https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 04:11:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1832085 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 22:50:12 +0000 irene 1832085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>and I want to add: Kudos to @mrbee: for constantly having to read pages and pages of hellobee users fighting about issues (that may or may not even matter, to be honest), and have to break up fights on different threads. Let's give him a gift of all of us getting along and being nice to each other. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1832046 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 22:11:38 +0000 MrsLilybugg 1832046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: @raindrop: @arden: thanks!! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1832034 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 22:00:48 +0000 irene 1832034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@simplyfelicity: Thanks for the reference! I will read on it later tonight :) No wonder I skipped it I have no idea who Jill Duggar Dillard is... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1832027 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:54:56 +0000 simplyfelicity 1832027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I posted it on page 2 on here. :happy: I hope this is what you were looking for. </p> <p><a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jill-duggar-dillard-pregnant/page/5#post-1825788" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jill-duggar-dillard-pregnant/page/5#post-1825788</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1832012 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:43:28 +0000 Arden 1832012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: No offense taken! I have no problem with that type of comment, it wasn't putting co-sleeping parents down. There were a lot of commenters like you who were clearly being lighthearted and meant no harm. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1832008 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:38:16 +0000 wonderstruck 1832008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I commented on the thread about crazy parenting trends very early on and did say co-sleeping, but I also made sure to include that the reason I find it crazy is because I'm a total bedhog who needs tons of space. Hope I didn't unintentionally offend anyone! That thread started off kind of light-hearted and took an unfortunate, but not really unexpected, turn.</p> <p>@mrbee: Sorry about that if I was part of the problem there. My intent was just to take away some of the confusion, because I think it can breed more resentment when people say stuff like 'a certain user' instead of just naming and addressing it with the person, but I certainly see your point about doing it with those no longer on the site and will make sure I don't repeat that behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831908 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 20:33:59 +0000 irene 1831908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why do I always miss these controversies / gossips until it is 9 pages long and no one link back to the possible post(s) that started it all? What happened? I am so confused.....</p> <p>I don't come here nearly as much as you ladies do but I do consistently come here for the past 2-3 years since Hellobee started. I always find the responses to my posts friendly, warm and helpful 99.5% of the time, and I don't have any friends here. In some occasions I did feel being responded to negatively, "targeted", judged, or ganged up on, but that was over the course of the past 2-3 years, and for maybe 2-3 posts. Yes my feelings get hurt but I get over it. Because after all, I agree with @spaniellove: that this is just an online forum and we shouldn't be this involved. :-)</p> <p>I honestly don't think any of us are out to be villains though.... maybe that person had a bad day? Maybe that someone got yelled at by her boss at work, fought with her DH, and her LOs screamed with no reason for the entire night, which left her in a really bad mood? Something to think about... :-) But then again, I really didn't know what happened the past 2 days/months. haha</p> <p>I do want to say it is hard to remain civil when we are on such a touchy subject: parenting. Everyone has a set of standards on how a child should be raised, and it is very hard not to judge others or get judged. My mom, my husband, my FIL + MIL, distant aunts, friends, friends with no children, and even the lady who sits next to us at the restaurant, have all commented/judged me as a parent at some point. So it has a lot to do with the subject. I guess it is human nature to care and watch for the best interests of our little ones.</p> <p>:heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831898 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 20:28:42 +0000 mrbee 1831898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: don't disagree and a vigorous discussion is healthy for the site, and so I haven't said anything until now. But 9 pages later, there's a lot of repeat mentions... so I think we may be at the point of diminishing returns. Just I thought I'd say something at this point, especially since many of these people aren't here to balance the conversation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831893 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 20:25:24 +0000 cmomma17 1831893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: agree to agree! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831891 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 20:24:34 +0000 ShootingStar 1831891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I've actually found it really refreshing that people aren't talking in thinly veiled ways about "certain users", which always causes a ton of "who are we talking about? can someone PM me what the deal is?" comments. I think to move forward people need to be able to call a spade a spade. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831846 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 19:43:48 +0000 mrbee 1831846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's been really helpful to hear what people are thinking, and it sounds like some of the conversations have been helpful to the healing process as well!</p> <p>Did want to mention one thing: I'm starting to get a bit uncomfortable about all of the naming (and sometimes shaming) of people, especially people who are no longer on the site. I think we can all agree that it'd be great if the site were supportive of more perspectives, including attachment parenting (along with others). That's definitely something that we really want to prioritize, and that we want to work to encourage as a community as well.</p> <p>I also want to emphasize that it's totally ok to disagree with each other. In fact, we encourage people to disagree with each other! But in a perfect world, this stuff is discussed honestly but in a civil way... and at the very least, without a personal attack.</p> <p>Anyway, it'd be great if this thread could ease up on all the naming/shaming of people who aren't on the site or aren't active right now. There's been a lot of discussion of the danger of cliques, and having groups of people attack someone... and I totally agree that it's a big issue. I think it's really healthy to discuss this stuff, but at the same time I also think we have to be careful not to form new groups that then attack the original group of people (who are mostly not here to defend themselves).</p> <p>In the immortal words of one girl who has a lot of feelings:</p> <p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUFT35S7Jb4" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUFT35S7Jb4</a></p> <p>Just kidding, but please keep in mind that some of the people being discussed aren't here to balance the conversation... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831757 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 18:46:56 +0000 plantains 1831757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: I had an emergency c-section with my DD and plan on electing to have an RCS with my second and I did find runsyellowlites comments on c-sections silly but I wasn't offended, I just thought she was being ridiculous.</p> <p>I guess I just like having people around to say ridiculous things as long as they are not nasty about it. I feel like we should be comfortable enough with each other to disagree and state our positions without being mean. I also feel that people need to be a bit less sensitive or what @cherrybee said. </p> <p>@bkcaribBaby: I look for your posts all the time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831740 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 18:29:56 +0000 Arden 1831740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cmomma17: I agree. There is room for both sides of the spectrum and a lot of people balanced in the middle. We just need to make a real effort here to treat people different from us with respect. I don't have a perfect record of being gentle and respectful, but I'm working towards it. I hope all of hellobee can work towards that goal. It may require a bit more moderation so that we can nip disrespectful behavior in the bud instead if letting it grow to create bullies and cliques. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831735 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 18:23:54 +0000 cmomma17 1831735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: so I have never labeled myself as AP or crunchy, but I co slept for quite a bit (and loved it! LO chose to stop, not me), I had a "natural" labor, I didn't want an induction, I'm still nursing at 16 months, I tried to babywear (LO wasn't a huge fan), we are anti-circumcision, I have never sleep trained, I'm vegetarian and so is LO, and I used a doula! But I also work outside the home full time, use disposable diapers, my LO gets screentime galore, and other non crunchy things! I guess I just want to say that it shouldn't be crunchy vs not crunchy! It's such a continuum and I think there are lot's of users interested in similar parenting styles to you, or who can benefit from your knowledge! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831721 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 18:10:37 +0000 immabeetoo 1831721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: not specifically in that thread, but I guess some of it is wording too. It makes me think I should've added "because I'm a wuss and only want an epidural, ever" behind my previous statement of someone couldn't pay me to have a home birth :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831715 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 18:03:22 +0000 Adira 1831715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I think sometimes it's hard for people to be able to see things from the other side. And I won't lie, I'll probably overlook stuff like this in the future too because it just won't occur to me naturally! BUT I definitely appreciate this conversation and it has opened my eyes to why a thread like that automatically put some people more on the defensive than others! Hopefully I can keep stuff like this in mind in the future to hopefully prevent (or at least not contribute to) more of the isolation/judgement that non-traditional parents are feeling! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/9#post-1831711 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:59:42 +0000 Arden 1831711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Thanks, it's nice to see that you are really listening and being open minded to my thoughts. :) </p> <p>I hope we can see more of this sort of discussion here. This is really productive towards improving hellobee! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831709 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:56:59 +0000 Adira 1831709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Yes, I can definitely see your point. That thread was definitely skewed more towards the "traditional" parents, because while saying something like "I couldn't do cloth diapers (because I don't want to deal with the poop!" is fairly innocent in general, someone on the other side can't really say the same ("I couldn't do disposables!") because it automatically sounds judgmental and you would've been attacked for saying it. So I definitely see your point and hadn't really thought about it before! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831703 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:53:36 +0000 Arden 1831703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Yeah I understand your point about coming in defensive. At the same time though, I think it skewed towards traditional parents.<br /> For instance - I would never in a million years come into a thread like that and say "I think sleep training is insane, circumcision is wrong, and non-medically indicated inductions should be illegal!" Can you imagine the uproar if I did (I wouldn't, but still, imagine!)?</p> <p>And yet, there were comments in that thread saying co-sleeping is insane, homeschooling is wrong and should be illegal, and unmedicated/home birth/etc is crazy.</p> <p>Do you see how those of us on the crunchier side could feel an unfair tilt against us? </p> <p>I do believe the majority of the contributors here are open minded, but slowly I've felt like it's become more "accepted" to poke fun at alternative parents. </p> <p>Edit: Yes, it seems some of the posters contributing to the bullying and targeting have left hellobee, but not all. Hopefully those of who are still here can take extra care in how we speak and make sure to treat all parents with respect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831696 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:46:42 +0000 Raindrop 1831696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLilybugg: Ah well lucky it seems arden, adira and mr.bee seemed to have understood you. :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831694 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:45:13 +0000 Adira 1831694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Yes, I can definitely see where a thread like that can go off the rails. But I do think some people probably have preconceived notions of what might happen and then read more into things than are there. If you start out on the defensive, you may be more inclined to feel attacked (general you, not Arden you). I do remember some of the homeschool comments were pretty harsh though. :( I didn't realize some of the other topics were also be attacked.</p> <p>Do you feel like some of the people contributing to the bullying and judgement have now left Hellobee? Hopefully even just having this dialogue open will help and people will be more careful about their wording and try to be more accepting of different views (and just agree to disagree at times without all the bickering and snarkiness)! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831689 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:40:07 +0000 Arden 1831689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Some posters were certainly lighthearted and non-judgemental, but others were quite harsh and pointed. Unfortunately it was one of those threads where you can see by the title that it's about to go downhill. </p> <p>It's not just that one thread though, I've felt a slow but significant culture shift over the last two years or so from open and accepting to narrow minded and judgemental. I'd like to see hellobee move back to a more diverse and accepting community. I hope that happens now. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831688 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:36:30 +0000 Adira 1831688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Yeah, I got the impression that that thread was SUPPOSED to be light-hearted and fun. Like people saying something like "I could never co-sleep or do cloth diapers" was supposed to be more like "I couldn't do that, but kudos to parents that can!" not "Parents that do this are CRAZY!" I think there were probably issues on both sides, with people not wording things well, but also people taking offense where maybe it wasn't meant? Though I'm sure there were also people who crossed the line from the benign to the aggressive. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831685 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:34:42 +0000 Weagle 1831685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I'm somewhere in-between mainline and AP, but even I felt offended by some of the comments and threads you're talking about. I think that the issue wasn't that there was a widespread attack on AP. That just didn't happen, so I don't think anyone should have that as their take-away. But like you said, there were a few people that disagree and they happened to be some of the most blunt and outspoken people on the boards. And exceptionally willing to pipe up whether they really needed to or not. And it felt at times like they had made it their mission to change the boards and the opinions expressed into what they defined as correct. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831684 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:34:21 +0000 MrsLilybugg 1831684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: lol sorry! So<br /> Lots of bees mentioned a "crazy parenting " thread and said they felt left out in that what they practiced was considered crazy by most but couldn't find that thread . And my think ig was , if the "crazy things" were what I practice, then maybe I can post threads about that (like bed sharing) to make them feel less isolated :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831683 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:33:49 +0000 Adira 1831683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLilybugg: I can't find the crazy thread either, so I think it might've been deleted. I know people can wall Mr. Bee to ask for threads to be deleted/closed, so that could be why it's not showing up on the Help page as a deletion request.</p> <p>@Arden: Thanks. I can definitely see how if the people doing the bullying were just really active and popular, how it could feel like more than just a couple people. Plus it sounds like maybe they were getting a lot of "+1s" which makes it feel like you're being ganged up on when only one or two people are actually saying anything.</p> <p>I hope our AP and other parents don't leave. I think the diversity is good for the site! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831682 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:33:38 +0000 mrbee 1831682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLilybugg: @Arden: I deleted the thread at the request of the OP. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831677 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:29:47 +0000 Raindrop 1831677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLilybugg: I hate feeling lost, so I want to help you as much as possible. :) I don't quite understand what you are saying. Can you ask a more direct question? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831674 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:29:24 +0000 Arden 1831674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLilybugg: I can't find it now. I also can't find any public deletion requests so I'm not sure what's up with that. Maybe I'm just missing it.</p> <p>Yes, cosleeping was one of the many things called "crazy" in the thread. It was a train wreck from the beginning but it sort of spiraled down into a fight about homeschooling and a lot of parents calling other parenting choices "crazy". Some contributors posted in a way that was completely benign and non-judgemental, but quite a few did not. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/losses-and-bitches/page/8#post-1831669 Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:26:06 +0000 Arden 1831669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Thanks. :) I have never felt that you were targeting people or bullying. It's actually a relatively small number if people I think are responsible for bullying, but because some of them were/are frequent posters, it seemed more apparent. I think the vast majority of the members here honestly want to contribute in a positive way. </p>