https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 05:32:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824545 Thu, 24 May 2018 10:55:11 +0000 808love 2824545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: :heart: :silly: :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824531 Thu, 24 May 2018 10:42:11 +0000 Mrsbells 2824531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: yes! So true.</p> <p> @808love: Haha i laughed out loud at the kilt comment because i believe you are right only men wear them traditionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824524 Thu, 24 May 2018 10:16:47 +0000 808love 2824524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Immaturity in understanding both sides can definitely be outgrown as one experiences more of the world and impact on others. Just as the teen could choose her dress based on fashion, the other teen had every right to express angst about the dress of their culture -which has been used, uncared for, disconnected and unappreciated- by many insensitive people. I think Asians and AAs are usually more quiet about it -so the backlash is different when they speak out- but those feelings and experiences of racism still exist. Also I watched some of the video and skimmed the rest the other day and I don’t remember seeing any women interviewed. In addition to women, I would like to see Chinese Americans interviewed but I think most would prefer to be quiet about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824496 Thu, 24 May 2018 09:33:26 +0000 irene 2824496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: whatever the guy said in the video is not an exaggeration, prostitutes does wear qi pao in high end night clubs. They do that in Hong Kong in the 80s and that kind of night clubs subsided by 1990-2000, I think. I don’t know how it works in China, probably it is still popular in certain cities. That’s how they roll. He is just trying to state the fact how people wear qi pao in China and there is no specific taboo/sensitivity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824442 Thu, 24 May 2018 05:44:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2824442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: I totally understand the concern. Right now it’s trendy to broadcast being #woke and being part of “Wakanda” is part of that. I still recall a college friend feeling slighted when Jay Z rapped on “Girls, Girls, Girls” Ms. Fufu and she explained it was a staple dish in her culture.</p> <p>@808love: I agree, that goes back to understanding what is sacred and should be viewed under the most authentic terms. Friends of mine just posted a bunch of pics from their Hawaiian honeymoon and all I could think was the hotel luau can’t be that special- every resort has one every single week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824437 Thu, 24 May 2018 03:41:29 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2824437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Meh. I think the younger generation sometimes get carried away. It just takes one kid to write something catchy on social media and all of the sudden it becomes a thing. </p> <p>The world is becoming smaller. I think it's cool to see cultures combined in a positive way. The girl wore the dress beautifully. She wasn't trying to make fun of it. </p> <p>What did rub me the wrong way was how the guy in the video (0:50) mentions waitresses, sales ladies and prostitutes as 3 examples before mentioning "people from all walks of life". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824422 Wed, 23 May 2018 21:36:37 +0000 808love 2824422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: I really appreciated that link. It does make a world of difference if you are a minority in a country and even more so as one who has experienced bullying or microaggressions because of your cultural heritage. Chinese-American experience is totally different than Chinese experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824412 Wed, 23 May 2018 20:53:22 +0000 irene 2824412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: Your article blew my mind. Thank you. </p> <p>I have been wondering, why is this "cultural appropriation" "phenomenon" ONLY happens in the United States, and if it happens in UK or Australia (which I highly doubt, I could be wrong though). There is definitely no such concept in where I was from. I just came to the conclusion that US is hyper sensitive to any issue remotely related to race because of the history of slavery and the media, amongst other reasons. I haven't thought about that the experience of being an Asian in Asia can be vastly different than the experience of being an Asian American. The Asian American experience is also very valid and should not be brushed off and say they are not "true Asians". That is very true. </p> <p>I came to the States when I was 19, when everyone has already grown up. No one bullied or mocked because of my race. I was wondering the whole time where was the racism people were talking about because I experienced close to none. I can see that things can get hard when everyone were still kids going into adolescence, not understanding it is OK to look different. Living through that daily can be a completely different world. DH has been warning me about this for DS, that he could experience racism in a completely different light than we did while I've been thinking he is crazy.</p> <p>(Disclaimer: Please understand I am only talking about my experience with racism as a Chinese person. I understand there are very valid racism cases going on well into adulthood, that causes torture, pain, violence and death, and I am not diminishing that in any way. I am purely talking about my experience in my skin, at the location and time I was in :heart: )</p> <p>However, I also 100% agree with @hummusgirl: you have the right to be offended, but you don't have to bash the offender over the internet about it. I was especially furious when the internet bashed a little girl for hosting a geisha-themed party because, well, she loved geishas. (<a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/08/02/japanese-birthday-party_a_23061529/" rel="nofollow">https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/08/02/japanese-birthday-party_a_23061529/</a>) Yes, it was not pinterest-worthy, the make-up was not flawless (and quite frankly, bad), but it was a kids home birthday party for crying out loud, not Beyonce's world tour. People in JAPAN actually had to stand up for that little girl (because, well, we Asians from Asia truly do not see what is the big deal). I mean, do they have to internet-bully that child? It broke my heart and since then I get really upset with these "cultural appropriation" incidents. </p> <p>Another fruit for thought... I've been wondering why no one has ever been offended by people tattooing Chinese characters on their bodies with completely wrong grammars, and sometimes the word itself is written so wrong that you don't even know what they are trying to say? I just laughed at their backs and I was never offended. :silly: But then people get offended by things that I could not fathom so I have been wondering why this hasn't been an issue for anyone yet, ha.</p> <p>Sorry for not being able to respond to more posts that were addressed to me previously. I just can not involve myself in this topic or I will spend my life typing responses. Thank you for this discussion (especially the article), it opens my mind. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824366 Wed, 23 May 2018 16:46:55 +0000 808love 2824366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Native Hawaiian culture has become an acceptable mainstream mockery. Umbrella drinks, grass skirts, plastic leis, and dances that are meant to pass as hula are not part of the traditional culture, yet they are regularly included as staples in "Hawaiian" luaus. Ti leaf skirts and flowers are actually valuable environmental resources steeped in historical/cultural ties to the land. The perpetuation of Ancient Hawaiian culture has been struggling to stay alive, with the help of cultural practitioners. A lot of Hawaiians are quietly offended by the way things have changed for the sake of tourism or 'sharing aloha.' Confusion and ignorance is spread when people make a mish-mash of 'cultural' expression and pass it off as upholding diversity. I could go on more but it is really something I'm still learning more about and what it means to be growing into an authentically global-minded person. Sincerely embracing another's culture runs deeper than costumed appearances and lip service. It comes with the value of protecting something that is important, not just superficial cultural awareness that was twisted into your own stereotypical version. I give the benefit of the doubt to teens that are just coming to grasp of what culture means in their youthful ignorance, but we really need to be leveling up the way we support one another's true embodiment and preservation of cultural understanding, meaning and respect.</p> <p>ETA: More conflicting food for thought. My daughter is part-Scottish and my mom bought her a kilt (of our family's specific plaid pattern) while visiting Scotland in the spring. My daughter loves it and wears the kilt as part of her school uniform on a regular basis. I wonder if I am also guilting of not understanding proper use of the kilt but I'm still letting her wear it because she loves it!<br /> ETA: Oh and I just found out that girls don't even wear kilts, traditionally. Only males. Oh the rabbit hole is very deep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824364 Wed, 23 May 2018 16:34:42 +0000 snowjewelz 2824364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: Soo true about the American Chinese experience/perspective being completely different!! Very well said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824361 Wed, 23 May 2018 16:21:55 +0000 Mrsbells 2824361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone you bring some great perspectives.<br /> @MrsSCB: very well said. From personal experience i know African clothing were once looked down on and made fun of. So while it is nice to see pride in it now as @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: said, my hope is that it comes with respect for the culture behind it rather than just as a convenient trend </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824296 Wed, 23 May 2018 12:39:59 +0000 MrsSCB 2824296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A couple of things that I think are worth considering re: the idea of cultural appropriation before dismissing it: I’ve seen people say that something that bothers them about this kind of stuff is the fact that they have or likely would have been made fun of, or judged as “foreign” for donning clothing from their own culture, but when outsiders wear it, all of a sudden it’s cool and edgy. </p> <p>Also, sort of similar to some of what @Mrsbells: said, try focusing on impact rather than intent. Did she intend to offend? No. But even if I did something purely out of ignorance or misunderstanding vs. malice, if someone tells me my actions hurt them, I listen and try to do better. I don’t think this girl should have been harassed or anything, but I see nothing wrong with respectfully telling someone why an action may have been hurtful. I thought teen vogue had a good article on this. It also makes an important distinction that saying Chinese people in China don’t care isn’t really a justification because the Chinese American experience is entirely different. <a href="https://www.teenvogue.com/story/teens-qipao-prom-dress-new-debate-cultural-appropriation" rel="nofollow">https://www.teenvogue.com/story/teens-qipao-prom-dress-new-debate-cultural-appropriation</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824144 Tue, 22 May 2018 20:25:05 +0000 PinkElephant 2824144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I wouldn't say I find it offensive, I do think it's a little strange to wear an outfit with clear cultural ties (ties that you do not have) for no reason at all other than thinking it is beautiful.</p> <p>To me, it makes sense to wear traditional clothing outside your own culture when it's something:</p> <p>- from your partner or date's culture, particularly if you're attending an event with that person or members of their family, and they tend to dress traditionally;<br /> - from the culture of a place you are living and attending an event (ie., wearing yukata to go to the cherry blossom viewing festival in Japan, or at a traditional Japanese inn);<br /> - when you are attending someone from that culture's event, and others will be dressed that way (ie., wearing a sari or salwar to a mehndi ceremony for an Indian wedding) </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: has a really interesting point about fashion trends. My kids have had some gorgeous clothes from places like Old Navy and Tea Collection that feature African-inspired prints, or Central American influenced gauze fabrics/embroidery Neither of those areas of the world match our cultural ties, but I don't feel weird about those choices because they're clearly modern cuts/styles, not trying to mimic the true traditional styles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824135 Tue, 22 May 2018 20:12:49 +0000 gestalt 2824135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@psw27: haha, i'm old too so i didn't realize it was from a youtuber. honestly, this is one of those things you move on from pretty quickly because there are more important things to stress about. :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824130 Tue, 22 May 2018 20:06:37 +0000 lamariniere 2824130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: This is a great video.</p> <p>As someone who is biracial and tri-cultural, I don't see this as offensive at all. I think people should wear things that they like and admire, unless it's something truly foul, like an SS officer uniform. @Hypatia: I agree about living in a diverse society and sharing cultures. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824094 Tue, 22 May 2018 15:44:49 +0000 psw27 2824094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gestalt: @snowjewelz: @irene: I think I read somewhere that they were doing the bow/hands prayer thing from some youtube influencer nonsense (that I don't know about cause I am old.) Although I totally get how it was perceived as them acting "Chinese" in this instance and it sort of struck me as rude/childish.</p> <p>But no, the wearing of the dress is not offensive to me. I think it's actually really cool that she wore a beautiful gown from another culture. </p> <p>The Wakanda muddling with real cultures seems a little more confusing to me. I guess if someone was wearing say a "funeral" print (meaning fabric traditionally worn to a funeral) to prom or something, that would be strange. I can't say if it would be "offensive" to me - possibly if it was very important fabric to my culture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824036 Tue, 22 May 2018 11:23:58 +0000 gestalt 2824036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: @irene: i think the prayer poses pissed me off more than the dress itself. They may not have meant to be disrespectful, but there was a mocking undertone that rubbed me the wrong way.</p> <p>For the record, i don't think her wearing a qipao is cultural appropriation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824035 Tue, 22 May 2018 11:23:51 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2824035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don’t think Prince Harry in Nazi garb is a fair comparison to the girl in the prom dress @Mrsbells: On it’s own there is nothing sensational or controversial about the traditional Chinese dress. Whereas swatiskas are banned in Germany. </p> <p>I think there is a line between celebrating, appropriating, and mocking. Black Americans dressing in African garb and doing the Wakandq salute is not meant to mock. I am in the camp that it’s a celebration and point of pride, but admit if one isn’t doing homework to understand the meaning behind the fabric or how to wear it then that’s benevolent appropriation. </p> <p>The traditional Chinese dress was a fashion trend in the 90s where I’m from and in the early 2000s everyone seemed to have the off the shoulder flowy Mexican top. My kid has a tent and some may say it’s a teepee.</p> <p>Perhaps some things should not be commercialized and up for sale (clothing, home goods), but it’s fashion not disrespect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824029 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:57:09 +0000 Hypatia 2824029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Look at these girls wearing dirndls and appropriating my German culture. JK. I think sharing one's culture is essential to living in a diverse society. </p> [attach=8948/18/p950b9.600x600.9FFA6D71-5853-460B-BF17-031C24C3C77D.jpeg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824027 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:54:44 +0000 Mama Bird 2824027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: yeah, I think people just need to be more aware whether the stuff they're borrowing has any symbolism. In my culture there are clothes that are very pretty and very recognizable but they're really not symbolic of anything. Just beautiful clothes. On the other hand if someone was walking around in what they don't realize is a traditional wedding dress... I'd want to point it out to them. Not likely anyone would actually think they're getting married if they're just randomly walking down the street like that, but I think they might want to know their clothes have some context they probably didn't intend them to have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824018 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:34:52 +0000 Mrsbells 2824018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: Yes it is a tricky balance and i think with wakanda people's general excitement with the black panther movie has blurred the lines a bit. If it was star wars movie cosplay there would be no confusion since there's no country or continent that is also being represented by star wars outfits </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824016 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:31:39 +0000 Mrsbells 2824016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: my point is having malicious intent is not what defines an act from being ok or not. sometimes it comes from a place of ignorance as well. a better example would be<br /> a thumbs up or backwards peace sign that are very disrepectful to some cultures but meaningless in others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824014 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:30:49 +0000 hummusgirl 2824014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: With your Wakanda example, I totally get your mixed feelings. I think it's complicated to be in this society with people of all different backgrounds, knowledge levels, etc., and we're bound to make people uncomfortable as we integrate and are inspired by other cultures more and more. </p> <p>I think in that situation, the best thing to do would be to try and educate people on the history/meaning/tradition behind certain fabrics or styles. Personally, I would be very interested in learning about it! But I don't think scolding or shaming or telling people they're doing it "wrong" as the prom guy did is the best way to build understanding across cultures. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824011 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:29:23 +0000 snowjewelz 2824011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I don't think they meant to disrespect for sure. I also don't see the need to be outraged over it either. I guess this whole thing just adds to the very difficult topic of cultural appropriation that I myself is still trying to understand more about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824008 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:25:53 +0000 irene 2824008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: Dressing up as Nazis/KKK is poor taste. Having a slavery themed reception is poor taste. Those are negative things that rooted from hate, caused massive pain, human torture, massacre and death, something no one should be proud of and definitely should not be re-enacted or celebrated. Having your hands together in a praying position is not poor taste - Asians still do that and it is a polite way of greeting someone in the Thai culture (to be honest, Chinese don't normally do that gesture unless we are at a Temple greeting the gods). That is not negative at all... </p> <p>I am not saying I am right about anything, but simply this is just my view point....</p> <p>ETA: OK. Say if they dressed in qi pao, AND somehow (I don't know how), re-enact the cultural revolution / chairman mao / big leap forward era, someone kneeling on glass wearing a tall white hat (that's how they torture rich / educated people back then and many people died) then YES. that will be inappropriate. </p> <p>OK I am done talking about this lol better go do some work. This topic just gets my blood boil. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824007 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:25:44 +0000 Littlebit7 2824007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow this is a thing? I’m Caucasian and wore a Chinese dress to a 10th grade formal when I lived in Germany and went to a department of defense school. I wore it because it was beautiful, it made me feel beautiful, and it was unique. Aren’t those all things to be celebrated? Mind you, this was 21 years ago (side note: I’m old). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824006 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:24:28 +0000 Mrs D 2824006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: this. exactly what you said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824004 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:20:08 +0000 Mrsbells 2824004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I dont think disrepecting a culture requires malicious intent. Usually there isn't malicious intent but rather ignorant behavior like a lot of the slave themed receptions or cowboys vs native american parties. In fact prince harry was once at such a party where people were dressed as nazis and kkk. I don't believe there was malicious intent but it was still in poor taste. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824003 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:19:02 +0000 hummusgirl 2824003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really hate the Internet outrage/offense machine. There are so many actual problems in the world and yet we like to focus on these trivial things. And if education is the goal, I don't think harassing/bullying people who mean no ill will, and then getting hundreds of thousands of other people to pile on, is the way to do it. </p> <p>Glad the girl stood up for herself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-culture-is-not-your-prom-dress#post-2824001 Tue, 22 May 2018 10:18:07 +0000 irene 2824001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oops double post </p>