https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 03:28:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1873570 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 19:57:26 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1873570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, thank you all for the words of encouragement. It was so needed. I know it's going to be hard, but it really is for the best. And, like it was mentioned, it won't be forever. &lt;3</p> <p>@mamimami: haha, That was actually something that did help! I do love thinking of it that way.</p> <p>As for changing the commute/moving closer, it's unfortunately impossible. The work I do involves working 1-2 hours in the home with families with children with autism or behavioral disorders. So I may have a family from 9am-11am, then a half hour drive to the next family. Then so on and so forth with my last family being 6-8pm. Alas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1873115 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 13:37:40 +0000 lizzywiz 1873115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ZombieBullfrogHoller: I totally relate but for somewhat different reasons. DH and I married young, long before either us considered the others financial potential. He ended up working in a field with high stress where he had limited upward mobility...actually, zero upward mobility. I ended up in a field with tons of options. We needed both incomes to pay the bills but once LO came it got tight w/ daycare bills, even with both incomes. So, when the time came, I am the one who left my family friendly job to work longer hours, sometimes out of town and overnights. Last year I went out of town every week, ugh.<br /> It is not always what I imagined.<br /> I sometime have resentment that DH doesn't make more or at least have a job he loves (he hates it).<br /> BUT, last year while I was out of town one night a week, DH learned what it is like to take care of LO non-stop. He did the night wake ups, he did daycare drop off and pick up, he left work early when daycare called. I learned to trust and admire him as a co-parent in a way I don't think I could have done if I hadn't had to switch jobs. Also, I do feel pride in bringing home the bacon, so to speak. I'm her mama and I am making it happen. And you are a GREAT mama doing the same. And he isn't going to forget you or replace you- in fact, now you will get that awesome rock star moment when you come home and they act like you are the most amazing thing ever (which you totally are ;-0)<br /> And last, remember this is what is working for you guys for now, not forever. Keep your eye out for opportunities for both of you to shape it more how you like.<br /> Hang in there. Resentment is such a gross feeling (I know, 'cause I still struggle with it). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1873064 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 13:09:27 +0000 Mama Bird 1873064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel for you... hugs! Not the same situation, but my career is doing much better than DH's and we considered the same thing when he came within a hair of being fired. I was very jealous too.</p> <p>It's hard to have the dream of always being there for your baby not happen, but I don't think he'll forget you're his mom! I work almost the same hours and am hoping it isn't making DS feel like I'm never around. We still get some quality time... because DS is a terrible sleeper and goes to bed at 9:30 :(</p> <p>Look on the bright side, a job with benefits and full time hours is so much better for peace if mind and stability. You're doing what you've got to do, not abandoning your son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872662 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 09:13:23 +0000 ShootingStar 1872662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't blame you for being jealous. I don't really want to SAH, but I know it would be hard to have to leave the house every day while DH and DS got to spend the day together. I'd get really jealous of them doing fun things that I couldn't do too. </p> <p>But think of some of the positives - your son gets to hang out with his dad, instead of someone you're paying. And maybe during the week your husband can run all the errands and do the un-fun stuff, leaving the weekends for all of you to have quality time together :). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872637 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 09:02:11 +0000 78h2o 1872637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't blame you at all for feeling jealous, but you are not in any way a terrible mom. You are doing what is best for your family and that is really admirable. I have similar hours on M, W, Th and it has been fine. My LO is always thrilled to see me and we have a very close bond. I make the most of the all the other time we have together. It will be okay!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872619 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 08:53:48 +0000 rachiecakes 1872619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ZombieBullfrogHoller: I'm with you. It's SO hard. DH is home with J during the day. I wish I had more daytime with him. But it is such a blessing that he gets to have that relationship with his dad. It certainly wasn't that way for me growing up.<br /> The worst for me is when DH complains about having a bad day with him, lol. I know his feelings are totally valid, but I'd love to have that time with J. </p> <p>@Mrs. Tiger: I would LOVE those hours! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872601 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 08:39:48 +0000 mamimami 1872601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your feelings are totally normal and any of us would feel that!! But I also think it's SO AMAZING for your son as a future man to have his dad stay home and see his mom bringing home the bacon. I know you probably don't feel all gung-ho about giving him this gender lesson right now but think about the long term. I think that's amazing. He will be a very evolved little man!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872510 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 07:54:50 +0000 Mae 1872510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're an amazing mom because you're putting your family's needs above your wants! That would be really hard though! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872506 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 07:51:45 +0000 Foodnerd81 1872506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother and SIL had a similar situation after their son was born- my brother was able to take two semesters off and sah while his wife went back to work after three months. I know it was hard- and I know I would have been insanely jealous, even when you both know it's best for your family. If it helps at all, even with dad sah, my nephew frequently had a mommy preference (which drove my brother a tiny bit crazy sometimes, haha). </p> <p>I don't have any advice, but know we all understand how you feel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872460 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 07:15:03 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1872460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH was a WAHD for almost 2 years when DS1 was born - I was definitely jealous at times! Can you shift your hours so traffic is better? I work 5a-130p to have the shortest commute... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872453 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 07:05:32 +0000 blackbird 1872453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are a great mom!!! You are providing for your family! Putting food on the table and a roof over their heads. That is invaluable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872452 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 07:05:15 +0000 Adira 1872452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't even WANT to be a SAHM, but I would be INSANELY jealous if my husband was a SAHD! Just the thought of him getting to spend more time with our kids than me would make me crazy, so I feel you!!! &lt;3</p> <p>I like @jetsa: suggestion if it's possible - can you maybe move closer to your job (or start looking for a job that's closer to your home) so that the commute isn't as terrible and you won't have to be away for as long? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872447 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 06:55:00 +0000 jetsa 1872447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So many hugs! You have every right to feel jealous but you know that you're doing the right thing for your family so life will continue. You are not a bad mom and in fact you are a great one because you are doing what your family needs.</p> <p>Would moving closer to your job be an option? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872375 Sun, 21 Sep 2014 23:41:21 +0000 MrsStar 1872375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jealous-of-dh-1#post-1872373 Sun, 21 Sep 2014 23:35:59 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1872373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, boy. It's 12:30am and I can't sleep and OMG THE FEELS. So, long story short, DH is quitting his job to be a stay at home dad with our 13 month old son. Due to our situation with my job paying double what he makes and his disability, when I was able to get more hours at work and qualify for fulltime (benefits, yayyyy), it made sense for him to just stay home vs. putting LO in daycare. </p> <p>He's very excited and has been at home with LO while I work here and there a lot lately. He's a great dad and I feel better that LO stay with him than with strangers, but I am so.freaking.jealous. I'm freaking out already because with my job, I may be directly working 8 or 9 hours, but with commute, Monday, Tues, Wed I'll be gone from 8:30am-8:00(or 8:30)pm. I've never been gone that long for work. And sure, Thursdays and Friday I'll be home more and then I'll have weekends off, but I feel like I'm abandoning him or something. And he's already starting to drop nursing sessions and UGH. Being a stay at home mom was always the picture in my head and I feel like my dream have been crushed. </p> <p>I feel like I'm reacting worse to this than I should. It's not my husband's fault that he can't work/I can't stay at home and it's makes the best sense for our financial life. It's the best thing to do. But I just can't get over this feeling like I'm being this awful mother who is going to miss the little moments, whose baby is going to forget her - which is completely unrealistic, but these thoughts pop into my head and I just want to cry. :|</p> <p>Can anyone relate or give me words to get over this? </p>