https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 10:44:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2461647 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 05:51:12 +0000 travelgirl1 2461647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just moved in with my inlaws after six years of living abroad. We moved in with our two kids who weren't even born last time we lived in this country, so it had been a big adjustment for everyone.</p> <p>The game changer for us was turning one of the bedrooms upstairs into a TV room, it has given us somewhere to go without us being in everyone's way. Mil is so lovely and welcoming, but it is hard for her still, and FIL is acting very grumpy right now, which makes for a tense atmosphere.<br /> I think trying to be out of the house a bit every day, so everyone gets their own space, is key.<br /> We have had issues with parenting too, if I say something and my inlaws say "no they are okay", it drives me mad. Or, they come down on her about eating dinner, and I say that she is fine. No one likes contradicting each other but it is important that they realise that we are the parents. And I think as time goes by, that is happening without us having to have an awkward conversation.</p> <p>Another hard thing is DH has a huge family and his siblings and kids drop by all the time without telling us, which is hard when you just want some quiet time and ten rowdy kids burst in. Also, BIL brought his puking daughter over while he went to work the other day, which was scary for me with two young kids. My baby did start puking up a few days later, which proved our point I think. So we had a chat with MIL about it, saying that obviously it was her house and she could have whoever she wanted there, but if one of the grandkids was sick and coming over, could she tell us so I could take the kids out to my mums and away from the germs.</p> <p>Honestly, I think it is a case of picking battles. There are things that just aren't worth bringing up, but others, like safety (can we please attach furniture to the wall because my kid just pulled a chest of drawers on herself, for example) are things we are willing to risk upset over.<br /> I am trying to learn their way of doing things too, such as the way they do laundry.</p> <p>I'm not sure how helpful all that is to you, we are very much trying to figure it all out still. But good luck, I know it is hard! </p> <p>I will say that when my baby was sick this week, my MIL was holding him while I called the emergency doctor. He puked over her and her tablecloth and she took it in her stride, then she stayed up until we got back watching our other child, who was also ill. It made me realise she loves our kids very much, and to not be too harsh on her when she interferes. While DH and I might struggle with this time, our kids will probably cherish it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2461644 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 05:19:16 +0000 Nutella 2461644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I really hope this eventually happens to us! She's pretty reasonable so I think your situation would be a great goal! Thanks for sharing :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2461643 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 05:18:03 +0000 Nutella 2461643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.KMM: @daniellemybelle: totally agree on the personal space! Even just using it for a breather helps, I think. So they don't have to see all my emotions on display a la teenage years, haha.</p> <p>@Maysprout: good idea re explaining to my dad!! He respects rules and logic, so think will appreciate why we say things like 'no cake before vegetables' etc. They really are on our side too...so it's good to remember that! Thanks!</p> <p>@mrbee: of course, you guys have made an epic journey across...I'm sure the big picture view helps ground you during all the changes. I think it does for me too (when I have the patience to remember) - I think back to when I was all on my own &amp; it was really rough! So this was what I wanted and needed...just to strike the balance! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2461479 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 19:16:56 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2461479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We lived with my in-laws for ~1.5 months when we moved to our current city while we house-hunted.</p> <p>Overall, I actually found it to be really smooth. I think the biggest thing is just making sure you have some personal space that is just yours. Our bedroom and bathroom were completely left alone by my in-laws so that we could get away and do our own thing when needed/wanted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2461449 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 17:59:02 +0000 Maysprout 2461449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both sets of our parents have the tendency to go back into parenting mode whenever their kids are around. Different times have been more stressful than others for us. Last year I was going a bit crazy and we weren't even living with them. But we had a busy schedule and DH was working 24/7 and then everything would get turned on its head when parents would visit and try to take over. It'd take days to get the kids back on schedule and reorganize so I knew where things were again. </p> <p>For both sides I found explaining our rationale to the dads was more effective. It sucks to have to give a rationale for everything you do though. if there are things you can be flexible on id try to be to an extent. And try to listen to their opinions without taking offense even if you aren't going to do it their way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2461422 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 17:03:12 +0000 looch 2461422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: It's funny you mention that, about your mom voicing her opinion, I was worried about the same thing and truth be told, it would up working in my favor. My son had a lot of illness that year and I took one parent or another to most of my son's doctors appointments and they asked questions and forged relationships with the doctors when I was too preoccupied </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2461373 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:41:22 +0000 daniellemybelle 2461373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the most important thing - but also the hardest to control - is that everyone is as respectful as possible and on the same page with the big picture plan.</p> <p>The second most important part I would say is to have as much of your own space and autonomy as possible. My parents gave us the entire upstairs so we had a small living room space, a mini fridge, two bathrooms, LO had her own room - it was like an apartment. We even used a separate door a lot of the time. </p> <p>It's not easy and I think it is often harder on the spouse that is the in-law. I know DH appreciated my parents so much but by the end of the agreed upon year, he was ready to leave, whereas I could have stayed forever :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2460903 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 16:43:38 +0000 mrbee 2460903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: Yah for me, I just remind myself why I'm doing it... to spend time with my parents, and so my kids could get time with their grandparents. That big picture perspective grounds me, and helps a lot when things get tough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2460807 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 13:36:47 +0000 Nutella 2460807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: hear you on the triggers! I've eaten a lot of chocolate since arriving 😅</p> <p>Thanks for the experiences everyone - I think an end date is a good idea!</p> <p>@looch: that's cool about your mum, mine is great but seems to struggle with the fact actually...and still wants to voice her opinion, even if not loudly in my face. </p> <p>In theory, saving money seems like a good enough reason to struggle through, but I'm just not sure my personality is cut out for it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2460802 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 13:29:51 +0000 lamariniere 2460802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did this when we moved from the US to Europe 3 years ago and moved in with my ILs. (@looch: we must have crossed paths mid-flight :silly: ). Our plan was to stay 2-3 months while my DH quit his current job and looked for a new one. It ended up taking about 9 months. The first few months were actually totally fine, but I became really anxious to get to our own place and then just living with other people started to get to me. We didn't use grandma care that often, considering we were living with them. I think my best advice is to have an exit plan/time frame and stick to it as best as you can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2460755 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 11:11:48 +0000 fancyfunction 2460755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We moved in with my parents last summer while we waited to close on our house. We were only there for about 6 weeks and it was actually great. We had our own space yet also did things all together as well. No one seemed to get on each other's nerves but we also had an end date in sight, which probably helped. My husband still talks about how much he enjoyed staying with them. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2460636 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 07:14:07 +0000 looch 2460636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did this about 3 years ago, we moved back to my hometown from Europe and we stayed with my parents for about 8 months. </p> <p>I was surprised at how well my parents handled everything, my parents retired to take care of my son while I returned to work and we just kind of found a groove. It's literally been the best it has ever been in terms of our relationship. I think for my mom, seeing me as a mom, leveled us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2460623 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 05:48:22 +0000 mrbee 2460623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: I am in a similar position, we moved near to my parents a few months ago! </p> <p>I have been surprised by how many triggers from childhood I still have embedded in my psyche! I have been trying to remove as many of them as I can, so that I'm dealing with things as an adult rather than reverting to childhood patterns... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/moving-back-in-with-parents-tips-to-preserve-sanity-amp-the-relationship-please#post-2460615 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 03:15:32 +0000 Nutella 2460615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I have recently moved countries back to my hometown with my LO who is 2yo. We have both spent several years away from our families overseas, and have not lived with parents for a LONG time. I'm quite independent and live my own space, and my DH is really social but also needs his downtime. LO loves his grandparents and basks in the attention which is great...but along with that of course, comes the extra 'advice' that isn't really welcome! We've been lucky (?) enough to have missed out on all this up until now....but it's throwing me for a loop!</p> <p>We are trying to work out how long to stay for, but I'm so confused! DH has secured a job, I will be jobhunting soon, looking for childcare, looking for a new house, dealing with the due date of our early pregnancy loss in March...and my head hurts just thinking about doing it all under the parents' roof! </p> <p>I think one of my first posts here was all about moving home &amp; how great it would be...well, now I'm here I'm freaking out as I want it to work so we can save money...and get the bonus babysitting :silly: but also keen to save thr sanity of all of us!! My mum is a very helpful sort who would love to help us out but I feel like that would be intruding on the routine that she and my dad have at the moment. I feel like we are all stepping on eggshells trying not to piss anyone off, but in the meantime, doing exactly that!</p> <p>Anyone else with any experience at all?! Hoping for some tips or advice from anyone in similar situations....</p> <p>Thanks a million for getting this far! </p>