https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 18:26:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2337279 Wed, 28 Oct 2015 14:41:08 +0000 Raindrop 2337279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: Congrats! So happy for you. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2337258 Wed, 28 Oct 2015 14:27:46 +0000 Mama Bird 2337258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: that's so great, congratulations! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2337208 Wed, 28 Oct 2015 13:52:21 +0000 avivoca 2337208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: That's awesome! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2337201 Wed, 28 Oct 2015 13:48:02 +0000 Mamaof2 2337201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: wow - congrats!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2337182 Wed, 28 Oct 2015 13:36:26 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2337182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: Wonderful news!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2337171 Wed, 28 Oct 2015 13:31:32 +0000 Adira 2337171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: Congratulations!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2337170 Wed, 28 Oct 2015 13:29:16 +0000 josina 2337170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: Awesome, congrats! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2337169 Wed, 28 Oct 2015 13:28:32 +0000 rpparker 2337169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update! One of my college professors reached out to me a few weeks ago about an adjunct position back at my alma mata. I got the job and turned in my notice today! It will be the perfect part time work and I can not be more excited! </p> <p>My boss did not handle my pregnancy or leave well and it was not worth taking away anymore precious time with my LO to be job that was not supportive of my family life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother/page/2#post-2281992 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 16:47:23 +0000 rpparker 2281992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: That would be hard if other people were allowed part time. And I think how it was handled is what is so upsetting. I hate that anyone has to go through this but it's nice to hear that I'm not alone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281989 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 16:44:43 +0000 rpparker 2281989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLonghorn: Thanks for the offer! Unfortunately I'm not in Texas! It's hard because I am the only mom with young children (everyone else has kids over 20 years old or no kids) so I am having to sort of wing it. I think one of the problems with my request was that it was a formal change to my hours so maybe I'll just do what I need to do and see how she responds.<br /> @Jruess: So sorry you are going through something similar. Hopefully you'll find what you need soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281768 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 14:20:34 +0000 Alivoo01 2281768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Holy cow. Wow. Just. Wow!!!</p> <p>I realize and understand some companies require their employees to be on-site due to the nature of their work, but that comment was uncalled for! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281746 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 13:59:10 +0000 Jruess 2281746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: I'm sorry you are dealing with this! My boss recently made comments to me on this same issue. We met to discuss my return from maternity leave and as part of that conversation I mentioned I'd be interested in part-time if available. I made sure to say I understood that it is hard to offer in our role. She asked if she should escalate my request to her manager. I told her I was worried I'd be viewed negatively by making the request and she agreed with me that I should be concerned. She instead suggested I take a more procedural type job (like a slap in the face regarding the schooling/work experience I have). She has been fairly understanding if i need to leave to get sick kiddos, etc. but I feel like I'm being viewed negatively. I'm now searching for another job but not hopeful I'll find the part time I desire. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281739 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 13:54:48 +0000 wonderstruck 2281739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: Oh, I completely agree that her response was unacceptable! Especially as the boss! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281719 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 13:38:05 +0000 avivoca 2281719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: I wanted to chime in again and say that I've been there. I work for a small non-profit (20 employees/volunteers) as well. I asked if I could go part-time once I got back from my leave and my supervisor told me absolutely not. It sucks, especially because we have two other employees who are part-time (both mothers, but they work with two different supervisors), but it was handled much better. My supervisor has been extremely flexible with me other than that, even allowing me to work from home for three days so I wouldn't lose all my sick time in February.</p> <p>I hope you can come to some kind of resolution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281708 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 13:32:18 +0000 MrsLonghorn 2281708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have spent my career in the nonprofit sector, and currently work for one now with 15 people on staff and no HR person. Before I got pregnant, my husband traveled 4-5 days/week and was only home on Fridays. I asked to work from home on Fridays, since I felt that I never saw him -- I got the same response from our CEO. "No because then I'd have to let everyone do it". It sucks, and I was upset, but looking back I totally understand why she said it.</p> <p>The reality for me is that we have a lot of moms on staff, and we all just sort of come and go as needed -- you don't ask for special permission, you just do what needs to be done (sick days, school plays, special events, etc...). As long as no one misses a meeting or a deadline, no one else cares. Even with this reality, I know that if I asked for something special, I would be turned down again, like I was before. So I just do my thing, and it works out fine. </p> <p>I agree that she was way out of line with her statement, and given that, she may not be someone you want to work for anymore. I think the reason my situation works out (ignore the rules, and do what you need) is that we all feel supported, even if it is "unofficially". So, if you look for a new job, I would focus on the culture and try to talk with existing staff there instead of asking about official policies. I know that at my organization, it would make a huge difference! And if you're in North Texas, I'm happy to help :wink: I know the nonprofits here pretty well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281700 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 13:25:38 +0000 rpparker 2281700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: I wouldn't say that I was arguing with her about denying my request but I did tell her that I was disappointed. I didn't feel like it was a heated conversation but it was uncomfortable. I just wish the conversation had gone in a way where we could have discussed expectations when I come back full time and instead it ended with that comment. I'm not going to say that I handled it perfectly or anything like that but I still don't think anything I said would warrant her response. </p> <p>@BandDmommy: Let's just say she can be difficult but I feel like we have worked well together in the past which is why it was surprising that she wasn't willing to even discuss it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281674 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 13:05:22 +0000 PurplePumps 2281674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow! I honestly can't blame her for denying the request, especially in such a small office, but the statement was way out of line. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281661 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 13:01:13 +0000 BandDmommy 2281661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A lot of bosses are weird about working from home. Honestly, I'd look for another job. Do you have a good working relationship with your boss? It seems a little adversary from your comments above? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281643 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 12:51:07 +0000 wonderstruck 2281643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Super inappropriate comment! I would be upset. But I must say, I also don't think it's particularly appropriate to continue arguing with and trying to convince your boss who has told you that they aren't okay with employees working from home. It doesn't sound like you have really accepted that it is their right to make that decision and that they don't have to give you another option. I'm curious to know what came right before her inappropriate comment about you maybe not being able to do this job and be a mother - were you still pushing for her to change her mind? Or had the conversation actually moved on and then she just randomly said that?</p> <p>I did end up leaving my job after having LO but personally, I know that my company did understand kids get sick and could be very flexible with work/family time, but they weren't okay with employees working from home. So if your bosses comment was out of the blue, I'd be concerned that she won't be flexible. But if she said it in response to you continually telling her how much you wanted to stay at home and different ways you could come back but not be in the office for as many hours, then I kind of get why she might say that. She still shouldn't have said it, she should know better...but I'd understand more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281555 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:34:28 +0000 rpparker 2281555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Haha! Thank you for that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281537 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:23:10 +0000 Bluebonnet 2281537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I telecommute, but I'm required to have childcare while working. So, I understand why she denied your request to work from home (especially if she knew you wouldn't have childcare).</p> <p>However, her comment to you was extremly unprofressional at best and possibly illegal/discriminatory.</p> <p>It seems like your ideal work environment isn't possible where you currently work, so I'd start looking for a new job. The first year after leave is tough. LO will get sick, you are still figuring everything out, etc. It sounds like your boss will make things unnecessarily difficult for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281519 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:11:10 +0000 blackbird 2281519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: This. I don't think your manager phrased it well, but it is sounding to me like the job isn't a good fit for you, anyways, because you want certain things she can't/won't give you. I agree she should NOT have made the comment about you not working/parenting. Giving one person the ability to work from home just because she had a kid certainly opens up a can of worms for the other employees. It might just be easier to draw a line in the sand and say no to everyone and all requests. </p> <p>Still sucks, though! They took away telecommuting from us and it is really frustrating and sucky. But...it was taken away from everyone. </p> <p>I would definitely look for something more family friendly. I just dropped my hours to 32/week and I am REALLY happy with the hours I have now. I was going to suggest that in lieu of working 30 hours in-office and 10 from home, that you ask to just keep the 30 in-office, but i see you are already considering that. She might be someone you have to bargain with to get something you want! (i had to do this with my manager--32 hours until dec, then reevaluate) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281512 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:07:32 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2281512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AmeliaBedilia: Though denying her request to work remotely isn't discriminatory, telling her that she might not be cut out to working that job because she's a mother is. She certainly wouldn't say that to a male coworker. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281506 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:04:22 +0000 rpparker 2281506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: No, I appreciate your input and was ok with her denying my request. I just wish she would have at least come back with another option and not have thrown in the insult with it. It was just not handled correctly.</p> <p>I have thought about going back to her with an option of dropping to a contract employee at 30/hours/week and be paid accordingly but I am going to wait and see how the rest of my leave plays out before I do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281505 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:04:19 +0000 My Only Sunshine 2281505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: Any way you can go part time? Like leaving at 3 and not working from home? Maybe that'd be a temporary solution. Just throwing it out there because I work part-time and have found it to be a good balance.</p> <p>But I agree she sounds like she's going to be awful to work for as a mama. Because the reality is, I am totally committed to my job, but I still sometimes have to stay home when my kid is sick, or take off early to take her to appointments. If I didn't have a supportive workplace it'd be really hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281504 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:04:01 +0000 Madison43 2281504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: I agree with @Truth Bombs in that she absolutely had the right to turn down your request. Yes, it sucks, but I understand her making the decision she did. For what it's worth, I reduced my in office hours and envisioned that I would do all this extra work after LO goes to sleep and I just don't. I'm too exhausted after bedtime and getting life together for the next day. That said, her comment was terribly inappropriate and I definitely wouldn't feel supported there anymore and would start looking for a new job more in line with the work/life balance that I wanted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281503 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:03:08 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2281503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, what a comment! Agree to get it in writing. </p> <p>Could you do 4 10 hour days or something? Or work 9 hours and get a day off every two weeks? If she's totally inflexible then I'd look for a different opportunity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281502 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 11:02:20 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2281502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They can turn down the accommodations but they can't terminate you. </p> <p>I would think the next step would be lawyer if your employment is threatened. </p> <p>My god, this is 2015, but you'd think it was the dark ages. Tell her their are plenty of professionals who are also mothers and you find the comment highly offensive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281494 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 10:56:04 +0000 Truth Bombs 2281494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll be honest and I say that if I were your manager I likely would have denied your request as well. It sounds like you want to be paid full time but really only work part time since you intend to spend the time at home as extra time with your LO. You really can't spend quality time with your LO and WAH at the same time. </p> <p>I think her comment was absolutely inappropriate. But maybe what she meant was just that the job might not still be a good fit for YOU because you want more time at home and this job just isn't condusive to that.</p> <p>Personally, I wouldn't quit a job without another one lined up. But since this position clearly doesn't line up with your desires for work/life balance, I would start looking for something that does. Maybe look for something that is actually part time hours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/maybe-you-cant-do-this-job-and-be-a-mother#post-2281487 Thu, 03 Sep 2015 10:50:40 +0000 catomd00 2281487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: are you planning to work at home while the baby is there? We are allowed to telecommute but it's written in the policy that we must have childcare and I agree. You cannot be as productive if you're also with your baby. It sucks she isn't willing to work with you but it's better to find out sooner rather than later. If you're baby is going to daycare there are probably going to be a lot of sick days coming up. I can't imagine she would take well to that either. It's stressful even with a supportive boss! </p>