https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 19:57:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773844 Fri, 10 May 2013 14:54:10 +0000 shopaholic 773844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @regberadaisy: in observing friends, classmates, and relatives with Tiger parents. </p> <p>I had very lazy, wanna-be Tiger parents, who would say things like "Why did you get an A-!" and "You need to be as good as so-and-so", "you need to get a scholarship." etc. But at the same time, they never wanted to put in the work to push me, work with me, send me to prep classes, etc. All the things my classmates and cousins, and the kids they would compare too - their parents were doing. </p> <p>I was kind of like @mrbee:. I felt pressure on myself to just try and keep up with my Asian classmates with Tiger parents. I just never had that extreme pressure at home to ever push myself even harder to be at the top of the class. Just enough that I could maintain Honors and AP, etc. </p> <p>I definitely KNOW a lot of friends and family who would NOT have excelled in school, gotten scholarships, etc. if their parents hadn't been Tiger-ish! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773572 Fri, 10 May 2013 13:42:03 +0000 googly-eyes 773572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely believe that's true! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773549 Fri, 10 May 2013 13:32:07 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 773549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: hahaha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773545 Fri, 10 May 2013 13:26:31 +0000 mrbee 773545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok here's your Coke... oops I think I'm in the picture!! </p> [attach=1/13/mmlhw8.600x379.coke-bee.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773536 Fri, 10 May 2013 13:23:11 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 773536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Oh, I usually do "Jinx you owe me a coke". We can't hamper your ability to talk on the Bee! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773533 Fri, 10 May 2013 13:21:33 +0000 blackbird 773533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A guy at my college had tiger parents....he got ONE B in grad school and then came to school and did an anthrax threat, throwing powdered sugar on a bunch of students. He said he was scared to go home because of the B. </p> <p>That's my very negative experience with it, lol.</p> <p>There has to be a balance between encouraging and expecting your kids to do well (within reason) and pushing them so much, they crack. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773532 Fri, 10 May 2013 13:20:38 +0000 mrbee 773532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Haha since you jinxed me, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk/post on hb!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773417 Fri, 10 May 2013 12:28:42 +0000 Maysprout 773417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be interested in how the study defines Tiger mom vs easy going or looking at some of the methods, all I could see is the abstract. I think there's lots of drawbacks to being unreasonably authoritarian but I also think it's good to encourage children to be their best and give them a push sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773378 Fri, 10 May 2013 12:10:28 +0000 Anagram 773378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we need a definition of "Tiger parenting". Amy Chua was an extreme example (ripping up mother's day cards, etc), but a lot of "tiger parenting" is just pushing kids hard but still being supportive.</p> <p>I've been in public education for 10 years, 4 of which were as a Gifted and Talented teacher at a school for students who'd skipped ahead a year or more in curriculum. The vast *majority* fo those students had parents who pushed them hard, didn't accept excuses, encouraged them to do their best, limited "fun" activities until school work was done, etc. But I only had 1-2 of those parents who maybe crossed into Amy Chua territory, where the kids didn't also learn how to fail.</p> <p>If that makes sense at all....basically, I think it's best for kids when they are pushed hard to succeed. But when they aren't first, or don't get an A, I think it's good for parents to work with their kids to do better the next time----with extra tutoring, help, training, etc. NOT with begging the teacher for "extra credit" OR for belittling the kids and making them upset for not living up to their parents' expectations.</p> <p>I think because of where I am in education (the teacher), I'll be tiger-esque. Pushing my kids hard, making sure they do their best and not slack, but also not crossing over into mean territory.</p> <p>My greatest regret in school was that I was a kid who struggled in Math and just gave up. Because I was so good in every other subject (all a's), teachers and parents both made excuses for me and never expected much out of me. I totally cheated my way through math from 6th grade until Pre-cal/Trig my junior year of HS. I made an A for the year and learned absolutely nothing.</p> <p>I wish ONE person, somewhere along the way, had called me on my BS and told me, "You are capable of more than this" and HELPED me, or gotten me extra tutoring.</p> <p>But instead, all my teachers and my parents just decided early on that Math wasn't my thing and never pushed me. It really limited my career/life choices because I couldn't major in anything in college that required difficult Math---med school, dental school, chemistry, physics, computer programming---all those fields were closed to me because I was weak in basic math, nevermind long calculations.</p> <p>That's why as a teacher, I never hesitate to call students out on laziness. And I tell their parents about my story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773367 Fri, 10 May 2013 12:02:05 +0000 Andrea 773367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was raised Tiger mom-ish, but like @mrbee: @Mrs. Jacks: I was also my own Tiger mom. </p> <p>Where I see the danger in Tiger mom parenting is telling your kids that they need to get all A's, but then they miss out on the joy of learning. There were times when I learned nothing at all but I could memorize the entire textbook for the final. I got away with this up until I went to college. When I got to college, this method did not fly any more to get an A! It probably took me a good 3 or 4 semesters to understand what I was doing wrong. It was only then that I started getting A's again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773361 Fri, 10 May 2013 11:58:37 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 773361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alivoo01: Holy cow! Maybe they knew you could take it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773319 Fri, 10 May 2013 11:42:47 +0000 BoogieBea 773319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: Your experience sounded like mine growing up. On top of that, I was the older one, so I was responsible for my sister and her grades as well. I grew up being very bitter towards my parents. Luckily, we can all joke about it now.</p> <p>My parents were somewhat tiger parents only because that's the only way they could be "supportive". They didn't speak english and didn't have a lot of education so they couldn't help me practically with school. They also worked very long hours 6-7 days a week so their time with us was limited. The only assessment they have of how I was doing at school was from the report cards. Then they became more relaxed about it as I got older and got more rebellious.</p> <p>I don't plan on using the tiger mom method on my kids but I do see the tendencies come out when I'm working on this with my toddler. I think it's important to evaluate your child's personality and learning ability to see what method is most suitable for them. There are many ways to teach and encourage them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773281 Fri, 10 May 2013 11:27:22 +0000 Alivoo01 773281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: My parents coddle the crap out of him and currently has the maturity level of like a HS kid (he's 23). Social life is more important than family. He has no desire to get a job or pay his own bills or help contribute to the family (not just monetary). If he doesn't do well in school, they're okay with that and my dad will personally step in to help him out with homework and projects. </p> <p>Meanwhile, I was forced to go to summer camp, forced to finish college with two degrees in 2.5 years by taking on 21 hour semesters, forced to take on an internship and have a FT job lined up a year before graduation, etc. I really did resent my parents growing up and was punished severely for poor grades and poor behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773264 Fri, 10 May 2013 11:18:03 +0000 mrs. wagon 773264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up with a Tiger Mom for sure. Every time I brought home a report card that was not all A's (which was every term) they took away another extracurricular activity. By my senior year I was doing zero extracurriculars. At least they let me keep my part time job. This continued through college as well. </p> <p>We had horrible battles over this stuff. To spite her, when I had to quit things and had extra time to study, I did not study, so my grades continued to be mediocre (even though I was in all honors classes). I think I subconsciously did not want to try because I knew if I succeeded and got all A's, my mom would claim the credit and have a huge "I told you so" and believe that her way (of forbidding me to do anything other than study) worked. There was no way I was going to hand her that kind of victory and give her that satisfaction. She had no way of knowing that I wasn't actually studying because my parents both worked full time.</p> <p>So I guess my answer is, I had a Tiger Mom who was really good at being a Tiger Mom but I rebelled against her throughout the entire process and therefore made her mission as a Tiger Mom fail! And who paid the price? Me, with the mediocre grades :( but it's all moot now... I'm happy with where my grades took me. </p> <p>ETA: I was never really depressed, just had horrible fights with my mom, and once I was an adult we were able to mend our relationship and now it's great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773237 Fri, 10 May 2013 11:03:45 +0000 MrsSCB 773237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is really interesting. I think a lot of it definitely depends on the children, but it does seem somewhat logical to me that authoritarian parenting could make a kid depressed. My parents definitely stressed the importance of education and working hard at school, but I would call their parenting more laissez-faire. They did make sure that we actually did our homework and studied, but weren't really all up in our business about it.</p> <p>That does have something to do with my personality, though, because I'm much harder on myself than anyone else is. I've always been a bit of a perfectionist and I didn't really need anyone to push me to try to succeed because I pushed myself. Maybe my parents' style would have been different if I had been different. I will say that their attitude made me want to please them, not because I was afraid of what they would do if I didn't but because I liked making them proud of me. I think that says a lot about the fact that they weren't too overbearing or demanding but were more encouraging. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773229 Fri, 10 May 2013 11:01:54 +0000 mrsjyw 773229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think part of the reason why I excelled in school was because my parents WEREN"T the stereotypical tiger mom (dad?) asian parents. </p> <p>I readily saw my Korean/Asian friends struggle to meet high expectations and was secretly grateful for my parents "do the best you can" attitude that I was strove to do well in school.</p> <p>I think the article is like any other survey that it can't be controlled and you can't really know the facts, because regardless of whether you agree or disagree with the tiger mom method, it totally depends on the kid on how it is reciprocated.</p> <p>while i did see a lot of my friends stress, most of them were the top students at school too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773216 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:58:30 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 773216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alivoo01: In what way? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773211 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:56:31 +0000 Alivoo01 773211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was raised "tiger mom" style, similar to what @regberadaisy: said, even through my first 2 years at College!! I wasn't allowed to pick my classes, my parents picked my major because me being a doctor was unacceptable (ha! Asian parents NOT wanting their child to be a doctor). The parenting style really did a number on my social skills growing up since I wasn't allowed to go out. Funny thing is, my younger brother wasn't raised any where "tiger mom" style and his personality and life style now really reflects the difference between us two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773184 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:48:33 +0000 regberadaisy 773184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think this would be a great guest blog topic for "education"! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773177 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:46:41 +0000 regberadaisy 773177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass: gah! I do not miss AP class! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773165 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:43:38 +0000 Mrsbells 773165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @regberadaisy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773163 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:42:35 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 773163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: They are taking the AP test as we speak! A "Tiger Parenting" discussion will fit perfectly at the end of the year... I'll let you know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773158 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:41:15 +0000 cyndistar3 773158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally all I could ask of my children is to try their hardest, I don't want my kids to feel like they aren't good enough. I was raised by my grandma who I wouldn't consider a "tiger mom" but she was always on my case to do better. Even though I skipped a grade A- or B's still weren't quite good enough and I really think it took a toll on my emotional health, even now I have an unhealthy fear of failing and won't even try a lot of things if there is a chance I won't be good at it. That said I guess everyone is different and I imagine most people handle pressure better than I do so it probably works for some people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773153 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:38:43 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 773153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass: Please do. I'd love to know! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773150 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:38:12 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 773150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I'm sure the research is accurate. As a teacher, it's pretty hard to tell which parents are the bullying type of parent mentioned and which are a more supportive type. Either way, I'd say nearly all of my Asian students feel immense obligation to their parents and feel that they must attend a UC school and get a high paying job. It makes me want to do a little survey to test the theory out in my classroom! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773100 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:23:42 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 773100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: I was surprised by that finding too... but I don't know whether to trust my anecdotal evidence over the data. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773096 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:22:29 +0000 regberadaisy 773096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I don't remember any of my friends having bad grades. We were all at minimum getting Bs and As mainly. But I was also at a specialized high school that you test into... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773090 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:20:30 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 773090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: LOL. Jinx. Said the same thing at the same time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773089 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:20:05 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 773089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass: So do you believe that the research findings on grades are incorrect?</p> <p>I have really mixed feelings on the issue. I did have a tiger mom early upbringing and definitely authoritarian parenting, but I went away to boarding school where I applied most of the pressure on myself. I don't know if I would have done that without the early pressure. Maybe I would have?</p> <p>Maybe it's bad when it crosses over into bullying and belittling? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off#post-773081 Fri, 10 May 2013 10:16:50 +0000 mrbee 773081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was my own Tiger mom. I never worried about getting all As though... so maybe I was a crappy Tiger mom. </p>