https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 08:46:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1215277 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 09:31:45 +0000 mrs. wagon 1215277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I'm very glad you told her off, and even more glad that you have been able to discuss it with her and smooth things over. She sounds like a wonderful MIL and it sounds like you have a great relationship... I'm so jealous! ;) </p> <p>I totally get the cultural thing... I'm American but my parents and in-laws are Asian immigrants, so for them, therapy = crazy = drugs as well. It's gotten better over the years as they've learned about friends and peers in therapy, but if I had mentioned therapy back when I had my first baby my mom and MIL would have probably said the same things for sure. And we're all religious so... you know the ridiculous phrase "pray the gay away"? They probably would have tried to convince me to "pray the cray away"...! That would have totally driven me even more cray. ;)</p> <p>In any case, getting help is definitely the first step, and the doctor should be able to determine whether or not you could benefit from an antidepressant. And I'm sure the doctor will be well aware that you have a baby at home and will be working with you to make sure that baby DOESN'T get taken away. Duh. I know people who have benefitted from therapy without drugs, therapy with mild antidepressants, and therapy with antidepressants taken on a maintenance level as well. I don't know anyone whose baby has been taken away because they sought therapy and treatment. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1215188 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 09:00:52 +0000 blackbird 1215188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, such an older person thing to say. </p> <p>I'm just glad that YOU know better and are going to get help, no matter what! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1215080 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 07:38:48 +0000 plantains 1215080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: yup, she lives in London. So there is hope:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1215073 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 07:33:18 +0000 OldEnglandMama 1215073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's definitely cultural, she's scared of the unknown and has probably watched too much Corrie or Eastenders. Don't push her away if you are close - maybe you can show her what a positive difference getting help makes. My family is full of a variety of mental health issues and they've been offered medication and/or talk therapy (both group and individual) over the years (all on the NHS - in the NorthWest (not exactly an affluent well funded primary care trust)). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1215024 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 04:31:36 +0000 MegWag 1215024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That surprises me! At any rate, sometimes medication can be really helpful as a short term aid, just to help get you out of the hole- so to speak. If I were you I'd push for counselling too if they talk about meds. Also- Good for you for making the choice to help yourself! That takes real strength. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1215022 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 04:25:29 +0000 Cherrybee 1215022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MegWag: I'm trying to keep an open mind at the moment.... but I don't know anyone who has been offered counselling for depression, only ever medication. But we will see! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1215020 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 04:23:17 +0000 MegWag 1215020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>From what I know about treatment in the UK, they are actually much more likely to go the counselling route than medication. Good luck with your journey! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1215018 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 04:13:34 +0000 Cherrybee 1215018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: Really? That sounds fabulous - well, not the group (agh!) but the approach they took. Is she in the UK?</p> <p>@Ree723: Exactly! The daft woman! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1214988 Thu, 14 Nov 2013 00:46:52 +0000 googly-eyes 1214988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: She's wrong and she's full of it (re: ppd) and I'm glad you see that! My MIL tried to tell me it was normal too, and then later said to me that she had ppd with one of her babies too, and her symptom? Being terrified of the balcony and knives near the baby. I was shocked...I was like THAT'S what you think I have? Fear of knives around my baby? Anyway...I'm with ya. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1214910 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 22:47:08 +0000 plantains 1214910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: sorry you are dealing with this:(</p> <p>You might be pleasantly surprised by your appointment, my sister had PPD and was sent to a group and a counsellor came by the house a lot to talk to her. She'd never took anti depressants. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1214428 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 17:32:49 +0000 Ree723 1214428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What?!?! I worked in Social Services in the UK (London), in child protection specifically, for three years and I can promise you that your MIL is 100% wrong. We NEVER took away children because the mother was suffering from depression! If a report came across our desk, we'd make sure the mother was getting adequate support, or link them up with the right supports if they hadn't found them yet, and that was it. Ugh, how annoying that she thinks that!</p> <p>I did laugh a bit because yes, you guys do think all Americans are therapy happy, but there are more options available than drugs or seeing a shrink. Lots of times, it's community groups or community workers who come to the home once per week to help mothers work through the depression. Oh MILs, gotta love them sometimes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213839 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 14:37:05 +0000 Lindsay05 1213839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For those who havent experienced it have no clue and think its something that 'just change your focus' helps with. I do agree that being social, exercising, diet does help, but in lots of cases you need some help to get you on the right path. I hope you can go with your own gut instinct and not let anyone talk you out of it. Its great that she wants to help though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213835 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 14:36:02 +0000 Adira 1213835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OMG!!! I'm livid for you!!!! How horrible! I'm so glad you were able to stand up for yourself and your decision to get help! Good for you!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213825 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 14:34:10 +0000 artsyfartsy 1213825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad you stood up for yourself! That's the last thing you needed honestly. You are so brave and wonderful for recognizing that you need help and taking steps toward it. I'm sure your MIL wasn't intentionally being detrimental.</p> <p>I really feel for you in your tough time. The last few posts you've made have made me just want to reach through the screen and hug you. I hope that things just get brighter from here! Keep us updated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213808 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 14:30:00 +0000 Cherrybee 1213808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I've already been round for a coffee to smooth things over and make sure she knows there are no hard feelings. She was really upset that she had said something I felt was out of line...... It's all good, I just know that I can't turn to her on this issue. </p> <p>@meredithNYC: I think it is cultural. We don't do the "therapy" thing over here and it's one of those things that British people criticise Americans about: "Ermagherd, everyone's in therapy". I doubt I will be offered any kind of talking therapy when I go next week - it's usually antidepressants or nothing here. </p> <p>@pastemoo: Yeah, you have to really neglect or abuse your kids to get any Social Services involvement and even then you can fall through the net! I can't imagine they would be interested in someone getting help for PPD - it's the ones who don't get help they need to worry about anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213797 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 14:26:57 +0000 LovelyPlum 1213797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good for you for standing up for yourself, lady! I am not convinced that it's necessarily generational-my mom is very pro-therapy if you need it. But I am so glad that you are confident enough to get what you need! You go, girl :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213558 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 13:17:34 +0000 meredithNYC 1213558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No idea whether it's cultural or not, but my English MIL (who is otherwise a lovely and supportive woman) was definitely weirded out by my desire to seek help with PPD. She kept saying things like, "Well, of course you're not going to get on any anti-depressants, right? Because you certainly don't need them." It was so frustrating and ultimately, I just decided not to talk to her about those kind of issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213538 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 13:10:25 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1213538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow! Good for you for telling her off - I am in awe! I think it's so brave of you to step up and take that step to see someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213527 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 13:08:00 +0000 irene 1213527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I am so sorry my dear - I went back to search for your mom group post. Hugs. Big hugs dear mommy.</p> <p>Yes you should get treatment. If it is not antidepressants, at least see a therapist so you can talk about your feelings regularly. You have our full support here :) </p> <p>With that said, try not to hate your MIL - I read that you are/were close to her, which means she has been supportive to you except on this matter? It is a blessing to have a good MIL so I hope you don't block her off because of this. I agree with everyone that the older generation has a skewed perception in terms of mental health. Just don't talk to her now for a while, and when you feel better then you can reconnect? </p> <p>Warmest wishes, and I hope you feel better soon! Get out into the sun and go for a walk with your baby every day if you can, or at least just get some sun if walking is too much (it's getting cold!). That helped me tremendously when I was a new mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213501 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:54:06 +0000 pastemoo 1213501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I think maybe you hit a tender vein? Maybeyour feelings are resonating with hers when she was a new mom... and she didn't want to get treatment?<br /> I'm sorry this happened.<br /> Hugs!<br /> I hope you get a chance to see someone.. Even without medication , just going can be really helpful. and medication can also help.<br /> Pretty sure social services will only be involve if you have homicidal feelings... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213497 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:51:35 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1213497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad you told her off. If you want, I'll call her and do the same.<br /> Shame on her for trying to stand between you and your health and happiness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213494 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:49:52 +0000 MsLipGloss 1213494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: You totally made me lol with *clearly nuts*. INSANITY ABOUNDS, I tell you, INSANITY! But yanno, younger generations are much more pro-outside help than older generations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213450 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:36:45 +0000 cascademom 1213450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Ugh, I hate hearing that. Therapy is a useful tool when times are tough. What's interesting is that my family is very pro therapy while DH's isn't. My MIL needs it as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213424 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:30:20 +0000 Mae 1213424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I'm sorry. Also agree that the older generation doesn't get it. They're more of the "suck it up and suffer in silence" set, when honestly there is often no reason you HAVE to suffer at all! </p> <p>You do what you know is best. And maybe don't share personal info with her anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213413 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:28:06 +0000 illumina 1213413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I agree with the pp's who think the older generation don't really get it. My parents think it's "just hormones" and I need "cheering up" that's all. I don't really see those as negative- just that they want to reassure me that there's nothing wrong with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213402 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:23:45 +0000 Freckles 1213402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @lisa1783, the older generation is not really big on therapy and it's seen as taboo or something to be embarrassed about.</p> <p>Try not to let her get to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213401 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:22:44 +0000 Cherrybee 1213401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: Nobody in this country is pro-therapy!! It's a shame she isn't more into it really because she's clearly nuts herself!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213397 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:20:59 +0000 lisa1783 1213397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're not getting support from her. For a lot of people - especially older people - mental wellness is such a taboo topic that they don't like to discuss. I'm sure for your MIL, PPD was written off as "baby blues". Please get the support and help you need and I hope that she comes around soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213394 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:19:45 +0000 cascademom 1213394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs, that's just nuts. Is she just not pro-therapy? When my DH and I started counseling, he admitted that he wasn't into it because he only had a weak experience with it when his parents divorced. I wouldn't be surprised if my MIL tried to dissuade him from counseling during the incident. Props to you for recognizing the need for help. That's huge. For anyone to dissuade it is doing you a huge disservice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-tried-to-talk-me-out-of-getting-help-for-ppd#post-1213385 Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:15:52 +0000 ALV91711 1213385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>**hugs** I'm sorry that she is trying to talk you out of it. There is nothing wrong with getting the help you need. I can't believe she put the thought of social services in your head. MIL's can be crazy sometimes. </p>