https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 21:13:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1193551 Sun, 03 Nov 2013 12:46:00 +0000 lamariniere 1193551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sort of have this problem with my MIL since she and I are not from the same culture, but fortunately I can speak to her in her language. I would have your husband take the route "the pediatrician says we need to do X, Y and Z with the baby." Your DH is really going to have to make things clear to her though since you can't. Otherwise you are going to feel totally uncomfortable and paranoid leaving DS in her care. </p> <p>But I do know what you mean. Before DS was born my MIL asked me several times for the crib measurements so she could make a bumper, insisting that she wanted to do it when I said we didn't need one. I finally told DH to tell her that they are highly ill-advised these days and she let it drop after that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1193506 Sun, 03 Nov 2013 11:50:19 +0000 Sadieloo 1193506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: good ideas! Now I just need my hubs to translate all of that to her. So far, she's still not listening. I came back from the grocery store with my son bundled up with a hat on and in a thick sleep sack and red cheeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1193500 Sun, 03 Nov 2013 11:47:57 +0000 Sadieloo 1193500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmenow: I agree to an extent that she is doing us a favor/helping us out. She is helpful, but also a challenge given language differences, she won't drive here (we only live 2 hours away) and so on. we have supported her financially and in other ways for many years, so I do feel that it is fair that she help us out. We also cover all her expenses while she's here. To add to that, She also doesn't work and I gate to say it but has little going on in her life. she's constantly telling us how bored she is, etc etc and has consistently offered to come down and help us out with our house (we just moved to a house), before I gave birth and now (she actually wanted to stay for two weeks). I'm trying to see the positive in the situation, but it's a challenge given all this and she makes me feel like the third wheel in my own home! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1193000 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 20:32:29 +0000 mrsmenow 1193000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am kind of torn on this. I firmly believe that mom and dad should be calling all the shots, but then again she is doing you a big favor (which I am sure she is so happy to do) so you might have to bend a little, with the exception of obvious safety risks. I hope things go better than expected for you, good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1192949 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 19:39:18 +0000 cmomma17 1192949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: I like your advice of framing things that way. I had to do a lot of that with my mom actually. LO likes ____, LO needs ____, LO sleeps best when you _____. Of course, she picked and choose what she actually followed, but it helped some! :)</p> <p>@sadieloo: wishing you good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1192929 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 19:15:37 +0000 MamaCate 1192929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sadieloo: this sounds tricky! I think framing it " what LO likes/all babies are different" might be a diplomatic way to start, and if you see that things are not being followed then DH will need to be more direct. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1192921 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 19:07:43 +0000 Sadieloo 1192921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: she's leaving Thursday AM, although she did offer to stay for two weeks and isn't working nor much else going on. Not sure she'll need to watch him that much, probably 4 hours a day or so. It really depends on how much work I can get done at night when DH is home and when LO naps. I'm def getting my hubs to put his foot down. I wish he was a better communicator. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: thanks! I'm trying to be optimistic. I also just feel guilty! She is a widow and has nothing else going on in her life. This is her only grandchild and I don't want to deny her seeing him. At the end of the day though, if she's not helpful and makes me more stressed, this will be the on,y time she helps and we'll figure something else out. Great idea on showing her what we do and what DS likes :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1192902 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 18:56:18 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1192902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wishing you luck in this. Not to be a naysayer, but based on your entire second paragraph I would not make my own parent or IL a caregiver at all.</p> <p>ETA: since communicating with her is difficult how about showing her what you like. Instead of attempting to correct her, have her follow your lead and mimic what you do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1192896 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 18:53:02 +0000 Dandelion 1192896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How long is she staying?</p> <p>It sounds like you're gonna have your work cut out for you. Make sure your husband is good about putting his foot down with her. She may think she knows best, but it's your baby. How much is she going to be watching your LO? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-advice#post-1192866 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 18:37:51 +0000 Sadieloo 1192866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi All! Would love some advice. As I write this we are hours away from bringing my MIL back to our house to spend some time with our 4 week old and help us out since I go back to work part time next week. I am nervous/paranoid that this was a mistake. </p> <p>So our situation is slightly complicated, although definitely not unique. My MIL is from Eastern Europe and her English is poor (despite having lived in the US for over 30 years, she pretty much only talks in polish at our house making me the third wheel). We can barely communicate and have vastly different views on just about everything, especially childcare. For example, although not a huge deal (feel it is indicative of our differences) she insists that he lay in a soft bed with a huge fluffy blanket (my hubs has yet to explain SIDS to her). I am really on edge with her because she is notorious for not listening, doing whatever she thinks is best and on top of that, making everything about her. </p> <p>As a first step, my SO and I have discussed laying some ground rules about how we care for DS, etc etc. and what we would like help with. I should also mention that this is kind of a trial. We would really like to only have family help with childcare until DS is 3 months. Any advice you have is greatly appreciated. Wish me luck!!! </p>