https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 15 Jun 2026 21:43:25 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834415 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 23:26:27 +0000 Mrsbells 2834415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: yes! I know it is easier said than done but children really respond well to structure and knowing what is coming next. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834337 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 17:17:50 +0000 Mama Bird 2834337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Boopers: good idea! Maybe she'll feel it's less personal if it's a timer setting the limits, not just me telling her it's time to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834334 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 16:59:45 +0000 Boopers 2834334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I have to comisserate with you because I know how exhausting long, drawn out bedtimes are. We were laying in bed with LO1 anywhere from 1-2 hours every night before he would eventually fall asleep. There was constant rolling around, threatening to leave if he wouldn’t settle, etc. etc.</p> <p>Once LO1 turned 3 and our LO2 needing us at bedtime we decided we would need to change our bedtime routine. A few nights before we started it, we verbally ran through the new routine with him to prep him for the changes. Our new routine became bath, pjs, brush teeth, book, 10 minutes of cuddles, hug and kiss and a good night. </p> <p>The night we started the new routine we told him that we were going to set a timer for 10 minutes and when the timer goes off, we are going to give him a hug and a kiss and leave. We told him that we love him, that he needs his sleep so that he can grow big and strong and that we would be in the house watching him on the camera. We emphasized what a big boy he is to sleep in his big boy room all by himself. The first few nights there were lots of tears, but each morning he would wake up so excited and say “I slept in my room, just like a big boy and you watched me on the camera!” It’s been 3 months and overall it’s been great for all of us. He occasionally will say things like “I don’t want you to leave me, I just love you”. I acknowledge the feelings, but keep firm to the routine and expectation that I leave when the timer goes off and try not to draw bedtime out because it makes it harder for them.</p> <p>You will find something that works for both of you!! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834328 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 16:24:47 +0000 Mama Bird 2834328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: I agree. I guess I need to be a lot firmer about going through a routine and leaving. At least we'll both be better rested. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834307 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 15:40:59 +0000 Mrsbells 2834307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: so I have a 6 year old and an almost 2 year old and their ability to reason is very from ours. I would say that having a long drawn out goodnight is tiring for her too but she cant see that. I believe you need to try saying a firm goodnight and then leaving. My daughter used to do this and we explained that after we said a prayer we would day goodnight once ans that was it. Yes there will be some crying the 1st few nights but children adapt to routines very quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834295 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 15:14:25 +0000 Mama Bird 2834295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: almost three. I know that's a tough age in general, but I wish there was a way to do things differently. As it is, I think I'm telling her that we're both tired and I have stuff to do, and she's hearing that I don't love her. This can't continue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834277 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 14:38:10 +0000 Mrsbells 2834277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: how old is your little one? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834275 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 14:36:05 +0000 Mama Bird 2834275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@maddyz: we do have time for that most nights. It works for DS, but not DD. And yesterday we had an amazing day out with the whole family, she got tons of one-on-one time with me and DH, but the minute she was in bed... ugh. She was trying to have me all to herself, pitched a fit when I sat down on DS's side of the room because he was upset (lovey in the laundry...), and fell asleep only after we were both in a completely miserable mood. And then this morning the two of them were fighting over me again. I wish they'd fight over DH sometimes, to balance things out... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834215 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 12:02:34 +0000 maddyz 2834215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find that if I can put in some really intense re-bonding time right when I get home from work it gets the night off on a better foot. Lots of snuggles and eye contact. We often read a book on the sofa. It doesn't take much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834200 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 11:47:17 +0000 Mama Bird 2834200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: she won't pick a lovey :bummed: I'm making her a new blanket, but that's been stalled too since I'm spending most of the evening in a dark bedroom... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834195 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 11:31:33 +0000 FaithFertility 2834195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following: DD has been very clingy to us latley, I think DS now 1.5 and is very active takes a lot.of our attention!</p> <p>She asks to sleep with us and also is waking MOTN begging not to be alone!</p> <p>I think she would understand 1 night a week in our bed with us movie etc... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834193 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 11:28:19 +0000 gotkimchi 2834193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: another thing that has helped us is letting her sleep with something “special” like a blanket from my room or one of my sweaters. So you could try that too </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834174 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 10:35:17 +0000 Mama Bird 2834174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I am trying that... right now I'm with her more than ever on the weekends, because DH used to take the kids to his mom's sometimes but now that's not really an option. Thankfully groceries are the only thing that's not a problem right now, and I'm spending less time cooking because DH is not eating dinner at home and the kids aren't big eaters. So... weekends are kind of OK but she needs more of me every day. I told her today that if she does a good job going to bed I can come home earlier every day, but not sure if she's old enough to understand how that works. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834173 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 10:26:50 +0000 Mama Bird 2834173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: that's a great idea!!! I feel like letting her sleep in my bed would help, except it's such a can of worms. Making it a just-Fridays thing sounds perfect. Incidentally, our neighborhood does fireworks on Friday night and then will will randomly fire off the unexploded rockets an hour later. Which of course terrifies DD and totally restarts bedtime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834139 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 08:50:52 +0000 SweetiePie 2834139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Yes this. Set aside a day with a block of time that’s special for you.<br /> Not exactly the same but when we had our 2nd baby 5 months ago, I decided to set aside “Mommy and DS1 time” and we choose one thing each week that we do ourselves. It might be watching a movie on Friday night with popcorn and chocolate milk (which he thinks is super special). We turn off the lights and cuddle under a blanket and he loves it.<br /> Or on the weekend we do something just us two. Explore a new playground instead of the same old one across the street. It only has to be a couple of hours. One Saturday we took the subway all the way downtown to a new playground. Then walked and got a hamburger and a donut. Then walked a bit longer to the LEGO store and finished with some ice cream and another playground. It was very low key and honestly we didn’t even have plans beyond the new playground. But it was so nice to just see where the day took us.<br /> Full disclosure, I sah so it’s not like my weekends are my only time to clean or do household chores. If that’s what your situation is, my sister recently discovered grocery Pickup and she swears that saving 2-3 hours total for grocery shopping on The Weekend is a game changer. She places her order for Friday Pickup on the way home from work and then she feels really freed for the whole weekend because it’s not hanging over her and then to actually have to do it.<br /> I know that’s not what you asked but she’s been raving for weeks so thought I’d share. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834126 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 08:14:35 +0000 gotkimchi 2834126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would try something like saying in Friday’s we can have a special night and watch a movie and have a slumber party and let her sleep in your bed esp if husband is gone. But then the rest of the week she has to be in her bed. My daughter responds well to stuff like that and also understands. And then the other nights I would try to give lots of cuddles and love story time etc but be firm bedtime is 8 and you are in here alone. I think if you get back 2 hr of your nights everyone will benefit </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-love-languages#post-2834123 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 08:04:08 +0000 Mama Bird 2834123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here I am looking for advice about DD again... I think her language is quality time, and I work full-time. When I'm around her, she wants a lot more of me than I have left, and she doesn't normally let DH take over for me so I can get a breather and be a better mom to her. Never mind that he's not home a lot lately, so I have more work and less energy than ever. She really loves to catch up on the quality time at night. She used to start bedtime at 8:30 and let me go at 9:30 to 10, now she's pushed it to 10:30-11. So basically, a couple of hours of me telling her to lie down and go to sleep. Not exactly great bonding, and she's probably starting to think I hate her guts because all she hears is "Go to sleep, I have to go, I really really have to go."</p> <p>What do I do? Aside from the obvious answer of quitting my job, which is not on the table... I'd do that in a heartbeat if I could. </p>