https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 15:01:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2927014 Sun, 08 May 2022 18:12:55 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2927014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn’t do it. Just make it a family trip! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2927007 Fri, 06 May 2022 19:13:11 +0000 ALV91711 2927007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up myself and my cousin spent a lot of time going to grandparents together. We have so many great memories. My grandma would also take me when she went to stay at other families houses in the summer. We lived really close to all our family though, like couple hour drive at the most. </p> <p>When my mom was just here we were talking about my oldest to go out in the summer by himself for a couple weeks. He’s 9 now and not quite ready. My mom lives a 1.5 hour flight away or 15 hour drive. </p> <p>My MIL would also like to do this but again in a couple years. They live an 8 hour drive away but we have family pretty much in the middle that we could meet at. </p> <p>I think it is good for them to go but only if they are ready and want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926941 Fri, 29 Apr 2022 10:18:26 +0000 MountainBaby 2926941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did once as a kid. The plan was to for the grandparents to take each kid for a special one-on-one trip for a week the year they turned 10. I'm the oldest, and unfortunately the only one who go to do it because my grandfather passed away before any of my cousins turned 10 :(</p> <p>How we did it was one grandparent came to our house, then I flew with them across country and spent the week with both grandparents. Then a week later the rest of my family came out and we did our big family vacation all together, then I flew home with my parents/sister. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926932 Fri, 29 Apr 2022 08:00:58 +0000 bhbee 2926932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: yes, someone (us or her) would have to fly with the kid(s). I agree the logistics are too crazy. And we already spend a lot of time visiting so I definitely don’t want to add those logistics on top at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926931 Fri, 29 Apr 2022 07:10:43 +0000 Anagram 2926931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: what are the logistics of the situation? Minors cant really fly alone anymore (or at least they've made it super difficult), so how would your kiddo get there and home? Does a parent have to accompany the kid there and back, essentially flying 4 times?</p> <p>My mom lives in the south and I live in NYC area. She ALWAYS asks for this, because she would always take my nieces and nephews on these "Nana Camp" trips in the summer every year when they were growing up. And as they got older, the trips got bigger--like she brought them here to NYC, she took them to Texas, she took them to various beaches. She's taking my 20 year old niece to Israel this summer for her last "Camp Nana" experience.</p> <p>But my sister lives close to my mom, so there wasn't this logistical issue of arriving there. I trust my mom with my kids, and she also has my sister there nearby who I SUPER trust to help with my kids (like I'd be fine with my kids splitting time between my mom's house and my sister's house). But I'm not flying 4 times to make this happen. It's just weird. If I have to fly to accompany my children to my mom's house, then why wouldn't I just stay there too?</p> <p>I've told her she's more than welcome to come all the way to us and then take our kids somewhere for a week, but then she'd have to pay for hotels for the whole trip and I get the feeling she just wants to putter around her house/gated community and have my kids meet all her elderly friends now while they are younger. It's not that I'm against it, it just doesn't make sense given my kids can't fly alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926930 Thu, 28 Apr 2022 20:53:51 +0000 bhbee 2926930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: me too!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926929 Thu, 28 Apr 2022 19:36:51 +0000 erinbaderin 2926929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: “You don’t owe your mom a particular grandparent experience” - this struck me SO HARD thank you for this simple and straightforward phrasing, it really struck a chord with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926926 Thu, 28 Apr 2022 12:48:34 +0000 kayla0416 2926926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I realize this is not at all the same as your situation, but when me and my brothers were elementary/middle school age, we used to spend 1-2 weeks with my grandparents every summer. But we were only a two hour drive away. There's four kids in my family and we'd go two at a time, so me and the oldest of my three younger brothers would go for a week, then the two youngest would go for a week. They were farmers and lived near a lake, so we'd have a blast riding in the tractor with grandpa, going swimming and fishing with grandma, and just exploring the countryside. I loved this time, and these were some of my best memories from childhood. But we were super close with these grandparents.<br /> We saw them all the time so we were very comfortable spending time there. And my parents were an easy two hour drive in case of an emergency. </p> <p>My oldest child now is not quite 6 and I can't imagine sending her across the country without me for a week, but maybe I'd change my mind in a few years. We also don't travel much so I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the thought of any of us being across the country, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926914 Wed, 27 Apr 2022 08:55:02 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2926914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live near my in-laws so our boys have stayed with them for longer periods of time. However, my family is a 3 hour flight/12 hour drive. </p> <p>My Mom loves to have my boys to herself, they act differently when it is just her versus having their parents around which I understand. So far we have only done date nights so we get a break and she gets some time with the boys. DH and I have talked about going away for a weekend so that will probably be the next step. My oldest is only 6.5 but my family has talked about having him come up for a week long visit in the summers when he gets older but we will have to judge our comfort level and his when the time comes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926913 Wed, 27 Apr 2022 08:45:56 +0000 ElbieKay 2926913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you and/or your daughter are not on board, then skip it. You don’t owe your mom a particular grandparent experience. Personally the pre-ED comments would be a dealbreaker. That sounds like a cycle worth breaking to me.</p> <p>That being said, speaking more generally, it would not surprise me if someone parked their 10 year old with grandparents for a week! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926911 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 23:04:24 +0000 karenbme 2926911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: I grew up in a single dad household and my grandparents were frequently our vacation care. I think a lot of people have covered things I would say, but to the point about things going wrong, you would be surprised how helpful people can be. For example, when I was 8, maybe 9 years old my sister (10 or 11) and I flew as unaccompanied minors from upstate NY to FL for spring break with Nana and Grandpa. Our first flight was delayed and we missed our connection. We were in some airport somewhere for several hours with no one officially responsible for us since we were off the first flight and didn’t have a connection yet, but the flight attendants and pilots who were in the airport gave us essentially a back stage tour, bought us McDonald’s for dinner and made it a good experience overall. I’m sure my dad was beyond worried, but ultimately everything worked out and my memory of it is eating French Fries in a *real* pilot’s hat.</p> <p>ETA: this was the 90s, so maybe a different parenting era, but ultimately people will do a lot for kids who need help. And also this is my only memory of something serious going wrong on many many instances of weeknights with my grandparents (who spent the summer about 2 hours drive from my hometown) instead of summer camp. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926910 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 22:20:10 +0000 bhbee 2926910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamabolt: I agree I would feel differently if it was a few hours driving distance! I just don’t like the idea that we couldn’t easily get to her if needed. If we were closer we could build up to it too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926909 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 20:04:51 +0000 Lowell 2926909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Was not close with my grandparents at all as a kid, so very happy my kids have good relationships with both sets. In-laws are wonderful and nearby, and they regularly take one or both kids for weekend and longer trips. My parents are further and I think they could handle one kid with no problems…but I still prefer for one of us to be around if needed, especially for my pre-tween son who has big feelings and my parents can be unsure of how to deal with that. </p> <p>Your plan to visit as a family but leave kids for special time with grandparents sounds like how we mostly do things with my parents. They love getting one-on-one time, but it’s contained and I usually suggest a “special” activity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926908 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 18:26:06 +0000 mamabolt 2926908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up, my mom's parents would do a full week with each grandchild the summer they were ten. They only lived about an hour away from us but having the solo time with them was such a special experience, it's something I have vivid memories of 30 years later. But the logistics are much different with the proximity there, and I can understand your reluctance to send LO cross country. I wish my kids would go spend time with my parents or MIL but they have NO interest in being away from me overnight yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926906 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 16:35:14 +0000 bhbee 2926906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winter_wonder: unfortunately no one else her age, just younger. But I think I’m going to listen to my gut for this year and stick to a middle ground. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926905 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 16:22:13 +0000 bhbee 2926905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all, these are very helpful to read! </p> <p>I’m not sure what DD would say, I think if I asked her in front of my mom she might feel pressured into it, but without being on the spot, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t do it. She’s into my mom but she isn’t even thrilled about going to 5th grade camp next year which is 2 nights away. </p> <p>My mom keeps laying a guilt trip on me that “all her friends” get these weeks with individual kids but I just don’t think it works for us right now. Maybe someday? Given we already spend a lot of time visiting, I think I’m going to suggest two things - #1, encourage her to take days focused on just the two older kids (separately) while we are there. Like take the day to take the oldest to the art museum and lunch just the two of them. My middle will really feel left out if he doesn’t get a day too (3 year old doesn’t need it yet I don’t think). And then #2, work on a plan for DH and I to go away for the weekend and leave the 3 of them with her when we visit (if she wants - I’m not really sure she wants all 3). We almost did this a few years ago but then my MIL became terminally ill and we scrapped it. Probably a good idea to do it now while my mom is healthy and energetic enough to have them all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926904 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 16:12:13 +0000 winter_wonder 2926904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be hesitant based on some of the things you mentioned. Could she go with another cousin or anything? That might make me feel a little better about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926900 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 13:38:40 +0000 DillonLion 2926900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to stay with family for increasingly longer stretches as I got older (I flew alone a few times as a pre-teen). Zero complaints!</p> <p>My kiddos spend stretches of time with their out-of-town family members now. Same as you, I'm not 100% wild about some of the things that go on there (like their schedules get out of wack and they eat junk) but I think it is overall good for everyone involved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926895 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 12:14:32 +0000 catgirl 2926895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This doesn't apply to my DD because we live close to all of her grandparents. But when I was a kid I would go spend time with my great aunt - she was my grandmother's sister but always more like an actual grandmother to me. I grew up in Maine and she lived in Arizona. Starting when I was ten I would fly out to her for a week in August and every other year I went for a week in February. I did that for five years and then she moved much closer to us. One summer we even did a two week drive from Maine to Arizona in her RV and then I spent my normal week in Arizona with her. I think I was 12 for that? My whole childhood she would come to Maine regularly and we were very close. I know my mom didn't agree with everything she did, but there were no huge issues. Some of my best memories are from those trips. </p> <p>My dad's parents lived closer to us - only about two hours away. But I did often spend a week alone with them in the summer starting when I was 8. All summer they lived in their camp on a beautiful lake. </p> <p>In your case I'm not sure what I would do. I think you have some valid reasons to not want to. And I certainly don't think these types of trips are necessary. Do you have a sense of what your daughter would think about a week long trip alone? My DD is 7 and I can't quite imagine sending her away for a week anytime soon - even though I think she would be fine, I wouldn't like it :silly: . My parents were divorced and both used to being away from me for chunks of time, so in that sense it was a little more normal for them. I was also mostly an only child - two half siblings from my dad's second marriage. </p> <p>My mom has been talking about taking DD on a week long trip to NYC when she is 10, though I've been trying to push her to 12/13. If DD is interested I'm hoping I will feel comfortable with it... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926893 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 12:06:23 +0000 PinkElephant 2926893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws live about a 5 hour drive away, and our children (now 10, 8, and 5.5) have been staying with them for anywhere from a few days up to almost 2 weeks at a time since the oldest was about 1. With the exception of a time when the older two had school and the youngest was stuck at home during the pandemic, they've always gone as a group of three. The longer stretches I mention (there have only been maybe 3 of them) have been for multi-destination international trips, the rest have just been the kids spending time with their grandparents at the grandparents' summer home. Generally, the kids have a blast, although the older two have begun to develop opinions about some of the rules or attitudes at their grandparents' house. It's nothing detrimental, more just differences in the order/way they are asked to eat, what they're allowed to watch/read, etc. that are not as flexible as at home.</p> <p>I agree that sending the kids individually is complicated and takes up too much of your family time, unless there's a reason (like we had) to send just one child. That could be lack of activities at home for one child while the others are busy, or a special interest/activity between one of your kids and the grandparent. I think in your situation, I'd be most inclined to have the kids try it out together. Also, to avoid feeling like we "spent' all our family holiday time sending the kids away, we try to tack these extended stays onto shorter visits with the whole family and the grandparents (say, we go for fourth of July weekend, then leave the kids for a few days and take a parents-only holiday before retrieving them).</p> <p>I would not worry much about "what if something happened" while the kids are with her, given that she is just one person. Due to DH's job, I'm alone with the kids all the time in various places, overnight, etc. without anyone coming home from work, checking in, or even knowing that we're in one-parent mode for a period of days. My oldest, same as yours, is 10. She has a phone; all three kids know how to use that phone, my phone, and iPads.</p> <p>Have you asked the kids if they WANT to go? My husband and I have always said that as much as we value the alone time these trips provide us, the kids will no longer have to go if they don't want to....for example, if the trip interferes with a sport or social event, or if they just no longer enjoy being there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-visiting-grandparents-on-their-own#post-2926892 Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:45:43 +0000 bhbee 2926892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If your parents live far away (because I think this is totally different if they live close) would your kids go and spend a week with their grandparent(s)? Like one kid by themselves? Or did you do so growing up?</p> <p>My mom keeps pushing me for this, especially for our 10 year old. We literally live on opposite ends of the country and I’m just not that comfortable with DD being that far away yet … I’m also not super comfortable with the worldview my mom has around the kids (although I think it’s not dangerous, it is stuff that bothers me like how she constantly talks about dieting and bodies and how she can’t eat anything, for one example - or another, DD tends to get a major attitude after being around her a lot). Also my mom lives alone, she’s older, what if something happened? I just feel better with it being a group thing. </p> <p>We already go visit several weeks in the summer as family vacation (in addition to going at holidays, other visits at our home, etc). I guess I’m trying to gauge whether I should just let my issues with it go or if it’s reasonable to say, visiting you is something we do as a family, and we can’t make a long visit to you if we also have to fit in weeks for the individual kids, it just doesn’t work for us. I feel like it would be so different if we were just a couple hours away too. </p> <p>I also don’t have a great frame of reference for this as my only grandparent who might have wanted this with me died when I was 8. DH and I each have one parent left and the kids would never stay with his dad. </p> <p>Sorry for the rambling but open to perspectives on this! </p>