https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 08:21:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1138162 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 12:28:14 +0000 shinymama 1138162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband was home alone for a short-term period of time and the clean house, cooking, and clean laundry never materialized. {He did however make sure the iPad was never lonely.} </p> <p>Eventually we talked about it and the conclusion was that he prefered to be told what I expected/needed. Apparently he didn't mind doing any of those things, but it just never dawned on him to do them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1138131 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 12:06:56 +0000 sarac 1138131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since it's such a temporary thing, I know that my expectations would be low. And everyone deserves a vacation, especially in such weird and unexpected circumstances. If it were me, starting in the next day or two, I'd just say hey, you've had some time to just lay around. Now can you start doing a few things each day, since I'm not getting a vacation too? Maybe a few deeper cleaning things that usually fall off your radar. </p> <p>And if it goes on, I'd certainly be expecting to agree on a temporary rebalancing of responsibilities. It's cool to get a surprise vacation, but you need to share that wealth too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137823 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 09:42:18 +0000 Freckles 1137823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How much housework does DH do typically? If he doesn't really do much cleaning, it would be hard to expect him to suddenly do household chores. </p> <p>However, I think it would be fair to ask him to do a few things a day. Is he a list kind of guy? Does he like being told what to do? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137794 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 09:27:04 +0000 blackbird 1137794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, LO's at daycare.....right? So I'd give him a few days to relax. And then I think it's fair to say that he should keep the house very tidy and start dinner. Even if he did those things, he would still have a few hours a day to play video games and screw off. </p> <p>I guess the big question is what do you want? Do you want the basement cleaned? Laundry done, etc? I think asking for specific tasks will be more reasonable than just 'Keep the house spotless" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137593 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 08:03:49 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1137593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dh was laid off during the recession and was home for six months. He played a lot of video games and no dishwasher emptying. He was really depressed about not working and I was pissed to come home to a messy house. Those were dark days for us.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137576 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 07:55:27 +0000 yellowbird 1137576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually asked my DH to do one or two things a day while he was home. That way he never felt overwhelmed... sometimes it didnt get done though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137546 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 07:18:43 +0000 Mae 1137546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'd personally probably not say anything at first and let him have the first day just totally off to do whatever he wanted to do and also just to see if he'd do anything himself without being asked (and if he does, specifically make a point of thanking him and telling him how nice it is to come home to that being done). </p> <p>If he doesn't do anything, the night before I'd just say "hey since you're home tomorrow do you think you could clean up?" </p> <p>But that's just what would work for us. My husband is pretty good about cleaning on his own anyways, and he also hates when I sit him down to talk about expectations/assume he won't do things because he says it makes him feel like a child. He'd much rather I just ask for what I want without "making it a big deal." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137541 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 07:13:01 +0000 looch 1137541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What are your expectations? Are they reasonable? </p> <p>I think about how I would react if the shoe were on the other foot and my husband presented me with a list...I am pretty sure my reaction would be "wtf, I know what to do without being told." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137540 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 07:12:40 +0000 littlek 1137540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: I would talk to him. I know my DH would be the type to sit at home in a dirty house and play video games. I've found that it helps to talk about it and give him a list of things I would like him to help with around the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137535 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 07:06:47 +0000 cascademom 1137535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another fan of chorewars here. To compete against each other and have chores written out really helps with expectations. It's cut through a lot of the "martyrdom" we both had about whose doing what. I can't recommend it enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137534 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 07:05:43 +0000 JoJoGirl 1137534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the most important word is expectations... just sit down and ask him if it's possible to do anything 'productive' when he's home instead of assuming he'll take the initiative? Then like others have said, you guys can come up with some tasks together that you both think are reasonable so nobody is surprised. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137526 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 06:58:01 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1137526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Starting Friday I will be home over the weekend and through two business days before I leave for a business trip. That's 5 days. DH is already on my back about how I will spend my time. I will clean up our room and then the maid service comes 4 days into my "break". I have work stuff I am doing during my time off, but I would rather not share that stuff. </p> <p>I think if you should just ask him to clean up while he is home. Don't expect a spot clean home all in one day if your husband doesn't clean like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137524 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 06:55:55 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1137524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I'd be one of those folks not expecting too much at first. Mr. Jacks was laid off all summer and had the nanny. I expected a really clean house, but it never materialized. He did cook dinner more and tackled a big garage project, so I held my tongue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137500 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 05:56:47 +0000 Lozza 1137500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was furloughed last week (he's back at work as of yesterday) and he was really good about getting stuff done. He did drop off and pick up for LO at daycare, did some laundry and general kitchen tidying, paid all our bills and made a bunch of phone calls to organize other stuff, and then took on a couple of projects at his own discretion (like, he reorganized some of our storage of random crap downstairs, and he did some yardwork stuff that wasn't at all critical but is a project he's excited about). He also spent like 2.5 hours at the gym almost every day, and one day he spent helping a friend move.<br /> I was really appreciative of how much he got done, and I think he felt really good about it too. I think it helped that he spent some of the time on the "must do now" chores and some on stuff that wasn't as pressing but made him happier now that it's done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137493 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 05:41:29 +0000 Grace 1137493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There was one day a few years ago when DH had the day off and I didn't. I wasn't expecting a deep clean of the house (because relaxing is good too). But when I came home and the dishwasher wasn't even unloaded, I went bat-s$&amp;# psycho on him. I was so angry. Now when he has the day off he asks what needs to be done (which is code for "what is the minimum I have to do to keep the peace"). It's a good system. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137470 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 01:55:25 +0000 Penny Lane 1137470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I stayed at home while I was pregnant with our first LO, and I absolutely took over all the regular chores... cooking, laundry, tidying etc.. I didn't do deep cleans every day or anything but I always made sure to keep the house nice and liveable, and was able to do plenty of resting and relaxing as well. I would definitely expect the same of DH if roles were reversed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137449 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 00:19:40 +0000 Corduroy 1137449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePeony: thanks for helping me keep it in perspective. It helps to hear it from your side. If I were home I would definitely like some down time too. I hope the furlough ends soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137446 Tue, 08 Oct 2013 00:13:52 +0000 Corduroy 1137446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: that looks pretty cool. I think he could get into that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137380 Mon, 07 Oct 2013 22:09:43 +0000 PurplePeony 1137380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been furloughed for the past week and so basically in your DH's shoes. I've relaxed some -- slept in, watched some daytime TV, etc-- but I also tried to make sure a few things got done every day like laundry, unloading the dishwasher and putting away the clean dishes, vacuuming, general picking up and maintenance, and cooking so there was something nice to eat when DH got home. I don't think these types of things are too much to ask. Tackling cleaning out the garage single-handedly (for example) might not be fair, but he should definitely do *something*. Maybe you guys can make a reasonable list of things that need to get done and he can choose a couple each day? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137373 Mon, 07 Oct 2013 22:02:39 +0000 owlmom 1137373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a SAHM, and LO goes to preschool for a few hours twice a week. While she's there, I clean the house, do the all the laundry, etc. DH is a federal employee, so he's furloughed. The first time I dropped LO at preschool and came home, I anticipated being irritated that I was going to be cleaning and he wasn't, but he totally pitched in without me saying a word. Your husband may surprise you :) If he doesn't, I think it's fair to say something in a non-nagging way, especially if the shutdown lasts a while longer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137356 Mon, 07 Oct 2013 21:50:08 +0000 deerylou 1137356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm currently home with our infant daughter, while my husband commutes to work, full-time. During her morning naps, I will usually rest, and do something relaxing for myself (i.e. check emails, nap, enjoy a cup of coffee, read HB, etc). During her afternoon nap, I will clean house, throw in some laundry, and prep dinner. When my husband comes home, he helps with the baby, and finishes up dinner. We split clean-up and baby duties.</p> <p>If I were home all day without our child, I would take over 100% of the chores, and would totally expect for DH to do the same. I work in education, and on holidays and vacations, I took care of the great majority of household duties, since otherwise, I would have been just straight chilling all day.</p> <p>Perhaps you could prioritize a few chores that are most important, and leave them on a sticky note for DH? That way, he could finish up the necessities, and still have a little time to kick back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137349 Mon, 07 Oct 2013 21:43:08 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1137349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see where you're coming from. I'd flip my lid f DH was home and chillin with no baby, and didn't clean. I'd talk to him if it does happen. For now, I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137332 Mon, 07 Oct 2013 21:34:41 +0000 Mrs. Bee 1137332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>have you checked out the site chorewars?</p> <p><a href="http://www.chorewars.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.chorewars.com/</a></p> <p>mr. bee and i have been doing it to keep chores fun. you can turn it into a competition and maybe have rewards for each other (massage, etc.). and you could get x points for working. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/managing-expectations-dh-at-home-lo-at-daycare#post-1137329 Mon, 07 Oct 2013 21:32:02 +0000 Corduroy 1137329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What's a fair division of labor when one person stays at home short term sans LO?</p> <p>DH is a contract employee for the government and his employer is running out of funds on Friday. If the government isn't back up and running he'll be home after that. We plan to keep LO in daycare and I'll be at my full time job. </p> <p>Our place is a mess and I'm getting all excited about DH having the time to clean it. I have no idea to what extent he shares my vision. He works hard and deserves to relax (some). However, I'm so busy/tired I anticipate being frustrated if I come home and he's playing video games in a dirty house. </p> <p>If you've been in a similar situation, especially if you were the partner stuck at home, how did you handle household chores? Does it make a difference if he uses his vacation days? </p>