https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 08:28:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830738 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 14:04:04 +0000 shabang 2830738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'm more sensitive to criticism from my mom because I feel like she should be on my side and supportive. But, she's always telling me how to do things differently, weighing in on decisions I made for the kids, telling me I'm overly critical, and has a running commentary about how my life is so exhausting and overwhelming and I'm always doing too much because I work full time. I think it maybe comes from a good place(?), but I've reduced calls to once a week because I don't want to hear it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830715 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 13:15:16 +0000 Ajsmommy 2830715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't handle criticism well from anyone. So it goes to say that I don't take it well from my mom. That said I think it's just bc her and I are so vastly different and honestly I don't think she "knows" me or "gets" me. I know it's weird bc she's my mom but I truly feel like sometimes she doesnt' even know who I am.... So when she criticizes it just annoys me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830701 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 12:48:26 +0000 ElbieKay 2830701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: Haha I have a version of the same issue. I have always worked full time. My mom quit working when I was born and was a SAHM for almost two decades. Her home is usually more organized than mine is. But I find it sooooo tedious to deal with housework. Yawn. Someone can clean my house when I'm dead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830605 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 08:10:52 +0000 Adira 2830605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't vote, because I'm not sure. I think I'm definitely sensitive in general, and more sensitive about parenting decisions than anything else, but my mom is actually really good about not being that critical and taking my lead. She rarely says anything I find offensive! My SMIL on the other hand... don't get me started... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830601 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 08:01:20 +0000 PurplePumps 2830601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My baby hasn't been born yet, so my mom hasn't been spending a TON of time at my house, but every time she and my dad come over, there is always some comment about something. Honestly for me, it doesn't bother me at all. I have my way of doing things, and they have theirs. I do things the best that I can for my household. My mom was a SAHM (granted with 4 kids, so I'm sure it wasn't a breeze), but I'm out of the house 10+ hours a day at work right now... so even without a child to look after yet, it isn't a lot of time each evening to unwind. </p> <p>A lot of things she says, my response is just (kind of jokingly, but truthfully) "I ain't got time for that shit!". The other day they came over to pick us up for a weekend trip. I had just cleared the sink and then found a few more dishes my husband left in the office so I just left it in the sink. She makes a comment about why I don't just wash them so they don't sit there for the next 2 days. I'm like, they usually sit there longer than that even when I'm home! She goes, why not just do them. "I ain't got time for that shit!". My dad was over last night to drop off something he borrowed and saw me making a very lazy dinner (prepackaged ravioli and Costco meatballs). He's like, not home made meatballs from scratch, isn't it easy to make! "I ain't got time for that shit!". I just let the critiques/criticism/comments, whatever they are roll off my back. I love and respect them, but I'm not their carbon copy. My way works for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830562 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 19:21:31 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2830562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely I take criticism from my mom worse than from anyone else. Though I take it a different way than a few have mentioned. It’s because I am so close with her and respect her opinion that it hits close to home. I also feel we can get snippy and mean to each other as we have a very open and comfortable relationship. Growing up I always butted heads with my dad but as an adult, much more with my mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830559 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 18:14:49 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2830559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In a way more because I know she is usually right because she knows me the best (besides my husband.) But in a way a lot less because she's always been so honest that some things I think are just different preferences, so I ignore those. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830550 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 15:08:32 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2830550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and I rarely have a conversation where someone’s is not left feeling misunderstood or upset. Even little innocuous things grate me. I sometimes wish I could plan out her response and then their would be peace. She’s getting better about biting her tongue, but then the truth comes out. For example I told her how my SIL prepared a snack for LO and she didn’t put much on the plate. Well my mom proceeds to tell me she thinks I have always given LO too much food. So for over 2 years she kept that to herself. Ahh! For the record I do not make LO clean his plate, but I still could be causing harm. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830546 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 14:42:20 +0000 bhbee 2830546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: “comments that she probably thinks are helpful, but that I view as a criticism” YES</p> <p>The weird thing is it’s driven me more crazy over time than when I first became a mom. I can’t tell if she’s getting more judgmental or I’m more tired and more sensitive (or probably both). It also gets to me that she totally tip toes around my SIL (at least to her face). I get why, it just makes the comments to me grate more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830545 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 14:40:32 +0000 ElbieKay 2830545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband says it best: My mother likes to "major in minors". She has vented to me about the type of sippy cup I buy. She also does not actually listen when I turn her down or don't take her advice / suggestions. We were at her house last Saturday and she asked if we wanted to take home leftovers. We said no approx 5 times and finally wound up taking some food. It sat in our fridge for a week and then we threw it out. (We had just done a full shopping and had planned for the week.)</p> <p>She is unable to recognize that we have different perspectives / priorities. She's always been this way, and I find it infuriating. So I guess in a way you could say that I am hypersensitive to her "criticism" but it's really because she ignores what I have to say in favor of the preferred image that apparently lives in her head.</p> <p>When I was pregnant with my son, I was very hung up on the high c-section rate in the U.S. and trying to find a provider who would give me a good shot at a vaginal delivery. She kept telling me that she was only in labor with me for three hours so I didn't have anything to worry about. (Note: I was in labor for 23 hours and finally got an epidural after 17 hours when I was at 9.5 cm.) Then when she visited us in the hospital for the second day in a row, she commented that my son looked more alert than the previous day and said that it was probably because all the drugs from epidural must have worn off.</p> <p>Basically, she can't filter through any lens other than her own. I don't have the energy for that most of the time so I lose my patience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830528 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 13:12:45 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2830528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, yes, absolutely. And after nearly ruining our relationship in the first 18 months after LO was born, I've learned how to manage and deal with it. I don't say that critically at all, because I totally get where it comes from, but having lived it and having come really close to our relationship breaking, I just realized where it is and isn't worth reacting (and that's REALLY hard for me). </p> <p>My mom is very blunt. Super blunt. And I've spent a lot of time feeling like I had to correct and apologize for her around other people, even though no one ever really thought that way, it was mostly my own issue. When LO was born, I intentionally didn't have my mom come for a few weeks, not wanting to deal with her sometimes overbearing helpfulness. Worst decision ever, as I was recovering from a c-section, dealing with a NICU premie, and really could have used her by my side. I then spent those 12-18 months rejecting EVERYTHING my mom told me, almost on principle. In hindsight it was also a major sign of PPD/PPA, but these are not concepts she resonates with (older world Russian woman), so it was hard to explain after the fact. At one point my strong reactions and rejections literally sent her to the hospital with a panic attack (my dad told me 6 months after it happened). I ruined her 60th birthday by refusing to enjoy myself because of LO's sleep schedule, that I obsessed over. It was just bad. So after we had a big get-it-out conversation around LO's 18 month birthday (and thank God my mom cared enough, after all I put her through, to even have it with me), I resolved to work harder at letting it go, remembering that it all comes from a good place of helpfulness, not her thinking me completely incompetent, and picking my battles. And I worked through a lot of this with a therapist as well, and it's helped a ton, frankly. My mom and my daughter have an amazing relationship, I am much calmer, and when I do react, I keep myself in check. Case in point, LO got strep this weekend so my mom starts sending me a litany of things to do via text, all of which I already know. A few years ago, I would have snapped at her about thinking me incompetent. This time I took a deep breath, reminded myself she just cares and doesn't really think about how she's coming off, and we had a casual chat and I moved on, rather than it becoming a huge fight. I feel you, more than I can really relay, but I'd also urge you to just be more selective with what you discuss, and temper your own reactions. You won't teach her new tricks, but you can help yourself manage it better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830526 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 13:05:02 +0000 nana87 2830526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was very, very sensitive about criticism from her mother so she’s really careful about not being critical. I’m more sensitive to her dismissing my concerns or changing the subject when something is bothering me or a big deal to me. Like, when I had a miscarriage in between lo1 and lo2, she blew past my sadness and was just like “oh you guys are ttc again? Yayyyy!” :shocked:</p> <p>Eta I AM very sensitive about my mil though too. She’s usually better about not critiquing me but she is so critical of dh and sil, I know she’s judging me even if it’s filtered. She’s very passive aggressive too </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830525 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 13:01:19 +0000 ineebee 2830525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: Yes, this exactly!</p> <p>@codeitall: Omg, so I’m a SAHM and my mom was also, and I get SOOO many comments about how great and wonderful it is... And I almost feel like it’s PRE-criticism because I do plan on going back to work in a few years haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830521 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 12:54:51 +0000 codeitall 2830521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have any translation issues, but we butted heads a lot in my teenage and college years, so I've learned the art of avoiding direct conflict with her.</p> <p>My mother is a SAHM and while I intended to be one for a long time, I've now been working for 6 years and don't really know if I ever will be a SAHM.</p> <p>I'd say most of our challenges are driven by that last fact. I purposely don't tell her that I have groceries delivered every week and now I have my house cleaned twice a week. Or that DH has been getting the kids a happy meal on the way home from daycare when he doesn't feel like cooking them something... :bummed: </p> <p>On some levels she understands that my most precious commodity is time, but she just can't stop making comments that she probably thinks are helpful, but that I view as a criticism.</p> <p>I'm much more careful now about what I complain to her about and ask for her advice on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830520 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 12:52:52 +0000 Sams Mom 2830520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends on what it is about, but I absolutely snap at my mom over things sometimes that if anyone else said it I would have taken it much better. </p> <p>I love my mom, she's great, but she has this uncanny ability to drive me absolutely batshit crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-and-daughters-hyper-sensitivity-about-criticism#post-2830518 Mon, 25 Jun 2018 12:45:26 +0000 ineebee 2830518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is super supportive, loving and is the best mom I could ask for. But I'm insecure about some of the ways I run my household around her, and these are the areas where certain seemingly innocuous comments she makes sets me off and it feels like she's criticizing me. I brought it up for the first time with her today, and she immediately shot back - very uncharacteristically - and told me that I'm just way too sensitive. </p> <p>I told her that it's common for daughters to feel criticized by their mothers (even if they're not criticizing!), but it didn't seem to matter that much to her. Shrug.</p> <p>So I'm wondering just how common it is: Do you feel like you're more sensitive to criticism from your mother?</p> <p>Also for those from immigrant families: Do you think that the language barrier, to the extent which it exists, plays a role in that? My mom speaks Korean and I speak English back to her, and sometimes the very indirect way things are worded in Korean make me shudder. </p>