https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 22:05:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199562 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 12:51:40 +0000 Sadieloo 1199562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Wow. That is a good one!</p> <p>My MIL was telling me a story about coming home one day and god forbid...someone was in front of her house. She couldn't understand what he would be doing there, but drove around the block anyhow, because she didn't want the person to know she lived there. When she came back, he was gone. It really must be awful though and pretty debilitating for her. I do feel somewhat bad, but I firmly believe that every person has control over themselves and their life and she makes things far more difficult on herself and the rest of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199538 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 12:41:39 +0000 Cherrybee 1199538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sadieloo: A knife under her pillow?!!! That's insane!! </p> <p>Swapping crazy stories is fun:</p> <p>My mum's next door neighbour had his music on really loud a few weeks ago. It was upsetting her a lot but she wouldn't let me go round and ask him to turn it down because she was "scared of retribution". Retribution!! He's just a normal bloke!!! I asked her what kind of retribution she thought he would meet out and she said she thought he might put her windows through or set his dog on her. It was just bizarre - he really is just a regular guy. It must be awful to be that scared of everything and everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199531 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 12:39:43 +0000 wonderstruck 1199531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's crazy, how did she care for her own children?! I know some people get nervous caring for other's children, but to act like you don't understand why he's crying? WTF. I would just take him from her when he starts crying, I definitely wouldn't let my DS just continue to cry because my MIL is being clueless. I've dealt with that with naps - I'll tell MIL that he's tired, and she'll keep bouncing him and being in his face and asking why he won't calm down. Um, because he's tired and you're overwhelming him instead of letting him sleep? Now when my LO starts crying for something I just take him from whoever is holding him (unless it's DH, of course) and handle it. Yeah, it annoys some people the first time you do it, but I just told them that as a mom it's really hard to hear him cry and if it's something I can fix obviously I'm going to pick him up and do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199521 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 12:33:23 +0000 Sadieloo 1199521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: lol. Is it terrible that it makes me feel better to know that other mom's and MILs are the same? I met my MIL when I was 27 and she would sometimes grab my hand to cross the street. When we are at her house, she will even lock the doors if we go outside with the dog. The stories go on and on. And I agree, who is out there? This may be harsh, but it's not like my MIL is living in luxury and there isn't anything anyone would want to steal. Now that I think about it, she sleeps with a knife under her pillow. It is very wearing, especially when she tells us not to go anywhere or do anything because it's dangerous (mind you I travel to developing countries for work). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199463 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 12:02:16 +0000 Cherrybee 1199463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jackieomy: I really hope this happens with my mum. It's sad to think that she's missing out on enjoying her grandchild because of some irrational fears. </p> <p>@Sadieloo: Ooh, they do sound similar! And such a riot, huh?! Mine is obsessed with drawing the curtains before you put the light on. When I was a kid, she would freak out if I put the light on first (so I could see what I was doing!) because that meant that everyone could see into the house! Like who??? Who's looking?! We lived in a quiet, residential street. Then, around this time last year, she freaked out because I did the same thing in my house. Just who exactly does she think it out there?!!! She says that there might be people, lurking in the dark, peeping in!! Why would they?!! And oh my goodness, when it snows!!! I get a text per hour "be careful, it's so dangerous out there". It's quite wearing!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199444 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 11:54:41 +0000 Sadieloo 1199444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: That's what I was thinking! Don't you want your grandchild to be happy and not sitting in a poopy diaper?</p> <p>@BabyBoecksMom: Thank you! Yep, she's a ridgeback. Your MIL sounds like a piece of work as well. Isn't it funny how they forget everything? What happen to a mother's intuition? I mean she tries to mother me,my hubs and his brother. I was actually reading our local paper the other day and they have a class for new grandparents that teaches them all about how parenting has changed, etc.etc. If my MIL understood better English, i would totally sign her up.</p> <p>@jackieomy: Really interesting. I find with my MIL and my mom, to some extent, also need A LOT of reassurance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199409 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 11:44:56 +0000 Happygal 1199409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babyboecksmom: I've admired the dog as well. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199348 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 11:30:28 +0000 jackieomy 1199348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babyboecksmom I think there is a switch. My mother was super freaked out by my LO. She watched him for me when he was 10 weeks old, and called me in between classes, begging me to come home because he wouldn't stop crying. Turns out he needed a bottle. She wouldn't watch him alone again.</p> <p>My son is now 16 months old, and a few months ago, she and my dad watched him for a day (even sending home the back up sitter I had arranged). They had So. Much. Fun. and did great. They just needed the baby to be older, less fragile, more able to communicate, and a bit more independent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199331 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 11:25:41 +0000 littlek 1199331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I change LOs diapers all the time. My MIL uses LO only for photo ops. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199198 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 10:37:24 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 1199198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sadieloo: First of all, love your avatar - is that a ridgeback?<br /> Secondly, I can understand your MIL. Mine is the same way. Mine flat out said "you do realize I'm not going to help you with that?" after DD pooped. She also said she can't be alone with my daughter for more than an hour because "just too demanding". Yet, she's always asking me when she can watch DD (w/o me!). </p> <p>Is there a switch that goes off when MIL's become grandmas?? They raised their own kids, so how in the world can they not take care of a grandbaby? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199194 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 10:35:31 +0000 Sadieloo 1199194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: Super frustrating! I also feel like my husband and his brother enable her behavior because its easier to ignore than to address. Thankfully though, he is starting to see and understand where I am coming from and slowly realizing that it is a vicious cycle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199168 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 10:29:10 +0000 rachiecakes 1199168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's really frustrating and not helpful at all. </p> <p>I'm a mom and definitely scared of other people's newborns. But I would never let a baby cry over my fears either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199163 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 10:27:20 +0000 Sadieloo 1199163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Thankfully she is leaving tomorrow AM, although she offered and asked several multiple times to stay for two weeks. </p> <p>@Cherrybee: Your mom and my MIL sound very similar. It's like every day she is scared of something new. She actually wanted to me to deadbolt our doors (which were already locked) because it was dark outside.</p> <p>@blackbird: @Smurfette: My hubs has asked her to do some things, but honestly, there isn't a lot of cooking, cleaning or laundry. I tend to be very productive on weekends!</p> <p>@yin: that was one of her excuses as well. She hasn't been around a baby in 30+ years. but even so, she had her own babies! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199144 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 10:19:46 +0000 Happygal 1199144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's really frustrating. I get it. I have an anxious family member, and the thing that helps me deal with it is reminding myself that anxiety isn't rational. I can't say, "Why doesn't she just do XYZ," b/c XYZ are logical choices and she's not in a logical state of mind. There are still times I want to yell, "Get a grip!" and shake her b/c it incapacitates her in so many ways, and I feel like we accommodate for her in ways we shouldn't, but the easiest thing is just to move forward and hope she sorts out her own issues at some point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199084 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 09:58:34 +0000 Smurfette 1199084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with Blackbird, you handle the baby and you ask her to do things around the house. </p> <p>I will say that I know several people that are Mom's and are afraid of newborns. They did what they had to do with their own children, but won't hold other babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199061 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 09:49:25 +0000 yin 1199061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My own mother is afraid to hold my newborn because "it's been so long." She gave birth to 5 kids with the youngest being 18. I call BS. She never changed DS1's diaper or ever offered to help watch him. On the other hand, my dad was hands on and helped so much in those first couple of months. I have issues with my mom so it's not surprising, but it is a bit upsetting that she is so distant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1199030 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 09:39:46 +0000 blackbird 1199030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would just take over. Don't expect your MIL to take care of your baby--she's obviously not doing a good job to the point it is helpful. Ask her to do things FOR YOU. Make YOU dinner. Clean your house. Do your laundry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1198907 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 08:45:34 +0000 Cherrybee 1198907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sadieloo: I think my mum has always been a bit like this but it has got so much worse as she has gotten older. She was always scared of everything - thunderstorms, dogs, spiders, the dentist, heights, injections, hospitals, flying (she has never left the UK) - but getting older has brought with it a complete lack of confidence in herself (and claustrophobia, which I'm pretty sure she never had before). </p> <p>Maybe your MIL is the same? It's bloody frustrating, that's for sure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1198880 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 08:28:35 +0000 Foodnerd81 1198880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds so annoying! My mil stayed with us a couple of weeks after C was born, and she actually did not hangs any diapers- the changing table was in he master bedroom and I'm wondering if she didn't want to intrude in our personal space? But she helped in a ton of other ways so I'm not complaining. How long is your mil staying? She doesn't sound helpful at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1198865 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 08:22:49 +0000 Sadieloo 1198865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I have asked myself the same question. I think she does want to help, but more than that I think she doesn't want to be alone. She is a widow, doesn't work and doesn't have many friends (she isolated herself during her hubby's illness). I try to be sympathetic of her situation but she's also very self unaware or aware of others needs (e.g. Asking when we were going to visit her when DS was two weeks old and she lives 2 hours away). Unfortunately, she has made a point of being dependent on her kids and their SO's in many ways, which has been a huge challenge. </p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: funny that you ask that because she actually sits next to me and tries to steal (ok maybe that's a little strong) my sons gaze when I change his diaper and talk to him like a baby in Polish (baby talk is a pet peeve of mine, especially when I can't understand anything). He hates to have his diaper changed and generally freaks out, but I do feel though that as his Mom, and the person changing his diaper, he should look to me for comfort. </p> <p>@Cherrybee: so crazy! Doesn't it make you wonder how she raised you? The more I'm around my MIL the less maternal and more quirky I Think she is. My hubs contends its lack of experience. Oy vey! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1198798 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 07:53:26 +0000 Cherrybee 1198798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Or crikey - my mum is like this!! DD is 3.5 months old now and my mum has only seen her 7 times since she was born (she lives 2 miles away) because she is "scared of small babies". She still refuses to change her nappy or be left alone with her, even for very short periods of time. If she cries, my mum hands her straight back to me. She continually texts me asking for photos but when I suggest that she might like me to drop her round while I do some shopping or something, she says she prefers to "love her from afar".</p> <p>Edit: I've just realised that she hasn't seen her granddaughter for 5 weeks. This makes me sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1198787 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 07:48:56 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1198787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yea... this is odd for sure! </p> <p>Have you maybe taken the time to show her? Maybe suggest, "Can you come with me to the changing table and bring xyz?" And then suggest she stay and show her how. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1198784 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 07:48:13 +0000 Adira 1198784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Uhh... it doesn't sound like your MIL is being very helpful... why is she even there???</p> <p>And I'm sorry you have to deal with this! It's hard enough dealing with a newborn, but it sounds like you have to take care of your newborn AND your MIL, which just isn't fair. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-afraid-to-change-diapers#post-1198766 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 07:39:16 +0000 Sadieloo 1198766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I need to vent. My MIL is staying with us to help out and spend time with our baby, her first grandchild. It has been a challenging visit fir many reasons. The least of which I started to notice that she hadn't changed a single diaper. In fact, she was holding DS when he pooped (she even mentioned 'Alex make poops') and despite him crying and fussing made no attempt to change his diaper. Ok fine. So he spent the next 20-30 minutes crying and she didn't understand why. I told her there are generally three reasons newborns cry - they are hungry, need their diaper changed or are uncomfortable/bored. </p> <p>Folks it took all I had not to take him out of her arms , but I am trying my best not to be controlling and let her figure out her way. But then she continued to do the same things with DS and I had to listen to him scream. Finally when she didn't understand why he hadn't calmed down, I said I would take him since he most likely pooped (which he had). </p> <p>So I said something to my hubs thinking that maybe she didn't know how to change disposable diapers (she's Polish and used cloth diapers) but turns out that she is scared. DS is a month old and she is afraid she's going to hurt him. What?!?! How did you raise your own children? </p> <p> I've just about hit my breaking point with her. She is afraid to change his diaper, afraid to bounce him on an exercise ball which is the best way to soothe him, afraid of the dark, afraid to drive...the list goes on! and so not only do I have to listen to him cry because she can't soothe him we also have to listen to all of her anxieties and craziness. I think what is even more frustrating for me is that she is ok with DS being uncomfortable instead of asking for help. It's very telling though that even my hubs said he wouldn't leave her home alone with our son. </p> <p>Please tell me I am not alone in this? </p>