https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 10:00:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462579 Tue, 16 Feb 2016 00:29:05 +0000 gingerbebe 2462579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to nanny for a really Eeyorish kid and at age 3 he was just this Debbie Downer all the time. I would let him tell me whatever thing sucked or bothered him, validate his emotions, and then say "well thank you for sharing your feelings - can I share mine?" And then I would tell him what I thought was really fun about the thing we just did and then find a compliment that could draw him into a conversation - "I was really proud of how well you could jump on that trampoline! You are so good at that - you looked like a bird - does it feel good to fly so high? How do you jump so high?" And then he might grudgingly explain you have to stomp or something and I'd ask him if he could teach me next time. I just tried to END the conversation on a non-negative note even if it wasn't necessarily positive. Then when his mom asked about his day he might say well I went on the trampoline and Miss G asked me to teach her how to jump really high instead of how miserable he was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462564 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 23:25:14 +0000 hummusgirl 2462564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO does this sometimes too. One thing we do is highs and lows (or roses and thorns) at dinnertime where we all go around and say our favorite and least favorite parts of the day. I don't like the idea of trying to suppress the negative but also want to balance it out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462553 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 22:38:08 +0000 Maysprout 2462553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just went along with it in a silly way. Like if they said her friend from our old city did something id say 'oh my, so they got their daddy to drive them all the way here and then went into you class just to hit you!' And she'd be going along with it. So I'd say 'that's terrible! What'd your teacher say?' And LO would say something like 'teacher said don't hit and gave her a time out' then I'd wrap it up somehow kinda smiling like 'well that's a long way to drive just to hit someone, should we drive down there tomorrow?' so she knew that I knew we were just telling stories. Usually she'd be smiling too and say I'm just joking or teasing you mama. Or if she didn't I'd ask her later if she was teasing me and she'd usually fess up.<br /> If she says she didn't have a good time I might say 'oh no! Then we shouldn't go back!' But say it with kinda a smile so she knows I'm going to tease back. Or I amp it up, like if she says she just sat in a corner the whole time when she never did, I'd say ' yeah and then a giraffe came over and started chewing her hair off and then a rooster came over and tried to eat the shoes off her feet' and it doesn't usually take long before she laughs and says 'no they didn't mama!'<br /> It must be some kind of phase bc LO hasn't done it for awhile now but she did do it at 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462546 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 22:19:49 +0000 sandy 2462546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsrain: I think that's a great idea!</p> <p>Sometimes it can just be a phase but it can definitely be annoying to deal with. And I can understand wanting to handle it in a way to get the phase over as soon as possible</p> <p>I know for my LO, we went through a phase of opposites and being contrary. Like I would say "this is so fun!" And LO would said "it is NOT fun!" Or this is so yummy! And she would immediately shoot back "this is NOT yummy!" It would be ridiculous where I would say "please sit down" and she would said "sit UP!" She was almost 3 at the time and I talked to our pediatrician about it and she suggested spending time during the day where she could indulge that need to be contrary. She suggested during play time we could be silly and pretend things were opposite - like "this mouse is so giant!! No!!! It's tiny!" And I feel like making it silly and letting her get it out of her system helped her work through the phase and it wasn't all about me trying to correct her or force her to stop being contrary. </p> <p>So maybe for your LO, you could play pretend with dolls or something and they could have super silly negative conversations. And just kind of have fun with it. And I think books are a great idea. Or make up a negative character and a super positive character and she can play pretend between them. I was thinking Eyore from Winne the Pooh might be a character that may indulge her need to be negative </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462544 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 22:12:01 +0000 Corduroy 2462544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the suggestions. Before LO and I left the park just now we talked about feelings and favorite activities. After I said my favorite was the tire swing I heard her start to say her favorite was nothing but she paused and looked around for a minute before she said it was the swing. 😀 I think this is going to take a lot of patience and effort since I have some work to do on myself too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462516 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 21:25:05 +0000 mrsrain 2462516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to nanny for two slightly older girls who sometimes struggled with negativity. I made it a part of our routine to share 3 good things and 3 bad things from our day, and it seemed to help! We would take turns going first, and it also helped to get them communicating more in depth about things. It gives a good format for discussing those negative things, too, without dwelling or making them over-important. </p> <p>The younger one seemed to struggle with memory, sometimes, which could lead to made-up stories, so sometimes it helped to prompt her a little. For example, "it's Tuesday, you had art class today. What was your favorite part of art class?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462507 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 21:15:04 +0000 Cole 2462507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about recounting her day through photos? Maybe taking pictures of her having fun and then telling her what you see in the photo will help her link her memories to the positive things that happened. Over time move towards asking her to tell you what she sees. </p> <p>I also wonder if it would help to ask her what the worst part of the day was and to acknowledge the feelings-even the fake ones. Maybe offer her suggestions on what to do when she feels that way? Just listening and acknowledging might help though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462483 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 20:28:05 +0000 Mrs Panda 2462483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: one other thought - and this may be bad parenting, I'm not sure, but I do it all the time - if it's a special event like the sledding and she says it wasn't fun, we say "ok, then we won't do it again if you didn't have fun." That is usually enough for her to reconsider and admit it was fun! Maybe it would help get her into the routine of thinking positively if you start off "forcing" it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462480 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 20:23:30 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2462480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My niece sounds a lot like your daughter - my sister bought her the book "In my Heart" which is kind of like Inside Out but more targeted at toddlers/preschoolers, and she said although she didn't improve overnight the book gave her an outlet to talk about feelings, both happy and sad, and she's gradually become more positive. I've got it for my son and he's too young to really get it but I will keep reading it to him so its always part of the discussion! </p> [attach=3929/16/o2m977.500x500.InMyHeart.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462468 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 20:00:09 +0000 simplyfelicity 2462468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A couple of ideas...<br /> -it sounds like she gets more attention when she has something negative to report. When she does that (and you know it isn't factual,) I would just answer with "I'm sorry to hear that." Then, find a time when she JUST had fun and ask her, "did you have fun in the ball pit?" "Which was your favorite pizza?" Etc and respond much more than if she was negative </p> <p>-pay attention to the way you and your SO are modeling this kind of behavior in front of her. Maybe ask each other "how was your day?" And acknowledge the bad/challenging but try to see the silver lining. "They were all out of my favorite soup at Panera but I got to try blah blah blah and it was really good!"<br /> - I also can't help but wonder if her daycare providers are particularly negative or model some of this negativity.maybe ask them if they notice it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462464 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 19:56:25 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2462464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you acknowledged the negative would that free her up to move on to the positive? Ours isn't negative in that exact same way, but he does get really emotional and torn up about little things (no more juice, time to leave park, different cereal than usual, etc.). Typically we try to acknowledge the sadness, then move on. It seems ridiculous that my kid would focus so much on the negative, but he really does lack perspective due to age and so small disappointment really bother him. Usually I do something like, "yeah, I know how sad it is that it is raining and we can't go to the park. You really wanted to go, didn't you? But maybe we can go tomorrow when it is sunny again." Or "I know you like yogurt better than oatmeal. Is yogurt your favorite? Yeah, well today all we have is oatmeal." That tends to diffuse his negativity. I try to think how when I am bothered by little things, that I do appreciate someone acknowledging them. For example, my husband just told me he stepped in a puddle of water in socks and how gross that feeling is. And I was like yeah, that is gross. So it is funny how we do it to each other as adults but it really takes patience for me to do it with my toddler (3.5 yo). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462459 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 19:47:31 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2462459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: also what about more direct (less open) questions. Like did you have fun sledding down that big hill? Or even phrase it as a statement "that was so much fun when we got to bounce and bounce. I saw you laughing and smiling". </p> <p>Maybe she needs help associating parts of the story/experience with that emotion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462455 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 19:45:42 +0000 Corduroy 2462455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: These negative things have all been in response to questions like "what was your favorite thing about today" "what was most fun?" "Who did you play with the most?". </p> <p>@Mrs. Tiger: I'll try starting with my favorites. I think I've been asking her first. Maybe that's been confusing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462453 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 19:42:02 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2462453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with sharing your favorite part of the day. Or I had so much fun with you when we did this. Or I was so proud of you for doing XYZ. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462439 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 19:23:33 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2462439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about showing her pictures of her from the day? Or starting off with what your favorite part was? My 4yo can be like this sometimes m and it's super annoying! I try to give very little attention to the negative stories and more attention to the positives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462437 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 19:19:36 +0000 Mrs Panda 2462437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hm, is there a way you can direct your questions a little? like, maybe specifically asking what was fun about her day instead of asking broadly about her day? And if she says nothing, maybe asking more specifically about things that you know were probably fun? Not sure - I'm guessing it's a phase. My LO does this occasionally but she can usually be directed/reminded of the positive and sort of steered toward thinking of the good parts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-is-so-negative-how-can-i-get-her-to-see-the-good#post-2462414 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 18:50:02 +0000 Corduroy 2462414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD is almost 3 and kind of like a little rain cloud. Whenever I ask her about her day it's negative. Sometimes she's telling the truth and sometimes she just makes up negative stuff. </p> <p> It started with negative daycare stories. She has a blast but when I ask her she only tells me Nick kicked me, Susie was mean. But I know Nick moved 3 months ago and Susie wasn't there today. Recently we went to the snow with our friends and had a blast sledding. When I asked her her favorite part she said she fell and had no fun. True, she slipped but she didn't get hurt and she had soo much fun. </p> <p>Yesterday I took her to a play place. Two hours of bouncy house, slides, kids. Fun fun fun. When grandma asked her about it she said she sat on a chair alone the whole time. That didn't even happen.</p> <p>Is this a phase? Her personality? I'm on the negative side so I hate to think I'm causing this. I try to speak positively and do positive things. Sometimes when she speaks so negatively I tell her I remember it differently and have pictures of her having fun. But I also try not to give too much attention to the negativity. </p> <p>Anybody else have a LO that behaves like this? What do you suggest for turning her frown upside down? </p>