https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 11:10:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113377 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 15:30:28 +0000 jedeve 2113377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I kinda doubt the kids would be that upset that yours don't have to pray! It's a ten second prayer. I think "different people have different beliefs" is something fine to tell them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113349 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 15:09:28 +0000 mrsjazz 2113349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you're overthinking it a bit. It won't be unfair because you have different beliefs. Our families pray, we usually bow our heads and say Amen but we don't have to (DH is an atheist, I'm agnostic I guess). For us it's more about tradition but it's not like we are forced to. We don't pray before meals at home. I think teaching your kids to sit quietly is great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113282 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:34:18 +0000 Torchwood 2113282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a confusing issue when family wants to hide the fact that not everyone shares their beliefs. My family is like that. I'm not allowed to tell my little brother and sister (13 and 15) that DH and I are atheists. I think my sister must know, since she follows me on Pinterest and I pin things that would make it clear, but I'm not sure. They never ask questions, so it's not an issue. I think they may have been told not to ask, because they're normally very inquisitive kids. I figure it'll all come out when LO is here, because we *will* be setting ground rules for trying to indoctrinate our children. And it will be pretty obvious we have very different parenting values.</p> <p>Way off topic, sorry! All that to say, it's just not your problem. If they want to make it awkward by being weird about it, there's nothing you can do. I wouldn't lie to the kids, but up until a certain age (18 at the latest, but younger depending on the family is better) the parents do have the say so on what their children are told. Worst case you can just tell them to ask their parents because you've been asked not to talk to them about it. That's what I would do if my siblings asked. I don't like it, but I also don't want them to go against my wishes with my kids, so I figure it's the right thing to do. </p> <p>Also, side note, I don't close my eyes and rarely bow my head during prayers. I'm just quiet, which is all I'll ask of LO. I'll explain what's going on, and she can decide for herself if she wants to more actively participate. Or if she's interested but not overly so, I might suggest we do some sort of thanks before meals that aren't religious.</p> <p>Sorry for the novel! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113272 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:26:21 +0000 Mrs. Milk 2113272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha, we face this issue all the time too! DH's grandparents always pray before meals, and during my pregnancy we ate at their home once a week. It often got me thinking about what we'd do once Will was here. </p> <p>I think we'll do as your saying, and teach our child to quietly bow his head. I do think the important facet though is when kids notice they are different - and I liked your husband's planned simple response of 'some people pray, some don't'. </p> <p>If the family has an issue or says something, we'd probably respectfully stand our ground, explaining that we'll be respectful of prayer time but not demand our child play an active role/repeat the prayer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113266 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:24:50 +0000 Corduroy 2113266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TemperanceBrennan: I was raised Catholic and said grace before dinner. My cousins were baptized Catholic but never went to church. It didn't bother me that my cousins didn't say grace. If we were saying grace beyond the typical memorized prayer some of the non-participants might add things they are generally thankful for or happy about - like Thanksgiving. I was too busy being jealous that my cousins didn't have to go to church on Sunday to care if they prayed before dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113257 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:19:20 +0000 lamariniere 2113257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is perfectly acceptable to say "different families, different rules". I am not religious, but have sat respectfully through grace at many meals, especially as a child. When we invite people to our home, we do not say grace. I think it's polite to be respectful of someone else's customs and expect that they are respectful of yours when they are in your home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113254 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:17:13 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2113254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Finfan: Thanks for the input. It makes me feel better that it seems like the family's issue, not ours. And I like the "your family does" and think that would go over well with the family. </p> <p>@JoyfulKiwi: Man, "we say our own "thank yous" in our head" is so perfect. I love having this in my pocket now. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113241 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:08:39 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2113241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's only awkward if your family makes it so (which, it does sound like they may do because of your example). What your husband meant to say is perfect to me. My husband's family prays before meals and I actually say my own meal appreciation in my head while they do, so, if this situation arises for us, I'd say "I/We said our own type of thank you's in my/our heads."<br /> (ETA: we thank the earth, animals, workers, universe, etc for our food) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113190 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:47:38 +0000 Finfan 2113190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TemperanceBrennan: What your husband wanted to say is exactly what I would have said! I think MIL was out of line. It shouldn't be a big deal to say that some people do not pray but your family does in a matter-of-fact tone. If the child presses for more, change the subject and let his parents handle it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113181 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:37:59 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2113181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm less concerned with my kid, more about my nieces and nephews and the expectations of my MIL. </p> <p>For example. At a family lunch the other day at a restaurant, DH was sitting next to our 5 year old nephew. After the prayer, our nephew asked DH, "Why didn't you say the prayer?" and before DH could say anything, MIL (sitting on the other side of nephew) said, "He just prayed to himself, isn't that right, DH?" DH was caught off guard and our nephew's mom didn't say anything. </p> <p>What DH said he wanted to say is "Some people pray and some people don't" but that wouldn't go over well. I don't think our nieces and nephews are taught about other religious beliefs and their parents kind of shelter them in that respect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113141 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:14:18 +0000 Greentea 2113141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up Christian, but not Catholic. We always said grace, but we did a free-style grace. When I went to other people's homes they often said a recited prayer all together. I am just saying, my situation wasn't really that different - I just kind of sat there respectfully and quietly with my hands crossed, or held hands, or I would close my eyes, or bow my head. I would never recite a prayer I didn't know, and even though my family was Christian, we never recited prayers in unison. Even practicing folks have different ways, so no big deal to sit respectfully and just look down etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113139 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:12:08 +0000 Kimberlybee 2113139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did not find it awkward at all coming from a Buddhist family, marrying into a Catholic family. It's the bond that they share and I just waited patiently until the prayers were done to eat. If my family had a Buddhist chant, which we don't, DH would respectfully just have to wait too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113121 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:08:07 +0000 yoursilverlining 2113121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My SMIL insists we pray/say grace at meals, even though mealtime appears to be the only time she is religious. When we eat with her and her daughter/grand-kids, they all say grace, including the kids. My husband and I don’t (atheist), although we take part in holding hands with everyone and being quiet for the moment. We will not tell LO she needs to take part in the prayer, outside of holding hands and being respectful. It’s never been an issue thus far. </p> <p>This has also been the case with other relatives, and none of them expected LO or us to say a prayer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113109 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:00:09 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2113109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up in an agnostic/athiest family and our family did not say grace or prayers and it never was a big deal to me (that I remember) when others did. I just learned to bow my head and close my eyes to be respectful. I would think if anything they would want to participate because of the novelty of it. I think a simple explanation (ahead of time) when they are old enough to understand would be all that is necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113103 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 12:57:04 +0000 coopsmama 2113103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Agreed. </p> <p>As long as your kids are taught to be respectful of others' beliefs your ILs really have no right to tell your kids what to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113101 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 12:56:17 +0000 regberadaisy 2113101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, my MIL is the least religious person, ever but insists on praying at meals. Whether it's her home, outside or at our home. It used to really bother me to be honest because I didn't want our kids being confused. But I've let it go because I realize we plan to teach them about all religions anyway and let them decide if they choose to believe or not. So when we are all together I just sit quietly and wait and dd has started holding her hands. But if she's hungry I don't make her wait to eat.<br /> We've actually had the niece situation come up when they are here for a visit. BIL's girls say grace at meals too despite them not being religious either. So the girls will ask to say grace or tell my daughter she has to wait to eat until after grace. I just let it be and if my DD starts eating because she's hungry then so be it. But if we are at my ILs home I do ask her to wait because it's their home and I think that's respectful. But at our own home I let her start eating. BIL doesn't care that we don't say grace. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113100 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 12:56:08 +0000 blackbird 2113100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not unfair, it's a different set of beliefs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113099 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 12:55:41 +0000 hilsy85 2113099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it would be awkward if anyone told your kids to do something that you weren't comfortable with! I think having them do what you do will be fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mealtime-grace-with-catholics-and-atheists#post-2113092 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 12:49:45 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2113092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The blog today got me thinking about this. </p> <p>DH's family prays before every meal (at their own houses or out at a restaurant). They are catholic and recite a memorized prayer and cross themselves before and after. DH and I are atheists and usually bow our head respectfully and wait for them to finish. The parents of our nieces and nephews insist they say the prayer and cross themselves too. </p> <p>When we get together as a family (which happens pretty often) I imagine we will tell our kids they can do whatever they want during this time, they just have to sit still and be quiet/respectful. I'm not sure how my BILs and SILs will react since their kids "have" to say the prayer and ours won't. It seems unfair, I guess. </p> <p>I think the approach would be "different families have different rules" but I feel like it will still be awkward.<br /> Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I over thinking this? </p>