https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 10:00:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2539651 Tue, 03 May 2016 10:49:37 +0000 erinpye 2539651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It made me rage. If this lady ever has kids, she'll feel reaaaaally stupid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2539642 Tue, 03 May 2016 10:40:44 +0000 Jadj13 2539642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: That line put it over the top for me. I kept thinking... Did you just hear what you said?? You just clearly contradicted yourself!! ARGH!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2539640 Tue, 03 May 2016 10:38:49 +0000 Jadj13 2539640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a strong reaction to this article as well (that's putting it mildly).<br /> It was a terrible comparison for her to make when she clearly has no knowledge of what she is comparing it to.<br /> This was a mere ploy to sell more books that is looking to not be working in her favor ... just read the reviews of her "book" on Amazon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2539598 Tue, 03 May 2016 09:43:32 +0000 hb3233 2539598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the whole thing and think the title just sounds like click bait. That said, in the US, not only is maternity/paternity leave limited/non-existent, people get very, very little vacation leave compared to the industrialized world as well, and often there's an implicit rule that you can't take what you get. Countries with more generous parental leave polices have much more generous vacation leave as well. </p> <p>Spending all your time in the office w/o a break has a way of making people lose perspective. Maybe people without kids would be less resentful of what little maternity leave exists if they had more of a chance to get out of the office every once in awhile...I think as long as overworked people are pitted against each other - my time out of the office is more worthy than yours (regardless of how valid this claim may be) - there's no way to make much progress on these issues. It's a work-life balance cultural issue that goes beyond kids, to caring for elderly parents, or just having a chance to keep work in perspective. </p> <p>I have a childless friend who wants an extra top up of her retirement account because she never took the paid family leave that her employer offers. I doubt she'll get it, but I don't think it's an unreasonable point, since she did work more than others without any sort of extra compensation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2539452 Tue, 03 May 2016 07:21:29 +0000 ValentineMommy 2539452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"Bottom line: Women are bad at putting ourselves first. But when you have a child, you learn how to self-advocate to put the needs of your family first"</p> <p>Really woman? Yes, I've become an advocate to putting my FAMILY first....not MYSELF. I can barely take a few showers a week, let alone take care of myself. Ugh....this woman is an idiot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2538477 Mon, 02 May 2016 07:29:57 +0000 winniebee 2538477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope she eventually has kids and takes a maternity leave. "Just you wait." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2538442 Mon, 02 May 2016 06:28:33 +0000 lamariniere 2538442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that the perspective and argument are completely flawed, but has the woman never heard of a sabbatical? Isn't that basically what she's arguing for? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2538434 Mon, 02 May 2016 05:46:52 +0000 Adira 2538434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: This, 100%. It's this mindset, that parents are just totally selfish people for having kids altogether, that is the reason why we don't have paid parental leave or other benefits. Other countries get this, that children are good for our society, but our country is so far behind on this. And articles/books like this one don't help! Shame on Meghann Foye. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2537673 Sat, 30 Apr 2016 11:38:19 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2537673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: haha too funny.</p> <p>Add me to the "this is idiotic" group. I'm not even going to start on why. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2537506 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 21:59:58 +0000 Portboston 2537506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Best response to this nitwit:</p> <p><a href="http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/2016/04/me-ternity-leave-is-not-same-as.html?m=1" rel="nofollow">http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/2016/04/me-ternity-leave-is-not-same-as.html?m=1</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2537500 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 21:45:41 +0000 Miss Ariel 2537500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the title of the article was definitely made to get people talking (which it clearly is!) and to sell her book, but I think she made some valid points.</p> <p>Everyone does need to create their own work/life balance and part of that needs to be your responsibility. I remember there being a a similar point in Lean In. Basically that single people need to have the ability to take guilt-free time away from work to go out and meet people because how else are they able to find someone to eventually start a family with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2537488 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 21:23:30 +0000 jedeve 2537488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get that not everyone wants to have kids and it is a personal choice. But I don't get this mentality that having kids is purely selfish and essentially a personal hobby. Parenting is a contribution to society. This mindset just baffles me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2537476 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 21:02:52 +0000 Eko 2537476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there's a lot of points rolled into one at play. For sure this is a high level of having zero clue about being a parent. She probably hasn't even spent more than a couple hours with kids. Anyway I can appreciate the point she makes about women with kids having more flexibility then those that don't. I work in an environment where people work a lot of hours. If someone leaves early to be at home for their kids people are understanding. Yet if someone who doesn't have kids to leave for personal reasons, not saying it's to have drinks with friends, gets scolded. It's definitely different set of standards. I don't believe that having kids means your time outside of work is more valuable than someone who doesn't just on that basis alone. Everyone deserves the same level of flexibility. But to take it to a point of needing maternity leave... Is too much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2537437 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 19:59:52 +0000 hellobeeboston 2537437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://www.scarymommy.com/meghann-foye-meternity-leave/?utm_source=FB" rel="nofollow">http://www.scarymommy.com/meghann-foye-meternity-leave/?utm_source=FB</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2537427 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 19:37:11 +0000 sunny 2537427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If this lady needed time to self reflect she could take a vacation or quit her job. Maternity leave is meant for recovering from major trauma to your body and bonding with your baby. Playing off the word maternity leave ticks me off. Maternity leave is nothing like what she wants time for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave/page/2#post-2537402 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 19:06:44 +0000 Raindrop 2537402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I do like deeply thinking about these things! You made some good points. I was talking about this to my co-worker just now and it's pretty much a slippery slope! We agreed on this - It's hard to make everything "fair".</p> <p>@JoyfulKiwi: They are caring for themselves! :) They are recovering from being over worked! Yeah it's nothing more than a vacation... but a really long vacation. Most people can't take more than 2 weeks at a time... but maternity leave is like 2-3 months long usually... I think is what the writer was getting at... she wants 3+ months off like she sees moms getting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537400 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 18:58:40 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2537400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pwnstar: the negative attention from the headlines is what really made me mad. It's hard enough as it is to take a sad little 6-12 week, unpaid maternity leave in this country. We don't need more people framing it as "me" time. </p> <p>@Adira: right?! Drinks with a friend is so far away from needing to pick up young children from daycare. She sounded so dumb with that. </p> <p> @erinbaderin: haha, I was shocked too! Because of course I'm doing my best self-reflection changing a poopy diaper at 3am while covered in dried spit up. :grin: </p> <p>@looch: my father works for a company that gives sabbaticals like that and I think it's a fantastic idea. I wish more companies did, because her idea of taking an extended leave isn't really a bad one. I just didn't like the comparison to maternity leave. </p> <p>@caterw: that's a good question; would it be be okay if she framed it as getting the idea after a co-worker returned from leave for cancer treatment and set better boundaries? Because that sounds pretty dispicable and tone-deaf. </p> <p>@catomd00: I thought that too, about parents returning to work with a different outlook. I know I did. But it wasn't a perk for me and I actually got a lot of push-back from it. </p> <p>@Raindrop: I hear you on the choosing to have children thing, but I don't get why a child-free person would need the option for a similar leave. Who are they caring for? What are they recovering from? Otherwise it is really just a vacation, right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537390 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 18:43:52 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2537390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I finally have a second to write down what I thought about this. I got her point about setting life/work boundaries and needing time to evaluate her life. What made me so upset is what others have mentioned, that the gimmick of framing a soul-searching sabbatical as comparable to maternity leave is really very harmful. The U.S. has such abysmal parental leave policies and the comments she made/book she wrote just highlight the underlying reasons why. People think it's a "vacation", or that parents get "special treatment", or that it's a choice &amp; thus should be available to anyone even if they don't have children because otherwise it's not fair. That mindset from people just really irks me. She seems really immature for choosing this as her hook. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537356 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 17:43:20 +0000 catomd00 2537356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Idk this didn't make me angry at all. I think it's great she had the means to take the time she needed to reflect and come back with a new frame of mind. She ended up in a good place and a new outlook. I think everyone - kids or not - needs work life balance and the outlook that they don't need an excuse to leave at 5 or take a sick day or a vacation. </p> <p>I don't think she necessarily meant maternity leave is about self reflection, but I would agree that having a baby does tend to do that to you regardless. I have a totally different outlook on life and my career as a result. She noticed people changed when they came back..maybe it's not for the reasoning she thought, but her observations were accurate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537335 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 17:03:42 +0000 Mama Bird 2537335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OK, I think a lot of people are burning out at work and the idea of taking a break from one's job is sound, if you can swing it and not end up fired or broke.</p> <p>But calling it me-ternity leave is just... off. I think it goes without saying that maternity leave is not a vacation. And people who don't have small children may not realize that parents are "skipping" out of work at six because they're working at least two jobs, and will be for the rest of their life. </p> <p>I guess the name is just a gimmick to sell the book, but I hate to think that it contributes to how little parenting is valued in our society. Never mind that it sounds like "eternity leave," which just makes my mind go in a completely different direction :grin: </p> <p>And for what it's worth, in my office everyone that needed a long leave/a stretch of working from home was treated equally. If they had a baby, they got it, or if they were very sick, or even if they moved away but were able to keep working remotely. I love that the management has done that for people, and it creates a very good atmosphere. I wish more businesses were like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537311 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 16:35:43 +0000 Maysprout 2537311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: when you put in the element of choice like that it just seems like a weird dystopian future. Sure most people choose to have kids, I guess even if it was an accident they chose not to abort. But what about people who adopt? Should we just stop babies from being brought in the world and ignore the ones that are here. I know this is a bit off the deep end but talking about babies like they're the same as vacation or sabbatical is weird. Or should society view it as some luxury like we should all be part of some non sterilized alloted lottery system. Haha, I obv don't like children being discussed like that v </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537285 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 16:19:21 +0000 caterw 2537285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand the concept of a sabbatical, and I think it is awesome that she was able to afford to take one and figure herself out...<br /> HOWEVER- maternity leave is not a great way for women to "figure themselves out". Needing three months of time to recover from a medical procedure and ensure a newborn is thriving at life is NOT the same as wanting to drink margaritas. Is the author also jealous of people who take FMLA leave to get cancer treatment? It is just not a vacation. It's also pretty crazy that she thinks that women who have families are better at "putting themselves first". Um. No. Actually, working parents have two full-time careers. Leaving at 6 to pick up your kid is the same as leaving at 6 to go work your other job. You can get a drink with friends even if you leave the office at 8:30- parents are in the middle of bedtime. I'm not criticizing her choice not to have kids... but motherhood is not a blissful time of self-actualization. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537282 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 16:16:18 +0000 MoonMoon 2537282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: omg why can't American companies and family leave policies catch up with this? Sounds AMAZING </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537269 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 16:03:32 +0000 SweetiePie 2537269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DillonLion: I agree. I think it's kinda dumb to compare mat leave to a sabbatical. But it didn't make me ragey. Judging from comments I read here first, I thought she'd legit said things like maternity moms are lazy and just eat bonbons and relax all day. I didn't get that from this article. She just made a poor comparison. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537253 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 15:41:53 +0000 stiletto_mom 2537253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've always been an advocate for taking MENTAL HEALTH DAYS and treating them like normal sick days.</p> <p>But one does NOT need a "me-ternity" leave. &lt;_&lt; </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537238 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 15:30:39 +0000 Umbreon 2537238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The maternity leave vs me-ternity leave aside, I really didn't like how she said a few times that WOMEN would need it more than men. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537227 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 15:23:00 +0000 autumnleaves 2537227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get where she is coming from but think calling this meternity leave is not the way to get a best seller. I think a lot of people could benefit from a sabbatical which maternity leave is definitely not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537214 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 15:18:36 +0000 honeybear 2537214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I would frame it a little less cynically :wink: , but yes, I think it's a recognition that babies are particularly vulnerable members of society, and they have unique needs. We have laws allowing special accommodations for people to care for other vulnerable members of society, so maternity leave isn't really unique, but I'd guess it's more prevalent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537202 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 15:10:19 +0000 Raindrop 2537202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: Interesting so you are saying, if they could throw a mom back to work they would... but for the benefit of the baby they let her stay with it. Like fine fine ... for the future of our society ... let's have baby bond with it's parents. :) Gosh our society is so mean! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/me-ternity-leave#post-2537198 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 15:06:41 +0000 honeybear 2537198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I think the policy behind maternity leave is that it's beneficial <i>for the child</i> to have uninterrupted time with Mom/Dad (in the case of parental leave). It's also partly so that mothers can recover, but I bet if you look back at the history of leave laws/policies, you'll find that people were mostly concerned about the babies, not the mothers. So extending that type of leave to people without babies would be inconsistent with the underlying purpose. I could be wrong. I haven't studied this area, but that would be my guess. </p>