https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 25 May 2026 19:15:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1691551 Tue, 10 Jun 2014 16:07:09 +0000 tysonja 1691551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: just read this thread for the first time now, and just wanted to say great job mama!! :D so happy for you guys :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1691539 Tue, 10 Jun 2014 16:00:04 +0000 Freckles 1691539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aegie: How old is your LO? The best thing i did was start making her go to sleep by herself. We now have a very set routine (2 books, 5 songs and a big hug before i put her into her crib) and once she's in we'll talk about what i'm going to make her for breakfast, and how she needs to sleep lots and i'll be downstairs. I leave the door slightly open and within 15 minutes she's out. For about two weeks after we started the new routine, she'd scream and cry after 5 minutes of being alone, and i would run upstairs, assure her that i was still at home, and then hold her for a minute or so before putting her back in her crib. I would assure her again that i was downstairs and she'd go back to sleep. Then one night (i was traveling for work and DH was doing the routine) she stopped crying for us and just goes to sleep until the next day.</p> <p>I honestly think if we didn't finally have enough, it would've continued forever. I have friends who transitioned to a family bed around the 2 year mark but it wasn't something DH and i were ready to do.</p> <p>For my LO, she just needed that reassurance we were still there, which is why i still run up as soon as she cries (because she goes straight from 0 to 60 in 2 secs). But once she has that reassurance we haven't left, she's good! Sorry, this was kind of a long response. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1691487 Tue, 10 Jun 2014 15:23:12 +0000 aegie 1691487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: CIO is nearly impossible with my LO too. She's such a persistent stubborn kid! She just screams and screams and screams and only after a an hour or hour and a half of screaming will she finally "give up". But that's torture for both of us (both of us not sleeping) a few times a night. How long did your "sleep regression" last? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1655611 Fri, 23 May 2014 17:03:04 +0000 bpcmarj 1655611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hang in there!! LO is just over 2 and we are going through the same thing. I have resorted to lying and telling her I have to put something back/throw something away. It is the only way she lets me leave the room without screaming. She will say ok, give me a kiss, say I love you and go to bed. Otherwise it is screaming to be held or one more hug or one more kiss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1655581 Fri, 23 May 2014 16:37:39 +0000 PixieStix 1655581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: So happy for ya!! That's awesome. I love how you approached it by telling her you'd be there. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1654893 Fri, 23 May 2014 11:07:48 +0000 Sammyfab 1654893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: WOohoo!!! Great news!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1654818 Fri, 23 May 2014 10:41:23 +0000 lamariniere 1654818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: yay! Glad to hear there has been progress! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1654792 Fri, 23 May 2014 10:29:46 +0000 Freckles 1654792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone, thanks for the comments - seriously, toddler sleep is so much harder to deal with for different reasons! I hope things get better for everyone!!</p> <p>So i just wanted to let those interested in knowing that last night was the first night where she slept straight from 8:30 until 7am!!</p> <p>It was the third night where i put her to sleep awake and left the room for her to fall asleep on her own. She definitely gets sad as we approach bed time because she knows i'm not going to stay in the room with her but by last night she didn't cry/scream out for me and fell asleep within 10 minutes! I left the door wide open and reassured her that i wasn't leaving the house and that i was just going to be downstairs.</p> <p>@lamariniere: she is majorly attached to her lovey. she cries out for it when she's upset or wants to sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1654254 Fri, 23 May 2014 07:30:33 +0000 lamariniere 1654254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PixieStix: Like a teddy or blankie or some other comfort item. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1654245 Fri, 23 May 2014 07:21:37 +0000 PixieStix 1654245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: Can you tell me what a lovey is? o.O </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1654236 Fri, 23 May 2014 07:18:11 +0000 lamariniere 1654236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only think I can think of is maybe a lovey would help? My son still sleeps with his at age 3. Maybe she would be comforted by having something she likes in the bed with her? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1654194 Fri, 23 May 2014 06:46:33 +0000 Rubies 1654194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Funny, we're going through this right now and it's been two weeks. If R was still in a crib, I'd CIO but because she's in a twin bed and now knows how to climb out of bed and open her door, we're losing our minds.</p> <p>For two weeks, I'd have to lie down on her floor until she falls asleep (up to an hour!) and then slowly crawl out of her room. Twice, she's woken up screaming and running out of her room and DH would set up camp and sleep on her floor for the rest of the night. But just last night, I managed to negotiate with her by sitting outside her room at the door.</p> <p>R used to be a great sleeper so this is throwing me off big time. I'm hoping/praying/assuming this is a phase of separation anxiety and that it will end. Soon. Eventually. Oh dear God, please. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1654078 Fri, 23 May 2014 04:37:32 +0000 Kemma 1654078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: We are so dealing with this right now it's slowly killing us... My Lo has never been the best sleeper but her sleep has just go so much worse over the last week and the screaming and crying is really starting to get to me :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1648263 Tue, 20 May 2014 22:22:52 +0000 MamaCate 1648263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I hope tonight is an improvement over the recent days! We used to stay in LO's room too and she is now 2 1/2. Just recently we started changing things up by telling her it was "big girl time" and that she would practice lying down by herself and then we would go in after a chunk of time to check on her/sit with her/whatever. We have been doing this for about 6 weeks and stretching the time and she now falls asleep by herself and we almost never have night wakings anymore. Just one more idea to throw in your toolkit in case it helps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1648244 Tue, 20 May 2014 22:09:31 +0000 Elderberrygin 1648244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: Yay! So glad it worked for you. Baby sleep is so, so hard and stressful. Fingers crossed for a good night tonight and more improvement in the days to come. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1648237 Tue, 20 May 2014 22:04:59 +0000 Freckles 1648237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elderberrygin: @Sammyfab: @sandy: @Smurfette: Sometimes i just near to hear what i already know from someone else! So after her bath i read her a book, sang her a few songs and gave her some extra hugs. I told her that i was going downstairs but that i would leave the door open and turtle light on. She was fine and i was so surprised at how well it went. Then 5 minutes later she started crying for me. I tried talking to her through the monitor and girlfriend went hysterical!! I let her cry for 2 minutes (it was so bad) and went upstairs, hugged her and told her that i knew it was hard but that i wasn't leaving the house and that i was downstairs. I kept reassuring her that i wasn't going anywhere but that she had to sleep. She stopped crying, i left the room and 5 minutes later she fell asleep. WHAT! Fingers crossed that she doesn't wake up tonight!!</p> <p>@Mrs. High Heels: We have a Queen size bed and LO doesn't make it comfortable for us! While i don't mind sleeping with LO, DH doesn't like it and it's going to be hard for us to continue this way as my belly gets bigger! You are very right in that toddler sleep is rarely addressed. We need some more blog posts on that topic. :happy: </p> <p>@mrbee: Thanks, i remember reading that! But sadly LO just screams and screams and screaaaams... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1647810 Tue, 20 May 2014 17:32:04 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1647810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We dealt with toddler sleep issues after Noelle turned 2 too - it was after we had already transitioned her to a twin bed though so she wasn't in a crib. I might've considered revisiting CIO if she were still in a crib since it's a contained space.</p> <p>I feel like toddler sleep is less addressed than infant sleep... I don't know. Basically, we dealt with it for a year. Every night sometime between 1-5am she would wake up screaming, then crawl into our bed to sleep with us. Honestly, we just got used to it. It was rough at first, but after awhile she learned to sleep just tucked into the side of the bed and barely took up any space so it was actually kind of nice. </p> <p>We are finally over that "stage" now that we have our kids in a shared bedroom, and we are crossing our fingers that we don't have to go through the same thing with Jaren. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1647745 Tue, 20 May 2014 16:55:22 +0000 Elderberrygin 1647745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like she needs to learn to fall asleep alone so she doesn't freak out when she wakes up. Have you though about trying something like the sleep lady shuffle from Good Night, Sleep Tight? You might find it less stressful at this age than straight CIO to gradually get your LO over separation anxiety.</p> <p>Good luck! We've been in toddler sleep regression hell here too. It's no fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1647612 Tue, 20 May 2014 16:08:42 +0000 Sammyfab 1647612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: Ack! Sorry :sad: . Honestly, just keep trying. New routine, rewards, setting clear expectations, night light... Something will work! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1647535 Tue, 20 May 2014 15:35:13 +0000 mrbee 1647535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: We dealt with middle of the night wakeups with our son around that age too! We ended up installing a lock on the door for a few days, and that totally solved the problem. We didn't even have to lock the door after that.. he just learned to stay in there.</p> <p>More here!<br /> <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2012/07/17/how-to-avoid-sleeping-next-to-your-child-until-they-fall-asleep/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2012/07/17/how-to-avoid-sleeping-next-to-your-child-until-they-fall-asleep/</a></p> <p>Our daughter is 2 1/2 and doing the same thing now... gotta do something similar, but have to build up the mental strength to start the process first! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1647509 Tue, 20 May 2014 15:24:29 +0000 Freckles 1647509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: @sandy: That's why DH has been putting her to bed, but now it doesn't seem to matter who puts her to bed - she will still freak out when she wakes up. I was thinking about a new approach tonight. I think i am going to do that - read a book, sing a song, tuck her in and then have her constellation turtle on and leave the room. maybe play some music on the monitor? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1647488 Tue, 20 May 2014 15:13:13 +0000 sandy 1647488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: does she have a lovey? My LO has a stuffed bunny, lamb and llama that she goes to bed with. Really helps during the separation anxiety stage and when she sleeps in an unfamiliar place.</p> <p>For me it would be time to start a new bedtime routine. 2 seems old enough to understand what is going on. For us it's bath time and then bedtime stories, potty and then getting tucked into bed. Maybe read the Llama llama red pajama book and talk with her how she goes to bed and mama is just downstairs. Talk about the bedtime process with her during the day and then do a bedtime routine at night and stay consistent. I agree with @Smurfette that it would probably help of you didn't stay in the room until she passes out bc she probably wakes up wanting to see you next to her bed </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1647444 Tue, 20 May 2014 14:58:33 +0000 Smurfette 1647444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no clue but do you think that since you are in the room when she falls asleep, she is freaking out when waking up and you aren't there. Have you tried letting her fall asleep without being in the room? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1647339 Tue, 20 May 2014 14:21:20 +0000 Freckles 1647339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sammyfab: I tried the "reward" thing last night and it didn't work. She was up 4 times last night. DH went to get her the first three times and when i went in i held her in the chair for a few minutes, asked if she wanted to go back to bed, "yes", put her in and told her i had to go pee. She fell asleep. Sigh, this is killing us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1645382 Mon, 19 May 2014 18:35:30 +0000 Freckles 1645382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05: I did CIO when she was 4.5 months and it worked well until she started daycare at 11 months! I'm afraid to do CIO during the toddler stage...so much harder to ignore their cries! When did you do it? I tried the video monitor thing yesterday- didn't work. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1645377 Mon, 19 May 2014 18:33:49 +0000 Sammyfab 1645377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're going through this! Do you think a reward chart might work? I know you think she might be too young, but if you explained to her that nighttime is for sleeping, you'll see her in the morning, and that she'll earn a sticker for sleeping all night, she would understand. You could also try a Gro Clock (or something similar) and explain to her that she can only call for you when the light is on. When it's not on, she has to try her best to go back to sleep. I truly think kids our age understand SO much - way more than we give them credit for!</p> <p>Alternatively, if you think she may be scared of the dark, you could try a nightlight.</p> <p>ETA: like above, I've totally told Kai through the VM to lie back down and he does every time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1645335 Mon, 19 May 2014 18:04:42 +0000 Lindsay05 1645335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you are dealing with this :( I'm not sure about the bedtime crying. We did CIO and it worked amazing for us but I know it's not for everyone. LO woke up almost every night from about 16 months to about 21 months. We got up with her, assumed it was teeth, or hungry or sick. Finally, one night I just talked into our video monitor for her to lay back down and go to sleep and she dove down and fell asleep with no crying at all. That's when I realized that she just needed that reassurance that we were still there. Hang in there mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-separation-anxiety-at-my-wits-end#post-1645299 Mon, 19 May 2014 17:40:19 +0000 Freckles 1645299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need your help.</p> <p>LO is just a little over 2 years old. She has generally been a good sleeper with a few bumps once in a while but nothing i can't handle. She sleeps in her crib, and we will stay in the room with her until she falls asleep. She is content with us just being in the room (sitting in a chair across the room) and will fall asleep within 20-30 minutes.</p> <p>The past week, it has taken us AN HOUR to get her to fall asleep, and we have to be holding her hand or patting her back. Sometimes i'll just climb into the crib with her. Then at around 4am she will wake up screaming for me. We started off by bringing her to bed with us, but that only resulted in her being awake for 1 hour and then waking up at 7am. </p> <p>DH and i then resolved to stop bringing her into bed with us (it had only been a few days). This results in her waking up every hour after 4am screaming for whoever was the last person to put her back to sleep.</p> <p>We have tried everything - putting her to bed early, having the least attached parent put her to bed, you name it. It's not teething - i gave her advil and she still woke up screaming shortly after i left her room. </p> <p>I just need to know if anyone survived this without having to resort to a family bed? I really don't want that to be the only solution. I'm afraid to do CIO with her too. I've been working 14 hour days lately, and the lack of sleep is killing me. If anyone has any advice, i gladly welcome it!! </p>