https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 19:03:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience/page/2#post-1778537 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:44:20 +0000 birdofafeather 1778537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: ahaha. asspats sandwich!</p> <p>i agree with you. know your audience for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience/page/2#post-1778417 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:11:51 +0000 Mrs.Panda 1778417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it is your DH, he gets the right to complain. It doesn't minimize your suffering at all, he's just tired or achy or whatever and that's okay. I would rather just say "me too" than invalidate his feelings by saying WELL I'M WAY MORE TIRED/HUNGRY/GASSY. And I get it, I'm pregnant too! But if it were to others concerning money, weight, work, being pregnant, etc I make sure I know my audience. Yes I'm tired and my back hurts from pregnancy but I would never say that to someone who may be struggling or wanting to TTC. </p> <p>Basically, between DH and me, I let him complain away. To others I watch my mouth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience/page/2#post-1778099 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 10:00:54 +0000 NavyRN2012 1778099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with your DH. I think he does have a right to be able to vent to you, even if you have it worse. But I also think YOU have the right to vent to him as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778093 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:54:57 +0000 MrsH 1778093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I agree you need to know your audience. For example - this week I had someone come into my office and complain about work (including items involving me). Probably not the best idea to complain about me to me, unless we have a personal relationship (which we do not). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778090 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:52:53 +0000 yoursilverlining 1778090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with your husband; but I think it’s easier said than done. Honestly I think your way runs the risk of forcing everything to become a pissing match between spouses, which can become irritating and petty. You both can be suffering and have a right to feel the way you do - I don't think the person who decides they "have it worse" holds the trump card over the other person's ability to feel pain/have a bad day/be tired. There doesn’t only have to be 1 winner of the “most miserable” contest. </p> <p>Sleep issues are kind of a different bear though; since lack of sleep is a straight up torture technique. Sleep complaints made me ragey as hell!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778088 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:52:05 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1778088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have this argument with my sister all the time. She's "more tired than me" because she worked a 12 hour hospital shift. I couldn't possibly be tired from being pregnant, peeing 4 times a night, getting up twice with my kid, who then refused to nap &amp; went to bed late the next night.</p> <p>I say it isn't a competition. Tired is tired, regardless of the amount of sleep you got, or how busy your day was.</p> <p>BUT I would get really pissy with someone who said that to me post partum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778071 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:45:49 +0000 lawbee11 1778071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: He learned pretty quickly after I almost lunged out of the hospital bed when he complained about how hungry he was (after I'd been in labor for over 12 hours). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778064 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:43:52 +0000 sslm 1778064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think in a relationship everyone should be able to complain. However, if he's like "can you do the dishes bc I'm so tired since I only got x hours of sleep last night?", yeah, then I'd be annoyed and have to bring up that I am also exhausted. If it's just general complaining, I think that's ok :). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778050 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:39:36 +0000 twodoghouse 1778050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At our house, we're both allowed to complain, but if he complains about something like being tired or having a headache I have every right to shout I CARRIED THESE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN FOR 8.5 MONTHS and blah blah blah. So I guess we have a policy of both complaining but the other person keeping it real if you're acting a fool, you know? But yeah there was nothing worse than my DH getting a cold while I was in terrible pain at the end of my pregnancy. Uh yeah, you have no idea what it's like having two kids bearing down on your hips, crotch, feet 24-7 honey. My DH also hasn't gotten an uninterrupted night of sleep since the babies were born, so I give him a pass on complaining about being tired. At least I catch a nap from time to time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778043 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:36:27 +0000 Smurfette 1778043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alivoo01: aww hell no. Wake him up!!</p> <p>I think you both have a right to complain. But he just needs to word it better like @lawbee11: DH's does (BTW, smart man).</p> <p>R STTN 98% of the time, but I am still tired from solo parenting all week, and I am just not a good sleeper. So when DH complains he is tired when he has 3 nights to himself and even when home, doesn't have the monitor next to him, makes me batty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778031 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:31:25 +0000 Mae 1778031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: haha aw. Yea I think my dh said something one time about my turning on the bathroom light so i could see to breastfeed in the first few weeks at home. and i was like ummm i need to turn on the light to see to feed your child. while you sleep. roll over and face away from the door dude. but now he sleeps through most everything. And yea I feel like before you have kids you just don't know what tired means. I used to think I was tired if I had to get up at 6 (zomg if I slept straight through until 6 now? heaven! lol). Or if I was up for an hour in the middle of the night after peeing while pregnant. Now my most ideal night would be getting up for *only* an hour in the middle of the night! I think your body just adjusts. And honestly I am mostly fine now. LO is thankfully usually a good sleeper (last week not withstanding) so if she sleeps until 7am with only one wakeup for me to feed her and pump I feel fine. But when she has bad nights and I'm up every hour or more..... sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778012 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:25:57 +0000 Alivoo01 1778012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: DH used to work weird hours (2am till 2pm) so I did all the MOTN stuff, but is currently semi-/temporarily retired so he doesn't work. He's better about it helping sometimes, but if DS wakes up too many times, he wakes me up and it's all me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1778009 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:25:02 +0000 Foodnerd81 1778009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I have had to silently repeat the phrase "It's not a tired competition. It's not a tired competition." so many times in the past year. While I agree that within a relationship both parties should be able to discuss whatever is ailing them, I'm with you on this. And yes, we have had the exact same conversation. DH has actually used the argument that ME getting out of bed and getting back in after I feed the baby disturbs HIS sleep. That didn't go over well. </p> <p>Even worse though was when my younger, single, BIL was talking about how he slept for 12 hours one night, because he "really needed it" and he was "really due for some sleep". Because he had been working late, like until 9. And I get it, I really do, working late is really tiring. But do NOT complain about it to someone who has not slept for more than 5 hours in a row for 9 months! I practically had to leave the room. But, it's not a tired competition. Right? </p> <p>:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777995 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:19:36 +0000 Mae 1777995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: lol sometimes I feel like if I was a "cry when I'm upset" person rather than "rage when I'm upset" person I'd get a better reaction :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777990 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:18:03 +0000 Anagram 1777990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Leialou: Yes, THAT is the right way for husbands to complain in the first few months. Can you train all of them for us? =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777977 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:15:48 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 1777977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I made a rule that DH wasn't allowed to say he was tired for the first little while!! </p> <p>One night he was sick and slept in a different room and called in sick to work. So he slept 11 hours straight!! He came out of the room around 10am and said "I feel better after sleeping 11 hours!" I burst into tears! His sleep habits make me stabby in general though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777968 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:12:52 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1777968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think spouses should be able to complain to each other, because there's not many other people they can vent too. I think there is an appropriate way to do it though. For example, "I had a really long day at work and I'm so tired. I really appreciate that you do the motn wake ups because I know you have to be tired too." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777959 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:10:29 +0000 Mae 1777959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alivoo01: wait... you work and he doesn't work and you still do all MOTN?? I do MOTN wake ups first because I was breast-feeding and now still because he is working and I'm not. But when I go back to work, schedules will be adjusted! lol </p> <p>@TheReelDeal: oh yea thats a whole other fight. haha. he thinks i am not sympathetic enough when he is sick and gets annoyed that i make fun of his man colds. I think he needs to suck it up a bit more when he has the sniffles :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777949 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:08:30 +0000 TheReelDeal 1777949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Ditto, DH complains about everything!! I've been feeling pains in places I didn't even know existed and still haven't complained as much as he has. Oh well, they must be born with this affliction; it's the same thing that makes them act like babies when they're sick. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777946 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:07:38 +0000 Alivoo01 1777946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm definitely with you in your line of thinking. It pisses me off so bad when DH sleeps all night and complains about being tired or he can nap all day and doesn't help me with caring for DS, including MOTN wake ups. hello!!! You can sleep during the day and I have to go to work- wake up and help!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777943 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:06:59 +0000 LovelyPlum 1777943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: yep, this!</p> <p>We've totally had this argument before, too. Guess it is a parent thing, huh? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777939 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:05:51 +0000 .twist. 1777939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with your DH, BUT I also agree with PP's that it needs to be done in the most sensitive of ways with (as @grizz: put it) asspats and appreciation! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777935 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:05:03 +0000 Mae 1777935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: omg. not cool. lol. We sorta had this situation when my dh went back to work and I was home alone and having a hard time adjusting. He works with all these guys he is friends with and goes out to lunch with them 2-3 times/week. One day he came home and KEPT COMPLAINING about how the waiter screwed up his lunch order and omg his nachos were so bad and omg seriously soooo bad etc etc etc. After like 5 minutes I'm like "UMMMMM you realize you're talking to a person who hasn't had 2 minutes alone with a friend or eaten a single meal outside this house in 7 weeks right? YOU DO REALIZE THAT? I'm SO SORRY your nachos at your third lunch out this week with friends were disappointing." lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777933 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:04:25 +0000 Littlebit 1777933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LOL, this is a topic for us too! It drives me crazy! I'll be super sick, and he'll be complaining to me about the sniffles. Jerk. I mean, in theory he should be able to complain to me about those things...but it's totally about knowing your audience! If I look like I'm about to be starring on an episode of 'Snapped' - it's probably not the best time to mention you only got 7 hours of sleep instead of 8. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777921 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:02:01 +0000 Mae 1777921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: "You can complain if you sandwich it with asspats and appreciation for my sacrifice :silly:" perfect. haha</p> <p>@TheReelDeal: lol! harsh! I'm not that annoyed by complaining in general, although I do think DH does it a lot more than I do. I just don't see the point? Also I feel like the scale of things is different. Like during pregnancy. Something is bothering me literally every day, but what is the point in complaining every day? if you feel fine every day and one day something is bothering you? be grateful its an anomaly and not your norm. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777920 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:01:51 +0000 Anagram 1777920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: btw...I posted here about 8 months ago about a day when DH has the AUDACITY to text me from work one day. Our baby was up literally almost all night and I'd had about 3 hours of broke sleep and was so, so tired. He'd slept in the guest room and slept a full 7 hours.</p> <p>His text? </p> <p>"Man, I'm SO TIRED. My boss took us out to lunch today and bought us all drinks and now I feel like I'm going to pass out at my desk" (or something like that).</p> <p>Me: RAGE. </p> <p>It's funny now, but at the time? no, not funny. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777899 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 08:58:13 +0000 Anagram 1777899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love how we've ALL had this disagreement before. I am with you, Mae--I don't want to hear it from DH when I've had it worse lately. But he is like your DH! Seems like a common theme on this thread. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777896 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 08:58:06 +0000 autumnlove 1777896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: Same answer! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777884 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 08:55:53 +0000 TheReelDeal 1777884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds like my relationship! I'm not a complainer by nature, I'm more of a "suck it up" person. So when DH complains I will usually make fun of him, partly because he's usually talking about first world problems and partly because I don't understand the need to complain. For instance, last night, he says "I've been working so hard this week on the baby's room." I responded with "Waahh, I'm working so hard on making a perfect room for my daughter, life is too much right now. I just CAN'T. EVEN. handle it."</p> <p>Sometimes people just want to be heard, so maybe you can just smile and nod. That way he feels like you heard him and you can ignore him knowing you've had it worse :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/know-your-audience#post-1777883 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 08:55:49 +0000 Mae 1777883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: lol that's amazing. esp considering your username. you being the bear, i assume? :) we use that same phrase but usually in relation to pissing off our dog haha.</p> <p>@lawbee11: that would help! And after we had this same discussion while i was pregnant several times (because every wed night he'd come home from basketball complaining and I'd be all "well at least you can NOT PLAY BASKETBALL if you want and feel better.. I can't not carry this basketball around 24/7!) he did get better at that with regards to complaining "man I'm sore, I can't imagine how you must feel!" Maybe he'll remember that in the future for the tiredness discussion haha. </p>