https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 20 May 2026 04:14:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224507 Thu, 02 Jul 2015 07:37:27 +0000 ElbieKay 2224507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our parents are local, and both sides were subjected to the same rules. (1) No one was welcome at the hospital until a couple of hours after delivery. (2) Only sporadic short 1-2 hour visits for the first two weeks.</p> <p>It worked out really well and I do not regret establishing boundaries. My parents mean well but are overbearing. My MIL is less intrusive but also not too helpful. (My son is almost 16mo and she has never changed his diaper.)</p> <p>We had a textbook newborn on a 3hr cycle: Eat, play, sleep. We needed the sleep time to either get stuff done or nap. We found that if guests visited for one cycle we were fine, but things got really overwhelming if we lost two sleep periods to socializing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224460 Thu, 02 Jul 2015 06:45:02 +0000 looch 2224460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tend try to treat everyone fairly. I personally try to avoid setting up situations where my parents are favored and my inlaws have to wait, it just causes issues down the line.</p> <p>I really wanted my mom around when my son was born, but she wasn't able to come until he was 5 weeks old (planned in advance). My MIL came on day 3 in the hospital and it worked out fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224383 Thu, 02 Jul 2015 01:58:11 +0000 lamariniere 2224383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with others. Be open and honest. We had the same dilemma when LO2 was born. MIL wanted to come before the birth to help with LO1 and I absolutely didn't want her around, although help would have been nice since we have no family near us. (Background: she came to visit, which was a transatlantic flight, for 10 days when LO1 was 10 days old and it was just awful). But I put my foot down the second time and told my DH to tell her she couldn't come until the baby was 1 month old. She reluctantly agreed but respected the time frame and things went much more smoothly when she did come to visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224367 Thu, 02 Jul 2015 00:16:58 +0000 wonderstruck 2224367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBehr: I feel like that is a pretty good summary right there of why I just wanted my mom, haha! My MIL met my babies pretty early on, but she lives nearby and was actually helpful with bringing food and was respectful about me preferring privacy for breastfeeding and things like that. I know not everyone is that lucky! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224364 Thu, 02 Jul 2015 00:10:18 +0000 wonderstruck 2224364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is definitely the sort of thing that is best to nip in the bud, because if you just don't really give them an answer they sound like the type to take your silence as agreement. I would not commit to any firm plans yet because it's hard to know what you'll want as your pregnancy progresses and once baby arrives. But since they have a very different idea of how this should go, I would make it very clear that you don't want any visitors besides your mother there until after baby is born - that you want to spread out visitors and not have everyone there at once. </p> <p>I know some MILs would get super upset about that. Fortunately mine understood - she remembered that when her daughter, my SIL, had her baby, she was really only comfortable having her mom around for the immediate nitty-gritty aftermath. And so she got why I would want that same thing. And someday if my boys get married and have kids I will remember that and be there to support them in whatever way they need - because it's about the new parents, not the grandparents!</p> <p>Really though I would have your DH field this one as much as possible. I know not everyone likes the 'you handle your parents, I handle mine' mindset, but I think lots of parents, when given news they don't like, automatically want to pin blame on the spouse and assume it wasn't their child's decision.</p> <p>And if your DH needs any convincing, google the lemon clot essay. It gives excellent insight into why you don't want any visitors you aren't 100% comfortable around during the very beginning after birth. Parts are exaggerated, but most of it is pretty dead on. Especially the stuff about bathroom issues and breastfeeding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224309 Wed, 01 Jul 2015 21:22:56 +0000 MamaBehr 2224309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Be direct, almost to the point of bossy. I have had three babies so far, I only want my mom around. I'm a bleeding, hormonal, milk leaking mess, I want my mom. the earliest my MIL has ever met my babies has been one week old, but normally more like four weeks old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224297 Wed, 01 Jul 2015 21:08:30 +0000 Mae 2224297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just be honest and tell them what you want up front. I felt the same as you, I didn't want anyone except my mom at the hospital really and I didn't want anyone hanging out (staying at our house) the first two weeks. My dad pushed to be at the hospital and I told him he'd be bored because I wasn't putting on a show and he'd have to stay in th waiting room. He said he'd load his kindle and that was fine lol. In the end I was induced and it was boring the first 8 hours or so, so he did hang out in the room with DH and my mom and it was no biggy-- but I was glad I'd laid ground rules. </p> <p>With my FIL (2 hr drive) I told him we weren't having anyone at the hospital except my mom and we wanted time to settle in once we got home and they could come any time after the first two weeks. He seemed a little disappointed but he isn't the type to push really. </p> <p>With my MIL (planned to fly) my DH talked to her and said we'd like a little time to settle in at home before she arrived, and we wanted to be settled enough to really enjoy her visit when she did come. Since she wanted to buy tickets early we had her buy them for 3 week after my due date in case I went late (I did). It was fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224281 Wed, 01 Jul 2015 20:47:02 +0000 Anagram 2224281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our families live far away, and both my mom and my inlaws were there the first 5 days. Then my inlaws left and my mom stayed another week and a half. DH was working this whole time.....when my mom left, DH took his week of paternity leave at that point, then I had LO on my own till the end of my maternity leave.</p> <p>The inlaws came back when I returned to work, and stayed my first 3 weeks back at work.</p> <p>That really worked for us--only my mm came to the hospital, but all the inlaws got to see the baby right away to keep it fair. I like my inlaws and DH is very close to them, and they are helpful when they visit.....so I wouldn't ask them to wait a month to see the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224261 Wed, 01 Jul 2015 20:21:34 +0000 brownie 2224261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we first started talking with friends about babies there was a pattern that emerged. Woman's mom came out the first two weeks after birth and I laws the second two weeks. Them babies can be up to two weeks late. So I would schedule them for 4 weeks after the due date. This way they can get their own special time with baby and don't have to share with your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224254 Wed, 01 Jul 2015 20:10:24 +0000 hellobeeboston 2224254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you just need to be honest with them (assuming DH is on board too) that they need to wait to visit until after the baby is born... I put my foot down with my inlaws when our baby was born and though it was awkward it was all fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-distance-in-laws-traveling-for-the-the-birth#post-2224246 Wed, 01 Jul 2015 20:00:56 +0000 DesertDreams88 2224246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents live in CT, DH's parents live in WI, and we live in AZ. We are seeing his family next week and "announcing" our pregnancy to them. I know they'll immediately want to discuss when and how long they'll be coming out for. I'm unsure of how to handle this conversation, and wondering how you approached it with your long-distance family members, if you would do it differently, etc.</p> <p>Background:<br /> My family is excited but laid back about the grandbaby. In decisions like this (travel, family vacations), we have conversations discussing our different thoughts and we work out a middle ground if need be. It looks like maybe my mom will be coming out a week before the due date and staying until 2 weeks after. My dad has some work commitments and might be coming when my mom leaves. This is my preference so that I don't feel overwhelmed by too many people visiting and I can stretch out my "help" for longer. My mom thinks this is a silly idea and wants my dad to come with her but I think I can persuade her.</p> <p>My in-laws, however, are very different. They are grandbaby-obsessed and my MIL can be overwhelming. She is SUCH a loving person, but doesn't really have a filter and doesn't know when to chill out. They will probably want to come early and stay late, if you know what I mean. That kind of makes me anxious. I don't really want them there until about a week after the birth, at the earliest, but.... with them there's not as much mental room for negotiation. For example, they've already told us they'll be moving out here whenever we have a baby. And while we will totally need the help, the fact that they have never even asked our feelings on the topic is weird to me (plus, they're leaving 2 children &amp; grandchildren in WI...)</p> <p>Also, I only want my mom and DH at the hospital, no one else. </p>