https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 23:18:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-visiting-and-im-being-sensitive#post-217565 Wed, 11 Jul 2012 13:08:13 +0000 Shutterbug 217565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's frustrating, and totally nonsensical - you tell her you just got a bunch of zucchinis, so she brings 6 more?? My grandmother used to do this to my mom - come over with a big bag full of junk food when she didn't ever allow that stuff - it drove my mom nuts (and it was her MIL, so she never stood up to her about it). Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-visiting-and-im-being-sensitive#post-217562 Wed, 11 Jul 2012 13:05:31 +0000 Honeybee 217562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you one of my sisters? Seriously, you just described my mom. When it was just me and DH it wasn't so bad; she would bring tons of food that we often redistributed (to our neighbor who has a teenage son with a bottomless pit of a stomach) or to our local food bank (for overflow foods). Once we had DD, though, she became completely crazy! We see her once every 3-4 weeks, and she usually brings DD (and now DS) clothes, books, and toys at every single visit. I've talked to her before about not bringing so much stuff for the kids, and I thought she was getting better; until I found out out two weeks ago that most of the gifts she claims are from other family members are actually from her. Sigh.</p> <p>Anyway, I don't think our moms mean to offend us, but they're trying to maintain some kind of connection. I really think my mom misses me and misses being "needed" which is why she is always trying to "provide" for me. I try to remind her that I still need her emotionally, albeit not financially/materially. It's just a big shift (especially since two of my sisters are still financially dependent on her and my dad), so I'm trying to be patient and remember that this a process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-visiting-and-im-being-sensitive#post-217560 Wed, 11 Jul 2012 13:03:56 +0000 Maysprout 217560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rachel: most of it's not ready made. Like we joined a CSA and I said we had just gotten a bunch of zucchini's, so she brought 6 more. And the meat isn't cooked, ti's just something we don't eat. I mean I do think she thinks shes' being helpful but I've asked several times that she not bring so much stuff, that we don't have a place for it and the dogs get to it and she doesn't seem to take it seriously. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-visiting-and-im-being-sensitive#post-217557 Wed, 11 Jul 2012 13:01:36 +0000 Shutterbug 217557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oof. Maybe she thinks she's being helpful by bringing "ready-made" stuff so you don't have to cook? If I were you I'd just say thanks and then bring it all to a food pantry when she leaves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mom-visiting-and-im-being-sensitive#post-217510 Wed, 11 Jul 2012 12:38:38 +0000 Maysprout 217510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom always brings 'gifts' when she comes - way too much stuff that we don't have room for or already have in our smallish house. The last few times it's been food, like enough to fill several refrigerators. I have no idea where she thinks we're going to put all of it - it ends up spoiling and sitting out and the dogs steal it because it's sitting out and it just stresses me out. This time though I got really upset - it was stuff like 5 lbs of meat (we're vegetarian), jars of Prego (I've made our own tomato sauces for probably the last 5 years), and just a bunch of stuff we already have. I have 8 loaves of bread now - thankfully we just moved so my freezer was somewhat empty. Then she wouldn't eat lunch, maybe she wasn't hungry but I was starving so I ate my homemade lunch in front of her, it was awkward.</p> <p>I'm being sensitive and interpreting her need to bring tons of food, despite me asking numerous times not to, that she thinks we're poorly off. We don't make a lot of $$ but one thing we do is eat well and I spend a lot of time cooking so it just feels like a slap in the face. </p> <p>So now it's an awkward visit, she thinks I'm ungrateful and I think she's being a bad guest. </p>