https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 07:36:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2111200 Tue, 17 Mar 2015 08:22:16 +0000 catlady 2111200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I already had a good relationship with MIL and I think having LO made us closer. I never had a good relationship with my one living grandmother, and my mom passed away before LO was born, so I am so glad that LO will get to have that special grandma relationship.</p> <p>DH's parents are divorced and FIL is a little "off" (I'm really not sure what his deal is, and DH doesn't know either). We almost never saw him before LO but now we try to make an effort to see him every so often. I can't say our relationship is better or worse, but if I'm honest, I wish we didn't have to see him as often. I feel like we only go out of guilt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2111082 Tue, 17 Mar 2015 06:26:05 +0000 ValentineMommy 2111082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: same here. </p> <p>It wasn't great before, and now I can't even tolerate their neglect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2111011 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 23:57:43 +0000 NurseDMB 2111011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: Ditto this exactly.</p> <p>We never had a bad relationship, but we're definitely different and I don't think I've ever felt "close" to her. I feel like since having my son there is a tension there and she doesn't act as open around me, but it is what is is. Our relationship is cordial at this point and I guess that's all that matters. In the beginning it was tough because she thought seeing our son 3 times a week wasn't enough and she was getting jealous of the time my mom was spending with our son. But that seems to have resolved now.</p> <p>My FIL doesn't really talk, so that relationship is the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107403 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 12:10:47 +0000 littleredhairedgrl 2107403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: that's pretty much how it is for me and MIL too. she had 2 boys and just doesn't get girls, and always has an opinion to share that is the exact opposite of how she knows i parent. she throws guilt as dh and me, and also A about how often she sees her (once a week! which to me is a lot), instead of just enjoying and making the most of her time with A. our relationship was never great - she treats dh like he's her baby and unfortunately due to the fact that she is a widow he is very very sensitive and tolerant of the thing she says and does. i know she'd be different if my FIL was around and it makes me sad, but it is what it is. i just wish the throwing guilt would stop, and she'd understand that dh, A and I are a family now and to give us a little space.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107371 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:35:14 +0000 yoursilverlining 2107371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a good relationship with all my in-laws before having LO. SMIL is a very difficult and generally nasty person, but I can deal with difficult people well so we were fine. </p> <p>My relationship with my MIL and FIL has gotten better since having LO, I feel like they love me more than they did before and really, truly see me as family now (though they always treated me very well before!). It’s just a different feeling, more than any specific behaviors. I really couldn't ask for a better MIL, especially, though FIL is awesome too. </p> <p>With SMIL, our relationship has gotten more stressed and worse since having LO, especially because FIL loves LO and SMIL sees this as a challenge to her "position" as "most loved" by FIL (see, she's screwed up). I still deal with her and am polite, but she grates on me more than ever and it’s getting worse. I absolutely would NEVER leave LO alone with her (and DH agrees) because she is that toxic of a person. She’s made lots of remarks about how LO was “fat” when she was a baby (WTF) which brought out my mama bear, and she had severe issues with power and food (her own daughter, not surprisingly, has suffered from ED for decades) and I won’t leave my kid with her because she can’t be trusted. One day I will probably snap with her, especially since she is now intentionally pushing my buttons (like talking shit about my parents) where before she left me alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107358 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:26:03 +0000 Maysprout 2107358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It amplified our differences. We're from different cultures and different socio economic backgrounds and the way we're raising our Los I think to MIL eyes is just fundamentally wrong. Most things I'm pretty laid back about but im quite uptight about my kids. So I think in her mind we are disrespectful or don't value her opinion because we do things differently than she did. So its been a tricky line to walk with both of us being more sensitive when it comes to offending our ability and choices as mothers. We still get along but there's a lot more tenseness and offending going on, with me trying to defend our choices and being an immovable block and her trying to convince me why I'm doing it all wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107348 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:21:21 +0000 Dandelion 2107348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having M just enhanced the things that bugged me about MIL. She's a sweet lady, but I can only take her in small doses.</p> <p>FIL hasn't changed for me at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107341 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:11:48 +0000 rachiecakes 2107341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: same for me too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107322 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:00:24 +0000 coopsmama 2107322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: Oh, lucky you. Isn't it fun? :silly: That would be super annoying (about the FaceTime calls.) It's so irritating when they make absolutely no effort and yet act like they are super close with the kids and know what they are into and what is going on which it sounds like your MIL is guilty of. It infuriates me more than almost anything haha. We went on a trip last year and left DS with my parents and MIL was furious and kept complaining to DH and when he told her that we would have considered leaving DS with her for part of the trip had she actually been making an effort to get to know him she freaked out and said she didn't feel welcome to our home (because of me) so she couldn't make an effort. Typical - it's always our fault. </p> <p>I've given up these days! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107278 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:13:12 +0000 cascademom 2107278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coopsmama: Wow, your MIL sounds a lot like mine down to the announcing of pregnancy and everything. She's generally uninterested in LO. DH initiates calls with them. When she does talk to him on FaceTime, she still uses a baby voice with a 2.5 year old. Poor kid is over that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107272 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:06:14 +0000 cascademom 2107272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same as @oliviaoblivia: @HLK208:. My MIL has always made it very clear that I wasn't her first choice of spouse for DH. She was extremely jealous DH's ex-girlfriend and her husband had a baby before us. When we did welcome LO, she behaved badly a number of times over a couple of visits. She couldn't fathom not staying in our house as we had a newborn and a couple adjusting to parenthood. It was made worse by a solo visit. We did 8 months in marriage counseling after that visit. Since that time, we only visit them and haven't had them up here. I've been polite and respectful during visits there, but am not close with my MIL at all. After what happened, I don't think I'll ever be or want to be close to her at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107231 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 09:46:55 +0000 Bubbles 2107231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's getting back to where it was now, but it was quite a lot worse at first. They were both very overbearing during the pregnancy and newborn stages, and I found that very hard and wanted them to leave us alone. They live 10 minutes away so were always round offering unwanted advice and speaking about DS as if he were their child. But they backed off after a while, and I appreciate their proximity more now that I'm ready to have DS cared for by others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107198 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 09:24:18 +0000 Tanjowen 2107198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine live a few states away and pre-LO we only saw each other 2 times a year and had a polite but distant relationship. Now that LO is here, we see them every 3 months or more and my MIL is trying to establish more of a relationship. We talk more but I don't feel all that closer to her - and honestly don't think we will ever be close - but I'm glad she's making an effort to be more in our lives for LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2107191 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 09:19:55 +0000 Anagram 2107191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's the same. But I'm in a unique situation where I still feel like we are "polite strangers" kind of. We never have drama, but I don't feel like I can be super "real" with them either. Which is fine. They are really nice people and would do anything for their family members, including our LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106969 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 05:48:55 +0000 BananaPancakes 2106969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: I have similar feelings towards my FIL( my husband's parents are divorced.). I'm not sure how missing your only grandchild's first birthday or Christmas morning when you live 10 minutes away (and you've told us you'll be there) is excusable. I'll never get over that. But I know children will always take note of who shows up, so it's his loss.<br /> On the other hand, my MIL and her husband are fantastic grandparents and I think we're maybe a tad closer. We were already close to begin with, but it's wonderful to see how much my son adores them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106964 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 05:27:41 +0000 ElbieKay 2106964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It hasn't really changed anything, bit with both my MIL and my parents I find conversation to be much less annoying. This is because we can just talk about the baby which means they have less time to share their opinions about me or my husband! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106838 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 22:28:09 +0000 Corduroy 2106838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in law relationship isn't as good since having LO. My in laws live a plane ride away and I just can't take them for long stretches. </p> <p>I think my biggest issue is that I'm working while they visit and I get really jealous when they spend the day doing fun things with LO. It doubly pisses me off because the reason I went back to work was because MIL convinced DH that no reasonable woman could be a SAHM. I'm glad I'm working now but I hold a lot of resentment because I know went back to work because of her feelings. When she visits and rubs in that "Mommy has to go to work" or "Mommy can't play today". She was a working mom too and I wish she was more sensitive. Things are much better when we visit them and I actually have time to visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106794 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 21:43:46 +0000 gingerbebe 2106794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My BIL and his wife had their son 2.5 months before we had DS and its been great for both me and DH to have someone to bounce things off of. I've always had a good relationship with my MIL and FIL and its continued to be good. </p> <p>The surprising part is how much FIL loves our son. I didn't expect him to dislike our baby or anything, but he's really not into infants and gets annoyed at screaming children at restaurants. But for some reason he just adores our son and acts cute in a way I have never seen in him. He's usually a pretty reserved gentleman so its really been a surprise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106743 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 21:13:49 +0000 reyorra 2106743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unfortunately for me, my MIL passed away when my daughter was 2 months old, and my FIL is suffering from Early Onset Alzheimers. So I really don't have parents-in-law to deal with. However, my relationship with my BIL and SIL has grown stronger in many ways because their daughter is just three weeks younger than my daughter, and their son is five months older than my son. So we are going through all the same milestones at the same time.</p> <p>I feel that my husband's relationship with my mother (so his MIL) is stronger now, although he's still not comfortable calling her by her first name (long running joke at this point). My mother is a lot more welcoming towards him since he has proven he can provide her with adorable grandchildren... :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106702 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:47:46 +0000 jessibear 2106702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My relationship with MIL is a lot better. Spending time with C is really important to her. Having C has also forced her to acknowledge and stop excusing SIL's poor behavior, as well as cut down on her own melodrama. </p> <p>My only stressor is that she will be parked outside our house when we get home from work at least once a week. She's great to visit with but sort of...in the way when we're first getting home, getting C cleaned up from daycare and fed, showered, etc. She sort of just stands in the corner of our very small kitchen asking if she's in the way or causing disruption. I love visiting with her but that's the most stressful time of day in our house and I wish she would come a little later. Or just help with something. </p> <p>With FIL and SMIL, it's negatively impacted our relationship. Before C, I was able to just enjoy their company when we saw them, but now, I'm much more aware of their passive aggressive comments and behavior. They also live only 15 minutes away and rarely make an attempt to see us or C. I know it's mostly due to a sort of strained relationship with DH, but the relationship is strained due to them choosing to be uninvolved his whole life. When we are together, I'm hypersensitive to remarks they make about C being shy with them or needing to see her more. It makes me sad because they really have no idea what her real personality is like, because they never spend time with her. In January they mentioned keeping her overnight and I just can't imagine how confused and uncomfortable my poor 2 year old would feel in that situation. We need to make more of an effort but it's not pleasant to be around them.</p> <p>TL:DR, Relationship with MIL is better, FIL and SMIL is worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106701 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:47:18 +0000 coopsmama 2106701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: Yup.</p> <p>My relationship with my IL's got worse for sure. They seem to think that our children are just an extension of their immediate family and that they have a say over what goes on and yet at the same time make absolutely no effort to connect with their grandkids.</p> <p>From announcing our first pregnancy for us to telling DH that I am a controlling woman and that is his cross to bear and from telling others that I just wasn't strong enough and didn't endure enough to have a natural labor after my first (when I almost needed a c-section)...my relationship with them has definitely soured. They also criticize our parenting. It's been really fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106679 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:32:56 +0000 fancyfunction 2106679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we're closer b/c I see her more now. She visits with M at least once a week and I know she's there if I need her help with anything, which is nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106675 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:31:25 +0000 JCCovi 2106675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the worse, I'm afraid it's mostly my fault I've become less patient. Criticism I could tune out or ignore before are now a lot harder to take. I also feel like parenting invites 'one upmanship' which my MIL does a lot and drives me crazy. Both MIL and FIL I think go out of their way to include me/appreciate/appease me since our children were born. I worry they think if I don't like them I'll keep them from the kids- which I wouldn't- but the whole effort annoys me. So the relationship is worse and I know I'm the issue, maybe when I get more sleep things will improve! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106604 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 19:57:27 +0000 maddyz 2106604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just had our first mil visit post baby and it was hard. But also helpful to have her so distracted by the baby she didn't have time to criticize me... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106595 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 19:54:46 +0000 Peasinapod 2106595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hasn't really changed. My in laws have always been great. I do feel bad for my mil I know she'd love to be more involved but me and my baby both have a serious case of separation angst so she doesn't get to do much with her granddaughter. Certainly no independent visits. Hoping as time goes on my daughter, and me, will loosen up.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106581 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 19:49:27 +0000 snowjewelz 2106581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it brings us closer this far.. Who knows in the long run! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106525 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 19:24:33 +0000 nana87 2106525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a lot less patience for them and am more easily annoyed... I used to be better at letting their shenanigans roll off my back but now it bothers me more. I'm not confrontational so nothing has really happened, it's just that I get more annoyed </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106508 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 19:16:40 +0000 namaste 2106508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: Same. Also my MIL gets more ignorant as she gets older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106506 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 19:15:55 +0000 skipra 2106506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes changed for the worse and has made me realized how NOT to treat a future daughter in law. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-change-relationship-with-inlaws#post-2106500 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 19:10:53 +0000 Rockies11 2106500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say that it has mostly improved our relationship. My MIL is a very difficult person. When LO was very young, it was more challenging because she always wanted to take the baby, and give us time off when she visited and I wasn't ready. She is also full of opinions and advice. Now that baby is a toddler and I am pregnant and lethargic, I am thrilled to have her take our LO and give us time off. She's still difficult and full of opinions and advice that I don't agree with, but I try and focus on the fact that we both care about LO and that she does a really good job having a relationship with our LO despite distance. I actually was surprised to have a much harder time with my FIL (they're divorced), who was over the top about his desire to be a grandparent and now never visits, doesn't make time for us when we visit, and doesn't reach out to have a relationship with LO at all. </p>