https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 13 May 2026 01:09:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver/page/2#post-2271927 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 16:43:26 +0000 mdf106 2271927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband SAH full time from 6 weeks until 18 months, and does a great job. The fact that I have to give up control to him, which is not natural for me, was a plus, to avoid me doing all of the work and then being miserable. DH does somethings differently than I do, but that does not mean that my way is better, and DH has just as much right to parent as I do. DH does do some things my way when I have a strong preference, and vice versa. Also, DS still has a mommy preference. </p> <p>I do think not having any time off together would be problematic, though. When DH went back to work part time, when DS was 18 months, we found a very flexible daycare. I might recommend moving one of the 10 hour shifts to during the week, and paying for daycare one day a week, so you have one day off as a family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver/page/2#post-2266438 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 19:14:35 +0000 Finfan 2266438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH is a SAHD as well. He would definitely burn out if he tried to fit in a FT job around my work schedule. What he does do is work 50-60 hours per week during harvest season for a neighbor who farms. His parents watch DD during that time. We've also been able to find a very flexible daycare that lets us do anywhere from 1-5 days a week as long as we let them know by the Wednesday before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2266120 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:54:35 +0000 KatieBklyn 2266120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're sort of doing this. I have a M-F 9-5 job and DH works 10 hour shifts on Saturdays and Sundays. We just started a few weeks ago, but so far so good - obviously it's tough to never have a day when we can all like, go to the zoo together, but we get to see each other in the evenings and I think we each enjoy our parenting time and our work time. DH has been talking about picking up some evening shifts, too, but I want him to wait a couple of months to see how this shakes out before adding anything else to his plate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2266117 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:51:52 +0000 magnolia 2266117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: @rosegold: @MrsDragon: @cheesehead: @MOMTOLITTLEB: @rachiecakes: thank you for sharing!!! I need to think positively </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2266114 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:49:33 +0000 magnolia 2266114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@juli7: I would love this... need to make more baby friends close by </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2266111 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:48:24 +0000 magnolia 2266111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.KMM: @JenGirl: i didnt mean to imply he cant do it because he's a man, he's very caring and attentive. I do need to work o letting go of control and trust the way he does things :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2266108 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:45:30 +0000 Mae 2266108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The SAHD part wouldn't concern me. I think it is awesome when dads want to spend that much 1 on 1 time with littles and I know a few part time SAHDs (weird work schedules so they have a few weeks or months off here or there) and it is awesome for everyone. But the SAH + working full time thing seems crazy and unsustainable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2266104 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:44:08 +0000 magnolia 2266104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Badger: your middle ground sounds so good. My SO is a neat freak, pretty sure hes gonna be taking the baby with him to do laundry, watching daddy do dishes, etc. :silly: i do most of the cooking probably after baby goes to bed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2266076 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:21:12 +0000 Ms.Badger 2266076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read through all the posts but just wanted to post our "middle-ground". We considered doing what you're planning, our schedules are very flexible and we could have made it work but in the end, but we decided to take a middle ground. DH works from home Monday and takes care of J, I work for home Friday and take care of J. DH leaves for work around 10am and gets home hopefully by 7:30pm, I leave for work around 7:30am and am home at 5:30pm. We have a sitter come for Tue, Wed, and Thur for 8 hours. This means we each have time alone with J and he is only with someone else 24 hours/week and we also get to have our careers, which we both enjoy, not be completely side-tracked. Plus, we have the weekends with both of us and J, and he loves when both of us are with him. We are on our fourth week of this schedule and it is working out pretty well so far. Finding a sitter is a giant PITA but I would think it would be worth it to pay someone for 1-3 days a week in order to have some true family time built in.</p> <p>ETA: Have you thought about when you'd getting cooking, cleaning, bills, etc done each week? I've taken to basically doing all our cooking on weekends and freezing a lot and we are just barely keeping up with the cleaning to the point that I think we're going to get cleaners to help. It's really hard to cook and clean when you're taking care of a baby and exhausted from working full time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2266033 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 11:57:11 +0000 juli7 2266033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read through every single response, so forgive me if this has already been suggested, but two friends of mine who SAH do what they call a "mommy share." They alternate watching each other's child Monday through Thursday mornings, so each mom has two mornings "off." One does some freelance work during this time and the other just uses the time to get errands done. I work full time, but if I was a SAHM, I would definitely want to do something similar to get a break! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265994 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 11:35:13 +0000 JenGirl 2265994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is planning to be home, alone with the baby for 3 months after I go back to work and I think it will be great for him. One of our good friends did this and he became so much more confident caring for their daughter which has carried through for years afterward. </p> <p>I think men are just as capable at caring for children as women (besides the whole breastfeeding thing). You just have to trust him. And while it can be hard to give up control, ultimately he'll figure things out, even if they aren't exactly how you'd do them. </p> <p>However, I do agree with PP that i'd be concerned about burn-out for both of you. You can certainly give it a go, but it's good to watch and see if things are actually working or if you're both so stressed out that it's not worth it. But you can always give it a couple months and, if it's too hard, try part-time daycare to give you both a break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265959 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 11:09:00 +0000 snowjewelz 2265959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH currently takes care of DD one full day a week (at least), and he does a great job, and of course I 100% trust him so that's the good part! I think he will be fine as long as he has realistic expectations. It's not easy for him (between the two of us, I think it still comes more natural for me, and I have more patience haha), but he is really treasuring the time that he gets to spend with DD.</p> <p>I'd be more concern about the two of you having time for yourselves/each other! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265911 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 10:29:33 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2265911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.KMM: I totally agree!</p> <p>I don't think the problem is going to be that he can't be as capable as you at being a SAHD vs. you being a SAHM, but you also weren't working on top of being a SAHM. That's going to be the tough part, and I feel as if he'll definitely burn out quickly. </p> <p>Maybe he could start out doing this for a little while, but once LO is a year, you could start day care 2 days/week when he's busiest to give him a break. We started our LO on this schedule with grandparents helping out the other 3 days/week to socialize our LO and it's worked our really well. He went from 2-3 days when he turned 2 and will be going from 3-4 days now that he'll be 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265901 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 10:14:51 +0000 rosegold 2265901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@magnolia: i would actually feel the same way but the men in my life are very productive so i think ultimately it would work out. this stresses me out just reading about it as dh has a schedule that is never flexible. if it falls apart, not everything will and you will adjust. everything will br ok in the end! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265819 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 09:15:50 +0000 mrsmacandcheese 2265819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went back to work at 11 months, and my husband was laid off a month later. Our daughter stayed home with him full-time for three months until he got a new job and it was actually waaaaay better than I thought it would be! It was a learning curve at first, but once he got it sorted out they both loved it. He is actually really grateful for the time he had bonding with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265817 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 09:14:27 +0000 cheesehead 2265817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@magnolia: My husband and I do this, and have for the past ~2.5 years since my first son was born. It's hard, but it's worth it to us. We value having the opportunity to raise our children w/o relying on daycare. My second son is 6 months old, and it's harder now to get errands run, but manageable. My husband usually has 1 weekday off during the week and a couple Sundays' a month off (depending on how busy he is at work). The toughest part for us is that he sometimes is at work until 4am...and then has to turn around and get up at 7 with the boys. Our advantage is that the boys don't wake up super early (the youngest has a bottle between 6:30-7 and goes back to sleep until 8:30ish and the older one is good hanging out in bed with daddy for a bit in the AM's); but that means I don't put them to bed until 8-9, so that DH can sleep in a bit. I also let DH sleep in as late as he wants on Saturdays and Sundays so that he can catch up on some sleep from the week. </p> <p>All in all, it's very do-able if you are both invested in the same goal and the sacrifices you both are making don't outweigh the benefits. Also, be sure to take an occasional night he as off of work as a date night to have some alone time as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265796 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 08:49:43 +0000 ShootingStar 2265796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe you could do a compromise and do part time daycare so that you two could have time together? I feel like this would be a disaster for my marriage. And at some point, your DH will need to get over his fear of other people watching your LO. </p> <p>But I understand where you're coming from - if I don't agree with my husband's ideas he often pulls the "you don't support me" card. If I was in your shoes I'd tell DH that I think he's going to be awesome with DS, but that we need more time as a family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265771 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 08:21:36 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2265771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this might be dependent on the individual, not so much a mom or dad thing, but being home with a baby all day and then still trying to cram in full time work does seem unsustainable. Plus, you do want some time to enjoy your lives together. </p> <p>My husband works full time but on a 4 day schedule- maybe your husband could do something like that and you guys could get part time child care. My husband is home with our son one day a week and he is so exhausted at the end of the day. However, he tries to get all kinds of projects accomplished at the same time. Sometimes it works and our son just follows him around, but it does make things more intense. I kind of think he should just focus on the little guy and rest when he naps, but I do appreciate that he's a hard working person. It's just hard that he's more tired than I am after I've worked all day and commuted close to 2 hours total. If I had an extra day with him, I'm sure I would have found some type of activity for us and we'd definitely have more outings. But it could be our personalities, not a mom/dad thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265725 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 07:32:45 +0000 rachiecakes 2265725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@magnolia: we did/do this! and it's kind of great. sure, there are times when it's tough, but for the most part of our son's babyhood he was with either mom or dad.<br /> I went back to work at 7 weeks. My husband can work from home or bring J with for casual meetings and when he had to drop off paperwork. We did this until J was just over a year old.<br /> When J turned 1.5 DH started working outside of the house. He has a job where he works (roughly) from 2pm to 7pm. I work from 8-4:30. We started J in a home daycare for those overlap hours. Now he's in afternoon preschool. (He's almost 4 now).<br /> While the weekdays could be a little draining - dinner was tough, I mostly made dinner for me and J and DH either ate something on the way home or leftovers, chores were a challenge, "me" time was a myth - I am grateful that our son gets to have all those hours with daddy. Lots of dads don't get that time and I really consider it a blessing that he gets to have that one on one time with him. We also really cherish the time we have as a family since we don't have that many days during the week that the three of us are together. We make sure to plan fun things for weekends. </p> <p>Feel free to wall me :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265724 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 07:31:42 +0000 catomd00 2265724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband was a sahd for 6 Weeks (DD was 16 months). He did an awesome Job and they had tons of fun together! I'm so glad they both got to experience it and have that time<br /> Together. It also made DH so much more appreciative of everything I do as a mom, which alone has done so much good for our marriage. It's definitely not something my husband would want to do full time though, and not on top of working! Neither would I, though. You guys can try it out and if it doesn't work, go to plan B. You never know, it might work! Maybe you could get a nanny prt time as a compromise? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265715 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 07:08:11 +0000 magnolia 2265715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: your DH and your plan sound great. Similarly I am a workaholic. So I think i am also dealing with my own guilt about going back to work. I definitely need to be more supportive. I'm just anxious about it all... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265713 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 06:58:15 +0000 magnolia 2265713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: the fear about leaving him with a stranger (my SO's words) is definitely an equal factor as well as the cost. But we can afford it, even just part time, we just won't be able to save much for other things we want (namely buying a house). So I keep reminding him that is an option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265712 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 06:54:52 +0000 magnolia 2265712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnleaves: that is definitely inspiring me! Thank you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265711 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 06:53:22 +0000 magnolia 2265711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: @BandDmommy: I'm going to work 8-4 M-F.<br /> he is going to have Monday and Friday off, work 5-9pm Tues-thurs and 10 hours shifts on Saturday and Sunday. So I guess I will get to see him Mon and Fri evenings. but I'm worried about him burning out and I keep telling him he can change his mind and in turn he feels unsupported. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265709 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 06:47:59 +0000 magnolia 2265709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lady grey: he has been home alone with the baby maybe twice for more than 3 hours. He has been working a lot since I have been staying home. If this does work out I'm definitely going to miss spending time with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265706 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 06:40:03 +0000 magnolia 2265706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: exactly. The only time we will see each other is handing off baby and after he gets home from work (10pm). At which point I will probably be asleep. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265704 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 06:38:07 +0000 magnolia 2265704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Caly: Yeah I think that's part of my issue. I have to let go of control and let him do things his way. I forgot to add in my original post, he is a great, loving and nurturing daddy. Thank you for the positivity! ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265693 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 05:45:10 +0000 BandDmommy 2265693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is he going to work and watch the kids full time? Or just watch the kids and then work at later time? I work from home and my youngest stays with me but I only work 4 hours a day and I work when she's sleeping. My oldest is in daycare full time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265686 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 05:22:42 +0000 autumnleaves 2265686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went back to work after 8 weeks and DH stayed at home for a month and then he stayed at home when LO was 4 months old through 10 months. DH took night classes so I'd come home from work and he'd need to run out the door. It was hard but it worked. He is so great with LO. They would go to the farmers marker and on walks a lot as well as play all sorts of games at home. DH is a champion with the bottles, feedings, changings, etc. As LO got more mobile and DH had more classwork to do, less at home got down during the day (less cleaning of things other than LO and bottles) but I would try to do that when he was at class at night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/making-the-switch-to-dad-as-primary-caregiver#post-2265681 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 05:13:04 +0000 NavyRN2012 2265681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH is a SAHD. We never planned on it, but when I joined the Navy and we moved, he was at home for our son, then I got pregnant and it it just made sense for him to SAH. It's wonderful. He is extremely capable and it makes going to work a little easier knowing my kids are at home with their dad. We will be utilizing daycare for our daughter next year (when she's 3) for the socialization and to get her used to a little more structure and then the same when our youngest is 3 as well. </p> <p>As for working FT and being primary caregiver, I don't know about that. </p>