https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 16 Oct 2026 08:04:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-134989 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 09:10:57 +0000 purrpletulips 134989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrBee: I don't think it is an issue of whose family is doing it more that he isn't going to be there. It would be very rare for his family to do something like this (get together for day trip) however it is very common for my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-134330 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:40:27 +0000 mrbee 134330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@purrpletulips: I can definitely see how that would be frustrating!</p> <p>Would it bother him as much if it was his family taking your LO to the zoo, instead of your family? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-134282 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:08:18 +0000 purrpletulips 134282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jumprope: both DH and I work outside of the home so many of LO's actual firsts happened at daycare when neither of us were there.</p> <p>Thanks everyone for the input. I guess my frustration is that I can't predict what DH will see as a "first" (there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it); to me we've already been to the zoo multiple times with LO so I never would have considered this a first. It also doesn't help that he waits until shortly before an event (after plans have been put into place) to mention that it bothers him, despite having been told that it was a possibility weeks before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-134253 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 14:38:03 +0000 heffalump 134253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always ask dh before doing any firsts. He cant swim right now because he has a colostomy, so I didn't know that the first trip to the pool would be important to him. But it was so I waited for him. If its reasonable to wait, I do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-134120 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:11:50 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 134120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a SAHM,and I feel really awful that Mr. Jumper misses a lot of firsts. He was at work when Little Jumper sat up for the first time on he own.</p> <p>He was home when she giggled for the first time, and crawled for the first time. We even caught the moments on video -- we were taping her doing something cute, and she just so happened to do both things while the camera was rolling! </p> <p>He was so, so, soooo excited to see her do those things that it breaks my heart when he doesn't get to see her accomplish other things.</p> <p>So, yes -- I would want my husband to experience a "first", even if it's a spin-off of another first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-134106 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:05:50 +0000 Lozza 134106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I don't really get the preoccupation with "firsts" unless it's an "only." Like, we'll both want to be there for graduations and weddings and championship games, because those don't get repeated. But honestly, we didn't care about missing first steps, or first visits to an event or location that we'll visit again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-133777 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 09:51:58 +0000 T.H.O.U. 133777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if its something thats really important to him, even if you don't understand why, you should try to take his feelings into account. Obviously realize both parents at some point may miss out on some "firsts" but if there are important ones you should try! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-133693 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 08:30:55 +0000 volksgirl64 133693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are things that DH &amp; I make sure we're both around for, like we've been putting off her first haircut so that we're both there. And as silly as it seems, I wanted to go to her first dentist appt but it didn't work out. There will be things that you want to be present for in the future so I don't think it's a bad thing to compromise now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-133684 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 08:21:55 +0000 Grace 133684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You know, you hear so many stories of dads who don't have much to do with their children. Either they work too hard or they don't know what to do with them or they are out-and-out deadbeats. This is so nice. He wants to spend time with his family AND he's carving out time to do it. It sounds like a good thing to me. As for future conflicts, I say take them as they come. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-133682 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 08:15:44 +0000 purrpletulips 133682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tequiero21: I have no problem humoring him in this situation (I love the zoo) however I just see this going on and on as LO grows. Maybe after #2 arrives in Sept it will be better because we can divide and conquer allowing him many "firsts" again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-133675 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 08:11:23 +0000 tequiero21 133675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He may be a lil over sensitive in his situation, for lack of a better word, but I'd prolly humor him because I think it's very sweet that he wants to be involved and doesn't want to miss big moments... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-133670 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 08:07:12 +0000 MamaMoose 133670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would agree with you that he's being a little dramatic on this one.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-133669 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 08:07:10 +0000 regberadaisy 133669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>awww...I think it's so sweet that he does not want to miss out!</p> <p>Even though you might not feel it's a "first" to him it is. I think you might feel differently if the tables were reversed and you were missing out on something you felt was "first" but he does not?</p> <p>And I do agree with him, there's a different experience going to the zoo when you will see the wonder in your child's eyes as she recognizes animals. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/missing-out-on-first#post-133655 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 07:56:21 +0000 purrpletulips 133655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO and I will be spending an upcoming weekend with my family (parents, sister, niece and nephew). During this visit my family is planning to take a trip to the zoo. DH is upset that we are doing this because he won't be with us. While this isn't LO's first trip to the zoo it is the first time she will be able to identify and somewhat articulate what animals she sees (mostly by making their sounds). </p> <p>His solution is to squeeze a family trip to the zoo before the upcoming trip so he can share this experience with her.</p> <p>Is it wrong that I don't necessarily agree with his being upset given that it isn't really a "first" trip. Do you hold off on experiences so that your DH can participate? </p> <p>I just can't see this always working out as LO grows and that there are going to be things that we each miss out on. </p>