Hellobee Boards Topic: Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad.

Hellobee Boards Topic: Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad. https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 03:32:55 +0000 Artsy Butterfly on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-4192 Thu, 13 Oct 2011 15:15:19 +0000 Artsy Butterfly 4192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm very sorry for your friend.....I cannot even imagine going through something like that. I was very adamant about keeping mum to people outside of very close family until 12 weeks...I would have preferred to wait until 14 weeks, but my husband was just too excited to wait. I don't know how I would handle going through something like that--you become so attached to your baby and a loss like that is hard, especially when it looks like birth is in the near future. Mrs. Schoolbus on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-4086 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 18:42:16 +0000 Mrs. Schoolbus 4086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ There's pros and cons to announcing your pregnancy on a public forum. I don't think there's a right or wrong. If people want to post it, they should-- whenever they want to. Some people are private while others are not. When I was pregnant (lost it at 12 weeks), I didn't tell many people except close friends and family. And I def did not put it on facebook- I personally don't like posting tons of personal, personal things on there... anyway, when we did end up losing the baby, it was good to have the support. But some of it wasn't always good support because they might say things like "there's a reason for it." of course in the back of your mind you know that everything happens for a reason but you don't want someone (especially if they have never gone through a loss) to say that to you. I remember a friend of mine (who was good intentioned and was trying to empathize with me) was trying to comfort me by comparing my loss to her loss of her dream job opportunity. that made me livid-- especially too since she was not married and never had kids. I think it's best to just listen and just "be there" by asking how they are doing and letting them know you are there for them... so sorry for your friend's loss... :( HabesBabe on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-4066 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 16:49:13 +0000 HabesBabe 4066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would like to wait as long as possible to tell our parents when it happens, but I have a feeling that we'll be too excited and tell them right away. As for friends, they'll probably pick up on it once I stop drinking, but we ideally want to wait until 12 weeks to tell them. As for FB, we'll prob post a few updates here and there, but no belly pictures or ultrasounds (not a fan of putting those online). Didn't Lily Allen lose her baby at 6 months, too? So sad. Rubies on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3975 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 13:45:39 +0000 Rubies 3975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Your friend's news is so heartbreaking. We told our parents at 10 weeks but I didn't tell my friends until 14 weeks...I did, however, post on FB in my status (I can't even remember what I wrote) that I was pregnant but that's it. No ultrasound pictures, no belly pictures, nothing. anewme on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3939 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 12:55:15 +0000 anewme 3939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Because I had trouble TTC, I was really guarded about my pregnancy. There was this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that if I flaunted it somehow, I was going to lose the baby. It's also cultural superstition. It sucked because I don't think I allowed myself to be properly ecstatic during my pregnancy because of my worries. sandsandmore on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3929 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 12:05:14 +0000 sandsandmore 3929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Whatever you do, don't tell your friend, 'things happen for a reason.' That's not what she wants to hear. There are many things you can do though to recognize her child. Going public is therapeutic in many ways -- she clearly wants the support if she's talking about it. One site I recently found was created by a woman who had a stillbirth. She takes name requests and writes the child's name in the sand. You can then send her money to get the high res photo. I just did this for my son: <a href="http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2011/10/samuel-bradford-stambaugh.html" rel="nofollow">http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2011/10/samuel-bradford-stambaugh.html</a>. Did she name the baby? If so, this might be a nice gift for her, when she's ready. MegWag on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3818 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 08:04:54 +0000 MegWag 3818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ A good friend of mine was pregnant with twins. At 24 weeks, the girl twin had a cord incident and died. She continued to carry both babies to give the boy twin the best chance possible. She delivered him at 30 weeks. He's now doing well. The death of a child (at any stage) is devastating. I know she's said it is easier for her if people acknowledge the loss than pretend it didn't happen. There is no way to predict when and if something will go wrong. To me, it is important to share your joy while you have it. Then people can rally around (as they majorly did for her) IF something goes wrong. Tragedy is tragedy and you can't ward it off. I know many women who have lost a child find comfort in the Buddhist (?) philosophy that those souls just needed that last bit of unconditional love. They were on their final incarnation and were able to progress on after that. I dont' remember the exact wording... We waited to go public on FB until we'd had our first scan at 15 weeks. mrskc on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3769 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 22:19:44 +0000 mrskc 3769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Wow that is so sad for your friend. I announced mine right away to friends and family not on fb though. I found out I miscarried at 11 weeks but it stopped developing at 8. I had just told my work the week before too. It was hard. But I was happy to have all the support from my close friends and family. I couldn't have imagined going through that with out them. I would have preferred not everyone at the office knowing. Only my boss knew I was pregnant, but somehow the news spread. On the other hand, my mom couldn't keep the news to herself and told everyone. I told her to keep it on the down low, but she was so excited. She even had told her housekeeper which I called later on to hire. She asked about the baby and then things got awkward... I had to have a talk with my mom for the next time, and she is definitely keeping her mouth shut and letting me decide who to share the news with. I think next time around I will probably just tell immediate family and very close friends right away. singingbee on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3734 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 21:43:55 +0000 singingbee 3734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I had this happen to a friend. It was so devestating because the last thing that she had posted was that she was going to be finding out about the sex of the baby. Everyone started to ask what it was and why she wasn't telling. Then, she had to get back on FB and tell people that she miscarried. I had another friend that had told me she was pregnant and I said, "Are you so excited about your first baby?!?" and then she told me that she had actually been pregnant before and miscarried at 8 months....the baby's cord got wrapped around it's neck. leelee on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3732 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 21:36:45 +0000 leelee 3732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH & I have decided that when we do get a BFP we are going to wait until at least 12 weeks to tell anyone. We figure at that point I will be showing and there will be no hiding it. No plans to make a FB announcement or anything though, I'm a very private person. My SIL made a huge fb announcement at 4 weeks, I was shocked, but hey different strokes for different folks! tequiero21 on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3696 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:56:51 +0000 tequiero21 3696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ my cousin lost her baby around 5 months. i think the baby choked on the umbilical cord or something. it was really tragic. i lost my baby at 12 weeks (but stopped growing at 9) and it was hard enough. can't imagine how much harder it is when you know the sex or when you think you're in the "clear".... i'm 14 weeks and i think i'm ready to tell family (immediate know already), but definitely don't plan to post it on fb until maybe the babies are born. bakingAbug on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3679 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:39:36 +0000 bakingAbug 3679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would prefer for everyone to share in my joy and be with me in my grief. I told most people almost immediately. We had been told it would be difficulty for us to conceive and carry our baby from the beginning and I did use progesterone shots to establish the pregnancy. I was almost completely on pins and needles until we really started getting to a viable point around 30 weeks. I figured it would be easier on me if people knew what was going on in case I did lose the baby and needed time or space or just some support. Mrs. Sunglasses on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3664 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:27:14 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 3664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mailife I agree. the post miscarriage is brutal. I guess even as a mother you don't know how it feels until you've actually been through it. big hugs to all of you who have miscarried in the past. xox rawrasaur on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3661 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:23:39 +0000 rawrasaur 3661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't think sharing your pregnancy is the big deal, its having people ask about your pregnancy post miscarriage that is difficult, and therefore to avoid that you might not want to tell people in the first place in case something goes wrong. If news travels quickly hopefully no one will say something to your friend that will intensify the grieving process, only things that provide support through a difficult time. Andrea on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3660 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:22:59 +0000 Andrea 3660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ So sorry to hear about your friend. I am wary of posting that stuff on Facebook as it seems too public. chopsuey on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3655 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:20:08 +0000 chopsuey 3655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My stylist lost her baby at 7 months. I was SO devastated for her.. especially since we were pregnant at the same time.. the little baby's heart just stopped beating. Heartbreaking. PBandBaseball on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3653 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:18:46 +0000 PBandBaseball 3653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We're planning on waiting until 13-14 weeks to tell our families after we get the BFP. We probably won't tell friends until 15-16 weeks or so. I probably won't actively post about any pregnancies on fb. I won't hide it but I won't make a big deal about it either. There's just so much that can happen. TheFixIts on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3650 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:17:11 +0000 TheFixIts 3650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I had a friend of a friend document her whole pregnacy, share info on facebook, and then deliver a stillborn. There's just no way to know what could happen. My question is: is it easier to suffer these things in slience? I wonder why it's such a tragedy that people know that she lost a baby at 20 weeks. Obviously there's a balance to all of these things, but I don't see how not sharing makes it better. I'm sure by the time I'm 12 weeks pregant, I will have shared the news. Mrs. Sunglasses on "Miscarriage at 20 weeks. So sad." https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-at-20-weeks-so-sad#post-3642 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:13:58 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 3642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ On facebook a friend announced her pregnancy at about 12 weeks or so. Well I just saw she posted (now) that she miscarried at 20 weeks. I don't have all the details yet, but I assume the baby's heart stopped beating. It's so sad, because she had taken some pregnancy shots and really was keeping everyone informed about the progress of her pregnancy. This was her second. I'm devastated for her, and don't even know what to say. I know it's horrible to say that things happen for a reason, but clearly nature knows things we don't. Make me wonder, there isn't really a "good" time to announce a pregnancy when clearly you can miscarry almost neat the end of your pregnancy. What's you take on that? When should or will you announce? I waited at 12 weeks for my first... but seeing this, makes me wonder what i will do for the second.