https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 06:57:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-1033153 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 08:28:51 +0000 lizzywiz 1033153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Someone: " I've had people ask me which eye they should be looking at" - that happens to me, too!<br /> And, to be honest, @Mommytotwois: I have to admit that calling myself comfortable is a stretch. I think I feel more along the lines of what Mrs.Someone just said: "There isn't much I can do about it though, so its just something I tend to forget about." There are definitely times when I am newly aware ad newly embarrassed by my crooked eye. Luckily I can go years between those moments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-996843 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:44:49 +0000 Mrs.Someone 996843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was born with something similar. Both eyes were pointed all the way to my nose when I was born. My parents were told that if it wasn't corrected, I would go blind. So I had surgeries and wore glasses until I was about 8. I was very self-conscious about glasses as a kid. Now, my eyes just don't work together, but they both work. I've had people ask me which eye they should be looking at, and others acknowledge that I don't give good eye contact. There isn't much I can do about it though, so its just something I tend to forget about.</p> <p>Everyone has something they are self-conscious about, just some of these things are more visible than others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-996724 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:14:15 +0000 jmarionsmith 996724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my sister has a port wine stain that starts at her jawline, near her chin, and spreads up almost the entire side of her right face. no one in our circle of friends and family ever notices it. in fact, in someone meets her for the first time and asks me what happened i honestly have to stop and think what their talking about because i forget she even looks different to strangers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-996648 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 13:54:05 +0000 Mommytotwois 996648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz:<br /> Umm.........<br /> Honestly, no, I'm not. I'm ridiculously self concious over it. And sorry I didn't see this sooner! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-984613 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 10:39:15 +0000 lizzywiz 984613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: Wow. talk about putting it in perspective. Just an FYI, although our lazy eyes may be caused by different issues, for what it is worth mine has not really worsened since its return 16 years ago. It is obviously off center, but hasn't moved more off center, yet.</p> <p> @wheres_c: "honestly I was relieved to hear that he didn't..... " That is the crux of it, isn't it? Even if we embrace who we are and what we have been through, that doesn't mean we want our LOs to have to go through the same thing.</p> <p>@Mommytotwois: I realize we have two totally different issues and mine is more discreet but I was wondering- would you say you are 'comfortable', too?</p> <p>And I have to wonder if my outlook would be different if I weren't married and settled- if I was in the dating pool would I be considering cosmetic surgery?</p> <p>Thanks for the great replies, everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982376 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 17:54:39 +0000 MrsH 982376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was born with a lazy eye and some other eye issues. I had a patch and two surgeries by the time I was two. I've also worn glasses since I was two. I'm glad my parents had me have the surgery. Growing up with glasses was bad enough during those early school years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982317 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 17:33:03 +0000 Mommytotwois 982317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very different bee here. I have linear scleroderma, so the entire right side of my face is completely different than the left.. it's kind of sunken in, and discolored. My lips and tongue are different on each size, one eye droops down a little, my teeth are grown in really weird because of it. I'm happy to see you are "comfortable" with how you are. :happy:</p> <p>On each side**** </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982316 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 17:32:54 +0000 wheres_c 982316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a birthmark on my head which caused no hair to grow in a particular spot. my parents had surgery on it when I was little so that I didn't have a big bald spot. I also have a birth mark under my breast.</p> <p> my FI has a large port wine stain on his face. I noticed it the second we met and assumed it was a birth mark but I guess it could have been a scar. I didn't ask him about it and I don't really see it when I look at him, even though it's really noticeable.</p> <p> lots of people ask him " what happened?" and he states matter of factly that it's a birth mark.</p> <p> one of the first things I asked when LO was born after "is he healthy? was " does he have a birth mark?"</p> <p> honestly I was relieved to hear that he didn't..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982293 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 17:20:36 +0000 Bookish 982293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a lazy eye as a kid, and went through all the corrective methods.. Patch as a young infant, eye exercises, and finally surgery when I was in I think 4th grade. I was painfully aware of how different I looked, especially during those dreaded school pictures, when the photographer always managed to tilt my head at exactly the angle that set my eye wandering. I hated it. Put that on top of being short, chubby and with ears that stuck out... It was not pleasant. </p> <p>The surgery kept it at bay until recently. DH kept telling me how he didn't like when I made faces at him; I finally figured out that he was referring to my eye, which has begun wandering again. I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything about it this time around. As I grew up, I realized that I had nothing on my sister, who lost her eye to cancer when she was 2. Due to shoddy radiation therapy, her pituitary gland was fried and she has had to take growth hormones and have several surgeries to look "normal." The latest one, a few years ago, did not go well. She now has to wear a patch over her socket instead of a glass eye. </p> <p>So..even though I don't like looking different, and I worry about how much worse my lazy eye will get, I didn't have cancer and I still have both eyes, so I am grateful that my eye is around to wander at all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982259 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 17:07:28 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 982259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: Actually my patents never made me feel bad about my gap. Neither have a gap, but gaps and face birthmarks run on my dad's side. In my house my gap nor my brother's face birthmark was a big deal. When my mom's family would advise her to get me braces she would tell them my teeth were fine. </p> <p>I wanted a retainer in 4th grade because everyone else was getting retainers or braces. The dentist told me to stay away from sweets while wearing the retainer and I didn't; those suckers kept coming out. After two failed attempts to keep them in my mom told me this would be something I would have to do on my own. </p> <p>I didn't became self conscious of my gap until picture day in 8th grade. One of my good friends asked me if I was going to smile and show my teeth. I asked her why I wouldn't. She told me her mother has a large gap too and was always ttrying to hide it. That really was the start of me hating my gap. </p> <p>If my children want braces I will get them braces. One thing I will try to prevent is thumb sucking because it exacerbated my gap. My parents allowed me to suck my thumb until I was 7, but I don't think they knew that was a problem for my oral health. Due to my gap I speak with a lisp. It's slight now, but as young child it was really bad. My parents sent me to a speech therapist. Again, I don't think they put two and two together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982245 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 16:59:39 +0000 lizzywiz 982245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: me, too. I mean, I am not getting her the surgery now because general anesthesia is risky on the LOs, but if/ when she needs/wants it, I will find the money to 'fix' her eye. Which is weird, because I don't mind mine that much....I guess we just want the best for them, no matter what. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982136 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 16:16:37 +0000 Mrs. Pen 982136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: oh definitely. J got my ears, the poor boy. And if he asks to get them pinned back, we would probably seriously consider it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982070 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 15:54:26 +0000 lizzywiz 982070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Just out of curiosity, are either of you cognizant of passing down these traits to your LOs? Will you address it differently than your parents did? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982059 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 15:51:41 +0000 lizzywiz 982059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: I love the obvious pride you have in your DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-982049 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 15:50:14 +0000 lizzywiz 982049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sloaneandpuffy: My lo is exactly why I have been thinking of this. She is not diagnosed, yet, but I need to take her in. Corrective surgery is recommended young to increase the chance that it will cure the imbalance (rather than just cosmetically fix it). I ask myself: is it worth putting a toddler under general anesthesia? My initial answer is 'no'. She is precious and not worth the risk, at least not in my mind right now.</p> <p>@spaniellove: "I just try not to watch videos of myself." This made me laugh, because it makes so much sense. Why put ourselves in situations where we are made to feel uncomfortable about our differences?</p> <p>I am so enjoying reading about how other people think of, or don't think of, their differences. Thanks for sharing, everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-981468 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 13:15:02 +0000 spaniellove 981468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Partly because of my Aspergers, I tend to not look people directly in the eye when I talk to them. In my head, I feel like I'm looking closely enough at them but apparently I'm not. To add to this, I have a habit of unknowingly rolling my eyes, which really angered my stepmom when I was a child and she thought it was intentional. I had no idea what she was talking about until I was much older and I saw a video of myself doing a talk. The horror. But no one is as insensitive as my stepmom was about it and I just try not to watch videos of myself.</p> <p>ETA: I also have amblyopia but a different type - mine is more of one eye just being "shut off" over time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-981104 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 11:56:17 +0000 Torchwood 981104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not in a position to relate (other than the general, I tend to operate under the assumption that I look good so the days when I don't the mirror can be a bit of shock), but I agree with the idea that being comfortable with that sort of difference is important. I had a friend in 5th grade who had a scar from being born with a cleft lip. She literally sat around with a finger under her nose like she was pretending she it was a mustache all the time. It drew attention to what was actually a fairly minor "deformity" that most people wouldn't care about. Confidence is definitely key on these things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-981060 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 11:42:12 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 981060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me my big unsightly difference was my gap. I alsways smiled close mouthed. It didn't hold me back, but in case anyone had to give a description of me my teeth was always mentioned. When I became an adult I wore braces, got my teeth bonded, and have a permanent retainer all to hide the fact that I am really a gap-toothed gal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-980983 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 11:23:05 +0000 pui 980983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH has tourettes, which doesn't make him look different but does make him act different. DH ticks are usually sharp movements (twitching his arm or neck usually) accompanied by a muffled sound. When we first started dating, sometimes I would think he chucked at something or sneezed when he just ticked. Now I don't ever even notice it and literally just tune it out. People who don't know him often think he's acting really weird, though. We've had reactions from "bless you" to laughter because they thought he was making "silly" sounds on purpose.</p> <p>He's had some struggles in his life because of his tourettes and how people perceive him because of it, but he really doesn't see himself as disabled at all (even though many people have tried to tell him he is). My DH is one of the brightest, hardest working and successful people I have ever met. He started his own business (making vinyl signs) when he was just 14 using birthday money he had saved up for years. Now he and I run and own a small, but fast growing web design agency. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-980976 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 11:21:12 +0000 mamimami 980976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have anything super different about me, but I wanted to say I loved reading what you had to say. Now that I am a mom I feel so strongly that my kids are just wonderful the way they are and I already feel pre-emptively sad for the day they will feel something about them isn't right. We are so focused on making everything perfect about ourselves and the real work is often internal. Sounds like you have done a lot of that. :heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-980954 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 11:16:52 +0000 Mrs. Pen 980954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my really good friends has an eye condition similar to yours! I think she sees it as much worse than it is and honestly? I don't even notice it on her anymore. It's just who she is and it doesn't change the amazing person she is!</p> <p>I have ears that stick out and kids teased me a lot growing up. I've always been self conscious - to the point that I thought no guy would ever love or marry me because I had "alfalfa" ears. I grew into them a bit so it's not as noticeable, but I still avoid pony tails and really short hair. It's still a sore spot for me! It is hard feeling so different but I've found that the people in my life who matter don't care or don't notice and who I am is way more important than the things about my appearance I have no control over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-980884 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 11:01:57 +0000 lizzywiz 980884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: I just read it and snorted Bulletproof Coffee out my nose! Hilarious. Thanks so much for the share.<br /> I love the part where he says he operates as though he looks normal- that's exactly what I am talking about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-980832 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:50:31 +0000 mrsjazz 980832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I would consider myself "different" but my issue is not something I was born with. I have a scar on the right side of my face and neck from a car accident when I was 18. It used to be super noticeable until I got steroid injections to flatten it out. But even once it was flattened I think that more people noticed it back when I was younger because I hated it!</p> <p>It used to be something I thought about constantly but now I forget I have it most days. When I look in the mirror it's just a part of me. I get more upset by my damn adult acne than the scar :) </p> <p>I have had some really unfortunate comments and judgments (that I was in some kind of gang fight or that my face was slashed because I'm pretty) and sometimes I'd like to make up a crazy story like a shark bit me on the face or something, but I just chalk up the weird comments to ignorance. I don't mind being asked about it but I think some people become uncomfortable about it.</p> <p>P.S. I have now written a novel, too. Have you ever seen this blog: <a href="http://www.joshweed.com/2010/10/body-deformities-part-ii-creepiest-face.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.joshweed.com/2010/10/body-deformities-part-ii-creepiest-face.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/living-with-looking-different-longish#post-980768 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:36:33 +0000 lizzywiz 980768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a crooked, wandering eye.<br /> When I was young, my iris nestled close to my nose, as if it were too shy to come out and play. I was young and oblivious and having always lived somewhat in my own world, I was much more concerned that my belly was still bulging like a toddler’s while my friends had turned into sleek new models of themselves. I didn’t know that my eye was really the center of attention.<br /> I had surgery to straighten my eye in elementary school. Neither my parents nor I understood that it was purely cosmetic. The muscles and neurons had already decided that crooked eye was not a team player and would no longer be included. We also did not know that because of that, crooked eye would come back.<br /> My eye started wandering when I was 19. Whereas before my iris could always be counted to hang out in the same spot, now it just did whatever the hell it wanted to. Drift up, drift down, drift out, but rarely in. My shy eye had become an extrovert.<br /> This post is already too long, so I am going to bypass the drama (“Why me, Lord?!? Oh, what have I done to deserve such a trial?” lol), and skip to me now.<br /> As an adult I am fully aware of the impact an abnormal eye has on how I am perceived. Like bad teeth, a wandering eye implies something unsavory, ungroomed, possibly unstable. I have perfected a slightly uppity, side long gaze that minimizes the googly eye appearance for job interviews and pictures. I try to soften it with a big smile, so that my attempt to mask my eye doesn’t leave me looking like a complete b*tch.<br /> That being said, I rarely think of my eye, or the fact that I look different. Occasionally people (read: children and drunks) will say things, awkward moments ensue. DWI check point snafus are to be expected.<br /> Would I prefer to have a straight, arresting gaze? Of course. Do I think it would change my life significantly? Do I notice it when I look in the mirror? No and no.</p> <p>And I wonder: is this how it is for everyone who looks different? As we grow into ourselves, do the people with port wine stains or short limbs or unusually large frames or unique skin shades or whatever get so used to themselves that they too forget that we are technically not the ideal?</p> <p>And if so, what do we want for our children? If it really is no big deal to have a crooked eye, am I ok with my daughter inheriting my flaw? </p> <p>Any other ‘different’ Bees out there? </p>