https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 09 May 2026 23:33:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/more-important-to-sah-if-you-dowill-before-or-after-lo-goes-to-school#post-345635 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 20:23:45 +0000 Ree723 345635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm...I don't know. I can see your point about it being more difficult to juggle the activities of a school aged child and an infant not remembering the early years anyway; however, I can't help but think about how the early years of a child's life are the most formative. Things that happen in a child's pre-verbal years shape a child's personality and behaviours in such a way that it is very difficult, if not impossible, to change somewhere down the road. For that reason alone, I want to be the primary caregiver (or DH if the situation was such that I was the primary breadwinner) who shapes how LO thinks and acts, as well as the values and morals she'll hold. I am not by any means saying this can't happen with a child who is in day care, but for us, it is important that one of us be at home with our LO for the first few years. </p> <p>I agree though about it being difficult to keep tabs on your child once they're school age, but I guess I think that with adequate arrangements and precautions, it is manageable. My mom was a teacher so we had a couple of hours after school that we were alone - until we were 12, we stayed at a friend's house until she picked us up. Then once we were 12, we could stay home alone but if we violated mom's trust in any way, there was hell to pay....and none of us ever violated her trust. I hope to instill the same values in my children.</p> <p>Ideally though, when/if I return to work, it will be in a school setting so my hours won't be too different from the kids' hours and I'll still be able to spend a lot of time with them. </p> <p>Either way, it's a hard choice as there are definitely pros to staying at home with the kids at either point in time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/more-important-to-sah-if-you-dowill-before-or-after-lo-goes-to-school#post-345597 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:43:50 +0000 aprk 345597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a nanny until I was about 12 and then I was a latchkey kid until I went away to college. We are trying really hard to make it so that I can be home for the kids at every age, and maybe work part time once they are in school.</p> <p>It's hard no matter what the family's choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/more-important-to-sah-if-you-dowill-before-or-after-lo-goes-to-school#post-345579 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:29:31 +0000 blackbird 345579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Darn that sucks. In that case, she just has to make it work. And it's great that she's got her kid involved in stuff--she could just as easily say it's "too hard" and he wouldn't get to play sports. </p> <p>I just generally think it's crap that the women usually end up with all the burden, no matter what!</p> <p>Lots of kids are latchkey and grow up fine, though...I wonder if there's any data to prove that it's really *that* much more important to be home with them, though, or if it's really just what the family is comfortable with. Kinda like how there's no data to show that daycare babies are less/more adjusted than babies who didn't go to daycare, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/more-important-to-sah-if-you-dowill-before-or-after-lo-goes-to-school#post-345568 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:21:51 +0000 daniellemybelle 345568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: In the case of the second mom, she is a single mom, so it's all on her. Definitely makes it harder, though she is awesome about it. But honestly, you're right - even if his dad was in the picture, I'm not sure he would be as involved with homework, activities, etc... that's just the way it tends to go, unfortunately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/more-important-to-sah-if-you-dowill-before-or-after-lo-goes-to-school#post-345565 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:21:18 +0000 Andrea 345565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After. I want to be around after school. I don't want a nanny to pick my kids up so I would like to SAH later, not now. There will be homework and extra curriculars that I want to be there for. When they are small, they can just have fun at daycare and you can work a full day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/more-important-to-sah-if-you-dowill-before-or-after-lo-goes-to-school#post-345551 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:17:22 +0000 blackbird 345551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, my husband gets off work at 2:30 and I get off around 3:00 or 3:30, so I don't think this is a big deal at all for us. I'd rather try to find a job that is flexible. I would go bonkers from 9-3, at home. </p> <p>The moms may have it hard, but what are the dads doing? I think that's probably my biggest issue with all of this. It always seems to fall on the mom! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/more-important-to-sah-if-you-dowill-before-or-after-lo-goes-to-school#post-345538 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:14:15 +0000 autumnlove 345538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I will try to work part time or stay at home after they start school! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/more-important-to-sah-if-you-dowill-before-or-after-lo-goes-to-school#post-345533 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:13:14 +0000 daniellemybelle 345533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always thought that the most important time to be a SAHM is before your LO goes to school. They are the most fragile and dependent at that time, and it's just human biology to want to attend to the every need of your infant/toddler. It's also when you have the most time with them. If you stay at home when your LO is in school, they are away from you most of the day anyway. Sure, if you work full time you probably get off work later than they get out of school, but its just a few hours, rather than a full day.</p> <p>I've recently started to change my tune, however. I sit between two moms at work - one with an infant and one with a 12 year old. I think the mom of the infant has a lot to deal with - her LO has already been sick in one month of being back, she has to pump, and of course an infant is just very exhausting emotionally and physically. But I think the mom of the 12 year old has it harder. He's a latchkey kid - gets home at about 3pm and spends 3 hours alone until she gets home at 6pm. She has to arrange for people to take him to soccer practice, make sure he is doing his homework over the phone, worry about him being home alone, etc.</p> <p>All that to say, I almost think when you have a little baby, it doesn't make a HUGE difference if they are in daycare because they won't remember it! And their activities are obviously more limited. But once your kids are school aged and have so many things going on, it has to be really challenging to work full-time and miss out. Not to mention that the teen years are a critical time and I would worry about my child being unsupervised or not having enough time to guide them and connect with them. I really took for granted that my mom (SAHM) was there every day when we got home from school, and never missed an extracurricular activity.</p> <p>What say you? </p>