https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 17:46:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830624 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 09:21:08 +0000 lunalove20 2830624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: Thanks! My son is one so I am a newer mommy -- but you are right planning the day (loosely)really does help :) and taking time for self care is so beneficial! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830623 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 09:19:01 +0000 lunalove20 2830623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: Thanks Becky! You are absolutely right!! It is so important children learn about household chores and activities and help as soon as their older -- actually my son is only one but since I will fold laundry with him there we have started this game where he passes me clothes out of basket while I fold and he thinks it so funny :) does take longer this way but thats okay! I love how you mentioned using nap time to read or do something indulgent and in the long run prevent burn out which makes for a happier mommy :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830616 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 08:51:31 +0000 looch 2830616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Guilt is a weird thing for me...I fully admit that I sometimes do things out of guilt and what's important is that I recognize I am not a failure if I do have those feelings. I don't find it particularly useful to dwell on whether or not guilt is a real thing, I find it more constructive to look at my feelings and behaviors and ask for help where possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830611 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 08:37:30 +0000 snowjewelz 2830611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lunalove20: I am 100% like you too. My anxiety and stress build up along with a dirty/messy house. It's all about treading that fine line of balance :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830610 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 08:35:30 +0000 lunalove20 2830610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks to everyone who responded! Everyone offered some great advice I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and tips with me :) My son is 1 so I am a newer mom based on what you guys said with time and experience and more kiddos I will get there lol </p> <p>Actually, ironically after I posted here I would say yesterday was one of my best balanced days yet we went for a nice walk to the park weather was beautiful :) plus I was able to do yoga during nap time and I even got in some meal prep and a made a dessert for after dinner during second nap lol based on how this morning started though lol i'll be happy if I mange to return my book to the library lol but its all about balance :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830609 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 08:30:27 +0000 lunalove20 2830609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: You are so right the kiddos grow so quickly and there will be plenty of time to organize, clean, etc -- I am just one of those people that actually find cleaning or cooking relaxing and feel so much calmer in a clean space but you are 100% right and like a lot of you said lower expectations a bit which I am getting better at :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830608 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 08:26:52 +0000 lunalove20 2830608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: Thanks!! I really appreciate your kind words!! You made so many great points :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830572 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 21:24:30 +0000 lamariniere 2830572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: @youboots: @wrkbrk: totally agree. I’ve always been a WAH mom, so when my LOs were very young, I was always there (even if was working). I did have a lot of mommy guilt when they were younger, but I’ve gotten over it. I agree that I t’s important for kids to learn how to entertain themselves and recognize that parents have other things they have to do. Also, I’m happy when my kids are bored from time to time. These days, there’s entertainment everywhere and I think it’s nice for them to have moments to just sit with their thoughts and not have yet another activity foisted upon them (mine are 7 and 4). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830558 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 18:11:22 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2830558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lunalove20: as a stay at home parent you don't have all day to do the chores or all day to be with the kids, because you have to do both. And when the kids are home that means all the meals that would be at school or wherever are at home, and all the messes that would be at school or wherever are at home, etc. Just do what you can. If you can fit exercise and whatever in to nap time I say go ahead and do it, because the rest of the day with kid/s can be exhausting. It's ok for them to entertain themselves and even be bored. It's ok! Sounds like you're doing great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830549 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 15:08:22 +0000 AnnabelleG 2830549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally relate! My mom is always telling me to "put on my own oxygen mask" first, because taking care of myself is one of the most important things I can do for my children. So if that's cleaning my floor instead of playing Legos or reading a book at naptime instead of cleaning, I try to do it without apology. And sometimes, the house is insane but I'd really just rather read them a book than pick up another toy! Sometimes it's difficult to know what I most need though. My sister also has this thing about "kids work" and "grown up work" time.<br /> Also, where oh where to we get this expectation that everything really has to get done? My floor will get dirty again tomorrow if I skip a day sweeping anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830548 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 14:45:18 +0000 wrkbrk 2830548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: This. I think I am the rarity in that I almost never feel guilty about motherhood. About work, yes, all the time, but almost never about how my son spends his days, etc. It helps that my spouse does a TON around the house, so I do have time to work, play with DS, get my pedicures every month, read, etc. But I look at DS (2.5) playing by himself as EXTREME LUCK - not with guilty eyes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830547 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 14:45:03 +0000 Dahlia 2830547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup! At the same time though, DD is excellent at playing by herself and I think that's largely because I sometimes ignore her to do other things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830494 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 11:11:23 +0000 snowjewelz 2830494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I WOH but I can relate! Mom guilt is so real! </p> <p>I have lowered my expectations on housework a lot since having kids. And one thing that I read somewhere that really stuck with me, is that my kids will eventually grow up and not be in the house as much or need me, and then I'll have all the time to clean/organize to my hearts desire, but then what. I try (key word TRY) to have healthy balance of needing do do certain things while the kids are there (and can't feel guilt about that; mommy is not there 100% of the day for you), I also learned to let some things go in order to spend time with my kids/DH. What I'm really bad about is self care still. I'd devote 100% of time split between family and chores, and maybe 1% of self care here and there... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830477 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 09:39:02 +0000 youboots 2830477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lunalove20: how old is your daughter? You may enjoy the memoir Bringing up Bebe. </p> <p>I feel very little guilt. My child is safe and warm, has clothes, food, and an enriched environment between home and preschool. I also just hang out during naptime- sometimes I will fold laundry while watching a show but that’s about it. I do not believe it is my job to entertain her every minute, she is good at playing alone. I agree with others that this guilt is a social construct- which is why I really enjoyed that book. Remember a happy Mom (whatever that looks like to you) contributes to the way a child sees the world. Take care of yourself. Forgive the messes. And if going off to the library or park is what you want then do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830476 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 09:21:37 +0000 bhbee 2830476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: so true about helping more as they get older! My 3yo mostly does stuff like help empty the dishwasher or move laundry around, but my 6yo told me this morning that there were too many crumbs under the table and she wanted to vacuum! I was like heck yes go for it. :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830469 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 08:37:59 +0000 Becky 2830469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think feeling this way is pretty new. If it was 50 years ago few of us would have felt guilty about not taking our kids to the park. We also have very separate kid and adult worlds in our culture while many others involve kids in the day to day. I think cooking and cleaning while your kids are awake can help them learn about daily activities, plus prepare them for when they will be on their own and doing their own laundry and cooking their own food. If you don’t take a break while they’re napping sometimes you’ll end up burnt out. Plus those of us who work get a lunch break (of course we use it to run errands sometimes but we have the option to take a real break).</p> <p>Something I’ll add is that I had way more interest and desire in playing with DD1 at all times when she was little than I ever had with DD2. But I’m muchmore ok now with telling them to go do something else when I’m cooking,/cleaning or letting them be involved when I’m cooking/cleaning. Also, not sure how old your child is but once they’re 3.5 it’s a world of difference in how they can help you do things (and they can mostly entertain themselves while you’re cleaning and cooking so you can have time to yourself during nap time). I work FT and in the past 6 months have finally gotten to the point where just because I’m home I don’t feel like I need to be cleaning at all times. Sometimes when both girls are napping I’ll just read or something which feels super indulgent but I’m ok with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830464 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 08:12:10 +0000 Ajsmommy 2830464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @bhbee: that the guilt is just part of parenting I think. Pretty much everyone I talk to (mommy's that is) have something they have guilt about. I have it pretty regularly bc DD always wants to "do something"... like go to the park or go on a walk or go to the pool. And honestly sometimes there's just no time with WOH, commuting and then DS goes to bed at 630. I try to do as much as we can but sometimes we just can't. And I do feel bad.... but sometimes dinner and baths take precedence over DD's wishes and that's just the way it has to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830461 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 08:10:08 +0000 erinbaderin 2830461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to remember that it’s really good for our kids to learn how to entertain themselves, and to recognize that other people also have needs and desires that need to be met. To this end, I think it’s great to sometimes say “ok, Mom needs 20 minutes to vacuum and then we’ll play” and stick to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830459 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 08:01:49 +0000 bhbee 2830459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can relate! at this point I’ve gotten better about pressuring myself but guilt is just part of parenting I think. I don’t know how old your LO is but I think part of it was time ... my second got old enough to play with the first and they can play independently (which my first never does by herself, second does though). So that helped in itself. </p> <p>Would it help to schedule your day? I definitely do that, loosely, every morning. Like plan the activity you want to do with LO for a certain time, write out your chores for the day etc, figure out how to fit it in. Remind yourself that solo play (or helping you with chores) is good for them. And give yourself grace when it doesn’t go as planned because it’s hard!! </p> <p>Also on taking time for yourself - it’s a good investment in making you a better parent the rest of the time. Again it took me a long time to get there but I am a believer now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830458 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 08:00:11 +0000 MrsBucky 2830458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don’t know how old your LO is, but while I used to feel the same way, and sometimes still do, I’ve mostly accepted that it’s important for kids to know that a family has multiple people with needs that have to be prioritized. Often it will be the kid/s, but parents have legitimate needs to, as does the family as a whole/ the Home. Especially for kids without siblings (yet/ at all) it’s important to learn that, so I make a point to prioritize my needs sometimes within reason, too. Plus, it’s important for kids to be bored sometimes, too! It helps their brain development and sense of exploration/ creativity! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-guilt-1#post-2830450 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 07:31:19 +0000 lunalove20 2830450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lately I have been feeling so much 'mom guilt' if I use certain times of the day to say clean up around the house or meal prep instead of taking my little one to the park, outside in the pool or early years centre to play ... I'm feeling there are just not enough hours in the day sometimes ~ I will use nap time to catch up but honestly sometimes I just want to use that time for myself to do some yoga or shower lol and then I feel guilty about that! Can anybody else relate!? or have any advice for me ~ I am also a stay at home mom so I put extra press on myself that there are no excuses to not get things done because I technically have the whole day ... </p>