https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 19:07:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841635 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 15:32:24 +0000 crazydoglady 2841635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't address her specific comments and would just have a repeated phrase you can say any time she says ANYTHING related to eating:</p> <p>"This is how we've chosen to feed our children and it isn't open for discussion. Let's talk about something else." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841622 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 14:19:59 +0000 psw27 2841622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sigh. Man oh man..... I don't know what I would say to be honest. I'd like to think I'd give her a piece of my mind. The reality is that I'd probably just keep saying stuff in a polite way like, "I've decided to nurse." "My doctor doesn't recommend solids at this age." Or, in all honesty, I would just not nurse around her and I'd leave the room when I did want to nurse - not because I would feel uncomfortable nursing but because I wouldn't want to hear it and I'd rather be alone with my baby than around someone like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841600 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 13:29:39 +0000 pachamama 2841600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This enrages me for you. I will say in her time people really thought formula was better for babies (clearly stuff made in a factory was better than literal human-made, perfect temped milk??!) but if she came out from under her rock all research points to the benefits of breastfeeding.<br /> I couldn't say "You're making me uncomfortable" so I'd be more laid-back and passive aggressive about it ;-) "From what I've read and what my doctor told me, BFing is best so I'm gonna stick with it for a while &gt;&gt;fake smile&lt;&lt;" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841598 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 13:23:03 +0000 ElbieKay 2841598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I skipped reading the comments.</p> <p>I would tell her once, clearly, that this is not her call, the comments are unwelcome, and how you choose to feed your baby is none of her business. Then end the conversation or visit each time she brings it up again.</p> <p>She is being unsupportive. Breastfeeding is hard and requires a lot of support. I personally would not make room for someone who can’t respect or support my choices. Parenting is hard enough as it is! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841587 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 12:40:10 +0000 Pollywog 2841587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How old is your husband? When my MIL was a young nurse it was totally normal and expected to get the shot to dry up your milk. You weren't even asked about it. This was 45 years ago. If your husband is older then how you feed your baby is probably so foreign to her. My MIL was a huge lactivist and had to fight to breastfeed and still does things that make me roll my eyes.</p> <p>In your shoes I'd probably keep going as you are. It'll only be a few more months where you'll be mainly nursing. She likely will have no clue if you're nursing at night for another 2 years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841577 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 11:49:02 +0000 MaryM 2841577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also agree with @meganmp: 's response. </p> <p>My mom let me know that her own mother (they're both nurses) bound her boobs to help her milk dry up because formula was so easy and (at the time) thought to be "better" than breast milk. </p> <p>Think about how sure you are that breast is best. That's how sure you MIL is that formula is better. It's a no-win situation. </p> <p>I'd let your MIL know that she is making you uncomfortable. That you've chosen how your child will be fed for now, and it's not an open discussion. If she continues to judge your methods, you'll choose to not feed the baby around her, which will limit her time with the baby. </p> <p>If you need to, get DH on board. But maybe if you frame it as being related to the time she gets to see the baby, she might realize how it could affect her relationship? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841575 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 11:43:20 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2841575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: I find the idea of “filling up” and eating til you’re full very much cultural and old school. I have had to train DH and people that babysit for LO to accept his no/ I’m full. It’s okay to leave something on your plate. Babies know just how much they need when they drink breast milk too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841570 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 10:42:16 +0000 MrsBucky 2841570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally wouldn't approach it in a passive aggressive way or sarcastic way, as that would feel hurtful if someone dealt with me that way. I'd decide how to handle if based on what kind of relationship you want to have with your MIL. If you're not concerned with having a close relationship with her or don't think that's possible, I'd just ignore it, or handle it like you have been- responding to the question honestly and letting it drop and minimizing the times you spend with her where it could come up. If you're interested in being closer, I'd say something like @meganmp: recommended, which is neutral but honest. Maybe add something like "I know you don't mean to, but your commentary really makes me feel like you're judging choices I've made clear and am committed to. It's starting to bother me and I'd really appreciate if you could stop, since I'm sure that's not your intention." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841561 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 09:53:24 +0000 periwinklebee 2841561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This pretty much describes my MIL. In my case, I just ignore it and if she keeps pushing say "No, I'm going to feed him now. This is what we do, he likes it." "No, I'm not worried about blah blah..." "No, I don't think he needs more solids right now." "No, I'm not going to give him water instead of breastfeeding him." Etc. Just very polite but firm and matter-of-fact... She knows if she pushes too hard my husband will get angry, so that helps... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841543 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 09:08:49 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2841543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Had you ever said that to her directly before? If she still keeps at it, I agree with pp, just bluntly answer her questions. But also know that well educated women can have many reasons for not loving bf or thinking it wouldn't be enjoyable... I would keep those comments focused on this is what's happening (matter of fact) and not get caught up in why, personally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841526 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 08:29:26 +0000 kiddosc 2841526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think @meganmp: 's response is perfect. It's not snarky, it just clearly states that your'e uncomfortable with her comments and you're asking her to stop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841523 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 08:14:50 +0000 Mrsbells 2841523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CatchAFallingStar: I have found that this is cultural and cyclical. There was time maybe 20 to 30 years ago where things like breastfeeding, cloth diapering and midwives were thought to be not as sophisticated options as formula, disposable diapers and OBGYNs. My mom has such a love for formula and says she never trusts that breastmilk is really filing up the baby [eye roll] I try to educate her and overtime she is changing her views slightly.<br /> For a MIL situation it is trickier can you DH talk with her about being a bit more respectful of your choices? Even if she doesnt agree with them she should respect them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841522 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 08:11:02 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2841522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So not cool. I would absolutely say something in the moment and even go as far as saying something like ‘what you say makes me uncomfortable and it’s really none of your business. If you can’t keep your opinions to yourself, we won’t be able to have you around when baby is nursing’ That should be a wake up call. Since it’s your MIL I would have DH reinforce this as well as I think it comes across better/more forcefully from the parents child and presents a united front. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841520 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 08:10:15 +0000 Jennibenni 2841520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you’re not comfortable being super blunt/confrontational I would direct your comment to your baby in a sing songy/baby talk way and say something like “Oh, well we know better now, don’t we sweetie? Yes we do, yes we do!” </p> <p>Or you could address your MIL directly but kind of make a sarcastic joke like “Haha, well kids used to ride around in the floorboards too but now we know better!” </p> <p>But to answer your question, yes I would tell my husband If it’s something that’s bothering you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841507 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 07:25:38 +0000 Mama Bird 2841507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I'd definitely give her a straight-up talk as soon as she makes the next comment. And then ignore her. </p> <p>I got a lot of that from my mother and MIL. It was annoying, and I actually screwed up my supply the first time because I took some of their advice. Second time, I just rolled my eyes and did my own thing. I may have told them something like Great, I'm sure that worked for you, but my body is different and I either do it this way or my baby won't get any milk. Seems to have planted enough doubt in their minds that they backed off a little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841506 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 07:04:07 +0000 Ajsmommy 2841506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd personally be very blunt with her the next time she made a comment.... something like<br /> "I'm well aware of your position on bf'ing and I'm aware it wasn't for you, however I feel differently and your comments will not change that and quite frankly they make me uncomfortable so please stop, k? Thanks" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841504 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 06:51:29 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2841504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mother actually breastfed and around the three month mark made comments about it being time for me to stop, which I thought was rather strange. Everyone’s personal experience often colors their thoughts and opinions on what someone else does. </p> <p>Sounds your MIL is around a good bit, a “back off on how I am feeding my child” in the moment should startle her enough to realize how you’re receiving the comments. I’d still try to have a conversation about her behavior and why BFing is the right choice for you and your family. It may not make a difference then you all will have to call it a truce, but the comments must stop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841503 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 06:50:49 +0000 Chuckles 2841503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CatchAFallingStar: Yeah, I agree with pp's that since she's been so persistent with the comments, if you feel comfortable doing it, I would also say something along the lines of what @adira: or @meganmp: said. Basically, you've made your opinion known for a really long time. We just have to agree to disagree and please don't bring it up again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841501 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 06:33:42 +0000 Foodnerd81 2841501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CatchAFallingStar: I would be careful of being too judgy about her NOT breastfeeding- as I understand it there was a long time when it really was discouraged especially among women with more money. Not that that excuses her behavior now! </p> <p>I never got comments as harsh as that, but whenever I did get comments I just said I was going to keep going as long as it worked for me and baby and we were both enjoying it. But it doesn’t sound like that’s going to be enough to stop her. For the rice cereal comments I would point out that your pediatrician has specifically said not to do that now- you know better, you do better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841494 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 05:16:25 +0000 Adira 2841494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, that is soooooo frustrating! I got comments like this from my SIL and it was so annoying!</p> <p>If you can't just ignore her, can you say something like "The World Health Organization recommends nursing until 2 or later and I plan to follow that recommendation until the baby and I choose to stop. I don't need your opinions about it anymore." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841484 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 00:00:00 +0000 meganmp 2841484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is so uncool.</p> <p>Can you say exactly that? "We have different views. Your comments are making me uncomfortable and I am asking you to stop."</p> <p>I have the world's best MIL, so I am not sure if that is something anyone could say, but... maybe? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mother-in-law-wwyd#post-2841482 Thu, 23 Aug 2018 23:48:41 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2841482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mother-in-law is anti-breastfeeding. This has always been a surprise to me because her mom was a labor &amp; delivery nurse. Maybe back then breastfeeding was frowned upon (?). My MIL got some kind of shot with all three of her kids to prevent milk from coming in. I don’t understand why. She’s a very smart, well educated woman. </p> <p>Anyway... she has continuously made little comments and jabs at me for the last 3.5 years, since we had our first daughter. I breastfed her until I was pregnant with DD2, which was about 2.5 years. Imagine her dismay! </p> <p>Her latest comments pertain to my BFing DD2. “I think it’s about time to get her off the boob and onto solids.” “I fed my kids rice cereal by the time they were two weeks old.” (😳) And yesterday, while I was nursing my baby in her living room “aren’t you just getting tired of nursing?” I said “not at all...I love it.” </p> <p>Keep in mind DD2 is not even 6 months old yet. </p> <p>I’ve told my DH about her comments in the past and he gets furious at her and it stresses him out. I haven’t said anything to him about these recent little jabs. Would you? </p> <p>I’m getting to the point where I honestly just don’t want to be around her!! It makes me angry and uncomfortable that she not only has these opinions but that she can’t seem to keep them to herself. </p> <p>WWYD?! </p>