https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 05:53:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2085295 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 15:06:45 +0000 ballerinabee 2085295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: We still have no news from DH's HR folks. They sent an inquiry to BCBS, but apparently haven't heard back yet. I got tired of asking, and my heart hurts from the anxiety and stress and disappointment and fear of having my hopes squashed, so I'm waiting to hear. </p> <p>I interviewed for a managerial promotion at work, and should find out on Friday morning (my boss and her boss scheduled a meeting with me to go over "work assignments" then) if I get it or not. If I don't get it and DH's company won't drop me from their insurance, I think I'm going to ask to go part time here for a month (work 32 hour weeks) and then go back full time, triggering open enrollment. If they say no to that, we will have to wait until Sept (DH's open enrollment is in Aug, it turns out, so I could pick up my insurance in Sept, rather than waiting for Jan). If we have to wait until Sept, I may see if I can convince DH to pay OOP for 1 cycle so that we're not just wasting time. </p> <p>Not ideal, but at least I have options in my head.</p> <p>I'm CD20 now, and I didn't use OPKs or chart this month due to stress. We BD on CD12, 14, 16, &amp; 18 (and will again tonight, just in case I O'd really late again this month). FF predicts AF on 3/5, so we shall see.</p> <p>Tl;dr: I hope to know what I'm going to do by the end of the work day on Friday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2084872 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 12:49:18 +0000 travellingbee 2084872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: What happened with this? Did you find out any information?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2076804 Thu, 19 Feb 2015 13:09:19 +0000 spaniellove 2076804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: From spending some time in the DOR community I actually think the RE is telling you that from experience...one of the most important factors with ovarian reserve and egg quality is age/time. My second RE who specializes in DOR told me that although my numbers were abysmal, because I was still in my early 30s at the time my egg quality was decent but had I been a few years older he would have pushed for different treatments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2076541 Thu, 19 Feb 2015 11:30:04 +0000 ballerinabee 2076541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raintreebee: the RE said definitely don't wait - to do whatever we can to start ASAP. Of course, the cynical part of me thinks that's $ talking, because they make a lot more money from OOP patients than insurance-covered patients. </p> <p>Here are their IVF success rates: <a href="http://www.shadygrovefertility.com/ivf_success" rel="nofollow">http://www.shadygrovefertility.com/ivf_success</a> </p> <p>It definitely drops off after 38, but I agree that that's partially because it's lumped with 39 &amp; 40. I wonder what the rates would look like year-by-year. Stats are always a little suspect to me, because you can do a lot to manipulate them.</p> <p>I'm waiting on pins and needles to hear back from my DH's HR woman. She called BCBS yesterday, but hasn't heard back from the rep. I'm assuming BCBS will say they can't drop me until open enrollment. I just hope she can persuade them otherwise, somehow! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2076512 Thu, 19 Feb 2015 11:22:37 +0000 raintreebee 2076512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: I am really sorry you are going through this. it really sucks. Why don't you talk to the RE about what he recommends? I am sure he won't give you a clear answer, but he can go over the relevant stats with you. I faced a similar, but much less heart-wrenching choice. I wanted to wait another year to do IVF since my son is only 12 months old, but since I am nearly 37, I figured I would hate myself if I lost the opportunity. At our age, I think things really can go downhill fast. But I also didn't have an easy time with IVF the first time (took 2 retrievals and three transfers). Your situation is different because you have a much better reason for waiting (mine was just sanity lol). But the stats are important. Here are the stats from my clinic. They make 38 seem really, really bad since that category is lumped with 39 and 40, but you get the general picture. <a href="http://rmany.com/success-rates/" rel="nofollow">http://rmany.com/success-rates/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2076386 Thu, 19 Feb 2015 10:32:30 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2076386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: we did 3 iuis before IVF... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2076306 Thu, 19 Feb 2015 10:05:15 +0000 ballerinabee 2076306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Pinecone316: it would be a tough hit for us. We've been digging out of huge divorce debt from DH's 1st marriage, and have been trying to save for a down payment on a house. So, we could afford it, but it would definitely set us back, financially. It's not a responsible choice, even for one cycle ($18+K). </p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: exactly! I really don't want to wait, but I don't want to hurt us financially either. And @sarac: that's one of DH's points. He says we should be grateful for what we have, and that anything else is gravy. He really wants more kids, but doesn't think waiting will hurt us. </p> <p>@spaniellove: @raintreebee: The insurance we currently have covers absolutely nothing for IVF. My company's health insurance covers 6 retrievals per live birth at 90% (plus as many FET / cryopreservation as those 6 retrievals allow). My understanding from the RE &amp; financial folks at the fertility center is that we can go straight to IVF under my company's insurance because of the health risks to me of trying anything else. It's not about wanting to - the doctors absolutely won't let me. </p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: I'm going to exhaust every option, even if I have to talk to my management about changing to part-time status for a month or two. I'd have to exhaust my vacation to take FMLA, and I need that for maternity leave, so I'd rather try to go part time temporarily first.</p> <p>@Mrs Green Grass: that's really, really good information! My DH's morphology was only 2% normal! Eek. Now I understand even more why they said IUI (even if I could do it) wouldn't be useful, and that they'll have to do IVF+ICSI. Stupid gimpy sperm! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075992 Thu, 19 Feb 2015 00:25:35 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2075992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read all responses, but if say wait till jan. It sounds like forever, but it's not in the long run... In my research and experience, it's hard to really predict egg quality and morphology is the one thing that really seems to necessitate IVF. Ehatever you decide, I wish you the very best!<br /> (I did IVF w ICSI / DH had poor morph, 4% normal.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075985 Thu, 19 Feb 2015 00:12:07 +0000 sarac 2075985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since you already have a child, and this is number two, I'd personally try to wait. Not to say that secondary infertility is any easier than primary. But boy, that is an awful lot of money to spend if you have another choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075960 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 23:18:47 +0000 raintreebee 2075960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally wouldn't wait if I could somehow make it work now. Does your insurance cover multiple cycles or just one? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075932 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 22:32:34 +0000 spaniellove 2075932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: Don't know if you've already answered this, but are there any requirements for IVF to be covered by insurance? I think in NJ you have to have done a certain number of oral med cycles and a certain number of IUI cycles so it takes couples a while to get to IVF if they want insurance coverage. We bypassed that since insurance wasn't an option for us anyways. Just a thought, since you mentioned time was a factor, and you don't want to do certain types of protocols! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075762 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 18:58:11 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2075762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I would check you benefits for what's a qualifying life event. Simetimes a change in employment status can trigger it. Maybe ask if you could change your title or something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075716 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 17:58:01 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2075716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: January is a long time away (even if I feel him on frugality). I have learned that I was really lucky to conceive so easily at 38. I definitely didn't realize how fast I would lose it! Time is important! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075710 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 17:51:57 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2075710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is tough! I guess it would come down to what we could afford. If that amount of money is something that would put you in debt or really significantly hurt the savings I would wait. If you make enough where you could still be comfortable financially I would go for it. </p> <p>could you buy a cheaper plan, like 1 cycle and try that paying out of pocket and if it doesn't work wait till January for the insurance to kick in? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075689 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 17:33:30 +0000 ballerinabee 2075689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shutterbug: Yes, we're really hoping they'll work with us. My husband left a voicemail last night and then an email today, and was going to explain the situation. Hopefully they'll find a way to help us. </p> <p>Waiting to hear back from her is killing me! I'm so anxious and afraid I'm going to be disappointed. Patience is definitely not one of my virtues!</p> <p>@FliegepilzHut: We liked the RE, and they seem to be the best in town. There are 3 within driving distance, and friends of ours who have been trying for 7 years have been to all 3 and came back to this one because they liked it best by far. They have the best success rate in the country (if you believe the hype), so I'm comfortable with them. I just wish we didn't have to stress about the $ vs. waiting for insurance, and could just get on with it!</p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I'm on board with just spending the $ if it comes to that, but my DH is ridiculously frugal, and thinks it's ridiculous to spend the $ when we can just wait until January. I hope I don't have to argue the decision with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075508 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 15:21:44 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2075508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shutterbug: I completely agree about the finanancial aspect being a tremendous drag on top of dealing with IF...</p> <p>@ballerinabee: FX that your husband's company will be willing to work with you! I don't know that I would be comfortable waiting for another (almost) year... Are you comfortable with your current RE's practice? If there were any questions in my mind, I would probably seek a second opinion/consult! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075441 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 14:48:45 +0000 Shutterbug 2075441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: since your husband's company is small, and the owner's wife is the HR person, do you think explaining the whole situation would help? I don't know much about benefits and open enrollment rules, but maybe if they understood *why* you were trying to drop out, they'd work with you more. I hope it works out... it infuriates me that IF coverage isn't mandated nationally, because IF sucks in the first place (I've done IVF twice), and no one should have to then also make such huge financial decisions on top of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075423 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 14:38:31 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2075423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: I understand your frustrations, especially since to get this precious guy I basically had to sacrifice a year of college saving. He's worth it all the way, but it was a financial setback to be sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075412 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 14:29:16 +0000 ballerinabee 2075412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: absolutely! We aren't poor, but we also don't have that kind of money lying around...</p> <p>@PurplePumps: I'm not sure if they have negotiated rates since they straight up don't cover it. We can definitely look into it, because like @spaniellove: said, one cycle might be all we need, and with the potential for some FET, could certainly get us to the fall when I can sign up for my company's insurance.</p> <p>@spaniellove: I am concerned about how many / quality of eggs they'll get and whether they'll even fertilize, given my age. We don't know that there's an egg issue since my blood levels are great, but one antral follicle count is all we currently have. And I did probably misspeak a little - I can't do clomid / super-ovulation IUI because of the risk of multiple eggs releasing and being fertilized inside me. I will absolutely have to stim and do those sorts of meds to get as many eggs as possible for an IVF retrieval. The risk for me is releasing multiple eggs that go on to a multiple pregnancy. </p> <p>@MrsMed: if my husband's insurance drops me, it forces open enrollment for me, so that's what I'm hoping against hope for. I think the marketplace would be prohibitively expensive for me because of some other health issues (asthma, depression). </p> <p>I did get the thumbs up from my benefits office that I can pick up our insurance if we get a letter from my husband's company stating that I will no long have coverage as of X (trying for March 1). We just have to hope that they'll agree to drop me outside of open enrollment... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075375 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 14:12:28 +0000 MrsMed 2075375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you do what I did and sign up for your own insurance via the healthcare marketplace that covers IVF? Or do you have to go through your employer? What are the rules around that? I have my own (very expensive) insurance because I work part-time and am not covered at my job. I found good insurance that covers IVF and allows me to stay with my current OBGYN. My husband dropped me from his so that we could do this. But I guess this may not help you because you're obligated to be covered by your employer? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075231 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:06:39 +0000 PurplePumps 2075231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: Oh, another thing just popped into mind too. Even if your husbands insurance company says they don't cover it, do they still have a negotiated rates for the procedure? I only have data for my last cycle, which was incomplete (retrieval, but no transfer), but my clinic billed 13k, but they 'discounted it 9k' since the negotiated rate was only 4k. So even if I had hit my max out of pocket for fertility, and had to pay for it, I'd have only ended up paying 4k instead of the 13k they tried to bill. Not sure how it works if they say they don't cover it for you, if they even try to bill insurance and have different rates, but might be worth looking into too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075183 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:29:20 +0000 travellingbee 2075183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: the crazy thing is we actually make good money, but who has $25,000 lying around to gamble with?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075182 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:28:38 +0000 spaniellove 2075182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: This sounds like so much stress for you right now, and a lot of difficult decisions. Have you had your antral follicle count tested more than once? If it's pretty consistent, it's possible that you may not get very many eggs/embryos in an IVF cycle and with your egg quality you may want to be careful about how high your RE takes your stim dosage. I just wanted to bring that up because ladies with DOR or fewer eggs are sometimes surprised to learn that FET isn't as much of an option for them. </p> <p>When they say single embryo IVF, do they mean elective single embryo transfer? Because I don't think it's true that you can't have any fertility meds...obviously you're going to have monitoring during any treatments and they'll know how many follicles you have! </p> <p>My take is that I would never pay for more than one IVF cycle with a clinic because you could realize from that cycle that you dislike their process enough to go somewhere else, and it's common to want at least another opinion. When I initially looked into the financial plans I read that clinics offer them for their own benefit, not yours. </p> <p>@travellingbee: I know that right now it seems like so so much. The numbers seem so large and it might feel like you could never recover from it financially, or at least it will take a long time. And what happened to us was the worst case - we shelled out the money OOP and it didn't work. But it's all worth it someday, and you will never regret it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075162 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:17:31 +0000 ballerinabee 2075162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: Thanks! I called and left a message for my benefits folks (they're at lunch right now, of course) and my DH emailed his benefits person to ask about dropping me, so &lt;fingers crossed!&gt;</p> <p>Thank you SO much for the idea, whether it will work or not! At least I feel like I'm trying to do something...</p> <p>I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have coverage either. How do you choose between major important expenses (LO's college education fund / buying a house, etc.) and having another child? Life is so unfair sometimes. I find myself getting so angry about "oops" pregnancy announcements (in the media / younger family members / siblings of friends), when so many of us who are prepared and want a child desperately can't get pregnant. Or can't afford to try. Ok, now I'm ranting... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075143 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:10:37 +0000 travellingbee 2075143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, I don't know what I would do in your situation if I couldn't get coverage, but I think I'd wait... </p> <p>Currently, we are also faced with IVF with no coverage at all. We may have to choose between a college fund for LO or a shot at another baby. It is a lot of money and stress... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075136 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:08:08 +0000 travellingbee 2075136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ballerinabee: I would call YOUR (future) insurance and ask them if your husband drops you from his insurance can you get covered immediately. This is exactly what we did with LO. I dropped him from mine, and got a letter from my insurance that said we had a "Loss of Credible Coverage". Then we gave that to DH's insurance and they let us add him on to DH's policy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075125 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:03:35 +0000 blackbird 2075125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Someone: I'm 100% convinced I wouldn't have been able to carry to term with a healthy baby without modern medicine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075118 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:00:27 +0000 ballerinabee 2075118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all so much for the ideas &amp; support. My DH doesn't "get it" about having to wait, and the upset that I'm feeling, so it's really nice to be able to get support here :grin: </p> <p>@travellingbee: I'm having him ask his HR person (the owner's wife) if they can just drop me from his policy and give me a letter so I can get on mine effective 3/1. We'll see what she says...</p> <p>@Mrs.Someone: Thanks! Good info, for sure. The MFM did a TON of testing (24 urine plus 20 some vials of blood!), and she is supposed to call me today with the results. She said that if I have one of the clotting factors, I'll have to do blood thinners as well, but I'm confused because my RE said I should stop the baby aspirin as soon as we decide to do IVF because of the bleeding risk during retrieval &amp; embryo transfer. Either way, I already have to do progesterone injections during pregnancy (starting week 16 because of the PPROM), so what's another injection? Ha!</p> <p>@PurplePumps: I'm on his insurance right now, so I wonder if a temporary LOA would be a life event. Hmm... I'll have to check our benefits page to see what constitutes a change in status. I thought it was only marriage / divorce / baby, but it's worth checking out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075071 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 11:36:46 +0000 PurplePumps 2075071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So who's insurance plan are you under now? Your husbands? Would a temporary leave of absence count as a life event? (I know that it does for me). I have said that if we use up my max, I want to take a month or leave of absence so that I can switch to his insurance and get more coverage, do my cycle, then return to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ivf-dilemma#post-2075052 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 11:26:50 +0000 Mrs.Someone 2075052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Yea, I was pretty fascinated with it. I really think I would've had some awful issues if I had somehow gotten pregnant without the various medications/supplements I was on. </p>