https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 08:41:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-432044 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 19:54:20 +0000 blackbird 432044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the fact that he acknowledges that his backpedaling came from fear is a huge one. I think most of us react this way! As long as you don't push aside the issues you need to work through, I'm sure everything will work out just fine! And hopefully next time, the fears can be communicated in a better way (or you can realize that is where he is coming from). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-431992 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 19:19:32 +0000 singingbee 431992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: you are too sweet. Thanks for your well wishes. I know everything will work out. I was thinking that maybe your husband was reacting in a way that mine does sometimes. Sometimes he will get worried about something and instead of talking about it, he focuses on something that is so far from what he needs to be doing. I react in a bad way, but then I realize that he just needs to have a 'moment' and then he will come around to whatever we need to be doing. Hugs!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-431967 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 19:02:35 +0000 MrsMccarthy 431967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: thank you! I feel very happy now. I don;t want to try till Tor is 2 so thats the plan. Hubby and I still have some things to work out so I wont pretend its all roses but I love him so deeply, he loves our son and he has agreed to make a second baby work so I feel a lot better about our future. I never thought of leaving him or anything but i knew that there would be a huge wedge and alot of additional difficulties between us if he prevented Tor from having a sibling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-431939 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 18:27:40 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 431939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hey honey....I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know I have read the entire post and all of the replies. I am so here for you and I totally get why you are upset! You have every right to be.<br /> I am glad he is starting to come around though!!!<br /> Of course, I was thinking counseling the whole time I was reading, but if he won't go then....I don't know what on eath else you can do? I pray this all works out and you get your 2nd baby by next year, like you want. I hope you start TTC after New Years like he has said.<br /> I love ya hon...my fall mama! Please cheer up:) You have the most beautiful baby boy in the world! And DH will come around...the relationship just needs a bit of help...everybody needs some help sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-431902 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 18:06:31 +0000 MrsMccarthy 431902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ALL of you ladies are so wonderful and supportive. I mean it. Every one of you, even if i did not agree with everything i totally respect this group of smart ladies and I know that each one of you came from your heart. I want to respond to each of you when i have more time but first I have some good news:</p> <p>Hubby came around on another child. He told me that it does scare him to think about giving up even more than now but he realizes he made a commitment to me and our family and he knows he will love that 2nd baby so much. I promised to do whatever he needs me to to make this stuff keep him from feeling invisible. I always did but I can go the extra mile. I think we may still need some counseling to figure out his fears and my feelings of being left with the bag at times but I am giving it until after the holidays because he came around for me on this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430592 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 08:47:54 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 430592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh no I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Having a child should be a happy moment in your life, and I just feel like your husband feels like he's lost his importance, that he's put on the back burner (which usually happens when you have kids) and he's being indirectly childish and unfair with you. </p> <p>I would definitely have a talk about it. Maybe go talk to someone, or couples counseling. (I'm giving this as advice but clearly I have no experience in the matter) </p> <p>I just want to say that everyone has their issues in a relationship, heck I have my share so don't feel like you are alone. BUt reaching out is a first step. Hugs sweetie. xox </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430586 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 08:42:50 +0000 mamimami 430586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry you are going through this! I believe your husband will come around... Like others have said, it's so early. </p> <p>I don't have much advice except to seek counseling. From what you wrote it does seem like he's quite "me, me," but maybe that's pushing you into the same mentality? When perhaps counseling can help you move into a "we/us" mentality. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430538 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 07:56:33 +0000 sea_bass 430538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so so sorry. Reading this filled me with so much sorrow for you. </p> <p>People may say you have plenty of time but choosing when you have a child is really a truly personal decision based on what you are comfortable with. </p> <p>I have PCOS and was really open with my now DH that I wanted to have kids ASAP and more than one. I explained my reasoning and he has really understood where I am coming from regarding reduced fertility and complications that rise with age. </p> <p>He also knows that having once child is something I would never be ok with. If we could not expand our family naturally (I am current pregnant) we would absolutely consider adoption. </p> <p>I would be shellshocked beyond belief if he turned around and said we couldn't have another and he only agreed to it so we would get married. This is something so serious it would be grounds for annulment (We are Catholic). </p> <p>I am probably giving all the wrong advice, but as its something so close to my heart too, I would lay it on the line. I would tell my husband that our very marriage was as stake, as it would be in my case. I could accept a change in our timeline, but I could not accept his refusal to have another child and the dishonesty associated with it. </p> <p>I also do not know how I could trust him ever again. This is not game playing this is your future children. Something that is so obviously close to your heart. </p> <p>I have certainly given lousy advice but I want you to know I am thinking of you and hoping that you can come to a resolution with your husband. </p> <p>P.S. You also seem to have been very accommodating to your husbands hobbies and desires. I do not know many other women that would be able to take on all that you have and still run the house, allow DH to keep up his hobbies etc. Most fathers of newborns I know vanish into an abyss for many months.</p> <p>Thinking of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430476 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 04:42:27 +0000 London Mama 430476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My heart ached reading your post, sometimes life just isn't fair. The one thing that struck me is that it almost sounds like your DH has postnatal depression. PPD isn't just for mothers but many men get depressed and struggle with how dramatically their lives change.</p> <p>I'm not making excuses for your DH but give yourselves some time, wait ntil Tor is at least 6 months and then reevaluate. Until he, hang in there and enjoy your little boy </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430421 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 00:20:14 +0000 lemondrop 430421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Big hugs! </p> <p>A new baby is a huge adjustment for everyone, I know my husband has felt neglected and left out of the new "club" that our son and I share multiple times during the past year. There are also times when I resented the hell out of him while he was snoring away and I was rocking a fussy baby. </p> <p>At 12 weeks pp, neither of us were ready to discuss baby #2, we only just brought it up for discussion at 10 months, feeling like it is something our relationship can handle at this point. I do try to have one night a week that I ignore chores, work, get the baby to bed as soon as possible and we open a bottle of wine and have some grown up time to re-bond as a couple. </p> <p>One thing that I found works for us, I went back to work one day a week on my husband's weekday off. This gives me a grown up day and them a boy's bonding day- they have good days full of giggles (today) and they have bad days full of tears on both sides(last Wednesday). He definitely appreciates the things I do while he is at work that much more. He also gets the chance to bond, which really started after 6 months when the baby got more interactive. </p> <p>I know this may not be possible for a full day with his work and racing schedule, but even you getting away for a few hours getting groceries or taking a break. One thing my husband liked was that he could spend time with the baby and figure things out on his own and not have me jump in at every cry and fuss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430412 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 00:00:09 +0000 junebugmama 430412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I'm with you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430379 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 23:11:53 +0000 travelgirl1 430379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you guys can work it out so you're both happy, it's such a shame you've got all this extra stress during your little boy's first few months. Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430346 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 22:44:01 +0000 Mr. Jacks 430346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to give my perspective as the younger man in an age gap relationship. I am 30 now and my spouse is 41. We were married when she was 38 (I was 27) and got pregnant soon after. When Little Jacks came along, Mrs. Jacks was in between jobs and had 4 months before starting her new position. On top of it all we made a move half way across the country. Needless to say we were both under a considerable amount of stress. On top of it all I was going to continue working for the same company but from home. </p> <p>I do have to say that by the time we moved, I did not have a strong bond with Little Jacks. This was due to the fact that I had been working long hours before the move and Mrs. Jacks was breast feeding so I did not get to spend a ton of quality time with Little Jacks. But once we moved and our roles switched, I bonded with our little girl quite quickly. I am not sure that would have happened if I was not able to spend so much time with her, but this also did not even start till she was about four months old and lasted till she was 2 years old. And if you had asked me during that first 6-9 months if we were going to have a second, I would have told you absolutely not. </p> <p>There are so many little things that one does not think about before having kids. For us it was things like going out to the bars, having a beer, and shooting some darts. Our Friday nights have forever changed to having dinner at home, maybe with a glass of wine, and listening to the radio… Seems a bit boring, but we enjoy it, but it was quite the change up for us. I could see how that would be harder for some than others. </p> <p>Another thing I would like to mention is that men have been known to suffer from postpartum depression as well. I would highly recommend the same as many here have already recommended—seeing a counselor. There may be more issues here than you may think. You may see him as being selfish, but it may also be a coping mechanism. But if he is like most guys I know, he uses his bike to blow off steam and will most likely come around if he is given some time. I was still in shock for at least 6 months after Little Jacks came into our lives, and Mrs. Jacks thinks I took to being a dad like a fish to water! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing/page/2#post-430099 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 19:59:59 +0000 Maysprout 430099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you guys have a lot to talk about on both sides. </p> <p>Even though I want 3 kids, when my husband brought up a 2nd right after we brought LO home I thought I was going to punch him. 12 weeks isn't much time for adjustment so he's probably still adjusting.</p> <p>I don't think working out 3 days a week is unreasonable, both me and my husband manage to work out most days (he's a cyclist too) even though he works long hours. </p> <p>I'd keep the SAHM conversation open, he may be feeling financial pressure of having 2 or more kids on just his salary.</p> <p>Does he have an indoor bicycle trainer? That helps so much in the winter. I have pictures of LO in her reclining high chair and DH giving her a bottle while he rides on the trainer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-430036 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:33:05 +0000 Mrs. Train 430036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know if i have advice really for your particular situation but here are something's I did for my marriage. </p> <p>1. I did the best I can to sleep with my husband and have the kids out of the bed. I know it is way easier for some nursing moms to just sleep with baby but it definetly was not my husbands choice. There are time when I am so tired I completely fall asleep with them in the bed and don't get them back to crib but in general I try not to. </p> <p>2. I had to figure out what marriage with kids was like. We both had to figure out what was priorities to each of us. My husband likes date nights. Most of the time scheduling them is more work than its worth to me because I am fine with just having an in home date when the kids go to bed. Because its important to him I make it happen. I arrange it with my parents or baby sitters and get the times set up, I pump or do whatever I have to do to have a few hours (of normal kid awake time) with him out of the house.</p> <p>3. I make his favorite meals often. It makes him feel like I was thinking of him and not just the kids when meal planning</p> <p>4. I have sex when he wants. It might seem silly but I don't say no. It might be, once the baby goes down, or once I finish the chore I am doing but I don't say no.</p> <p>We did discuss our fourth child a lot. He was not on board but when I showed him I was able to do these things and take care of the kids he was much more willing to talk about another child. I don't know if any if this would help in your situation but they are things I actively worked at in my marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-430028 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:18:31 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 430028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: I know you were up-front, but regardless of whether or not it feels like pressure from your end, it appears as though that is how he is reacting. I'm more than happy to talk and listen about this privately and I definitely have some tools and tips about what worked well for my partner and I. I hope you don't think I'm being judgy. I've walked in similar shoes, but have had a pretty different outcome... So hopefully have some good advice to share.</p> <p>I've just found that whenever we have different goals or are in conflict that it's best to recenter and go back to the relationship.</p> <p>I understand that you are frustrated right now, but being angry isn't going to get you to your goal either. In order to achieve your goal, your going to have to meet him where he's at. I know that 12 weeks after Lala's birth, mr. Jacks would have told you "no way" to a second kid (ever). Things change and people change and there are no guarantees that people will always feel the same. I think it's really hard to hold people to promises that they make absent the experiences that could inform the decision.</p> <p>I truly understand and empathize with both sides, am happy to chat outside the thread and am happy to have mr jacks come give his perspective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-430020 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:10:33 +0000 Ra 430020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it possible that your husband is just overwhelmed right now? I think sometimes we forget that having a family may be more important to one person than it is the other.</p> <p>My husband is 29 and was really, really apprehensive about starting a family. He was the type who was "take it or leave it" when it came to a child, and he preferred to wait if we did decide to have a child. Like you, my biological clock was ticking though and I convinced him to have a baby sooner than he was really ready to.</p> <p>So, this whole process has been much more difficult for him than it has for me (I'm still pregnant though). He is terrified that life as he knows it is going to end when the baby gets here. He is an active and social person and would be really resentful if having a child denied him of that. As far as pregnancy goes, men don't have the same maternal instincts that we have. They don't understand the physical and emotional difficulties we are going through because they have never experienced it themselves. For this reason, they can come off as a little insensitive or selfish.</p> <p>Please understand that this is a HUGE lifestyle change for him. I know it is for you as well but it seems like the idea of a family is more important to you than it is to him. It is going to take him time to adjust to life with a baby and 12 weeks is not much time. One piece of advice my mom keeps bringing up to me is not forget DH throughout pregnancy and when the baby is born. We have always been active and done things together and she said that it is extremely important to keep that going. Let him know that he is still a priority and spend one-on-one time with him. Go out and do things like you used to (with a sitter for LO).</p> <p>We agreed to only have one baby, but I know that DH said from the beginning that he didn't want to feel like a "stud horse." Just try to make your husband feel loved, wanted, and special so he that he doesn't feel like he is just there to provide you with babies.</p> <p>Sorry that was a lot. I just sounds like my DH is very similar to yours personality wise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-430018 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:06:39 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 430018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: first, this really is an awful position to be in with a new baby! I'm so sorry that he's changed his stance and "surprised" you with not wanting to follow through on his promises (to have a 2nd child). And all this on top of the disappointment you feel with how he adjusted to fatherhood. I'd be at my wits end too!<br /> How much have you been able to tell him about your feelings (disappointment in his priorities, putting hobbies above family, the hurt feelings of him not appreciating you as a SAHM, etc?) I agree with PPs that you've really got to focus on repairing your relationship separate of trying for #2. It sounds like you know this &amp; he is refusing counseling. You've always supported his hobbies; maybe now is the time to say "you know I support your biking, but there are more important things at stake right now. We need to make the time/find the money to work on us."</p> <p>Along with what MrBee said, it sounds like maybe your husband went through a depression after Tor arrived - maybe even during your pregnancy. He seems to have had a really hard time coping with change and is likely terrified/overwhelmed with the idea of going through it again. </p> <p>I hope you both can work out your feelings and start figuring out what you want from each other. And I sincerely hope that process ends with you mutually deciding to have a 2nd child! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-430016 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:05:26 +0000 MsMini 430016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry you are finding yourself in this situation. I think there is a lot going on right now, for both you and your DH, and I think that you both probably need to just step back for a while and get used to the changes in your life. You might find with some more time to get used to things he might get on board with another baby. </p> <p>The first few months as a new parent are hella hard and it is a lot of changes and sacrifice for both parents. That can be a tough pill to swallow. </p> <p>I know many, many Dads that really didn't enjoy parenthood until the baby was more interactive and independent from the Mom (around 6 months of age or so). Add to it a guy who is used to being able to be quite selfish, and now is looking at a life of tighter budgets, and not being able to put himself first 100% of the time, and it is probably scaring the crap out of him. </p> <p>I don't think that justifies what he is saying 100%, but if he is feeling a bit of pressure to get moving on #2, and he still hasn't adjusted to #1, I can kind of see why he is shutting down.</p> <p>I also see why you are upset, because I would be furious as well. Me and my DH always said we wanted 2-3 kids, and we have had a relatively easy adjustment to parenthood, and our baby is 7 months old, so we are a bit further into it. However, the other night we both admitted we could see only having 1 baby at this point in time, and how it could be an appealing option for some people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-430007 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 17:53:48 +0000 Trailmix 430007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have much to add that others haven't already said but I wanted to offer my sympathy, I'd be furious and devastated if I was in your shoes right now, mostly just off the fact of your DH changing his mind about something so fundamental. It'd be one thing if he was like 'I'm not ready to think about having another child for at least a year or two' but to flat-out refuse, I can see how hurtful that is to you. I'm sorry and I really hope you guys can come to some sort of resolution... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429985 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 17:39:18 +0000 MrsMccarthy 429985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: perhaps not or perhaps he is just a selfish type who would never feel "ready". My only hope it that he can do some growing. he has done it in the past. thank you for your comment.</p> <p>@adnama: thank you dearie!</p> <p>@Smurfette: yeah, i get that. i think the problem i am having is that we both discussed this at length! we both agreed it was what we both wanted and i was so specific with him about the fact that i did not want him having kids for me alone and also that this was MY BIGGEST DREAM in life, so he had to make sure he was SURE! I get that people change their mind but they can change their minds about wanting to be married or all sorts of things. It doesnt make it any less unfair or problematic. Personally i think he is just using his power to just be selfish and see how HE feels now that he has me locked in and that infuriates me. Thank you so much for your sweet advice. </p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: hmmm, i dont know that i agree. I dont think i am putting pressure on him. I think he is changing the game for selfish reasons. i owned up to my stuff. i went over all of this with him back and fourth. I feel like he is being spoiled and i feel very disappointed in him. I also think that while its very true its possible to have kids late in life, and many do, it's not something i would take for granted past 35 or if i had any sort of fertility hurdles. I love my husband very much but frankly he is right, i would not have married him just for love. I want someone who will be happy with the same things I am. I am willing to go the extra mile to make room for what he wants and needs but he isnt for me or for his kid or potential kids. Thats the problem i have. His priorities may change with some time and I do absoluetl want to give him that but i dont thihk i have done anything to pressure him. I was always upfront about what i needed and my time frame and i even pushed it up by a whole year. He is the one holding my dreams hostage and to me his reasons just aren't deep enough to justify. His only concern in the whole scenario is HIMSELF. this troubles me. Thank you though for chiming in. I hope you are right and we do have time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429983 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 17:38:10 +0000 Chastenet 429983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that things have been so rough! I really hope your SO matures a little and becomes more supportive of you. I agree with Mr Bee's advice, it's probably best to address the issues you are having before moving forward with a second baby. I know you feel pressed for time because of your age, but I think you should still take the time to adjust to your new status as a family of three before adding another baby to the mix. Have you spoken with your husband about how unsupportive and selfish you feel he is being? I think counseling sounds like a good idea although I don't know how you can get him on board with that...I'm thinking of you and I hope you are able to work things out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429947 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 17:08:21 +0000 Lozza 429947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really have anything to add to what others have said, but I would just try to remember that Tor is only 12 weeks old... when my LO was 12 weeks, I was still kind of crazy :)<br /> At 12 weeks, no one was sleeping through the night, we were still trying to get the hang of things, everything was still kind of new... and LO wasn't even fun yet. I didn't even really like spending time with LO till he was closer to 5 months old. At 12 weeks, I didn't feel equipped to make good minor life decisions, much less major ones!<br /> I guess my point is that- while I know you're worried about how your age affects your timeline- you're still in the midst of a pretty darn stressful period of infancy, and that if you can maybe focus more on keeping your current family and relationship a happy and secure place to be, other stuff may become more negotiable and flexible as Tor gets older and everyone is a little better rested and Tor starts smiling and laughing and talking and hugging and all that good stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429942 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 17:02:38 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 429942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whoa, whoa, whoa... I have an even bigger age gap than you with my SO and we started having kids even later. (I was 38 with Lala). I think your poor hubs is getting a lot of pressure and I know with my Mr. he'd freak out if I put pressure on him. I have sooo sooo much more that you and I could talk about... but I'd start by giving your partner a bunch of breathing space.</p> <p>This is your bio clock talking and I know it's hard to keep that from overflowing, but you seriously have time. Lots of time. Enjoy *this* moment with your family. Continue to build and strengthen your marriage. I'm happy to talk to you more offline about my approach to my age gap relationship.</p> <p>I'm now 41 and Mr. and I are taking a break from talking about any further children for now even though the later it gets, the less likely we'll add to our family, so I really can empathize with how you feel! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429924 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 16:52:42 +0000 Smurfette 429924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It does sound like y'all have other issues that you need to work on before you think about having another child. Maybe once your relationship gets back on track, you can talk then about having another child. </p> <p>DH and I both have said that we want 2, and if he changes his mind after this one gets here, I can't force him to have another. While it would be upsetting, at the same time, I wouldn't want to bring another child into this world unless I knew that both parents were 100% ready and willing to take on that responsibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429920 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 16:50:48 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 429920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can convince him to do some counselling and hopefully get to the bottom of this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429919 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 16:50:45 +0000 Mrsbells 429919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: Wow your story sounds really quite sad, I think he just wasnt ready for a child, it sounds like he just doesnt want to sacrifice sleep or anything to be a parent. which is really unfortunate because its a package deal </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429918 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 16:50:36 +0000 BoogieBea 429918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi there! I'm so sorry for the situation that you're in right now. While my husband has always been enthusiastic about having kids, he was never fully aware of how much work and sacrifice you have to make to raise children. We have two kids, ages 1 and 3. We actually went to couples counseling when my first was over a year and right before we found out we were pregnant again. It took my husband a while for him to really bond with our first. It was the same with me, I didn't blend with my son until a few days after he was born. And my husband will admit that he didn't truly bond with him until he was 6 months. It was understandable because I nursed the baby exclusively and while my husband, did help out in other areas, he didn't really experience the joy of having a son until he was a lot more interactive.<br /> But like you, the bigger issue was, that he didn't want his life to change after the baby. He is into biking too, though he doesn't compete (as well as many other hobbies). He works pretty long hours during the week - is away from the house for 12 hours. Then he wants to work out at least 3 times a week, get 8 hours of sleep, some tv/Internet time, bike on the weekends and spend time with the kids. It's just not possible on most days. It just left no time for our relationship and it's not to say that I don't feel the same. I started feeling resentful for lack of personal time as well. And when my husband did help, I felt like he was doing things up to my standards. Things just started snowballing.<br /> Going to counseling didn't reveal anything new that we didn't know about each other. We both knew what the problem was but sometimes it just helps to hear it from someone else. It's still a struggle to make things work and it's always a work in progress. But my husband is not bitter anymore about losing some of his "me" time. It's also a little easier when your kids are older and less demanding of your time.<br /> I hope you're able to work things out with your husband and enjoy the precious moments with your baby boy. It goes by very fast. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429915 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 16:50:01 +0000 MrsMccarthy 429915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: thank you Jennie. I am praying for you to have your take home baby every day! you are so selflessly supportive. you are gonna make a wonderful mommy. xoxoxoxo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/long-vent-hubby-as-reneged-on-our-plan-for-a-second-baby-agonizing#post-429908 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 16:47:24 +0000 MrsMccarthy 429908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Beebug: i know minds change. I just feel like his reasons are not deep enough and this is something that is VERY VERY important to me. Deal breaker important. and i feel like he kind of lied to me about his values. we really need counseling. badly. hope you and your sweet baby are well. :) </p>