https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 00:55:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133506 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 21:11:00 +0000 Grace 2133506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've never had to snap, but I think you were awesome. The thing is, it's hard for a new mom to hear their baby cry. I hear newborns now and am shocked at how that teeny cry (even if it was a howling cry) affected me at the time. So, when the grandparents say the crying isn't bothering them, they are probably telling the truth. A newborn's cry cuts her mom up in a way that is different than everyone else. So, as the mom, you do what you have to do to sooth that cry - even if you have to snap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133480 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 20:32:10 +0000 Mama Bird 2133480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I've had to snap at my MIL a few times when DS was little. She saw him once a week or two, but I was around him a lot more than that and sometimes I knew better what he needs even if "most babies" don't sleep/eat/whatever like that. I think now she understands that I was only doing it to look out for him, even if it sometimes came through as rather rude. Of course I wish I'd been more polite, but sometimes it was hard in the moment! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133457 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 19:58:22 +0000 mrsrain 2133457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nothing so dramatic, thank goodness. When LO was a few months old we went back to TX to visit my parents. My sister informed me that my mom thought I fed the baby too often (I breastfed on demand). My LO would put her hands in her mouth when hungry, and ONLY when hungry. She has never been one to suck on her thumb or fingers otherwise. There were a few comments here and there about, "she's not hungry!" Finally I snapped and informed them that, "I think I know my child and know when she is hungry," and that I'd thank them to stop commenting about it. They did.</p> <p>The truth of the matter is that everyone thinks they know best, and more often that not they will try to share their "wisdom" with you, whether you want to hear it or not. Most of the time now I just smile and say something like, "I'll have to keep that in mind." I think you handled it very well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133405 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 17:58:17 +0000 Tanjowen 2133405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lost it with my mom at Thanksgiving over my LO's naps. It led to a very strained Thanksgiving meal and we ended up leaving early.</p> <p>It happens, and we got past it and are okay, but I won't be staying anyplace overnight with my family again until LO is older. I try to remind my mom that 30 years and 4 kids have softened a lot of memories of raising children for her and I need her support, not resistance. Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133389 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 17:06:36 +0000 miramira 2133389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I WISH I could be that stern. LO is pretty sensitive at the moment when it comes to interacting with anyone but me or his dad. Despite telling her countless times that giving LO lots of attention (even just eye contact or saying hello) really upsets/scares him, especially before he's had a chance to just sit and observe everyone, MIL still insists on talking to him before letting him settle in. He erupts into frantic, scared crying and I feel like I have to apologise to her for his behaviour!!! I wish I had the guts to tell her to just leave him alone. If my parents can manage it, why can't she? I feel as if she is unable to respect LO's most basic needs as a little human being! Sorry, what a rant...</p> <p>I say good on you for being straight with your mom, even if it was abrupt. Grandparents sometimes need snapped out of that weird grandbaby haze... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133360 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 15:31:11 +0000 maddyz 2133360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First MIL visit went ok, but only because DHs god mother also came and she is very good at gently redirecting MIL. I know the day is coming when I snap. I try really hard to keep it together and let DH bring things up with her because it's easy for her to blame me... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133289 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 11:24:55 +0000 BeachMama 2133289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've snapped at my MIL plenty of times because she does stuff like that. I've literally had to pull my LO out of her hands before because she refuses to give them up. It's ridiculous, but it's your baby so you need to lay the law down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133288 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 11:20:05 +0000 Maysprout 2133288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry, that's tough. I think it's fairly common power struggle with grandparents. They have a difficult time accepting that their unexperienced children have authority over their grandchildren.and then couple that with emotional responses of feeling judged if their children parent differently than them and sadness of being far away from their grandchildren I think it often becomes a mess in the early days. So while I would take your mom's actions as a normal but difficult adjustment time, I would stand very firm and not apologize for what your rules are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133266 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 10:14:38 +0000 loveisstrange 2133266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never had to when C was a baby too bad. We lived in another country and we didn't see them until she was 8 months old. We've been back near them since she was 2 though, and I had to snap at my mom last week because she was harassing me for the 100th time about nighttime potty training and Im sick to death of hearing it. </p> <p>It happens. Your mom was out of line, but she's probably just overly excited about her grandbaby. I doubt it was done maliciously. Maybe next time hand your mom the bottle and let her feed her? Baby gets fed, grandma gets to keep holding her. Win-win. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133264 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 10:09:14 +0000 blackbird 2133264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I ever snapped? God yes. When E was 10 weeks old, I snapped. My mom had stressed me out all week-put me down, criticized my house and me not BFing, ignored explicit instructions on how to put her down for a nap, and more. My mom went crying and packed her stuff up, saying she was going to a friend's house because I had changed for the worse (DUH, had a baby!) wasn't her "sweet girl" anymore, didn't "need" her, etc etc. It was a big pity party, and all it was was that me having a baby wasn't all about her and what she potentially envisioned or needed....which wasn't important to me, honestly. What E needed was. </p> <p>Sometimes, people don't listen if you're too nice to them. Being firm works better for me in my relationship with my mom, based on how she is </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133256 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 09:00:17 +0000 Corduroy 2133256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this is a pretty common occurrence with little babies. Grandparents want to help you and prove to themselves they can calm the fussy little one (since they probably did with you). It drove me crazy when my parents and in laws would interpret LOs cries for me and tell me she doesn't need x (usually boob) she just needs y (grandma snuggles). </p> <p>For me it was easiest to say that them holding my crying baby was not helpful. That it makes me super uncomfortable and makes me feel like they don't trust me to take care of my own baby. That took the pressure off of the question of right or wrong parenting tactics and judging their ability to care for little one. Now I try to keep that in mind when I hold friends' babies if they fuss and I think I can handle it easily. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133252 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 08:36:44 +0000 ktdid23 2133252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ohhhh.... Yeah. This post isn't Gold so I won't go into detail, but this is super minor compared to what happened here when my LO was 2 :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133251 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 08:35:18 +0000 MrsBananaGrabber 2133251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm pregnant with my first right now, first grandchild for all our family, and my mom is already giving me trouble. She's offended that I plan to follow modern parenting advice in books and from my doctors (such as put the baby to sleep on its back and don't use a drop-side crib) instead of blindly following her advice based on what she did 20-30 years ago. She says I'm going to be a "high maintenance" mom and that as soon as she's alone with the baby, she's going to do as she likes because "[she] raised 4 kids and they all turned out fine." My husband and I told her that she won't be alone with the baby for several years- not until it's old enough to tell us what she does when we're not around. Now she backpedals and says she'll follow modern safety guidelines, but we just don't trust her. She's the type to always say what she needs to when it suits her to get her way, then do what she wants, because she's insistent that she always knows better than everyone else and has more of a right than anyone else to decide what should be done.</p> <p>It can be hard with grandparents. I think a lot of them take it personally when you don't absolutely agree with them one what to do with your own children. They raised you, so why should they feel like they should listen to you now when it comes to raising your own child? I don't know your mom or your relationship with her, but if mine did what yours did I would be pretty upset. I'd tell her that if she's going to have a problem giving the baby back to me when it's crying, she can't hold the baby anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133247 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 08:17:34 +0000 Peasinapod 2133247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's never gotten to that point, but my mom has said 'oh I think lo crying bothers you more than it does her.' Implying I was silly to swoop in any time she cries. I'm not sure I understand the logic. If my baby is crying she's obviously pretty bothered! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/laying-down-the-law-with-grandparents#post-2133242 Sun, 05 Apr 2015 08:11:16 +0000 LaughLines 2133242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anyone have stories of when you've had to lay down the law with your parents or in laws?</p> <p>My parents are in town for Easter, they're not staying with us (lots of family in the area) but we've seen then twice. Dd is three weeks old. The first time they showed up earlier than the time they told me they were coming so I spent the first hour of their visit in my room with the door closed breastfeeding. Then when we were done and my parents were holding her, she would start crying and my mom wouldn't want to give her to me because "her cry is so sweet I don't want her to stop" um, no. Give me my baby. I didn't say anything but I kept taking her back if she was crying. </p> <p>Then last night we went to a huge family Easter egg hunt. There were probably 30+ people there and it was a bit hectic. My mom was holding dd again and she was screaming crying. I was trying to take her back and my mom literally wouldn't let go of her feet while I was taking her to the point I kind of had to pivot and jerk her away. she kept saying no one minded that she was screaming. I don't care if adults mind, I care about my screaming baby! So angry, but I didn't say anything. Then later I heated up a bottle of milk I pumped specifically for this party and when it was warm I went to get crying dd from my mom again who insisted it was fine and I didn't need to take her because she didn't mind the crying. Finally I snapped and said "what you think about the crying doesn't matter, it's not about about you, she's hungry and I'm going to take her" in a pretty stern/snappy tone. Dh fed her and low and behold she stopped crying. My mom, however, cried that I snapped at her. Ugh. Thank goodness they live out of state. </p> <p>Have you ever had to snap at your family? Tell me I'm not the only one. </p>