https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 09:27:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2612105 Sat, 27 Aug 2016 20:49:25 +0000 Makingbabyw 2612105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>thank you all so much... I have gone back to this post I can't even tell you how many times since posting and all of your advice has been so powerful for me when I am down. &lt;3 I am dpo 3 first cycle as of now and just praying that this time TTC is a little less difficult emotionally </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600507 Mon, 08 Aug 2016 12:08:20 +0000 LulaBee 2600507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second what @winniebee: said you have to make the work a priority, face it... and for me, therapy. Yoga, meditation, hot baths. I had a hard time picking running back up because it made my anxiety worse. I think you just have to try stuff until you figure it out. I'm sorry you're going through this. </p> <p>My close friend and I were pregnant at the same time. My son was stillborn, hers was not. It took over a month before I could see him. Even now, a year and a half (and my rainbow baby) later, it's hard to see him sometimes. Give yourself as much space as you need. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600469 Mon, 08 Aug 2016 11:23:52 +0000 Shantuck 2600469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Makingbabyw: As for feeling joy rather than jealousy for friends, I do think you need to let yourself feel however it is you feel. I'm not sure if you are trying for #1 but my troubles were with #2 so I tried to remind myself that I didn't begrudge anyone for having the joyful experience that I had once had (and would have again). But at the same time, if I didn't feel up for a baby shower or spending lots of time with a friends new baby, I quietly did what I needed to do for myself and my own healing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600438 Mon, 08 Aug 2016 10:48:53 +0000 magnoliamama42 2600438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a mess for about three months after my first miscarriage. After that, I was still hurting but the pain wasn't so much like a raw nerve and more like a deep ache.</p> <p>When we started TTC again, it was very very difficult. Everyone around us was having their babies or was pregnant, it seemed like. I imagine watching your best friend have her baby was extremely difficult for you. Even after having our rainbow baby, I hate baby showers.</p> <p>When TTC again, I didn't attend any baby showers, even for family. I took a lot of warm baths and read a lot of novels. I did not expect myself to be "better", or to be "normal". And my husband didn't expect it either. We just went with it, and dealt with things as they came, and if I had a bed week, I had a bad week. Find some distractions, and be kind to yourself and your husband. You have the strength for this - it doesn't have to be pretty, and you don't have to smile through it all. You just have to make it to the other side. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600405 Mon, 08 Aug 2016 10:11:49 +0000 ElbieKay 2600405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a physical mess after my last mc. The pregnancy had caused congestion which disrupted my sleep really badly for about a month before I mc'd. Then it took a other month or two for my sleep to regulate. The lack of sleep made my back tense up horribly to the point where it overshadowed everything I did. To top it all off, my job was getting really crazy at the same time. I only recently got back on top of this problem, and it's been over 4 months since I mc'd.</p> <p>ETA: What finally helped with my back pain was resuming the C25k (running). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600403 Mon, 08 Aug 2016 10:04:35 +0000 winniebee 2600403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Trying to eat healthy, throw myself into working out a lot, working some extra hours to stay busy. Seeing a therapist and going to group support. Making my grief work a priority. Making sure I make time for myself outside of my family.</p> <p>We had a loss at 18.5 weeks - went through L&amp;D. It's been a rough few months but I am having more good days than bad at this point. I do have two healthy living children so that is a huge source of comfort and strength for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600183 Sun, 07 Aug 2016 16:36:17 +0000 travellingbee 2600183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After my second loss, I threw myself into getting healthy. Bought a fit bit, started tracking my food/nutrients, started exercising. It helped to have some goals I could control (unlike ttc). We took a short trip to a resort. Then started TTC again after that. We had waited about 2.5 months in between. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600108 Sun, 07 Aug 2016 10:11:12 +0000 LCTBQE 2600108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so, so sorry about your miscarriage. I had a similar experience (D&amp;C at 8.5 weeks) and it hit me very hard, I felt alone and frightened that I'd never be able to carry a pregnancy. The most helpful thing for me was talking to and hearing about other women who'd had losses, much of which I found here on HB. I was active on that TTC After Loss board with @Shantuck: and everyone there was wonderfully supportive--I wonder if you re-post there or start a new thread if you'd find some people in a similar spot? </p> <p>Not sure I can advise on keeping calm, as I too was a ball of nerves and got a little obsessive about charting and opk's. I don't actually think it was such a bad thing, though--for some women, trying again is part of the healing process. It helped me feel better to think that I was doing all that I could. Maybe you'll find comfort in seeing that you're ovulating again, and knowing that you could conceive in the first place. As for re-balancing, agree with Shantuck that your hormones truly are thrown off and it might take more than the one cycle for them to re-set. In the meantime, do your favorite things when you have the energy, get lots of rest, and hang in there :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600098 Sun, 07 Aug 2016 09:44:14 +0000 Shantuck 2600098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@OldpuebloJenn: Agree with the fertility acupuncturist suggestion. Mine practically doubled as a therapist and really helped me through some tough days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600097 Sun, 07 Aug 2016 09:43:01 +0000 Shantuck 2600097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It takes awhile after a loss for your hormones to re-regulate. After my first loss, I felt like a total mess (would cry on my way to work every day). I was crazed at work and thought being busy would help distract me but I wasn't getting much sleep, taking care of myself, etc. After my second loss (a D&amp;C), I felt like my hormones regulated much faster. I focused on taking care of myself and tried my best to stay upbeat. I listened to upbeat music, exercised, ate well, planned a last minute getaway with DH, watched funny movies, etc. It sounds silly but I watched the movie The Secret on Netflix about the law of attraction which basically said if you believe good things will happen to you then you will attract good things in your life. Clearly that theory has its limits but I figured I had nothing to lose by trying to be optimistic and opted for a fake it till you make it approach until I actually felt better. I got pregnant the cycle after my first post-D&amp;C period and I'm now 27 weeks. Just try to keep the faith and be kind to yourself. Try to take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that your body can get pregnant (it was just a bad egg or sperm, etc.) and your body did everything it was supposed to do. Best of luck and sorry for your loss. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600092 Sun, 07 Aug 2016 09:32:33 +0000 OldpuebloJenn 2600092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The best thing I did was see an acupuncturist who specialized in fertility. It was 1hour-90 minutes of me time. She was gentle and caring, and had seen lots of women after loss. I felt like it was very healing for me, and it was something concrete I could do and check off. We started each session discussing where I was in my cycle, how I was feeling, any changes to our ttc routine- diet, exercise, etc. It was very much like seeing a therapist and the acupuncture relieved stress and tension for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600078 Sun, 07 Aug 2016 07:52:08 +0000 Jess1483 2600078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Makingbabyw: I'm so sorry for your loss. I was a mess ttc after my m/c as well. I cried a lot. I tried to mark the loss the best I knew how, so it didn't feel like I was brushing it aside. I created a memory shadow box, wrote a letter, and chose a piece of jewelry to commemorate out little one. I tried to be grateful for the time I got to be LO's mom, even though it was so short. The first few months of pregnancy with my rainbow baby were very hard for me, too. I relied heavily on the women here who were going through similar things. I wish I had better advice, and I hope others can chime in here. Feel free to wall me if you'd like to talk more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-calm-after-loss#post-2600052 Sun, 07 Aug 2016 00:57:04 +0000 Makingbabyw 2600052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There hasn't been anything posted in some time in TCC after loss for a while so I'm looking for some advice/ thoughs desperately as DH and I deal with this next phase of TCC after our d&amp;c. This is our first cycle TCC since surgery and im just an emotional roller coaster. Ready to TCC and devistated at the same time. Our best friends just had their sweet baby and we met her today; im reeling in pain after holding her but so beyond excited for them at the same time. </p> <p>So I guess...what did you and DH do after your loss to rebalance yourselves? To keep your eyes focused and accept the loss that has happened? Tracking my cycle has made me a ball of nerves and I want to enjoy this stage of i life that we are experiencing, whether it be how we pictured or not... </p>