https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 12:00:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844988 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 14:42:25 +0000 snowjewelz 2844988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: Ugh yes to the financial stress. One more year till DD1 goes to K and we can get a little relief but you are so right; I think I would just stay so stressed and anxious for so much longer with another one. And I'm finally starting to buy nicer clothes, nicer mom bags and finally talking about losing weight now that DD2 is almost 2! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844954 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 12:34:29 +0000 Lindsay05 2844954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: same exact situation. My husband is surprisingly more ok with it than I am. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844953 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 12:33:57 +0000 LCTBQE 2844953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: @Alba4: yep, all of these reasons are why we're similarly 99% done at 2 kids. I never really acknowledged my own temperament as a valid consideration until reading both of your responses right now (seriously!). I become really depressed and anxious with household chaos and financial stress that will be pretty intense once #2 starts daycare--and also would love to travel and be comfortable again before I'm 40 freaking years old. Plus, even though pregnancy is amazing and I was grateful to have no complications and easy births, I just don't want to do it again--I am so happy to be getting my body back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844933 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 11:47:38 +0000 snowjewelz 2844933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkb: What a roller coaster ride for sure! I am super excited for you but I totally get that now you're mourning the other way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844918 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 11:21:29 +0000 pinkb 2844918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt like this, I feel like I got thru the sadness of not having another about 6-8 months ago. (I took a long time though.) I was really looking forward to life with just 2 and figured we could revisit a 3rd in a couple years when the kids were older and both in elementary school. But I was so happy to start to think of the vacations and stuff we could do now that they kids aren't babies. But now we have a surprise #3 on board and I have had a hard time with the news, not gonna lie. Its gotten better and the kids are super excited. But now I feel Like I am mourning the loss of the life I thought we were going to have. So crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844914 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 11:09:07 +0000 birdofafeather 2844914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we are very happy with our 3 girls and don't wish for anyone else, but there was definitely a moment of mourning the son i'll never have for both myself and for DH. we assumed we'd have all girls and we love them beyond measure, but it would have been fun to have a boy too! but i am not cut out for 4 kids and even if we tried for a fourth, it would be no guarantee for a boy so i couldn't do it either way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844872 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 09:12:40 +0000 snowjewelz 2844872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dolphin: So crazy and what a blessing! My arbitrary deadline is Jan too, we're loosely preventing tho, so it's more like if we actually want to go for it and see what happens... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844868 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 09:08:18 +0000 dolphin 2844868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: we were not trying, not preventing for 3 months. we said that if we get pregnant by Jan 1 we would embrace it but if not, then we're done. I needed to move on one way or another and I would be okay with that (at least I was telling myself that). Next week we're celebrating my number 3's first birthday. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844852 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 08:24:53 +0000 snowjewelz 2844852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dolphin: NOOO WAYYY LOL :grin: So were you just not trying not preventing and seeing what happens? Or actively trying but would stop past deadline? </p> <p>@Modern Daisy: I know! There are so many things that I've been like ok, let's wait till DD2 is X years old, and throwing a 3rd in will absolutely delay everything and re-start the time clock all over again </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844806 Wed, 12 Sep 2018 01:06:26 +0000 Calibee 2844806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want a third, but my husband is done. Going from one to two was shockingly easy for me. Probably because I was expecting it to be horrible and my baby slept (thank you, baby!). So I wonder if number three wouldn’t be so bad either. Or maybe it would be awful payback for two easy babies. </p> <p>I also have a very strong gender preference. Baby number two was not what I hoped for and I had an extremely hard time getting over it. I know I’m not “supposed to” admit that, but it’s true. And with pregnancy hormones on top of it, I probably should have been in therapy. I adore my child now—and could not imagine any other child being mine—but not sure if I could handle it again mentally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844788 Tue, 11 Sep 2018 19:53:29 +0000 Mamatimes3 2844788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m done with 3, but when I see pictures of newborns my heart just aches a bit. Realistically I’m at peace with 3. But I think a part of me will always just get a bit of sadness at knowing my baby stage is gone. The anticipation and excitement of a new baby is wonderful. And I love my kids so much! In fantasy land, I’d always want another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844615 Tue, 11 Sep 2018 05:09:57 +0000 Modern Daisy 2844615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally hear you. We have 2 and baby fever can be fierce at times, but we both really miss having personal time and get frustrated over how much work it is just to get through the weekend so I really don’t think delaying our freedom would be best for us. Like someone else mentioned we love to travel and this has already been put on hold for 5 years, if we had a 3rd I don’t know if we’d ever attempt it. But yeah even though logically I know we’re done I see a baby and I’m like aww I want one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844611 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 22:52:05 +0000 dolphin 2844611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt the same as you and gave myself a “deadline” too. If I don’t get pregnant by the date I will get rid of all baby stuff and close the baby chapter. Well what do you know I got knocked up with number 3 the last day on my deadline. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844604 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 21:25:03 +0000 AngelicOne 2844604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I hear you! We debated on having another, but I'll be 39 next month and I don't think I have it in me to do a newborn all over again. I think we're good with just M. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844524 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 15:02:04 +0000 Lindsay05 2844524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Mine are 6, 4.5 and 3.5 months. It hasn’t changed a whole lot yet. If anything just slowed us down a notch. I will admit I am a lot more relaxed now that I’m older. It also helps that the two older girls are quite independent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844522 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 14:46:53 +0000 snowjewelz 2844522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05: :crying: So true! I guess it's always sad whenever you're done. How is life with 3 girls with this age gap so far? My two now are 2 years apart also. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844518 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 14:38:58 +0000 Lindsay05 2844518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: awww I’m so sorry you are in this position. We just had our 3rd and final baby 3.5 months ago. I have been incredibly sad about being done with having babies. As much as I hate the wake ups and feedings, there’s just something sad about the finality of it all. I have cried so many days about small sleepers, small diapers, baby smells all being done with. I realize how lucky and grateful I am to have 3 amazing girls but it doesn’t change coming to terms with the end of this chapter. ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844511 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 14:10:40 +0000 snowjewelz 2844511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: Hehe you need to update your name to 3littlepumpkins! You are so right! Not babies anymore but not like they're helpful either, haha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844508 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 14:03:30 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2844508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I have three but I sometimes still can't believe the baby stages are ending as my third is just going through her first year SO FAST! I think it can be a little sad when all these other people are having babies but you are not only done with babies but not to the stage where perks like no more car seats and strollers and all that stuff. No advice here. I don't plan on any more kids and don't even want any more kids right now but I still can't convince myself to take any permanent measures. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844503 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 13:44:40 +0000 snowjewelz 2844503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cat620: That's what my sister in law did! Her youngest is a little over 3.5 years than her 2nd. </p> <p>@wrkbrk: Yes yes yes! Since we are not taking permanent measures, obv we can always try, or somehow a surprise can happen haha. It's just the metal/emotional part of it gets very tiring, always planning, calculating, thinking... </p> <p>@Alba4: I'm with you! If a 3rd came by surprise I def would welcome it and deem it "meant to be" :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844489 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 12:33:49 +0000 Alba4 2844489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have decided that we are two and through, although I often think about having a third. There are many rational reasons why I want to be done: I’m 38, I have 2 healthy children, my 2nd pregnancy was high risk and I was in bedrest for part of it, financially having a third would be challenging, we’d need a bigger car, paying for an additional 5 years of daycare would SUCK. But still thoughts of a third crosses my mind. I still don’t actually want a third, but if my IUD failed and I got pregnant, we’d keep the babe and just celebrate the “gift”. I work full time and don’t think I’ve got the personality to handle more on my plate, so we’re not going to actually try. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844484 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 11:49:47 +0000 wrkbrk 2844484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I completely understand the desire for a deadline beyond which you deem the decision made and dont think about it anymore! We are 99% one and done, but I still have our vials of sperm (sorry, TMI), and I wont really feel like the decision has been made until we donate them. I get it ... it's mental anguish! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844483 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 11:44:49 +0000 cat620 2844483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt the exact same as you for so long, not sure if I wanted to go for three or be happy with the two I had and move on with life. My youngest turned 3 in August, and that's when I finally felt ready to try for a third. I still feel sometimes like two would be easier, but I know that if I didn't go for the third, I may always wonder what would have been. I hope you can find peace whichever way you decide to go. There's no right or wrong answer - you do what's best for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844481 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 11:21:12 +0000 snowjewelz 2844481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Hahaha that is a great fantasy :wink: :silly: </p> <p>@josina: I know, the 2nd one keeps me on my toes as she's very cute but also very "spirited" :grin: It is easier when I think about all the logistical things that has to happen with 3 lol! Some days I'm def like, phew, I'm good! </p> <p>@crazydoglady: I so agree with you on every point you made, I def echo on the marriage part as "living our best life". Although the baby/toddler stage is short, I don't want to be constantly just "surviving" and putting myself/marriage on the backburner</p> <p>@Kaohinani: :heart: oh mama all the hard things you have been going through for so long! I've def never waited to for the right time to have either girls; I think it's more just to say ok we're done and move on and no longer have to wonder. I hope that you will find that sweet spot whether it's with 2 or 3 :heart: </p> <p>@Miss Ariel: I know! They are all at such cute stages now, although tiring, I keep feeling like I can have another! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844478 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 11:12:54 +0000 Miss Ariel 2844478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: @josina: I’m right there with you guys. Dh is sure he’s done, but I’d love another. I know the fist year with 2 was hard, and things are just starting to get easy again, but still. It doesn’t help that I had very easy pregnancies and births, part of me just can’t quite accept that I’ll never give birth again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844470 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 10:16:42 +0000 Kaohinani 2844470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel for you 100%. DH and I have been trying for #3 for 34 cycles. We have been labelled as having the dreaded, "unexplained secondary infertility." Nothing (absolutely NOTHING) can be found "wrong" with either one of us. It makes me feel helpless at times. Both my husband and I have always had the dream of THREE children as he is the youngest of 3 and I happen to be the eldest of 3. It is our magic number, I suppose. We keep going and going, month after month (* think Energizer bunny) and have made (and bypassed) deadlines multiple times. At this point, I don't know if I could function without TTC. With that stated, I'm a busy mama ... I teach, I train, I'm a mommy (most important job I've ever had), I'm a wife, and a military spouse (my husband was active duty but went reservist last year). I don't know how our lives WOULD shift IF we were to actually become blessed with a sticky BFP. I have always welcomed change and adventure. I believe that if one waits for the right time to have a baby, it will never happen, SOOO, I hope it is sooner than later (if at all). Of course, if it were never to happen, I have an amazing life with 2 beautiful children and an awesome husband so, in agreement with you, 2 is wonderful as well. 💜 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844467 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 10:03:25 +0000 crazydoglady 2844467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am very recently in this boat since DD was just born 3 days ago but, since the very beginning, DH has always wanted two and I wanted three. After having one LO, I realized my limitations and needs. For example, I get really resentful when things are unfair (responsibility wise) which would inevitably happen. Right now, DH takes one and I take the other and switch when needed. With a 3rd, it couldn't be that way. I also don't like chaos (neither does my husband) and I am not sure our marriage would be as good with 3. We want to travel, have flexibility, money which all seems easier with 2. TTC sucked both times and I don't want to be pregnant again so there is that. I worry about a 3rd being left out (which a mom of 3 warned me about.)<br /> So there is this part of me that longs for a 3rd in a wistful kind of way, but the logistics/realities make me feel very done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844462 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 09:41:27 +0000 josina 2844462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As usual, we're in the same situation, although DH does want to be done, I'm STILL not ready to commit 100% to being done. (although I did sell our infant car seat and bumbo, minor things but its a start).<br /> Most of the time I'm okay with being done because honestly these 2 are a LOT, lol. I get almost no alone time and the two of them are go-go-go. I'm not sure how I would handle 3. I don't even like to take the 2 of them out together (alone) so the idea of 3 seems impossible. We're also looking forward to having free money again once we're done with daycare.<br /> But then I think about how adorable newborns are and how easy pregnancy was for me and how sad I'll be when they're grown up, or how I want a BIG family, etc. etc.<br /> It's tough. I think there will always be that desire for 1 more, or that what if, but these 2 keep me busy enough that I don't have too much time to dwell on that. (Although E has been saying he wants daddy to put a baby sister in my belly, lol!)<br /> I do also have thoughts where if we had another, than 1 kid would be left out, we'd either have 2 little boys or 2 little girls and one would be alone, so that helps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844454 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 09:17:03 +0000 periwinklebee 2844454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: In an ideal world I would *love* three kids (right now we just have one), but I think I'll be lucky to convince DH to try for a second and there's no guarantee that will work out. And so many other practical reasons why I think it's very unlikely that we'll end up with three. I do feel so, so fortunate to have our LO, along with my husband, he's definitely the best thing that has ever happened in my life :grin: But that doesn't stop me from occasionally fantasizing that a LO2 would be twins :silly: I hope you feel at peace with whatever decision you make soon... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mourning-the-3rd-well-probably-never-have#post-2844450 Mon, 10 Sep 2018 09:08:55 +0000 snowjewelz 2844450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know there are always threads debating a 3rd (or more), and so many moms are on the fence about it. </p> <p>I've always known we're probably 2 and through. Mostly realistic factors - DH is 40+, my mom's getting older and harder for her to help out, prolonging daycare bills is tough on us (we don't have universal upk, and girls still need aftercare/summer camp, etc). </p> <p>I had given myself a deadline that if we don't decide and try to get pregnant by Jan, we're done. It's pretty arbitrary, but I said I don't want to give birth after I turn 35. It's not even so much that; I just need a deadline so we can move on and stop thinking/half planning for it. We're not taking any permanent measures so never say never of course, but I really do believe to live our best lives, 2 amazing girls is enough for us. </p> <p>Of course EVERYONE around me since this summer has had a baby (even twins), and we even gained another niece. So my baby fever has been RAGING nonstop! I just really needed to get this out! </p>