https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 09:59:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-the-sibling-peace-during-the-holidays#post-2367580 Mon, 23 Nov 2015 21:02:21 +0000 Greentea 2367580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hm. My extended family is a lot like this. I don't think it is fair to kind of put it on the upset sister, "don't act out!" is not going to work for an adult that is obviously upset about a larger family issue, know what I mean? I have come to accept that people are going to freak out, and that is okay, it is part of life and no family is perfect. Can the other siblings avoid the triggers? Like for us, if someone brings up our childhood or ANY of our parents are mentioned = shit storm!</p> <p>Meeting ahead of time to try to clear the air may be helpful, and keeping things light and short on Christmas can help as well. Also, not sure if you were planning this, but not staying together can help too! People need space.</p> <p>And yes, one of my sisters, the last to marry, was the most sensitive and you never knew what would set her off. She is much better now that she found her special someone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-the-sibling-peace-during-the-holidays#post-2367570 Mon, 23 Nov 2015 20:55:52 +0000 Golden Rule 2367570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: no kids and might be part of the heart of the issue, our original nuclear family now has spouses and kids and she probably feels left out... But I know she loves her nieces and nephews and wants them to make happy memories. You're right though ground rules are important</p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: that's what I'm trying to do but according to my sib all attempts at reconciliation have backfired. Lots of rehashing little details of the (trivial) argument and bringing up the past. Great idea re: exit strategies... Going for a walk, last minute eggnog run, movie on the iPad upstairs would work. Harder part is asking the other adults to not get involved. We're all frankly a little fed up and DH is adamant we don't let her ruin the holiday.</p> <p>@mrs.shinerbock: I think this has a lot to do with her issues actually. Maybe I'll suggest a "adult sibs only" coffee run or something while the kids nap or watch a movie. Thanks so much everyone. I feel better knowing we're not the only ones with such bad tension and possibility of explosions. People grow up and have issues and family time together an trigger some ugly stuff. Wish us luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-the-sibling-peace-during-the-holidays#post-2367255 Mon, 23 Nov 2015 15:36:13 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2367255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My younger sister can be the way you described your sister. It got especially bad after I started bringing DH home for holidays (before we were married) and what we figured out was that she was feeling left out. Prior holidays, my sister and I had been paired up and could escape from the house and go to the movies/shopping, whatever and when I brought DH, she lost that. She was feeling like the odd man out and now that she is the only sibling without kids or SO, she is pretty sensitive to all the family activities being kid focused and not so much fun for her. </p> <p>My siblings and I try to make a point to plan more adult "fun" things and leave the kids with our spouses and also make a point to ask her opinion when planning to make sure she feels included. It works most of the time now, but she has always been somewhat this way, so we deal with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-the-sibling-peace-during-the-holidays#post-2367115 Mon, 23 Nov 2015 14:12:20 +0000 LuLu Mom 2367115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does your sister have children, can you talk to her "mom to mom" and explain that we need to keep the peace inside the house and if any type of disagreement happens it must be taken outside immediately. </p> <p>My dad had 2 siblings that were at odds for a few years, they *usually* kept the peace during family functions, they were told if they could not handle this then they should not attend and if an argument happened they stepped outside so the kids could not hear. That only happened once, usually they just stayed in separate rooms &amp; one usually left not long after dinner to avoid the tension. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-the-sibling-peace-during-the-holidays#post-2367037 Mon, 23 Nov 2015 13:37:15 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2367037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is there any chance to get the two "warring" siblings together prior to the all-family Christmas?</p> <p>While at your home can you plan for exit strategies? A place to shuttle the LOs in case things flare up. Head off a pile on by making sure by standers mind their own business? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/keeping-the-sibling-peace-during-the-holidays#post-2367031 Mon, 23 Nov 2015 13:32:37 +0000 Golden Rule 2367031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's posts like these that make me want to take the plunge to gold membership :wink: but here goes...</p> <p>My siblings and I have traditionally gotten along famously (save for those pesky teenage years), but lately one of them has been the center of major, major tension... long, personal and painful story short: she has "triggers" that make her extremely upset at one of us, and it's hard to know what will trigger that response. The trigger would understandably make someone annoyed or upset, but the response is always exaggerated for the situation, and has ruined trips and holidays in the past.</p> <p>The last one incident is still ongoing and she is still not talking to one of my other siblings. I'm hosting Christmas and I don't know what to do. There will be kids there and I don't want their Christmas ruined, but do not want people not to show up because they are afraid of the tension.</p> <p>I love my sister and want her to be happy, but I want my family united again too. So far, all confrontation about a larger issue being at play has led to extreme defensiveness and shutting down. Not even sure what advice I'm seeking here, but I feel powerless to make it right. </p>