https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 00:59:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1071108 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 20:30:51 +0000 regberadaisy 1071108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbookworm: is the bullying coordinator one person or a committee?<br /> @JoyfulKiwi: I agree with b too. Fighting is wrong, period. Regardless of the reason although I would feel bad for the victim! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1071078 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 20:13:11 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1071078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: @looch: I teach in elementary schools and we have a Zero Tolerance bullying policy. For our school that means<br /> A) if a child reports being bullied or seeing someone being bullied, we "investigate" with all parties involved. A student found to be bullying is given a suspension of some sort. Repeated bullying incidents warrant intervention plans with a student.<br /> B) if a child is being bullied and they "fight back" physically, they would receive a consequence for physical aggression. I really agree with this part of the policy, because students need to learn to report incidents and not handle it with more aggression. </p> <p>To my knowledge, we have had no incidents with families with students who have been bullied that feel like our school hasn't done enough to stop the behaviors. But we are an elementary school and I'm sure things are different in middle &amp; high school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1071066 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 20:04:26 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1071066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: My brother is the same way- he has always befriended the lonely kids and stands up for them. I respect him so much for that!!</p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I fear this for my child because I can already tell he's a bit of a pushover. When other kids not, push or take things from him- he lets them... And almost encourages it by doing whatever they say. It really scares me! I am trying hard to teach him to tell kids not to treat him like that and stand up for himself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1070995 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 18:42:02 +0000 mrsbookworm 1070995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know how other states work, but NJ public schools have a very involved bullying policy. I think the Tyler Clementi case really got things moving here. If a child is accused of bullying, by another child, a teacher or a parent, an investigation is opened. It involves detailed interviews with the bully, the victim, bystanders, teachers, etc. The bullying coordinator than decides whether it was indeed bullying or a one time incident/altercation. Then there are specific consequences including suspension, counseling, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1070607 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 14:19:06 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1070607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: It's probably part of the pathology as to why their kid is a bully... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1070517 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 13:34:00 +0000 Mrsbells 1070517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>From what I know, most parents of bullies usually deny that their child is a bully, either because they dont want to accept it or really cant see it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1070475 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 13:16:28 +0000 LuLu Mom 1070475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was bullied and I really don't want my daughter to experience that. if she's the bully I can nip that in the bud right away and will do what I can do rectify, however if she's the one being bullied all I can do is console and wipe tears. I don't want feel helpless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1070467 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 13:09:44 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1070467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kid is so much more likely to be bullied than to bully. She is so tiny and I know that was the main reason I was targeted as a kid. Nobody likes to spend their lunch break in the garbage can... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1070447 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 13:03:49 +0000 regberadaisy 1070447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: O_o Wow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1070444 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 13:02:55 +0000 wonderstruck 1070444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: That is true - if my child turned out to be the bully I would definitely feel like I'd gone wrong somewhere. </p> <p>I think feeling worse for the bullied child's parents is just a knee-jerk reaction for me because my midde/high school experience was so awful. When it comes up my best friend likes to say that if they made a movie about it everyone would say it was too unbelievable because the horrible crap girls would pull was so awful. Luckily my mom wasn't a pushover about it, she kept getting meetings at my school until the girls were suspended. And then when then didn't work and things did start getting physical (like, trying to run me over when I was walking home from school...I wish I were joking) she took me to file a police report. Which finally put an end to it - so don't be afraid to pull out all the stops to protect your kid, moms! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069839 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:25:15 +0000 tinyperson 1069839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Haven't really looked at the articles, but favoriting for later! I'm hoping to instill kindness and sensitivity in my LO, but don't want her to be bullied either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069825 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:21:56 +0000 regberadaisy 1069825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: I think there are many forms of bullying. I think the "mean girl" concept of bullying is way worse than physical harm. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069812 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:17:45 +0000 MsLipGloss 1069812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: I see what you mean . . . I think the problem with that situation is that you would be punishing the would-be aggressor for behavior that they had not yet committed. I don't think a school wants a policy where child A can be punished because child B thinks/believes that Child A is going to do something to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069811 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:17:45 +0000 looch 1069811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: I am pretty sure there are policies around non physical bullying. I think the tough part, especially in schools, is how to handle internet bullying that happens on smartphones or home computers (not part of the school's equipment, so they can't monitor it). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069805 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:15:15 +0000 regberadaisy 1069805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: @looch: makes sense in a confrontation scenario.</p> <p>But is there no policy for <i>before</i> it gets to that point where physical harm has occurred?</p> <p>Where are our teacher bees?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069801 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:13:03 +0000 looch 1069801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: That's exactly the point, it's not fair. </p> <p>The thought process, as far as I can understand it (not having a child in a school with this policy, so maybe someone out there knows better) is that even if you are being bullied, and someone does something to you, your reaction should be not to react. If you react, you are equally at fault.</p> <p>So, if someone hits you and you do not hit back, hitter is punished.<br /> If someone hits you and you hit back, both are punished.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069798 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:12:39 +0000 MsLipGloss 1069798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: I don't think it's intended to be *punishment* per se. It's probably because it can be difficult to find out what really happened and who was the aggressor that, out of an abundance of caution, both kids are removed from the environment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069795 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:12:00 +0000 hilsy85 1069795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: yes, exactly. I think being bullied is harder on the child, but having my child as the bully would be harder on ME in some ways (so I guess my choice was a selfish one?). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069793 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:11:55 +0000 wahine08 1069793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having been bullied for most of my childhood (up until I was about 10 years old) I think my greatest fear is my daughter becoming the bully. That is, of course non-physical.. I think when things become physical, I obviously wouldn't want my child to be hurt! or to hurt other children, as well.</p> <p>I think my fear comes from the fact that I don't think I could relate at all to being the mean girl and I would have such a hard time dealing with it or handling the situation.</p> <p>I know for a fact that while I was bullied (racial and physical features being taunted) I had the best childhood and my parents really did a good job helping me through it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069789 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:10:34 +0000 regberadaisy 1069789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: that doesn't seem fair. Why would the victim be punished? What's the thought behind that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069788 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:09:55 +0000 looch 1069788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think both have their challenges, so I would wish neither on my child.</p> <p>Where I find the most difficulty is the remediation, when schools have a 0 Tolerance Policy, the bully and the victim are punished. I have trouble reconciling what the proper punishments are, honestly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069782 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:05:50 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1069782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My bigger fear is my kid being bullied. Her safety and well being is at stake. The effects of bullying are long lasting. </p> <p>If my kid is a mean girl I would be embarassed and disappointed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069774 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:01:31 +0000 regberadaisy 1069774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: @MamaMoose: totally agree on the viewpoint of helping them. But from the parent perspective if my child IS the mean girl I would feel like I have failed somehow as a parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069754 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 08:53:30 +0000 mediagirl 1069754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really hoping our daughter grows up like my husband. He was the kid who was friends with everyone and stood up to bullies. His stance went a little too far sometimes, by challenging bullies to fights, but I like the idea. Be the person you want standing up for you if someone picks on you. Be the better person.</p> <p>I think that's how I will talk to our daughter about it. Not about mean girls or bullies, but about being the better person and standing up for what's right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069746 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 08:51:04 +0000 wonderstruck 1069746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think having your kid be bullied is harder, because if your child is bullying someone you can talk with them and try different things and work to change their behavior. But if your child is being bullied you're pretty much helpless - you can't change the other child's behavior, and in the case of the girls who were horrible to me their parents were very un-involved, so it's not like my parents could discuss it with them either. I'm definitely bookmarking this post though so that I can come back to these if we have a daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069738 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 08:47:57 +0000 MamaMoose 1069738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's definitely my greater fear that she gets bullied rather than she does the bullying. Only because if she is the one doing the bullying I will have much more power to remedy the situation than if she's a victim of bullying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069737 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 08:47:17 +0000 hilsy85 1069737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that she is the bully...I feel like there is more stigma around being the bully, and it is a harder thing to approach (where is that need to bully coming from? How do I help change things?) whereas being bullied is a much more relateable thing and I feel more comfortable with that perspective (not happy, but just like I know more what I'm doing when it comes to that, since it's been covered so extensively, especially recently). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mean-girls-1#post-1069715 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 08:38:38 +0000 regberadaisy 1069715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lots of talk about bullying in the media lately. But I think "mean girls" has it's own special category versus boys that are bullies. As much as I hope my daughter won't get bullied, it's a bigger fear of mine that she would be the "mean girl"!</p> <p>A nice posting via "A Mighty Girl" this morning:<br /> <i><br /> The problem of "mean girls" or relational aggression, a common form of bullying among girls, is a concern of many parents but what happens when it's your daughter being the bully. Here's one dad's personal account of how he confronted the problem head-on: "I've worked with enough middle and high school youth groups over the years to know that a 13 year-old girl with time on her hands and an easy target is one definition of Evil. But I imagined all this drama as starting a little later -- not in first grade."</p> <p> He continues, "I told her about the cancelled play date and how her actions were related, which led to a storm of tears. Even so, there was an upside from a parenting perspective: this was a low-cost lesson. I was pretty sure that she could easily enough repair her friendship with the girls she had been mean to and that, if we consciously maintained a dialogue about how to be good to her peers, all the girls involved would benefit. We began repeating a mantra at school drop-off: The kindest kid is the best kid."</p> <p> You can read blogger David Valdes Greenwood's entire post, "Mean Girls, The Starter Edition," via the link below.<br /> {ETA: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-valdes-greenwood/mean-girls_b_1127560.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-valdes-greenwood/mean-girls_b_1127560.html</a>}</p> <p> For an excellent resource for parents of girls aged 5 to 12 concerned either about their daughters being the victim of bullying or exhibiting bullying behaviors, we highly recommend "Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades" at <a href="http://www.amightygirl.com/little-girls-can-be-mean" rel="nofollow">http://www.amightygirl.com/little-girls-can-be-mean</a></p> <p> For more books for parents that address bullying of girls of all ages, visit our "Bullying Prevention" parenting section at <a href="http://www.amightygirl.com/parenting/bullying" rel="nofollow">http://www.amightygirl.com/parenting/bullying</a></p> <p> For young girls who are confronting a bullying / "mean girl" situation right now, three books are highly recommended: "Trouble Talk" for ages 6 to 9 (<a href="http://www.amightygirl.com/trouble-talk" rel="nofollow">http://www.amightygirl.com/trouble-talk</a>); "My Secret Bully" for ages 5 to 8 (<a href="http://www.amightygirl.com/my-secret-bully" rel="nofollow">http://www.amightygirl.com/my-secret-bully</a>); or, for slightly older girls from 7 to 12, "Stand Up For Yourself and Your Friends" (<a href="http://www.amightygirl.com/stand-up-for-yourself-and-your-friends" rel="nofollow">http://www.amightygirl.com/stand-up-for-yourself-and-your-friends</a>)</p> <p> For books for girls of all ages that bullying, visit our special feature on the "Top Books on Bullying Prevention for Mighty Girls" at <a href="http://www.amightygirl.com/mighty-girl-picks/top-books-on-bullying-prevention-for-mighty-girls" rel="nofollow">http://www.amightygirl.com/mighty-girl-picks/top-books-on-bullying-prevention-for-mighty-girls</a></i></p> <p>Which is your greater fear? That she is the bully or being bullied? </p>