https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 10:43:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2804024 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 16:08:20 +0000 periwinklebee 2804024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jape14: thank you, this seems like a really good approach. We’ve been both going to bed around 9:30 or 10 which seems to be the conclusion of cluster feeding. My baby seems to particularly hate the rock n play and to be more comfortable on a flat surface, so I may try buying a flat bassinet and see if we have better luck with that... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803959 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 13:22:13 +0000 jape14 2803959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: you've gotten a lot of advice already but in my experience with two kids, I don't think trouble napping in a particular way necessarily dictates trouble sleeping at night (independently or otherwise). I held both of my kids for most naps in the early days - I started one nap a day in either the swing or crib starting around 3/4 weeks - and both slept in a flat bassinet from the second night home. Unless your LO has days and nights mixed up, there's more of a natural drive to sleep at night than during the day, so night sleep can be easier to "fix" than daytime sleep. Obviously you don't want your LO to be up all day, but if you're getting him to nap for a chunk of time after appropriate awake time, don't worry about the length of the nap so much. If you can extend a nap with feeding or whatever, great, but try not to sweat it if not. If it were me, I'd pick one "naptime" a day (obviously with a baby this young you don't have set times) and work on attempting the swing/crib/bassinet at that time. Then you have a plan -- "for his 10am nap, I will attempt the swing/crib/bassinet for at least X time" -- and it won't feel like every single naptime is an opportunity to "fail" at putting him down. Not saying you are failing at all -- babies just have their own agenda despite our most careful plans!! -- but this is how I felt with my first and how I fixed that mindset with my second.</p> <p>Also, like many others have said, both of my kids resisted the swaddle at first but slept so much better once we swaddled them. In addition to the swaddleup which I loved with LO2, we really liked the velcro swaddleme swaddles. My DH was way better at getting the swaddle tight enough so they couldn't bust out, for what it's worth!</p> <p>Finally, my main goal would be to get him sleeping independently (in bassinet) for at least the first chunk of overnight sleep. What time are you trying to start "bedtime"? Both of my kids had their newborn witching hours/cluster feeding from like 7-10pm -- they just nursed and snoozed from that time so I'd park it on the couch and watch TV while DH cooked/did chores/etc. I had much more success getting them to sleep in the bassinet when we matched the "bedtime" to the conclusion of that time. Both naturally moved their bedtimes earlier around 8-10 weeks and getting them down earlier got sooo much easier. (And once you get your evenings back, you feel more human.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803942 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 12:39:34 +0000 periwinklebee 2803942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: my problem is I need to figure out how to get him to sleep. He’s happy if I put him drowsy but awake in the crib or swing but has yet to fall asleep, stroller rides and carrier sometimes work but often not, ditto on bouncing. This is all true even when he’s not overtired. I’ve been trying to nurse to sleep for 45 minutes and that’s not working either because when he falls asleep he’ll pop off and then be frantic to get back on. All I know is to try something for a little while and if it doesn’t work move on to the next thing...but it’s definitely not doing much for my self confidence as a mom. If this continues I’ll try formula as well. His weight gain was great last week on just breast milk but today has been particularly bad and I wonder if it is a growth spurt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803922 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 11:50:20 +0000 SweetiePie 2803922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Unless you think he needs to eat for medical reasons I would try to break the overtired and wired cycle you seem to be in and let him fall asleep at the boob and hold him for a good 2-3 hour nap. THEN feed as soon as he wakes up and hopefully he will be rested enough to fully nurse. And then from that do the EASY routine making sure he is going back to bed at the 45 min mark, and really trying HARD not to nurse to sleep. </p> <p>That’s what I would do if it were me, knowing what I know now. Seems like he’s in an endless cycle of overtirdness which leads to falling asleep while nursing which leads to incomplete nursing/snacking all day and night, which leads to continuing to be overtired and so on. </p> <p>You COULD also try to do a bottle of formula instead of the boob. Or BM if you are pumping. Nursing is great but if it’s impacting your mental health and hurting other aspects of infant care (sleep for them is SO important) then it might be worth considering other options. I’m in the “happy mom, happy baby” camp, regardless of what it is that makes you happy. </p> <p>Hang in there mama, it’s so hard but it will get easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803912 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 11:34:48 +0000 periwinklebee 2803912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I always try to get him to go down for a nap around the 45 min to 1 hour mark but oftentimes just can’t get him to settle, then he really wants to eat again, and it can turn into several hours awake where he will fall asleep eating but as soon as I try to take him off he will start frantically rooting and won’t settle: so I spend forever cluster feeding but I’m not sure how much he’s actually taking in since he’s not eating very vigorously </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803910 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 11:27:23 +0000 SweetiePie 2803910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: how long is he spending awake at a time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803888 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 10:27:25 +0000 periwinklebee 2803888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I think I'm gonna need to order that - he hasn't been pooping great either, ugh, and from the reviews it seems to help with that too... going to try the lifting up and down as well. </p> <p>He's generally a pretty happy baby but it's so hard to get him to sleep and his naps when he finally does tend to be really short - I wonder if there's something obvious I'm missing. I also feel like co-sleeping is turning more and more into him grazing all night, which is not so great for my sleep or sanity, so we need to work on that too but at this point I couldn't imagine trying to get him to sleep on his own at night since naps are so lousy... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803788 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 21:07:07 +0000 SweetiePie 2803788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: @periwinklebee: my pp doula also told me a trick where you slowly lift them up above your head and lower them back down a few times. Like holding under their armpits. Something about the up and down brings the gas to the top and we got some burps out that way. I would do that a few times and then go back to patting the back. </p> <p>Also if it’s trapped farts I’ve heard great things about the windi! I haven’t ever used it but just got some for baby 2 when he’s here since they get rave reviews. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803770 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 19:03:10 +0000 periwinklebee 2803770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: awesome suggestion, as usual, I’ve gotten a couple of great burps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803751 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 16:48:55 +0000 gingerbebe 2803751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: You just hold them under their armpits and just kinda stand them up on your lap, like they're hanging there. You don't have to pat them, just the act of sorta standing/hanging straight seems to help let the gas come up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803748 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 16:34:39 +0000 periwinklebee 2803748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: thank you, this is awesome. I was wondering if there’s more I should be doing, he always burps after a feeding but still seems so gassy later. I’m trying to envision how the standing burp works, do you support them like with the sitting burping position but just standing up?</p> <p>@ShootingStar: thanks, super helpful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803686 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 14:02:09 +0000 ShootingStar 2803686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: My goal was always to get him to sleep on his own, so I started pretty early if not right away. I'd nurse him to sleep at the beginning of the night and put him next to me. Then at his first wake up I'd nurse him again and when he seemed deep asleep I'd put him in the PnP next to the bed. At first he'd mostly wake up. So I'd give it 2-3 tries and if he wouldn't stay asleep I'd bring him back to our bed.</p> <p>I did that for every waking - nurse then give it 2-3 chances to settle in the PnP. It got to a point where it was easier and easier, especially at the beginning of the night. The end of the night, when the drive to sleep is less, was more difficult. </p> <p>By 6 months we had him sleep in his own crib and sleep trained him with CIO around 7m. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803678 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 13:50:08 +0000 periwinklebee 2803678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: thank you! When did you start to phase out co sleeping and how difficult was that? We are cosleeping now as it is the only way I can be functional and I don’t mind doing it for a few months but don’t want it to be a long term solution. I figure I shouldn’t touch nighttime sleeping arrangements until he is sleeping better on his own in the daytime, which will probably take awhile... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803675 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 13:49:00 +0000 gingerbebe 2803675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: For gas, this helped us alot:</p> <p>1) Standing them up on your lap. For some reason, that helped both my kids let out big nice belches. And it was by the far the easiest, most effective way to burp them.</p> <p>2) When you burp them up against your shoulder, thumping in an upwards motion on the LEFT side of their back.</p> <p>3) Basically alternate the 2 methods until they burp. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803671 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 13:44:28 +0000 periwinklebee 2803671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Iced Tea: thanks! He does seem much happier with the swaddle up than the other ones, so this has been super helpful! His sleep is still not great but we are just trying different things and seeing what works. He often seems to be woken by needing to pass gas and seems uncomfortable. I’ve read gas discomfort peaks at 3 to 4 weeks, so hopefully that improves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803663 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 12:58:37 +0000 ShootingStar 2803663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DS was like this and we ended up co-sleeping for the first few months. Those first few weeks are the worst for wanting to be held, so know that it is a phase and it will get better.</p> <p>With my DD I was able to let her fall asleep on me and once she was *really* asleep I was able to move her to the PnP. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2803651 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 12:05:46 +0000 Iced Tea 2803651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: How’s it going now? I’m curious if the Swaddle Up did anything for your LO. Both my kids preferred that one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2802525 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 16:59:43 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2802525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I have very much cried in the shower while my daughter cried in the next room bc I had given all I had to give and she still wanted more. It's ok </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2802519 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 16:41:54 +0000 periwinklebee 2802519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Thank you :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock/page/2#post-2802507 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 16:10:58 +0000 gotkimchi 2802507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: just wanted to say you’re doing great, it’s so hard with your first! And also my second slept on the boppy lounger until 5 months :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802503 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 16:04:48 +0000 periwinklebee 2802503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: @SweetiePie: I *love* your perspectives - it is so helpful to hear - thank you! There are parts of the past couple of weeks that have been the best thing ever and other parts that are just super hard, and I think I'm gonna call it a win if both baby and I survive :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802439 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:57:13 +0000 gingerbebe 2802439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Also adding to the chorus that I do not like newborns and I don't feel the need to hold them 24 hours a day and "soak it all in." Eye roll. Both my babes were at peak deliciousness at 6 months, were tolerable human beings by 3 months, and were okay to have around once they could at least smile and chuckle a little at 6-8 weeks.</p> <p>Also both my children HATED babywearing and it is not this magic panacea for all problems. I did it out of necessity for a brief while when they were very small (like at church or something where I HAD to have my hands free) but they didn't like it and I didn't like it either. So we just didn't do it that much.</p> <p>You can call it CIO or whatever, but I definitely waited a few minutes before picking my kids up from the beginning and they're fine. With DS1 it wasn't on purpose - he just screamed ALL THE TIME no matter what - so he was gonna holler regardless of what I was doing, whether it was holding him or showering or eating or whatever. I would have to leave him blue-face screaming in his crib while I showered or answered the door and there was just nothing I could do about it. And my ped encouraged me to leave him (safely) screaming in his crib if I needed a break and to not feel guilty about it at all because I needed to be okay too. </p> <p>So by the time I got to DS2, I knew from DS1 that crying wasn't going to be the end of the world. I would let him cry for a few minutes before I got him all the time - I had a 20 month old toddler to tend to and he just had to wait sometimes. After he was medicated for reflux, I let DS2 fuss up to 10 minutes before and during naps/sleep before getting him (unless I knew he was hungry or sick) because I wanted him to slowly learn to settle on his own. Musta worked because he was sleeping 12 hours a night by 10 weeks old.</p> <p>Also, crying is a baby's way of expressing their feelings - its like the only thing they know how to do - so its not always about something being WRONG or some need that's not being met. They could be crying because its bright, because its dark, because your feet stink, because its 73 degrees and not 71 degrees. Who knows. </p> <p>Anyways, long winded way of saying its okay to let them fuss, its okay to take a break, its okay not to be in love with your itty bitty floppy needy screamy baby all the time, and that YES, it will pass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802426 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:35:58 +0000 periwinklebee 2802426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I can’t even imagine caring for two newborns though I know lots of people do it and would definitely be draining my savings.</p> <p>@gingerbebe: so helpful I’m definitely going to be on the lookout for reflux </p> <p>@oskarsmommy: @Portboston: @LCTBQE: @mrs.kiwi: @SweetiePie: thank you so much, this is incredibly helpful advice and great to know lots of people have a similar experience... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802320 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 06:25:39 +0000 ElbieKay 2802320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Don't pressure yourself to soak up the wonderful newborn preciousness. It's ok if you do not love having a newborn. It does not mean that you don't love your kid. And it also does not mean that you won't love other stages of parenting.</p> <p>I think you know that I finally have what appears to be a second sticky pregnancy after a lot of bumps over several years. This time it's twins, and I am totally freaking out over how I will manage two infants. I am planning to hemorrhage my bank account by paying for help because I think it is the only way I will stay sane. I will have to keep it together somehow because I have a 4yo to take care of too. I keep saying that I am looking forward to 2020, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802314 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 00:56:15 +0000 gingerbebe 2802314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>FWIW, DS2 was a much more chill baby and he slept pretty well the first 2 weeks - just awake for feedings and wanted to cluster feed between 2-6am. He became more awake at 3 weeks and he had his days and nights flipped, but slept pretty well during the day. We did drowsy but awake and always put him in his own sleep space (except the MOTN clusterfeeding) and I thought we were headed in the right direction BUT he also ended up havinv reflux that kicked in about a month in. We didnt think he had it bc he wasn’t as crazy as DS1, but eventually it was the same thing - he would eat happily and fall asleep, but wake up 20 minutes later crying and unhappy and anytime we put him down he would wake up at cry. So DS2 went on Prilosec at 6 weeks and he was so much happier and slept great afterwards.</p> <p>Personality does play into this. DS1 always has been easily overstimulated and high strung while DS2 has been a happy go lucky little guy, so they deal with illness in their own way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802312 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 00:51:42 +0000 Portboston 2802312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son was like this. I held him all day and for naps for the first 6 months or so. The ergo was my best friend. I wore him 90% of the time he was awake.<br /> He also hated the swaddle and refused to sleep on his back so he was a belly sleeper from the get go (reflux was part of that issue). </p> <p>It’s so hard in the early day when you feel constantly attached to them. Don’t feel bad for putting him down for a few minutes to get a shower or use the bathroom. He will be ok! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802310 Tue, 06 Feb 2018 00:47:56 +0000 gingerbebe 2802310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: DS1 had silent reflux. So not really a lot of spitting up, just wanted to soothe with constant suckling (and always on my breast that was the very low producer, not the good one). He literally never slept except in 20-40 minute jags, held or not. He would pass out while nursing and then wake up 20 minutes later grunting/whimpering and then crying like he was on fire. The only thing he would tolerate was stroller rides in a fairly upright position (not flat) or being held upright while we were standing and doing deep knee bends. He was on Zantac by 3 weeks, but it stopped working and it wasn’t until he was on Prevacid by 10 weeks (and me having a nervous breakdown and being on a total elimination diet for his milk) that we turned a corner. My kid that went from sleeping 8 broken hours a day began sleeping 17-18 hours a day, 12 hours at night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802305 Mon, 05 Feb 2018 23:51:33 +0000 oskarsmommy 2802305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My yougest was exactly the same. I remember posting something similiar on fb at the same age. I needed a reminder that he was ONLY 2 weeks old. My first was a shitty sleeper and I was determined to set my second up with better habits. But he came out and wanted to be held 24/7. Eventually I gave in and now (at 10 months okd) he is a great sleeper and I am so glad I gave him the security he needed in those early days. Its fleeting - it feels overwhelming but it will pass in the blink of an eye. You know it - but in the moment you forget it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802302 Mon, 05 Feb 2018 23:40:01 +0000 LCTBQE 2802302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through this but only as a stage from about 5.5-8 weeks, and my kid absolutely would not tolerate anything but being held in my arms with me standing up, preferably walking. The minute I put him in my Solly Wrap or the Ergo, it was fuss city. If I dared to sit down, it was completely over. It's very hard to acquiesce to this newborn demand, and it really didn't resonate with me when people reassured me that I just had to give him what he needed to adjust to the world and I wasn't spoiling him by holding him and walking in my apartment 12 hours a day--my concern at that point wasn't spoiling him, it was not having a legit mental and physical breakdown from sleep deprivation. After it all I concluded I think what most people mean is "do what you have to do to survive". </p> <p>For me. the only thing that worked was what @SweetiePie: is suggesting, but I had to stay at it like a dog, and slowly it started working. I have these crazy-looking logs of how long he nursed and when he slept where I kept track of the intervals--seeing the little bits of progress kept me going. Naps were pretty bad (usually one sleep cycle, 25-40 minutes or so) until about 10 weeks. But then when we put him in daycare at 14 weeks and when we sleep trained at 4.5 months, he had, and still has, really good self-soothing skills which are worth their weight in gold. I see a lot of pp's powered through their kid hating the swaddle but needing it, wanted to second the opinion to try a bunch (we bought and returned one or two and borrowed a ton from friends) to see if he responds better to something. I would definitely try and rule out any reflux or physical issues he might have first. Hang in there, this part is hard :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-baby-wants-to-be-held-around-the-clock#post-2802298 Mon, 05 Feb 2018 23:28:19 +0000 mrs.kiwi 2802298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: yes regarding don’t feel bad if u don’t want to hold the baby all day! I am also the type that loves to cuddle my baby but the thought of him on me all day long sounds dreadful.</p> <p>I am also the kind of person that is ok letting baby cry.. it’s not for everyone. I just don’t find it cruel to let baby learn to sleep on his own if it involves some crying. I did need reassurance from lots of different moms and sources that they too let baby cry (bc come on it’s heartbreaking!) You definitely don’t have to let a young baby cry it out but just saying it helped me to know many many moms allow it and their babies/kids turned out wonderful and attached and loving, etc. </p>