https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 16 Jun 2026 11:29:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777353 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 21:15:14 +0000 LemonJack 2777353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD2 is four months old, and the transition has been super smooth. We're lucky! We did a lot to prepare DD1 for the baby's arrival, but I think we also just got lucky in that the baby is easygoing.</p> <p>Some things we did to prepare were:<br /> -read big sister books constantly and talked about what a baby is like (crying, etc.)<br /> -bought a gift for the baby to "give" to DD1 in the hospital (a book and stuffed baby Margaret from Daniel Tiger)<br /> -switched to having DH do DD1's nighttime routine alone a couple of months before the baby arrived. This gave her time to adjust before the baby came.</p> <p>When DD2 arrived we tried to give big sister a lot of extra attention and praise, especially when she was interacting nicely with the baby. When we couldn't do something because of the baby we wouldn't ever say that. So, instead of "the baby is tired so we're going to have to be quiet", I'd say, "mommy really needs it to be quiet because it's too loud for me". We didn't want her to be resentful of her sister. At this point we don't need to do that much anymore.</p> <p>Sending big sibling to daycare or preschool would be ideal, but it's not terrible if you are home with both! I'm a teacher and our girls go to a daycare that's only open during the school year. DD2 was born at the end of the year, so I had both girls home with me all summer. Although it wasn't ideal, I actually did end up liking it as it forced me to get up and out of the house and into a routine quicker. DD1 would have gone stir crazy at home all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777320 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 19:33:27 +0000 bees_knees 2777320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tanjowen: just a suggestion, but also prep him on what it will be like for when you're having the baby...ie you'll be in the hospital overnight while the dr helps you have the baby, so-and-so will stay with him, he can come visit and meet his new baby, etc. Also, I made sure to mention the baby every now and then, but really didn't amp it up until we got closer to the due date--a couple months to a preschooler can seem like an eternity! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777312 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 19:00:34 +0000 Tanjowen 2777312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im reading these and realizing I am not prepping our son very well in terms of reading about baby or what to expect. Off to order some books and starting that now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777251 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 14:26:39 +0000 nana87 2777251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others who've said going from 0 to 1 was harder than 1 to 2! Echoing other posts, babywearing, keeping routines as close to "normal" as possible, and giving lo1 special tasks to "help" are all useful. I found that lo1 LOVED her sister even though she was mad that I couldn't always be there for her the second she needed something (lots of "no I need you first!" yelling for me about inconsequential things while I was in the middle of nursing). She sat with me while I nursed a lot, playing games or looking at pics on my phone. </p> <p>Also, what I really think helped was really talking to lo1 before lo2 was born about what will change, what the baby will be like, how we take care of the baby, where the baby will sleep, etc etc etc. We read a LOT of new baby books, she played with baby dolls, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777236 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 13:47:29 +0000 cyndistar3 2777236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a 3 1/2 year age gap and it was great, dd was super helpful and rather understanding when dd2 came, I think the only real hard part from my 1 to 2 transition was having a c/s, it really made me limited to what I could do. I agree with meal planning, make freezer meals if you can. Don't be afraid to accept help, believe me it's not worth it lol. Now I'm expecting #4 and it doesn't even worry me adding another lol. Just take it easy and don't stress about the mess that will most likely take place for the first few weeks or so. For me my biggest worry is getting ahead in school before baby is born because we homeschool so we will probably be taking a break for a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777156 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 11:05:42 +0000 gingerbebe 2777156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh yeah, before each kid arrived, we assigned tasks and chores to each person. </p> <p>Leading up to DS2 being born, DH took over any and all night wakings for DS1 (which were few), started pretty exclusively putting DS1 to bed, and got him dressed and up to school in the mornings. I'd say we started this about halfway through my pregnancy. We have always worked hard against parental preference, but we wanted to cement that in there. DH and DS1 did a lot of one on one bonding together during my pregnancy both to give me rest and to just make it normal to spend a lot of time outside with daddy. They had routine and regular park dates. This made it so that by the time DS2 came around, nothing seemed too weird about hanging out with dad all the time. </p> <p>After DS2 was born, DH was in charge of bottle and pump washing, dishes, garbage, folding laundry, doing grocery runs for me, cleaning out the Diaper Genie, bathing the baby, and giving him his dreamfeed at 1030pm. DH would obviously help in the MOTN if I was dead exhausted, but for the most part, I handled them. But DH got DS up and out of the house in the morning and either took him to school or out to play so I could snooze with the baby and catch up on some sleep in the morning hours. He also organized/cleaned up DS1's toys in the evening. Having these tasks pre-ordained made it so that we knew what we were doing most of the time and a lot of it was auto-pilot. It was obviously a lot of extra work, but we got through it.</p> <p>Oh, and we got a Roomba. It entertained DS1 to no end and it kept things picked up between housecleaner visits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777151 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 10:49:19 +0000 ShootingStar 2777151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: We have a 2y9m gap and it has been really good. My tips would be to make sure that your LO1 is potty trained and can mostly dress themselves. When you have a baby again you'll realize how independent your son is. My son could dress himself, didn't need diapers changed, could feed himself, could independently play or get his tablet and watch it. And now at 13.5 months and almost 4, they can play together and they have a really close relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777150 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 10:43:08 +0000 Corduroy 2777150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tanjowen: My biggest tip is doing what you can to get your partner to be a 50/50 partner or 100/100 partner. DH and I talked in advance about how much I would need him. He seemed to understand but he was still blindsided by the adjustment. He felt that the change from 1 to 2 was enormous. I thought 0 to 1 was much harder. Eventually his shock and exhaustion started to weigh on me more than #2. In retrospect I wish I was more patient with him as he stepped up to the challenge of 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777137 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 09:40:40 +0000 MrsADS 2777137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm soooo scared :crying: I think in the long run it will be good but I am terrified of the first year. My son will be 2y8m if this baby is born when due.</p> <p>He was such a difficult baby - nonstop screaming due to colic, very severe reflux and mspi (well, not just milk and soy, I had to quit eating everything), a weeklong hospital stay and another ER visit due to his severe vomiting and apnea due to vomiting... it was truly a nightmare. I don't know how I can handle another baby like him and take care of a 2 year old at the same time. I am just praying baby #2 will be easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777129 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 09:14:24 +0000 Beehive 2777129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that a 4 year age gap is wonderful! In a way, it's really brought out (or made us notice) how mature and capable our son is. There hasn't been any jealousy or vying for attention, and he understands that the baby needs our time for certain things (like eating) and is happy to play, and even to wait out her naps. He's even pretty good at keeping an eye on her if we're busy doing something - he'll let us know if something is happening and we need to hurry over (if she spits up while she's playing, for example). </p> <p>He loves her so much, and has really enjoyed having her to play with, even though she's only 8 months old and doesn't do anything yet. He will put on "puppet shows" with her stuffed animals, and he even builds towers of blocks and magnatiles for her to topple. It's the best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777109 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 08:22:05 +0000 Shantuck 2777109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The other perk of this age gap for us was that I didn’t need to worry about leaving the baby sleeping in the rock n play in order to run to the bathroom, hop in the shower, etc. because my bigger guy could be trusted to leave the baby alone. He was even helpful and would pop back in a fallen pacifier while I was doing dishes, etc. it really ended up being a great age gap!</p> <p>Also, I agree with @kemma. Even though it is winter, there are likely still easy fun things to do. Several museums and play cafes have nursing rooms or a quiet place to sit out of the way. I would nurse and feed my son lunch or give him the iPad. </p> <p>Also, don’t feel guilty about screen time. It’s just temporary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777076 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 01:43:55 +0000 Kemma 2777076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My best advice would be to get out of the house EVERY DAY. Even if it's just a walk around the block or a trip to the mall / grocery store / a friend's house, getting out makes such a difference! My loose routine was to get out and about in the morning then be home for lunch and afternoon naps d most days this worked really well for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777073 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 00:15:23 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2777073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Meowkers: exactly me! Same concerns. Our daughter will also be 3 and baby girl #2 is also due in February </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777064 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 23:09:23 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2777064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I think I might steal your master shopping list idea! Thanks for that. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777060 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 22:59:03 +0000 jhd 2777060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Loving all this great advice, especially from the mamas with a 4 year age gap. Ours will also be 4 years apart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777057 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 22:18:24 +0000 red_seattle 2777057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The 4 year age gap is great! To keep my 4 year old busy during nap time (when I was in baby's room), I would ask him to choose an activity: read, puzzle, play doh, etc. We'd go over the rules (stay in your room, then when I'm done, we have special 1 on 1 time.) I really tried to make naps our special time. Otherwise, I followed the advice above. </p> <p>Also-- my #2 was colicky (screamed-- not cried-- for 5-8 hours a day) for months. I cannot fathom how we would have survived with a smaller age gap. #1 was so self-sufficient, it saved us all. You're going to be fine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777043 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 21:00:46 +0000 Shantuck 2777043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a 4 year age gap last November when my second LO arrived. My older child was in full day preschool but really the transition was not nearly as difficult as I anticipated. The age gap means only one in diapers and your older kid will probably surprise you at being self sufficient. My big guy started dressing himself, getting himself snacks and drinks, turning on the iPad, etc while I was nursing the baby. Make sure various supplies are accessible to your older kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777042 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 20:59:35 +0000 bees_knees 2777042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I expected going from 1 to 2 to suuuuuck--but it was really awesome! We have a 2y3mo age gap between our boys, and DS1 adjusted SO well. I SAH and we don't do daycare/preschool, so he was home with me the whole time. We talked a lot about "his new baby", and read lots of big brother books (he liked "The New Baby" by Mercer Mayer" and "I'm a Big Brother" by Joanna Cole") He is a helper by nature, so it was fun for him to "help" by getting pacifiers, or blankets, or whatever. I made sure to use specific language like "DS2 is sooooo lucky to have YOU for a big brother!" and tried to (within reason) tend to DS1's needs before DS2's. Even if DS2 was perfectly content, I'd say "ok DS2, I'm going to help DS1 first and then I will be right there!" just so DS1 still felt like a priority. I channeled a lot of my inner Janet Lansbury (she has some great advice on welcoming a sibling!) and DS1 really responded well to that. I made sure to carve out some one on one time every day for just the two of us--usually this ended up being bedtime, while DH cared for DS2 (who usually screamed the whole time...) I agree with some extra screen time in the mornings...DS2 would nap while DS1 and I laid in bed and watched cartoons/napped. Take it easy on yourself--have low expectations and anything beyond that is just gravy! :wink: You can do it! The relationship between my boys is the most heartwarming thing, I am SO glad we were able to give him the gift of a sibling! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777034 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 20:30:36 +0000 gingerbebe 2777034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My boys are 20 months apart. </p> <p>We had a mommy's helper start coming the last few weeks of my pregnancy every other Saturday morning to play with DS1 and take him to the park. This gave me a break and got him to bond with the helper.</p> <p>I stepped up the helper hours after DS was born to every Saturday morning. That way I could sleep or just deal with the baby or meal prep for the week or something. DH was often working.</p> <p>We kept DS1 in school during the week. Gave me a chance to really bond with the baby and not blow up DS1's routine. Except his daycare shut down when DS2 was 6 weeks old so we either had the helper come some more in the mornings or we had him play in the yard while the baby napped or hung out in a spare PNP. </p> <p>We got a housecleaner twice a month. </p> <p>We did independent playtime for 45 minutes at a time in his room with a baby gate. DS1 did NOT like watching me feed the baby - nursing or bottle - so he would have to play himself while I fed. I watched him on the monitor in earshot.</p> <p>We did Mommy and Me dates during naps with DS1. Donuts, car washes, something simple. </p> <p>I had a master shopping list and I just circled things on it and handed it to my husband a few times a week. He would take DS1 as an adventure slash Daddy date and they would ride the car cart and get groceries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2777006 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 18:56:24 +0000 erinbaderin 2777006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For what it's worth, I found going from 0 to 1 much harder than going from 1 to 2. Keeping B in daycare really helped, I think, because I was able to focus on the baby during the day, get some rest, keep up with the house, prep dinner, etc and then when he got home I could focus on him. W was a great sleeper so actually I got more sleep the second time around. We read Waiting for Baby a lot before the baby came so B knew what to expect, and then once he arrived we switched to I'm a Big Brother. We did the same as @catlady: - grandparents came to our house and tried to keep his schedule the same (getting up, going to daycare) and my husband went home every evening to do dinner/bath/bedtime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776989 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 17:25:30 +0000 codeitall 2776989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: This is exactly what I was going to say.</p> <p>Something my mother recommended was giving your older child something to do when the baby is crying so they are 'helping'. Her friend had the older sibling hold the baby's hand if she started crying. You don't want them trying to help pick them up :silly: </p> <p>Mine are just 2 years apart, but we read some books about a new sibling coming home as well. I think those helped expectations.</p> <p>I also stocked up on snack bribes. Marshmallows, peanut butter crackers, jelly beans, etc. I just told myself it was temporary haha!</p> <p>I'd highly recommend babywearing with a wrap for the first month or so (sometimes it was the only thing that helped #2 go to sleep and we could still go on walks!) then switching to a structured carrier when you need.</p> <p>My last thought is a little controversial, but it worked for us, we were in a two bedroom and I'm a terrible grouch when sleep-deprived, so despite my best intentions of having #2 sleep in the pack in play in our room, she ended up in our bed. I got more sleep for sure those first couple months than I did with our first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776975 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 16:24:26 +0000 Tanjowen 2776975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>These are great everyone , thank You! Our son is in a 3 day a week babyschool (starts pre-K next year) so we will get a small break with him still attending after I give birth.</p> <p>I'm so worried about being able to give the 4 year old attention so it's nice to see all the advice on that issue! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776967 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 15:48:17 +0000 misolee 2776967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister in law gave me this advice and it helped with daughter when her brother was born at 3.5. </p> <p>Always try to put the first born first. Even if the baby cries a little bit, it's okay. Try to tend to the needs of the oldest first. Even if briefly. It will help them feel less neglected. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776957 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 15:24:52 +0000 hellobeeboston 2776957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tanjowen: ALSO.... I think I really would have LOVED to have had a 4 year age gap because my son at this age is OBSESSED with babies and he's just so much easier and more settled... So I bet it will be great for you :) And I actually found the transition from 1-2 much harder, but I think a lot of that was probably because A. My husband was traveling a ton, and B. I think age 3 is just a tough age, throw a new baby in and YIKES. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776954 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 15:20:08 +0000 josina 2776954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS was 2-1/2 when DD was born in February. He only went to daycare once a week.<br /> The best advice I got was from a nurse, who suggested having a basket/activity for older child that he only gets to play with while you're nursing.<br /> I would stock up on fun activities for older child, like play doh or paints, etc. Fun things that will keep him busy for longer periods when you're busy with baby.<br /> Also stock up on easy-meals, either make-ahead frozen foods, or just quick one-pot recipes.<br /> Screen time was great in the mornings, we'd all hang out in bed till 8 so I could catch some more sleep while DS watched Mickey Mouse or a movie. It also allowed me to take a shower ;) I just kept DD in the bathroom in the R&amp;P.</p> <p>I think I was prepared for it to go poorly with the addition of baby 2, but it went so well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776953 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 15:19:48 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2776953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Simplify what you can, keep things as consistent as possible for your older, and just anticipate age appropriate behaviors from both kids! It's OK if the baby is crying and the toddler is melting down. Take a deep breath and keep chugging along. Fwiw I found 0-1 WAY more difficult than 1-2! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776952 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 15:19:34 +0000 hellobeeboston 2776952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with everything @Ajsmommy: said!</p> <p>Absolutely 100% keep sending your older LO to school, it helps SO MUCH. My LO just turned 3 when little brother came along. He definitely had a hard time (but I would say that phase was like 4-6 months, now they're almost 5 and 2 and he is OBSESSED with him). </p> <p>We kept him going to daycare while I was on mat leave which was great. I would try to get dinner ready while he was still out so the night time wasn't too nuts, especially as that was fussy-hour for the babe. </p> <p>I will admit to letting older LO get a lot more screen time than I would have liked when it was just me and the two of them, but it kept me sane. My LO also had a lot of energy and we had an October baby so we were stuck inside.</p> <p>I also basically went to bed each night when the LOs went down. So I got some solid sleep then was up for feedings and could get started early and feel somewhat rested. Granted I didn't see DH for a while, but just in the beginning.</p> <p>My DH was traveling a lot at the time, and I had friends and family come and help me a lot, especially in the evenings. I also had a mothers helper type (high school girl across the street) come over and play with my older LO so I could get the baby settled and fed and asleep, then I could focus on his bed time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776947 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 15:00:46 +0000 bubblegum 2776947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ahhh the painful transition from 1 to 2! DS was almost 3, DD was born about 3 weeks before his birthday.</p> <p>Lower your exceptions and then lower them again!</p> <p>Waking up DD (youngest) for feeding gave me an extra hour of sleep because DS (oldest) would still be asleep</p> <p>Baby wear!</p> <p>ASK FOR HELP!!!!!!!!! I can't stress this enough! When I had DD I had just started a new semester of school and taking care of both kids left little time for school. I had to ask from help! Grandparents love some one on one, let them have it. </p> <p>Give yourself a break! DH gets home, take mommy time!</p> <p>Your oldest may very well act out BUT in most cases it's a phrase! DS was TOUGH the first month but now he adores his sissy.</p> <p>Welcome to the 2 or more club! We are all wonderful survivors and you will be too. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776944 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 14:54:32 +0000 ineebee 2776944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following. LO1 will be 3 when LO2 arrives, and I’m a SAHM and can’t quite afford daycare. He will only be eligible to start preschool (and part-time at that) when LO2 is five months old. So...I’m terrified. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moms-of-two-give-me-all-your-advice#post-2776939 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 14:48:10 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2776939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, give your oldest some "jobs". </p> <p>Especially at age 4 go ahead and start explaining things like the soft spot on a baby's head (no bones there) which is why you can't pat or hit the baby on the head. They dont have neck muscles so you have to help them hold their head up. They are going to have an umbilical cord stump, dont be scared of it but just like a scab its there to help the baby heal. Her job was often to cover the baby's legs up with a blanket or get a burp cloth (put a basket of these in an easy to reach place)&gt;</p> <p>Also, eventually we had a basket of "baby toys" so she knew that those toys were safe to hand to the baby. </p>