:47:21 +0000 Anagram 2587562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is generally a super responsible guy in all areas of life. Parenting tasks he's always on top of, although he can only come up with 2-3 meals to give our kids (and they are all breakfast foods, but breakfast for dinner occasionally isn't the end of the world). He's actually a rock star dad...I sometimes wish he put the same energy into our relationship! ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2587476 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 16:12:52 +0000 caterw 2587476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: MY HUSBAND ASKS OUR TWO YEAR OLD IF IT'S BED TIME TOO!! It drives me craaaaaaaazy (obviously). I just started WAH and have had a couple big projects that need to get done, so I put him in charge of bed time. He let DD stay up until 11:30 one night watching movies, playing kitchen, reading, etc. That was the last straw- we had to have a pretty serious conversation about what is an appropriate bedtime. </p> <p>He also "doesn't know what to give her for breakfast/ lunch". Dude. You have been her parent as long as I have and you know what she eats (and it's basically the same 2-3 easy breakfast and lunches every single day unless I am making something fancy). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2587182 Sat, 16 Jul 2016 00:25:43 +0000 erinpye 2587182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is super reliable: I never have to ask him to do anything like that! I can absolutely see how that would be frustrating, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586727 Fri, 15 Jul 2016 07:13:50 +0000 csross217 2586727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is pretty reliable when it comes to DD (though I'm still on mat. leave so we'll see what happens when I return to work next week...) but when it comes to random household things, he's useless! </p> <p>For example, we went grocery shopping yesterday and when we got home I settled in to nurse the baby and asked that he put the groceries away. After I finished nursing I went to the kitchen and all the food was still out on the counter and DH had disappeared. I found him in our backyard measuring the lawn for an above-ground pool. We've never even talked about getting a pool...... things like this happen often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586636 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 21:46:26 +0000 sapphire 2586636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH does things differently and can't always remember what times things are supposed to happen or when they happened, but he knows that they NEED to happen and can figure out what LO needs very quickly. He certainly wouldn't forget a diaper or a nap! That would be so frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586553 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 19:28:35 +0000 Truth Bombs 2586553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gentlelunette: even his parents make fun of him because if you ask him how far of a drive something is the answer is ALWAYS 20 minutes. Actual time can vary from 15-60 minutes. 😒 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586532 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 18:42:22 +0000 gentlelunette 2586532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: are we married to the same man? My husband has the WORST time management and it drives me bonkers. He is constantly leaving work late and underestimating or under reporting the time it will take to do something. It's a huge strain in our marriage right now, because I am the complete opposite. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586517 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 18:09:33 +0000 IRunForFun 2586517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to say I think my husband is "reliably unreliable," meaning I can predict ahead of time the things he's not going be reliable about, so it's not a surprise when it happens. </p> <p>We have different priorities, our brains work differently, and I also think he has undiagnosed ADD. He is easily distracted and has a really bad memory, but when he is dedicated to a task he is all in and laser-focused. </p> <p>I've learned ways to work around it so it doesn't really bother me. He's almost always late because he gets distracted getting ready to go somewhere and starts doing unnecessary things (like suddenly he HAS to transfer a plant to a new pot as we are headed out the door) so if I'm scheduling something I build in extra time or tell him it starts earlier than it really does. If it's something incredibly important I need him to be on time for I have him set alarms on his phone or call him and stay on the phone till I know he's leaving. I manage bills and finances because he's forgetful about that stuff. I do the grocery shopping because he's an impulse buyer. I will message him reminders periodically throughout the day of stuff that needs to be taken care of. </p> <p>It sounds like nagging but at this point he doesn't mind because he knows he needs it. And there are totally trade-offs in areas where I'm unreliable. He's wayyyyy better at deep cleaning because of that whole laser-focus thing. He pretty much takes care of the dog stuff 100% because I'm too lazy to walk him as much as he needs. He's super smart and helps me with my school work.</p> <p>The caveat here is we have done couples counseling for over 2 years now to figure this stuff out and learn how to communicate and manage. It has been a total game-changer. I'm sure 2 years ago all the things I do WOULD seem like nagging but now we just know it's the way it is and it's what works and that's OK. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586473 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 16:20:25 +0000 ShootingStar 2586473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Yeah, I wouldn't appreciate being left to do every single kid related thing from the time the wake up to the time they go to sleep. At 5 on the dot I'd be texting him to get his a$$ home, lol. But in our industry it's not common to put in super late hours. So if he was leaving after 7 (especially since he gets there at 7:30), I'd be pissed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586472 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 16:15:51 +0000 tlcbaby 2586472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Outside of the diaper thing, which seems like more of an "oops" (that I would not be happy about, either), I don't see this as being "unreliable". It sounds like he was being helpful around the house. Not that you shouldn't be upset, but maybe you two should just discuss what happened because you may have just had different expectations for how the day would go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586469 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 16:09:21 +0000 Foodnerd81 2586469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: it's different in that I'm home, I'm just getting more frustrated waiting and maybe end up putting the kids to bed late. But that would be worse- being late for pick up. Not cool. He just never builds in time for anything to go wrong, then is like, well I would have been there on time except for (train delay/ phone call ran over/ traffic/ baby spit up on me). And to me it's like, no there is always something. You have to build time in for it. This is for everything not just coming home to help with bedtime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586467 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 16:02:53 +0000 ShootingStar 2586467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: DH is pretty reliable - if I ask him to do something, especially if I write it down he'll take care of it. But he and I don't always have the same idea about priorities. I could totally see leaving him alone with the kids and having him not do anything I would expect, but instead of be changing door knobs too. I would totally not prioritize door knobs, but he would.</p> <p>@Foodnerd81: I used to have a lot of trouble with DH leaving on time too. Only in my case, he's responsible for daycare pick up and they close at 6. I've been really worried a couple times that he's going to leave late and traffic will be suckier than usual and he'll be REALLY late. I yelled at him a few months ago about how this is his responsibility and he needs to take it seriously and leave work at a reasonable time. We both work demanding jobs and I am actually more senior than him. It's not fair for me to do all the pickups and drop offs, he has to pull his weight. Once in a while when it can't be avoided, fine. Losing track of time on something that will have to wait until the morning to finish is not ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586445 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 15:20:28 +0000 wrkbrk 2586445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: That's not about being reliable, it's about being respectful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent/page/2#post-2586419 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:44:32 +0000 Mommy Finger 2586419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Caly: DH says the same thing too. He just doesn't think about it. My theory is that he's this way b/c his mother was one that did absolutely EVERYTHING for her family so he never had to think about anyone else but himself. He's slooooowly coming around but it's frustrating to no end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586413 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:41:26 +0000 Mrsbells 2586413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: I would be very frustrated by the things you mentioned. No one is the perfect spouse and more often than not it seems that women definitely do more than 50% of the work but in your case he just seems to not even be trying.</p> <p>Could you have a serious talk with him when the kids are asleep? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586403 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:33:38 +0000 avivoca 2586403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mfa_lady: We must! Because if I do that, he gets super annoyed. Like a couple of weekends ago he kept calling me to find out if I had left my parents house yet (I was helping them move) and was upset when I hadn't (he'd been taking care of H all day). NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586401 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:31:44 +0000 Caly 2586401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MUI831: yeeeeessss! Having to ask him to do the same tasks every day! DH and I actually had this conversation the other day, "the bedtime routine is the same every night, so, I shouldn't have to direct your every move." He said he just doesn't think about it. And, in turn makes me feel as though I have to be responsible for everything in order to get anything done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586400 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:29:37 +0000 snowjewelz 2586400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: Totally what your OB said! The more I nag or show dis-satisfaction over how it's not done the "right" way the more he would just stop trying so I've totally learned to just take what he gives me and do the rest myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586396 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:27:44 +0000 BSB 2586396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: Ugh. Yup, that's me.... haha, the diaper example is right on. We have the "Why do you do it this way?" talk all the time!! Since I work and DH stays at home, I have had to let things go his way. DH is better on the parenting end because he has to solo or be at home with the kids. So he does know the kids routine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586385 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:20:56 +0000 mfa_lady 2586385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: "calling him 50 minutes later just to find out that he got held up talking to some dude or had to take a massive crap." HAHAHAHAHAHA DO WE HAVE THE SAME HUSBAND?! (I mean, obviously not, but....I can relate. :P ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586384 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:20:53 +0000 MamaG 2586384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I remember when I was pregnant with my first. There was very few appointments my DH missed. He missed a few late in my pregnancy. My OB leaped to ask me some pretty invasive relationship questions. I expounded eloquently about how we were equal partners. I remember her laughing at me and telling me essentially, "honey, you and are the same, type A personalities. He's not going to do things YOUR way. You will stand over his shoulder directing him HOW to change a diaper YOUR way. He will get tired of it and stop contributing." OMG she was so right. And the first time I found myself in that position I silently said "oh shit, what have I done!".</p> <p>All of this doesn't excuse the sitting in a dirty diaper. But I've learned that "THE SCHEDULE" of things isn't important to my DH like it is to me. If I want a schedule followed, I have to do it. It's just the way our family functions and I've moved beyond trying to understand why he doesn't get it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586381 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:18:41 +0000 PawPrints 2586381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, DH is totally reliable and at least as good at parenting as I am. I do sympathize with the whole staying at work late issue, though - I feel like DH would probably slide into that habit if it weren't for the fact that he takes a regular company shuttle bus home at the same time every day. He's not as much of a clock watcher as I am, so I guess the only thing is occasionally if I'm upstairs doing something I'll hear DD crying downstairs and him asking her why she's crying, and I'm looking at the clock like, dude, she was supposed to eat lunch half an hour ago - then sure enough two minutes later I hear him say "Oh you're hungry let's get you lunch." Not a huge deal though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586368 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:12:50 +0000 Mommy Finger 2586368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think DH is pretty reliable when I ask him to do things. My issue is that I shouldn't have to ask him to do the same thing every single day. We usually get home around the same time but I have already picked up the boys from daycare so I'm running around like crazy trying to get dinner on the table while keeping the baby and preschooler entertained. He usually comes waltzing in midway and then goes and sits next to DS1 while he's watching his one show for the day and plays on his phone. Hello! Every day I have to ask him to help me out with the exact same tasks. Every day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586359 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 14:00:59 +0000 avivoca 2586359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the most part, he's very involved and reliable with parenting. Our struggles are that we parent differently and he's more willing to give in to what she wants rather than what is best for her. I'm not talking about safety stuff, I'm talking about whether or not she's actually hungry or just stalling bedtime (9 times out of 10, if she says she's hungry at bedtime it's because she doesn't want to go to bed).</p> <p>@Foodnerd81: Getting home late irritates me to no end. Especially if he's doing something fun like biking. He'll tell me he'll be home in 20 minutes and then wonders why I'm angrily calling him 50 minutes later just to find out that he got held up talking to some dude or had to take a massive crap. JUST LET ME KNOW ALREADY. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586345 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 13:40:38 +0000 snowjewelz 2586345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think DH's very reliable when it comes to parenting, probably b/c he solo parents the most. So he actually knows her schedule very well and is very in touch with her needs. </p> <p>But regarding other household things, he does what he's into, like cleaning the grill, doing his lawn/garden stuff... What he doesn't care about, I just learned to let it go and do it myself after he doesn't do it the 3rd time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586341 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 13:29:21 +0000 Truth Bombs 2586341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I really don't mind doing double bedtime (I always do double dinner/bath/PJ's solo so getting them to sleep alone isn't that much more work). My husband just doesn't get it because he doesn't plan for things. So on the rare occasion that I work late or go out with friends and he has the kids alone, he just goes with the flow and doesn't plan around when I'll get home so he doesn't understand why it's a big deal to me if he's home 45 minutes later than he said he would be, because it wouldn't be a big deal to him if I did the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586339 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 13:25:15 +0000 alphagam84 2586339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That does sound frustrating! Luckily, my SO is really good at getting stuff done around the house and taking care of our daughter as needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586337 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 13:24:04 +0000 peachykeen 2586337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also completely agree with @Foodnerd81: that he's reliable about the important things. No one's going to die on his watch and he does a lot of things that I don't want to do (taxes, lawn care, car stuff)... Even if it's not on my timeline :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586336 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 13:24:01 +0000 Foodnerd81 2586336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skipra: absolutely our biggest fights are about this. </p> <p>@Truth Bombs: also, just because I CAN do bedtime alone doesn't mean I want to. It sucks for all of us- I'm impatient and snippy with our toddler getting her ready while the baby is whining or crying, no one can relax, which means all my rushing makes bedtime take longer anyway. I hate it. But I can do it, yes, I just need to mentally prepare myself. </p> <p>I add half an hour to any time he says he will be home and then I get less frustrated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586335 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 13:22:00 +0000 youboots 2586335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: this! Under exaggerating for the win. </p> <p>Eh, overall he's great. And T is on a pretty predictable schedule. For me now that I'm done BF is been a slow transition from me as the primary parent to a co parent when he is around. He asks me questions he should know the answer to then I ask him to try answering it- he's always 'right' and needs to be better about following his instincts. Dude, she's 16 months, you got this. </p>